I will start with backing up a bit.
I always assumed that when the time came to get married and start a family, everything would be such a natural, relatively easy, progression. While marriage, and even my first pregnancy, up until a point, were, becoming a mother has been so much more of a drastic change than I ever expected.
Cue second pregnancy. If I was TRULY honest with myself, I wasn't ready to be pregnant again. The bliss of the first pregnancy, I realize in retrospect of course, is the naiveté. I had no clue what to expect, what was in store for me. The exhaustion, discomfort, loss of bladder control. And then there's the birth. While that lovely mommy amnesia has kicked in a bit about the whole thing I do remember that it was painful and definitely not something I'm looking forward to again, and I even had a quick, uncomplicated birth.
I feel like I've become even more neurotic with this pregnancy. My breasts weren't huge and sore right away like with Ainsley so I of course assumed something was terribly wrong with the baby and my hormones. I feel faint and weak all the time likening this too to something catastrophic when I know in the small sliver of my sane mind, and with Ian's constant gentle reminders, that everything that I'm feeling I felt with Ainsley and she couldn't be more healthy.
On the flip side I think I've loved being pregnant this second time around more so far (I know it's only been 15 weeks). With Ainsley every day seemed like an eternity to check off one more day and then one more week. The first trimester absolutely FLEW by for me this time. While I definitely had my crash days on the weekends and some weekdays around 3pm when Ainsley and momma had lay down play time, I hardly had time to notice how tired and nauseas I felt most days. I have a baby to entertain and whether I feel good or not she needs to be fed and changed and played with and loved. I just chewed lots of gum to help with the gag reflex and went about my day as usual. With my first pregnancy it was both a luxury and a curse to feel every little thing.
I can't believe in a month we get to see our new little baby again and we're just about half way there. I'm feeling the urgency to get the nursery ready and get organized asap because with all of the travelling we're going to try to do this summer coupled with my sheer size housework is going to become increasingly difficult.
Ian and I have been having fun looking at names again. I've been surprised by how many names we've checked off of our original list from the first time around. We're still on the fence about finding out the sex. I'm intrigued by the idea of waiting until the end and hoping it will give me something to focus on in those final hours when last time all I could do was keep my eyes shut and get through it. I'm also excited by the prospect of a gender neutral nursery and newborn clothes. However since neither Ian or I have a strong conviction yet I'm worried one of us is going to cave during the ultrasound. I guess we'll see what happens!
Time to go play with my sweet little love bug. She's being very snuggly this morning.