Growing

Yesterday Ainsley and I went on some morning errands. I asked her to help remind me of a few items I'd forgotten to add to my list. At the end of our trip I relayed the list out loud, sure I'd gotten everything. Ainsley looked thoughtful, puzzled and then exclaimed with confidence "mama, we forgot herbal tea!" She was right. I had indeed forgotten the herbal tea that I had mentioned wanting to buy about a half hour prior. How is it that my two year old is already surpassing me in some areas (memory?)

Having children has rocked my world in so many ways. Not just the change of schedule and lack of freedom and sleep, or even the gut-wrenching love and amazement. They remind me that we're growing, that the world is changing, that it never stops. They remind me every day.

If it weren't for the faint smile lines nagging the creases of my eyes and mouth, or the new aches and pains after a good workout, I would hardly feel like I've aged. I feel like I fell into myself years ago and am just getting out the kinks and quirks in my personality.

It is rare now to have a complete change in direction in my life. I'm full steam ahead in stay at home parent lane. For an afraid of big change girl like me this is comfortable and nice.

I blindly thought that having children wouldn't change this.

They grow fast and furious those little ones. I feel like I'm in a full sprint most days to keep up.

I feel like it was just yesterday that Ainsley was a red faced screaming newborn, then a scooting moving baby, now a quick, witty, adorably sweet and kind little girl.

How is it that Louise now only wants to stand, even dares to let go and try out her balance. She's grown tired of nursing, "that's for babies" I imagine she says. She eats and eats and eats and grins and grins. She needs less of me and I'm sad about that, and happy too. My girls are growing whether I want it or not.

It's hard to be so out of control of something that you were once in total control of. They grew in me, swelled and stretched my body. I knew their every move, supplied their every need. Slowly I've had to let them go.

I've had to learn to give Ainsley space. To let wander upstairs unattended, allow her solitude and quiet playtime on her own. To accept that she wants and needs new people in her life, apart from her mama. I've had to learn to listen to Louise when she's fussing at me to let her out of my arms and move. To put that sweet dumpling down and let her discover the world for herself.

I keep discovering new things about this parenting journey that surprise and amaze me. How fast and much my girls grow each and every day is one I may never get used to.

At a time when I feel at a relative standstill in my growth it's bizarre and wonderful to live amongst two budding flowers always on the cusp of full bloom.