I just can't even begin to decribe what it means to finally start feeling like me again. This past Wednesday was a rough day (did I write about that? I forget). I called Ian and practially begged him to skip his post work meeting to come home and help me. I was having one of those "I feel completely inadequate as a parent" days and needed a shoulder to cry on, in addition to some major help with the girls. What was unique and jarring about Wednesday is that I wasn't really all that upset with Ainsley (as per usual). She'd actually had an ok day, it was me that was falling apart. I had reached a point when I just needed a hour, a minute even, to catch my breathe, NOT chase her around and hold Louise at the same time, and remind myself who I was.
After ordering pizza for dinner I grabbed my new book club book, a glass of wine, and headed for the bath. Even with Ainsley wreaking havoc in the hallway I just let myself go. I read 50 pages straight, sipped my wine slowly and made a resolve to not lose myself in the chaos that is my life.
The hardest thing (for me) about being a stay at home mom is that you get NO break from your job. Ian and I have talked about this, and I know I have written about this ad nauseum, but I can't reiterate enough what a wear that is on a spirit. I had grown accustomed to accepting my hour or two after Ainsley went to bed and brief naps as my only "off" time and even then I was typically doing chores and tasks around the house. Now with a newborn I have NO such time. It was such a gift yesterday to have Louise nap long enough during Ainsley's nap to allow me to work out. Even so that was all the time I got. No time to knit, read my book, go for a jog, or just sit and relax.
Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who knows when I'm at my limit and lots of help whenever friends and family are in town. On that note I can't wait for the holidays and for today rejoice in the beautiful fall day, good smells coming from the kitchen, and two beautiful baby girls that are the best and hardest job I've ever had.
Here are some photos from the past few days...
Me post run, Ian and Louise napping, Louise's assisted bumbo seat, Louise's berry pie hat for Halloween, and Ainsley making pumpkin prints. I'll write again after Halloween with all the fun pictures!