tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52330169580535240342024-03-12T17:46:42.312-07:00This New Lifea peek into the life of a 20-something mama of 3 and wife, living away from the only home I've ever known...Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.comBlogger683125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-21612773744593599012021-10-19T21:45:00.003-07:002021-10-19T21:45:47.925-07:00Going Back<p> It’s been 6 years almost to the day, that we moved from Oak Park, IL to Minnetonka, MN. Six whole years.</p><p>I remember when we first moved. We hugged neighbors that had become family and promised to keep in touch and visit as much as we could. Then we moved and one of our children was so traumatized that it was recommended that we didn’t visit. It might be a trigger and be too much. So we waited. Then Covid hit and all bets were off. One night a few months ago I remembered that MEA break was coming up. Let’s search rentals, I suggested. We found the perfect location, within walking distance to everything we loved about our village. We booked it. Then covid got worse again and it feels strange and not perfect to visit now, but when will it ever?</p><p>We were driving home from the cabin this last weekend when we started talking about our upcoming trip to Chicago. “What would you want to do and see? What do you remember?” The children rambled off lists of excursions. “The aquarium, millennium park! Maggie Daley, the Botanic Gardens!” ALL things that Ian did alone with the kids on Saturday mornings while I would get my 5 minutes peace. </p><p>I was devastated. We stopped at the grand rapids brewery as is our new tradition and as we waited for our flat breads and nachos I sobbed. Ian grabbed my hand and told the children “mom is OK!” but am I? What was the purpose of my life those eight years if not to pour myself into my children.</p><p>Don’t you want to see the bakery that I walked to every Tuesday to get bread for the week? The splash pad we spent all summer at? The library we went to every story time at? Musikgarten, where we spent a small fortune instilling the love of rhythm and harmony into your tiny bones? Surely you remember Pilgrim where I walked you to school each morning, Rehm Park right up the street where I spent countless hours trying to keep Ainsley from running over the bridge and Louise simultaneously in the sand pit. How about the parks? Approximately 7 within walking distance where I planned play dates and we spent our mornings meeting up with friends? The Trader Joe’s where we were known so well that when I stopped going in they asked Mom if I’d had my baby. I had! Felix! </p><p>You could see my tears welling and Ian spoke about the impact that I had made in our home. That little 1200 square-foot space where I hunkered in with our three children and made the beginning of our life together. There were so many days spent within those walls. Especially in the cold Chicago winters. We would orchestrate whole day extravaganzas. Tea parties where we would write invitations to our stuffed animals, then bake the treats, then set up the table. Then dress the part, then set the tone with music and lighting and enjoy the whole afternoon after a labor of a hard days work. There were sick days and rainy days or cold days where we would find ways to spend our days fully and beautifully together. I cried at the brewery remembering the poignancy of those years. Even while they were happening I knew how special they were and I knew that I would never experience the like of them again. And here I am with two almost teenagers and I’m glad that I knew what I had when I had it.</p><p>Today I was looking at the rental with the children. They are all so confused the concept of a 2 flat. “But it looks like a house mom”, “I know, but it’s a house that separated into two different apartments. We’ll be staying on the top floor while someone else lives on the bottom floor”. I can’t wait to see the reaction to this home away from home. See what their souls remember of the first years of their lives. My soul aches for the time that we had there. I can only be thankful for knowing what I had when I had it.</p><p>In 37.5 and completely in the thick of it. I am so melancholy about the passing of time and so over the brim grateful too. My children get to see where they were born this weekend. They get to ride the trains and walks the sidewalks where they began their journey on this earth. I get to look in my husband’s steely blue eyes and remember how we started. All alone, for 6.8 whole years. We did it. And here we are today, more in love, more hopeful than I ever could have imagined.</p><p>Oak Park, here, we, come.</p>Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-20075592592354448592021-09-11T20:21:00.001-07:002021-09-11T20:21:18.227-07:00Indeed<p> Have you ever rewatched a movie and really watched it? I’m guilty of turning something, anything familiar, on while I knit or fold laundry just to have it on in the background, and not really pay attention. But tonight I was craving an oldie and decided my girls could watch with. I chose Sleepless in Seattle. I have it on VHS, of all formats, because it was 10 cents at the thrift shop and I happen to have not one, but TWO working VHS players, because I can’t risk not having a working one.</p><p>I told the girls that it was a romantic comedy and they had no clue what that meant. As typical for a 1990 film, it’s rated PG but would definitely classify as PG-13 today. Most innuendoes went right over Louise’s head and Ainsley shot me knowing looks at least 4 times.</p><p>I LOVE 90’s rom coms. Favorites include, It Could Happen to You, Only You, You’ve Got Mail, One Fine Day, While You Were Sleeping, French Kiss. I could truly watch them over and over again. But tonight I really watched. Saw how Meg Ryan slayed in swept back casual updos and oversized floor length frocks. How Tom Hanks was SO DAMN RELATABLE when he snuggled his son and talked to a completel stranger therapist on the radio about how perfect his dead wife was. I cried at new parts. I nearly sobbed, not when Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks finally met, but when Sam ran frantically out of the Empire State Building Elevator to find his son Jonah who had somehow (pre- 9/11) flown solo from Seattle to New York in search of the perfect new mother, Annie.</p><p>I married a film snob. Ian would be the first to admit he loves a good rotten tomatoes rating and subtitles. I can do that. I can appreciate a great film. I can also think great films come in all shapes and sizes and sometimes rewatching an old favorite just feeds your soul. It’s like going back to a familiar coffee shop on vacation or that same study space in college. It fits, and feels so good.</p><p>This fall we don’t have much time for movies. Two of my children need to be awoken at 6 for school and one has dance 8 hours a week. I feel overwhelmed and so grateful all at once. I discovered a new trick this past week. I try to put myself in my kids shoes. How excited are they for TWO SPORTS AT ONCE?! How happy are they that they finally get private lessons in the instrument they love AND double the dance classes with their best friends and favorite teachers? How great is it to try something new with big middle school and high school kids? How great is it to be busy doing things we love?</p><p>If I had my real way I’d live in a small town in an old tiny house with a half fridge and an ancient stove. I’d have a cow to milk, and sheep to sheer, and chickens to gather eggs from. I’d live in a town with one Main Street, a general store like the one in Anne Of Green Gables that you could get anything at. But I don’t live there. I live here. Less than a 1/2 mile from my childhood home, a 7 minute walk from my 7th graders 1500+ student middle school. </p><p>I’m happy here on my 1/2 acre. My middle sister across the street, my oldest and youngest sisters across town. My mom and dad 10 minutes away, our family cabin a mornings drive north. Lakes everywhere you turn, and love within these 4 walls.</p><p>It’s a good life indeed.</p>Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-27415578303008357792020-12-29T06:26:00.002-08:002020-12-29T06:26:21.510-08:00What Frederick Taught Us<p> This post Christmas week is one of the strangest of the whole year for me. The initial glee and pure exhaustion from all of the build up and secret keeping and memory making followed immediately by the let down. Then the literal clean up, the most massive decor change over of the whole year in anticipation of a new year, the hope of a fresh start, a new beginning.</p><p>This year more than ever this all seems so vital. What if I put up my new calendars, flip to January 1 and some kind of magic actually happens? What if this pandemic finally begins to subside and life in 2021 can look more normal again?</p><p>I have hope, but sadness too. I feel weary to continue to make plans for my children that might be cancelled, tired of having to say no to so many things, exhausted by the decision making and worry. Staying home in our safe bubble feels like the most comfortable thing right now. I think we'll keep doing that for a while.</p><p>One way I'm filling all of my extra time at home is planning my preschool lessons for winter. My favorite way to plan is to focus on books, oodles and oodles of books. Whenever I'm stuck I read and look at beautiful illustrations and the lesson plans just make themselves.</p><p>One book that I can't get out of my mind is <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Frederick-Leo-Lionni/dp/0394810406/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=frederick&qid=1609251178&sr=8-1">Fredrick by Leo Leonni</a>. Have you read it? It's about a mouse family preparing for a long winter. Everyone is working so hard to collect food and make their shelter, everyone but Frederick. Frederick is off daydreaming, dinking around. I can FEEL the angst the others have that Frederick isn't pulling his weight. Then winter sets in and they're all cozy and full in their home until the end of winter when they run out of food. Again, I can FEEL the panic and worry the family feels. Will they make it? What can they do?!!! Then Frederick perches himself on a stone and begins to tell stories. The stories and memories and feelings that he collected while the others were doing their own version of preparing for winter. You see, Frederick was preparing too. He knew they'd need the memories of summer and warmth and abundance to get them through. He collected that for his family and shares it with them, and you know what? They make it.</p><p>I too find myself drawing on memories more than ever lately. Memories of traveling from Chicago for Christmas, staying with my parents, staying up late every night drinking wine and hanging with my sister and brother in law who also traveled. Memories of my own childhood Christmases, staying up all night in excited agony, the pure magic of Christmas fueling me when sleep couldn't. Memories of travel; readying for study abroad trips in college, studying in Ireland and Italy and Germany. Memories of fearless exploration and fun in new cultures and cities. Memories of beach waves and hot sun and freckled dark skin. </p><p>Winter has just begun. It's long and dark and cold. But we have sleds and skates and a fireplace and twinkle lights and memories, and just like the mouse family, we're going to make it.<br /></p>Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-2518008477272348822020-12-08T20:30:00.002-08:002020-12-08T20:30:46.526-08:00Christmas Past, Christmas Presents<p> How are you doing? Are you hanging in there? Most days I feel foggy, like I need to put my arms in front of me and push away the slow current that's dragging me down. I feel so lucky in so many ways. My old Achilles heels, depression and anxiety haven't reared their heads. My kids are still in person for school, me too. Ians job is busy as ever and he gets to work safetly from home. What more could we want from this strange and hard time?</p><p>I want to be thriving. I miss feeling inspired and motivated and capable. I'm tired of drudgery and pollyanna-ing everything when I really just don't feel like it. I miss church. I miss cooking on Wednesday nights and singing together on Sundays. I miss hugs (and I'm not even a hugger!). I miss loud holidays with rooms full of people. I miss not having to question everything. I miss not having to sign waivers to take my kids to get their teeth cleaned. I miss sports and music lessons and even playdates and sleepovers. Winter hasn't even started yet. I already miss summer.</p><p>But still the days move on. How lucky am I to be here to witness the turn of the calendar? My children still find joy in finding Jingle every morning. They are so excited for Christmas. </p><p>My joy is in my children. I can close my eyes and remember the wonder of this season. </p><p>Going to church on Sundays and watching the advent candle lightings. Singing Christmas carols and practicing new Christmas songs on the piano. When I'd master one I'd get to choose a Christmas sticker to put on the page. My piano teacher was impressed with how fast I'd learn the Christmas songs. "I've been practicing for months!" I'd think. </p><p>When friends came to our house in December they'd get a candy cane from a ceramic sack with a red bow that mom always kept well stocked. </p><p>We'd get two big boxes in the mail each year. Both from Illinois. One from my Grandma Rogers and one from our Gram and Bop. We'd wait for permission to open the boxes and put the gifts under the trees. Never too early or else mom couldn't find a good spot to pour water in the stand. </p><p>We'd go to church one day to make secret gifts for our parents. It was the most special thing. The simplest gifts (toaster tongs, stamped flour sack cloths, painted berry containers) became extravagant because they were all ours to give and wrap, without any help or knowledge from our parents. </p><p>On Christmas Eve we'd eat a simple but delicious beef and barley soup with homemade bread. "The famine before the feast" Mom always said. We'd dress up in our best Christmas dresses. My legs were always so cold from the thin tights and the sharp Minnesota air. We'd pile in our van and drive to church. I'll never forget being old enough to attend the candlelight service. Mom sang so loud and beautifully and dad looked glowing in his cashmere sweater. Hot wax always managed to drip down someones hand. We'd giggle and sing and sit and soak in the magic of that most anticipatory night. Then back into the van we'd go, so excited to put out milk and cookies, no matter how old we were. On the way home we'd look at Christmas lights, always finding at least one neighborhood with blocks and blocks of luminaries lining the streets.</p><p>I had such a magical Christmas childhood. I often wonder why I feel so much pressure to do so much this time of year. I find when I turn off the computer and really sit with what matters in my heart I know that we don't need much to have a special holiday. We are already so lucky this year. Our greatest gift is each other.</p><p>Still this is the gift giving season and I love gifts so much. I love finding the perfect things for the people I love and this year, more than any other, I vowed to do my best to support small businesses while shopping. I'm not making nearly as much as I used to these days. I did manage to knit one new thing per nuclear family member this year but other than that I'm saving most of the homemade gifts for birthdays. I am so thankful for wonderful entrepreneurs and artist who make fabulous things that I'm so excited to give.</p><p>My favorite small businesses that I shopped from this year.</p><p><a href="https://www.orchardfarmsoap.store/">Orchard Farm Soap</a></p><p> Such incredible apothecary items (everything smells amazing! My faves are the lip balms, face balm, and any of the soaps) Shipped incredibly fast. </p><p><a href="https://www.digandco.com/">Dig and Co.</a></p><p> I've been following Nici since Ainsley was a baby and her store has grown so much. She carried items from other small businesses, ships same day (or next) and has so many unique and wonderful items. </p><p><a href="https://www.acorntoyshop.com/">Acorn Toy Shop</a> </p><p> I narrowed my cart down at this store to a few choice items but really could have bought so much more. This shop captures my whole toy aesthetic. Such wonderful, quality, heirloom items.</p><p><a href="https://www.etsy.com/shop/WeirdBirdsShop">Weird Birds</a></p><p> Another artist run shop with some of the cutest items I've ever seen. I've ordered from her a handful of times now. I'm always so pleased with what she makes. <br /></p><p><a href="https://www.uncommongoods.com/">Uncommon Goods</a></p><p> Maybe not the smallest business but it's not amazon and it gives me great ideas. I found some great things for the people who were stumping me this year. <br /></p><p><a href="https://www.sarahssilks.com/">Sarah's Silks</a></p><p> giant playsilks and wooden fort clips are the theme of my child gifts this year. I love the durability and versatility of simple beautiful playlists. (and I don't think anyones ever too old to build a fort or dance around with a ribbon wand either) <br /></p><p><a href="https://excelsiorbaybooks.indielite.org/">Exclesior Bay Books</a></p><p> this is our local bookshop. I've placed numerous orders here over the course of the pandemic. I find the prices are usually very close to what you'd pay on amazon and I so want this little shop to survive. I'm happy to pay a few extra dollars to support this amazing independent store. <br /></p><p><a href="https://supersmalls.com/">Super Smalls</a></p><p> I believe I found this shop through an Instagram add but it didn't disappoint and I know a certain niece who I think will be very happy with her beautiful awesome costume jewelry. <br /></p><p><a href="https://www.fmscmarketplace.org/">Feed My Starving Children Marketplace </a></p><p> We used to go here with church a few times a year and they also have a small marketplace with items from independent makers from other countries. The proceeds support these makers and provide meals for their program and are beautiful and unique. So it's a win win win.</p><p>I hope you all are able to find joy in this strange hard season. I know just writing this and remembering the wonderful Christmases of my childhood has helped re-center me on what matters most in this season. Do what feels good right now and hang in there. 2021 is just around the corner.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-33608532463323751382020-09-14T20:33:00.003-07:002020-09-14T20:33:59.411-07:00If We Hold On Together<p> Somehow it's September. I never thought it would come. It has come, but it's strange and new and while I'm thankful for it, it doesn't feel quite right.</p><p>If I had my perfect way we'd ride this out in a yurt up north or out west. We'd haul provisions for weeks at a time down dirt roads and hunker down. I'd teach the kids with the giant stacks of paper backs I've aquired over the years and pencils and paper and tiny sharpeners that fit in our hands. We'd pass the time playing board and card games while I make endless fires and knit and knit and knit.</p><p>But we can't do that. Ian needs internet for his job that pays for everything. I'm not confident enough in myself to actually dive into the unschool homeschool that I crave deep in my bones. So we're here. Our kids are in person at the small private school up the road that I love more than I care to admit and I'm teaching 4 year olds wondering what kindergarten will look like next fall.</p><p>Life has never been as uncertain as it has been these past 6 months. There are no definites. I don't know when this will be over or how things will look when it is. Our new normal seems to change every few weeks and adapting is exhausting. </p><p>I am not by nature a flexible person. I crave reliability. In this new world there is none of that and I've developed a small case of PTSD from opening shocking emails. School cancelled, school gone to remote learning, pastor leaving at church, new pastor, new pastor leaving for chemical depency relapse, old pastor coming back (!!!), new beloved teacher leaving two weeks into school for unknown family and medical reasons...these are BIG things. Things that almost never happened BEFORE. </p><p>Because there is a before. A time before all of this that remains so clear and untainted in my mind. I almost can't remember what that felt like. Now everything has changed and it will remain changed always.</p><p>I continue to hope fervently that these changes are mostly for the good. We as adults are SO reliant on childcare and school. Why? Why is it so disarming that a child might miss a few months of school? Why are we so anal about it all?</p><p>If anything through all of this I try to learn the lesson that the big things are all that matters. Our health, our lives, our love for each other. </p><p>It is excruciating to not hug my preschoolers, my friends, shake hands with new families at school, smile and know that no one can see it under my mask.</p><p>BUT! I have my family and we are holding on.</p><p>I pray that you are holding on too.<br /></p>Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-43498045857447672322020-07-07T05:20:00.001-07:002020-07-07T05:20:21.947-07:00A Strange New SummerSomehow it's already July. We've so settled into this new normal of being at home that the days continue to melt into each other. Every morning at breakfast Felix asks what days it is. Every day Louise tries to remember. Is it a weekend? Weekday? Ian heading down to the basement at 6:30 for work is our only true indication. Otherwise it's all the same.<br />
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I'm off and on still oddly thankful for this intense togetherness. If I'm being honest running kids back and forth to activities and keeping schedules is not my favorite. Sometimes that life feels like it's just passing the time. Now I am acutely aware of time, learning every day how to fill it well, how to teach my children to fill it well. It's such a challenge, but one I'm loving off and on.<br />
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We made it home from our 5th cabin trip of the season last week. This one was just two days and nights to celebrate a cousins birthday. I somehow felt brave and brought the dog along, then another cousin joined for the 4 hour ride up so it was me and 5 others in our van. <br />
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I never plan for car entertainment well. After driving for so many years from Chicago and back (Montana and back, Florida and back) this jaunt up north feels so quick to me. Still, I went through every CD I had in the car finding songs to sing along to with the kids, quelling tiny arguments over the one ipad shareage. We made it.<br />
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This past week since getting home has been one of the quietest we'd had. My across the street sister and family stayed up north longer so it was just us here to celebrate Ian turning 36 (finally catching up to me) and the 4th. It felt wonderful to celebrate Ian at home, us 5. I'd bought a kringle at Trader Joes for breakfast and planned on ordering Indian food for dinner. We greeted him with presents first thing in the morning, over coffee, his favorite. On the 4th we had Ian's immediate family over in the backyard, kids playing in the mini pool with water balloons, adults sipping sparkling waters on the lawn. We grilled for lunch and everyone brought sides. Strawberry cream pie for dessert, a handful of raspberries from the garden thrown in because I'm putting raspberries in everything this year. Sparklers on the driveway rounded out the day.<br />
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I honestly didn't' feel like celebrating our country. I didn't last year either. I don't feel very proud to be an American right now. I am surrounded by so many wonderful good people who are working for change and speaking out. I am by nature a rule follower and a peacemaker (to a great fault). Still trying to find my voice and my role in all of this. I'm so lucky to have the space and time to figure that out.<br />
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My time this past week has mostly been spent finally weeding and remulching some of our gardens. I don't know what lit that fire in me to finally do it, but it happened and I've spent three nearly full days on that giant task. It feels so good to get that well underway.<br />
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Yesterday I crashed after spending those days out in the heat working. The weather apps promised rain that never came. We played games and watched a movie and I did lots of laundry and made shrimp scampi for dinner. <br />
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Today I want to get the kids out but it's so hot. Again. I think I'll take them to the farmers market. I have to brave the mall for some returns. I wish I could bring the girls just to get out. I wish we could go to the pool. I wish they'd had their summer camps with friends. I wish I was preparing for VBS right now. It would have been Ainsley's last year. I'm sad for that for her. Another end of another era. <br />
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We continue to move forward in this strange new life. We continue to grieve all of the losses while trying to remain grateful for what we still have. Somedays we relish in the togetherness and the abundance of time. Others we grieve and worry about what the future looks like.<br />
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When this all first started it felt impossible that it would last this long, but here we are, wondering about school in the fall, worrying anew about juggling jobs and children when the time comes. Thankful right now for these long summer days where the biggest decision is beach or backyard. Still in this with you friends.<br />
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<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-51147047484337864892020-04-16T20:34:00.000-07:002020-04-16T20:34:05.627-07:00Together, ApartIs anyone else's soul crying right now? I say soul because my eyes have not shed one tear since this all began. NOT ONE TEAR. Which is so strange for me. But my soul? It heaves up into my throat until I feel like I can't breathe. I worry that the virus has taken hold of me somehow in it's quiet stealth. I hold my breath for 10 seconds like that one article that I read told me to do to reassure me that my lungs are fine and I breathe out as slow and controlled as I can.<br />
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I feel like I am in a totally unique place. This is in part because I am a <a href="https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-4">4 on the enneagram scale</a> and I always feel like whatever I am feeling or experiencing is completely unique to just me and there is no way that anyone else could understand. But also because, yeah, THIS IS A UNIQUE PLACE.<br />
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On one hand I am super comfortable at home, disturbingly so. In some weird way it's like the world has shifted to what I always wanted it to be. My family, at home, SUPER simplified and intense. No schedules or running around or intense extroverted requirements. This is kind of my dream.<br />
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But of course it's not my dream because we're in a global pandemic and no one knows shit about how this is all going to play out and to speculate and conjecture is just driving us all mad. NO ONE KNOWS.<br />
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Week 1 I did a cute little art project with the kids. I pulled out my good watercolors and paper and they filled their pages with sloppy rainbow goo and I meticulously copied some hand-lettering I found on pinterest of the phrase "We're all in this Together." We've heard the phrase thrown around, we've seen the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlRvE9dKWQc">ridiculously catchy and coordinated rendition</a> in High School Musical. The truth is; we are and we aren't.<br />
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A few weeks back (who can count?) our pastor was preaching from an empty church, live streaming on a Sunday at 10. I'm paraphrasing in an embarrassingly simplified way, but what he said was "we're used to going through hard things together, and here we are, alone, but together." The truth is that technology is a sorry replacement for classrooms and churches, nights out with friends and meetings. More importantly, hugs from loved ones and hands on weary scared knees. For those of us with introverted tendencies it's that much harder to log on. It takes so much out of us that after a morning of zoom meetings for my kids with teachers for various subjects I can't bring myself to go to the moms group meet up that I probably need more than anything.<br />
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THIS IS THE WORST. But it isn't. I'm not dead. No one in my family or close circle is sick. Ian is actually working MORE from home than ever, and I'm getting relief pay from my tiny teaching job. We are truly in the best place that we could be in right now and it's still the hardest things we've ever done.<br />
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Now comes the reason that I don't hit publish anymore, don't post almost anything. What's my point? What's the thesis here? (Because you know the English major in me needs one and cringes every time I use a preposition to start a sentence...I'm sorry, it just FEELS RIGHT.)<br />
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I don't have one. Other than to vent, and flex my writing muscle, and freeze this bizarre moment in time for future Becky. I don't have words of wisdom or a way to fix any of this. But, I'm learning each day to appreciate where my feet are. To be here in these moments and hours and days and weeks. We'll never get them again and they are hard and crazy and incredibly precious. Some days I'm in my pjs until 2, just trying to survive, others I'm chopping wood and planning my vegetable garden and dreaming of fresh lumber for long anticipate projects. <br />
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We ARE all in this together. In our own ways. In our own places. Together, apart.<br />
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<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-78772474385426740032020-03-05T05:04:00.000-08:002020-03-05T05:04:05.251-08:00Somewhere ElseSometimes I wake up and imagine I am somewhere else.<br />
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In Florida next to my mom and dad on the screened in porch watching the sun rise. The humidity seeping into my skin and warming me up in a way I haven't felt since September. Today I'll run on the beach, then take a cold shower. I'll sip iced tea by the pool and delve into a book. My children splash and dig the day away. I delight in their happiness. The hours will pass as the sun crosses the sky. Palm to palm. Dusk will greet us with oranges and pinks and a sweaty spritzer in my hand, a Seabreeze if I play my cards right. The day will be easy and long and so good.<br />
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In Europe on a trip with college friends. The sound of a loud foreign voice will wake us in the tiny beds we crashed in. Open windows to a bustling ancient city street. Market already buzzing. Decadent espresso pouring. I never wear the right shoes for all the cobblestone walking but I make do, my aching feet a distant whine among the adventures. This morning I forgot to read those last pages that are due so we cram over pastries in a street side cafe, run across town to the school room, giggling and observing. Class is the most fascinating ever. It always is because we are here. Somewhere electric and new. Tomorrow we leave for a new city. Tonight is our night to eat with the professor. He orders jugs of wine for the table in the native tongue and I salivate over dishes whose contents I don't know but whose smells tickle my palate in ways I've never known. Each bite is the best I've ever had. We walk the winding streets back to our hostel looking up at the same sky that cloaks our childhood homes oceans away.<br />
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In Montana on the top of a mountain. Or, we start below looking up a the peaks as the sun sneaks around the top. I'm up early here so I make a fire. A big crackling booming fire that lasts until it's time to suit up. Layers of wool and soft fleece so snug that stepping out into the arctic air feels fine and invigorating. That first lift up is always the most thrilling. How do I forget how swift and high it goes? I feel brave and strong and in awe each time. I love the gentler slopes. The ones where I don't have to work too hard. I love watching my children weave in front of me, the mama bear bringing up the rear making sure my chicks are in line. No food tastes as good as the bowl of chili for lunch or the cold beer in the hot tub with a stinging face at the end of a long skiing day. No bed feels as good as the plush mountain bed. No sleep as deep.<br />
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In Oak Park. In our first house we wake up altogether. The coffee pot broke months ago and us, living off of a grad school stipend, parents refuse to buy a new one when a pour over will do. We divide and conquer our day. Our little city is alive in the mornings. I decide to walk everywhere today because I can. We jog the mile and half to preschool drop off, stopping at a park, the library, the conservatory, and the bakery on the way home. We run into everyone along the way. Hellos and plans made and moods ever lifting. After preschool pick up and lunch I drink in my children. Their chubby cheeks and their squeaky voices, their bodies that fit just so on my hip, in my neck, under my chin on my lap. I make dinner with all three underfoot. Tonight it's a stew I cleverly prepped this morning. I love when I do that. We make fresh biscuits and dip and chew and sip. Life is so simple and full and together. Evenings are my favorites. The finish line is near. We family dance party the night away, or until bedtime. We read our three books, kiss our three babies, kiss each other, and crash.<br />
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In the cabin in the Northwoods. We went to bed by the loon call and wake up to the lapping on the shore. Morning work in the sun, cleaning windows and picking up sticks for the fire flows into kayak rides and berry picking. We can't hold the kids off any longer so we pull out the beach chairs, lather up and let them jump in the clear water. We take turns being the wingman on the boat. Laughing as the children tip off the flying tubes and scream in delight. Lose our voices shouting with excitement when a new one gets up on skis for the first time. Before dinner we pile on the pontoon for a slow cruise along the bays. We brings oodles of snacks and sparkly drinks. Dinner is an event. There's no better smell than a grill in summer. Twenty people around a table scooping and passing. Dogs drooling outside hoping for a snitch. We always have dessert. Special treats hidden in the highest cabinets that we always find, or a bonfire and smores made with chocolate candies. Cousins go to bed together. Adults stay up to play games and relax. Time for bed.<br />
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Another glorious day ahead.<br />
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<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-26826801279460384612020-01-29T06:40:00.000-08:002020-01-29T06:40:35.364-08:00A Few of My (January) Favorite ThingsFinding a new favorite illustrator and requesting all of their books from the library (<a href="https://www.google.com/search?safe=active&sxsrf=ACYBGNRZCkyZ_P1EkGY2x54pZyVFDKo6Ag:1580308021892&q=inge+moore+illustrations&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-1-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjR9Z6SgqnnAhVSCc0KHZiEDqgQsAR6BAgHEAE&biw=1366&bih=624">Inga Moore</a> is my current obsession, past obsessions include <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=marla+frazee+illustrations&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjtqa6agqnnAhVjAJ0JHWmbBswQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=marla+illustrations&gs_l=img.1.0.0i7i30.259264.259768..262229...0.0..0.128.547.2j3......0....1..gws-wiz-img.......0i7i10i30.DoOR1xqHWeY&ei=RpYxXu3uN-OA9PwP6baa4Aw&bih=624&biw=1366&client=firefox-b-1-d&safe=active">Marla Frazee</a> and <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=elisa+kleven+illustrations&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjNgaOYg6nnAhVVcs0KHb-VCcIQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=elisa+kleven+illustrations&gs_l=img.3...46107.49361..49787...1.0..0.158.1308.9j4......0....1..gws-wiz-img.......0i7i30j0i7i5i30.WMNa84I7J04&ei=TpcxXs2iO9XktQa_q6aQDA&bih=624&biw=1366&client=firefox-b-1-d&safe=active">Elisa Kleven</a>)<br />
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Spring catalogs filled with beautiful sunshiny prints on swimsuits and dresses, circled brightly in red with hopeful child hands.<br />
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A thick dusting of new snow to cover the grey and drape the trees in glittery white.<br />
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Hot drinks in cold hands.<br />
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Soups simmering with rich broth and hearty greens. The steam reminding our skin of summer.<br />
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Fires just because. And fires to warm toes and hands. And fires for light and crackle.<br />
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Front porches cluttered with sleds and skis and poles. Quiet school days with tracks in the yard from happy children playing the evenings away.<br />
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Small pots filled with hearty low light plants. Caring for them in remembrance of the greens of summer.<br />
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Candles on dining tables and mantles and every little place they can fit. Eager fingers lighting and basking and blowing them out over and over again.<br />
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Mismatched mid season mittens.<br />
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New board games, old card games. <br />
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Watching shows under ALL the blankets.<br />
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Dreaming of Spring, thankful for right now.<br />
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<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-28122257821676090282019-12-05T20:13:00.000-08:002019-12-05T20:13:11.574-08:00Christmastime is HereHi Friends. It feels nice to be writing on this space today. Sometimes we all need old familiar things, don't we?<br />
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I'm sitting in our den, or I imagine it was the den before the previous owners updated this side of the house and turned it into a great room of sorts. In front of me is the fireplace with a half burned log left over from the fire I made on a whim at 2pm today. To the right is my snoring coonhound. To my left is glass door to our patio and the small woods out back. The fresh snow last weekend reminded us of how many animals freqent our yard with their telling tracks. To the side is one of our Christmas trees, small colored lights and almost too full with family ornaments. The kids decorated it entirely on their own this year while their cousins were in town from DC for Thanksgiving. Our other tree is in the living room. A tradition that started on our first Christmas here when all that was in that room were two rocking chairs and that tree.<br />
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Christmas feels so fast away this year. Was Thanksgiving late? I think so. It felt like I sneezed and we're 1/5 there this December. We're singing Christmas songs with the children at preschool, the kids have signed up for their Christmas Eve roles at church, my closet is bursting with not so hidden presents to be wrapped and my fingers can't move fast enough to knit all that I want in time for December 25.<br />
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I said yes to Elf on the shelf for the first year ever. Louise has been so sweetly asking for three years. So ours came in an amazon box. My story sticks that I ordered only a Christmas book but the Elf came too, I guess we can let him stay.<br />
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Jingle, our elf, has sparked some much needed childlike excitement about Christmas for me. He reminds me every day of my dad who was (and is) so filled with Christmas Joy. Just today he dropped by to deliver an ornament making kit for the kids. What a joy it is to live so close to be able to do that.<br />
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I find myself preemptively melancholy this season. I know it's over so soon. I just want to have this anticipatory feeling all through winter but I know that Christmas will come and go and January and February will be long and slow and I can do nothing to stop it. <br />
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I can do my best to embrace this season. I am so thankful for our Thanksgiving snow that allowed my three and cousins to spend hours upon hours outside. I am thankful for the extra costco sleds I stocked up on (I'm learning!) and extra boots and snow pants for those who needed them. I'm thankful for hot cocoa and santa mugs, shelves well stocked with puzzles and games, Christmas coloring books pulled out from years past and woven bins full of holiday stories.<br />
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I hope that you and yours are finding joy in this season but it's ok if you're not. Sadness has it's place at Christmas too.<br />
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All My Love,Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-9936343778988441032019-10-03T06:58:00.000-07:002019-10-03T06:58:21.451-07:00Grey Fall Day Today feels grey. The sun is actually trying to poke through after two days of solid rain and gloom. Thought my mood is still stuck in gloom.<br />
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Today is the day I feel the drudgery of school life with three little people. I am tired of packing lunches and getting up to an alarm in the dark and reminding over and over to pack backpacks and sign assignment notebooks and log reading minutes. The responsibilities feel crippling today.<br />
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I have yet to do my fall clean out. I'm only starting to switch out clothes and think about buying new snowboots for my ever growing children. The junk drawers remain cluttered and fall cleaning has not even begun. We've all had our first colds and I've already had to juggle work and sick kid life. Today it feels hard.<br />
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My kids are grumpy too, scratch that, the girls are grumpy. Ainsley has always had bigger than average feelings, mix in preteen hormones and it gets rough around here sometimes. Last night it was slamming doors off the bus and not wanting to read books with the family and hiding in dark rooms at church rather than rising above it. <br />
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Louise's sensitivity meter is off the charts most days. It's hard to not be able to say much around her for fear of tears. I spewed this morning about spelling homework and I thought she might not recover. <br />
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It's hard to start my day that way; being yelled at, problem solving so many things. It'd be like walking into work and having three people run up to you telling you all the things you did wrong yesterday and demanding immediate solutions. Only not like that because before that you'd probably be able to wake up and drink your coffee and get dressed in the peace and quite of your own home.<br />
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I wake up to a child angry at me for waking her up, annoyed that I can't find the right uniform, pissed off about breakfast and that she can't find HER hairbrush. It's all my fault, always. It wears on me.<br />
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I gave a big speech to Louise this morning about remembering to look for the good even when you feel grumpy and sad. Give yourself 3 minutes to wallow and then walk outside, look up at the sky and thank God for the day you have in front of you; for your health (or at least your breath), and your many blessings. <br />
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Today I'm going to try to follow my own advice. I'm going to drive to Ainsley's school to pay for a field trip she never told me she was going on (that's today and I got a phone call about), then perhaps a leisurely errand sipping a seasonal coffee and perusing holiday isles at a store. I'm almost done with my first batch of mittens for the kids so after a quick meeting at church I may hunker down for a fall movie and some knitting time. And hopefully once my kids get off the bus I'll have rebooted and they will have too.<br />
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Hoping the sun is peeking through the clouds for you all today. And if your sunshine is in abundance could you send a little my way?Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-89116060171140693952019-09-20T12:42:00.002-07:002019-09-20T12:42:53.419-07:00New {School} YearI just got back from my first field trip chaperone gig of the new school year. Louise's class went to the River Rendevous in Bloomington today, a gathering of reinactors teaching the children about different jobs and life in the 1800s.<br />
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Truthfully I didn't want to go. As the kids have gotten older I kind of dread chaperoning because the kids don't really need us much and unless my child wants to hang with me I'm left to stand around on my own or make conservation with the other parents with truthfully is NOT my thing.<br />
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Today there were 5 of us chaperoning and predictably the other 4 paired off and I was left to my own devices. One set of moms just met today but were basically the same person, super skinny and trendily dressed, three kids each the exact same ages, they even had the same lunch; quinoa and veggies and hard boiled egg whites.<br />
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I often feel out of place as a mom. I'm not skinny and trendy, I was just as excited to eat the chiabatta caprese sandwich as Louise so I made myself one, simple carbs and all. I'm not usually interested in striking up polite conversation and become instant BFFs and make plans immediately to hang out and do tibatta workouts together. It makes vollunteering for school stuff feel even harder sometimes.<br />
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Today I did it for Louise. My sweet just turned 9 year old who still clings to my hip a bit when we're out and about. Secretly I don't mind. I know soon enough she's going to want to be on her own, off with friends. This is my window. I'm holding on. <br />
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The start of school has gone as smoothly as ever. I can say that now that we are three weeks in. I am so thankful for Ainsley getting to start the year at her new school. She was so brave at open house day when she came with us to visit her old school while Louise and Felix met their new teachers. She's growing up so much and it's wonderful to see the pride she takes in her new school.<br />
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Louise and Felix are acclimating well. Louise is very go with the flow and a rigid rule follower so new routines and teachers and classmates seem easy for her to manage. Felix is also very go with the flow but is mourning the loss of little kid school with play time and many breaks in a day. I am mourning that too and thankful for so many neighborhood friends and a pretty open after school schedule so he (and the girls) can get their play time in.<br />
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I'm giving myself September to get used to this new school year. Work has been going smoothly and I am still thankful for that in my life. I'm struggling to fit it all in already, finding I'm craving lots of down time right now after the busy and loud summer with my children. I have lists and lists of projects and ideas that I was to see to fruition. I have so many appointments that I need to make and adult homeowner maintenance things to do. <br />
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For myself this new school year is going to be about finding my new adult self, post having babies and being a 24/7 stay at home parent. This is a new time of life for me and I find it's too easy to get swept up in the daily hum. I'm trying to savor the little best bits like Felix wanting group hugs from Ian and I every day and telling me "you're the best mom" and "I love you so much" umprompted, every hour we're togegther. And like Louise wanting us to tell her a story through her elephant every night like we do with Felix and his puppies and knowing that she's still little enough that she kind of believes her elephant is alive inside. Like Ainsley and my 2 hours a day that we get to ourselves that is mostly for REAL really good. How special to have that one on one time when she still wants it with me. I'm soaking it in.<br />
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Ian was gone on a business trip this week which is unusual for him. The parenting part was hard but fine. We all missed him a lot. How lucky that we miss each other when we're not together and that I tear up just thinking about these 4 people I live with every day that make my life completely meaningful Even if I don't ever finish our quilts or paint that dang painting for above the couch or install the handrawn tiles on the kitchen backsplash I am their mom and Ian's wife and right now that it the fullest and best job that I can think of.<br />
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Here's to a new (school) year. I hope yours is filled with as much thankfulness as mine is.Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-12768733372359737542019-05-17T06:57:00.004-07:002019-05-17T07:02:15.452-07:00May MayI love May. I know it's the craziest time of year for anyone with children in school/activities, but I love the month so full to bursting. Buds are opening all over our yard, just yesterday the waft of fresh lilacs from our side garden was deliciously overwhelming. My veggie garden is STILL not 100% planted, but as usual the promise of fresh veggies soon and the what ifs of trying some new things is tantilizing.<br />
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This Spring feels oddly settled for how truly unsettled and new most things are this season. Ainsley finishing up a mere two months in her new school. Felix dong spring soccer for the first time, (me somehow assistant coaching?) Louise at her new dance studio for the first year, production number and all. It's hard to believe that just last spring Felix was graduating preschool, I was dance recital hopping with the girls to pick a new studio for this year, and I was more worried than I'd ever been for summer going well with my three at home.<br />
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Turns out it was the easiest summer yet. My children all big enough to be out around the house without me right at their side, days easily filled with beaches and backyard pools and park visits. I've planned exponentially less this summer, and feel more confident than ever in the great time we're going to have.<br />
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Yesterday I spent some time researching and requesting my first round of summer themed books from the library. Almost nothing gets me more excited for a new season or holiday than that. I've spent so much time researching and reading children books I'm always astounded that that work is never complete. There are always new amazing things being written and many old books and authors and series that I somehow haven't stumbled across yet.<br />
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Looking back my passion for children's literature started with a course in college and then later a <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Under-Chinaberry-Tree-Inspirations-Parenting/dp/0767912020/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2SWCQN335MSR9&keywords=under+the+chinaberry+tree&qid=1558101068&s=books&sprefix=Under+the+Chinab%2Cstripbooks%2C186&sr=1-2-catcorr">book I stumbled across</a> at a recommendation from my first teacher colleague. I will never forget the class discussions on <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Tale-Despereaux-Being-Princess-Thread/dp/0763617229/ref=sr_1_2?crid=3840OBKG139VH&keywords=tale+of+despereaux&qid=1558101153&s=books&sprefix=Desper%2Cstripbooks%2C193&sr=1-2">Despereaux</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Esperanza-Rising-McDougal-Littell-Library/dp/043912042X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2DROZBG3GUWIU&keywords=esperanza+rising&qid=1558101176&s=books&sprefix=Espera%2Cstripbooks%2C216&sr=1-1">Esperanza Rising</a>, and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Borrowers-Mary-Norton/dp/0152047379/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=The+Borrowers&qid=1558101203&s=books&sr=1-2">The Borrowers</a>. Children's books can do amazing things, not just entertain but introduce and deal with big hard topics in a developmentally appropriate way for kids. I can't believe my own girls are nearly old enough to be reading some of those books soon.<br />
P.S. I can't wait for them to be ready for <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Number-Stars-Lois-Lowry/dp/0547577095/ref=sr_1_3?crid=34O5MKTERDYBS&keywords=number+the+stars&qid=1558101237&s=books&sprefix=Number+the+Stars%2Cstripbooks%2C184&sr=1-3">Number the Stars</a>. Another all time favorite of mine. <br />
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With children at different ages and with different personalities and preferences it's always a challenge to find books that I think they will all like to have read to them. In the summer one of my favorite things is sitting on a blanket in the shade, after lunch, reading to my children while they play close by.<br />
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My goal this summer is to read a chapter book a week with them. Some longer ones may take longer than that and some shorter we may breeze through in one or two sittings. It's a goal I feel excited about. 12 books. Here we go.<br />
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Rescuers-Review-Books-Childrens-Collection/dp/1681370077/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=The+Rescuers&qid=1558101282&s=books&sr=1-3">The Rescuers </a>and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bed-Knob-Broomstick-Turtleback-Library-Binding/dp/0613298861/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?keywords=bed+nob+and+broomsticks&qid=1558101311&s=books&sr=8-1-fkmr0">Bed Nob and Broomsticks</a> - I love reading classics and especially ones who's stories I think I know but are really very different (and often much better) than the films. <br />
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Tua-Elephant-R-P-Harris/dp/0811877817/ref=sr_1_1?crid=Q3LYOKAD5TEK&keywords=tua+and+the+elephant&qid=1558101386&s=gateway&sprefix=tua+and+the+%2Caps%2C187&sr=8-1">Tua and the Elephant</a> - how could I not get this one for my elephant loving Louise. The story sounds so wonderful too.<br />
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Moominsummer-Madness-Tove-Jansson/dp/0312608918/ref=sr_1_1?crid=289MIC4G0JM2T&keywords=moominsummer+madness&qid=1558100032&s=books&sprefix=Moomin+summer%2Cstripbooks%2C190&sr=1-1">Moomin Summer Madness</a> - I have yet to read a moomin book with or without my children. This seemed like the perfect thing.<br />
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Little-Bo-Story-Bonnie-Boadicea/dp/0786805145/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=Little+Bo&qid=1558099570&s=gateway&sr=8-3">Little Bo</a> (and series) - <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Mandy-Julie-Andrews-Collection-Edwards/dp/0061207071/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Mandy&qid=1558100112&s=books&sr=1-1">Mandy</a> was one of my absolute top 10 novels that I loved as a child. Ainsley's too. To find a whole new-to-me series co-authored by our beloved Julie Andrews felt like a summer gift wrapped with the prettiest bow.<br />
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Traction-Man-Here-Mini-Grey/dp/0307931110">Traction Man</a> (also a series) - I stumbled across this series when looking for summer themed books. A book later in the series takes place at a beach. It looks light and funny and just the thing Felix, and really all three, will love in between the longer novels.<br />
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Cilla-Lee-Jenkins-Future-Author-Extraordinaire/dp/1626725519/ref=pd_sim_14_3/137-8443863-2394348?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1626725519&pd_rd_r=a5b4504e-78a7-11e9-919b-4f0ed8ac280f&pd_rd_w=6Bne7&pd_rd_wg=VOuU0&pf_rd_p=90485860-83e9-4fd9-b838-b28a9b7fda30&pf_rd_r=P7NFD18PRY2FG9ZNS1Y3&psc=1&refRID=P7NFD18PRY2FG9ZNS1Y3">Cilla Lee Jenkins</a> (series) - I can't wait to meet this character. A newer series that looks amazing.<br />
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Raymie-Nightingale-Kate-DiCamillo/dp/0763696919/ref=sr_1_1?crid=AFL9J8WSBWHY&keywords=raymie+nightingale&qid=1558100401&s=books&sprefix=Raymie%2Cstripbooks%2C190&sr=1-1">Raymie Nightingale</a> - I can't possibly go the summer without a Kate DiCamillo read. Last summer it was <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Because-Winn-Dixie-Kate-DiCamillo/dp/0763680869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=SI2BNO14G5Z8&keywords=because+of+winn+dixie&qid=1558100430&s=books&sprefix=Because+of+W%2Cstripbooks%2C490&sr=1-1">Because of Winn Dixie</a> on audio book and the <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s?k=mercy+watson&i=stripbooks&crid=3SYQH6RJK1DNK&sprefix=Mercy+Watson%2Cstripbooks%2C422&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_12">Mercy Watson</a> series was one of all of my kiddos first chapter book series'. She's just written <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Louisianas-Way-Home-Kate-DiCamillo/dp/0763694630/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=">a new book</a> with a character she introduces here so I thought this was the right place to start. Maybe I'll get two Kate's this summer?! (and if you haven't read the <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Miraculous-Journey-Edward-Tulane/dp/0763680907/ref=sr_1_1?crid=27AUDG9FXVFMD&keywords=the+miraculous+journey+of+edward+tulane&qid=1558100605&s=books&sprefix=Miraculou%2Cstripbooks%2C192&sr=1-1">miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane</a> I can't recommend it enough. It's one of the few books Ainsey's ever snatched out of my hand to finish reading on her own because I wasn't going fast enough for her)<br />
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/s?k=the+adventures+of+nanny+piggins&i=stripbooks&crid=HY4S1YL2Y03F&sprefix=the+adventures+of+nanny%2Cstripbooks%2C184&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_23">The Adventures of Nanny Piggins</a> (series) I think my kids will love these books. I'm laughing just looking at the cover.<br />
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Miniature-World-Marvin-Masterpiece-Adventures/dp/1250069580/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2FCWPHAFZ437N&keywords=the+miniature+world+of+marvin+and+james&qid=1558100760&s=books&sprefix=the+miniature%2Cstripbooks%2C195&sr=1-1-catcorr">The Miniature World of Marvin and James</a>- Another sweet looking series perfect to break up our longer books or even to read in one sitting at a beach or park. Very excited to have found these.<br />
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Bonus Summer book finding pro-tip: type "goes to the beach" or simply "beach" into the title search on your library's website. SO many options from favorite characters and authors. I have a whole bunch slotted to come right as summer starts.<br />
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Wishing you all a Marvelous May and wonderful start to summer.<br />
<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-12916824690715027872019-04-24T05:02:00.003-07:002019-04-24T05:02:57.794-07:00Old Becky, New BeckyLast week I started texting myself. I got the idea spur of the moment when I didn't have any paper with me and needed to remember a simple knitting pattern someone told me about at church. Next it was a new idea for a children's book, about a grandma carrying around knitting in her bag for other people, all the places she knit it, all the little bits of lint and love woven into each stitch. Then it was a story about windows. A child nodding off while dreaming of the views out of her favorites: Grandparents' cabin, spring break getaways, mountains and woods and lakes, then finally home. That last one was inspired by Harold and the Purple Crayon. One of my all time favorites. BTW I know I should be using a lot more semi colons then I am but I'm such a lazy English major, especially when I'm drinking wine (which of course I am). Just now I was reading a new book and a quote struck me. <i>Home is in the Soul. You will spend your life trying to get back to it.</i> Texted again. Who says and old Becky can't learn new tricks?<br />
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Truth is I don't feel like old Becky at all. Correction, I'm trying so hard to come to grips with new Becky, or older Becky, or adult Becky, something like that.<br />
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Part of it is this time of year, I know. Winter after Christmas can be the pits. This year Minnesota's weather has been hard. December was mild and decent but January was the worst. Too icy or WAY too cold then quickly too wet and warm now icy again. We have not ice skated or skied or done much other than sled and make fires and dream of spring. I hate feeling like I've wasted a season more than just about anything. I've borrowed so many books from the library and tried so hard to motivate. I actually had a blast with my kids on the days off from school they had with the snow. Then immediate sadness because it so reminded me of how things used to be with them before they got so big. I'm struggling to find my new groove.<br />
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It's in part because our groove is constantly in flux. Every year brings new routines, new schedules, new priorities and demands. Each season brings new commitments and new arrangements, new expectations. My nerves are shot making big parenting decisions daily like should I let me kid quit viola? should I send my kid to school with a sore throat if they don't have a fever? should I write the principal about an para with anger issues? Should I pack up my family and move to Montana and never leave again ?!?!?!!<br />
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I look around me a lot and wonder if every other adult feels this way. Are we all doing things the way we are doing them because we feel like it's how we're supposed to be doing them? Do we convince ourselves that things are ok because we're made to believe this is as good as it can be? Do we pick our battles so much that we settle for this moderate unhappiness that follows us always?<br />
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Whoa truthbomb, but really. That's where I'm at. <br />
<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-22283777930425509162019-04-24T04:51:00.001-07:002019-04-24T04:51:11.013-07:00Felix is 6!Felix is 6! Time keeps ticking away. <br />
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He's still at the age where each year his growth is so exponential that I hardly recognize him from year to year. Last year this time he was a preschooler; begging me to stay as long as he could at school each day because he loved his friends so much. Now he's almost done with kindergarten: reading to us every night, doing math for fun when he's waiting for a sister at dance or after school, going to friends houses alone after school, coming back on time because he's a responsible little guy.<br />
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He still loves his workout clothes and comes down fully dressed for the day as he has since he was in his late 3's. He still loves juice, any sweet drink really. For his birthday I got him a gallon of chocolate milk at Costco and I'm pretty sure it's going to be one of his top presents. He's still an awesome eater, will try just about anything, even spicy things. For his birthday he wants hot dogs and macaroni, per kid tradition. I'm excited that it's going to be 74 today so we can grill. For dessert he couldn't decide, so i decided for him; homemade strawberry ice cream with whipped cream, sprinkles and cherries. Ian's confirmation class is putting on a banquet for the 8th graders tonight so he has to scoot out early so our plan is to open gifts and eat right after school then make a bonfire and enjoy the night outside.<br />
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I'm taking work off today so that I can go on a field trip with Felix to a local farm. I'm going to his class early to read a book and eat lunch with him, then taking him home straight from the farm. I'm wondering what we'll do with that hour before we have to go pick Ainsley up from STEM club. A park? Home to play? I'm just excited for some time alone with him.<br />
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Felix continues to be such a gift to me. He's had an emotional year with many more tears and troubles than normal. First friend problems have crept up and adjusting from a class of 10 where everyone got along to one of 24 with tiny cliques and dramas has been hard. But he cries, snuggles into my lap and everything is better. We can reboot each other so easily. I've always loved that about us. <br />
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I am so looking forward to the summer with him. He plays so well and could spend all day just making believe and being outside. Lakes and parks and sports and reading and crafts and snuggles while reading will fill our days easily and well.<br />
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I love you so much Felix and am so glad that you are ours. I can't wait to celebrate you extra today!!!Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-17589267821455460432019-04-24T04:36:00.001-07:002019-04-24T04:36:19.165-07:00Still WritingIt's almost like I'm playing an odd game of chance, going so long in between publishing posts on this old blog; is anyone still reading? does anyone care? heck do I still care? Sure I do. Based on the number of unpublished posts I've been racking up these past few years, I'd day I still care quite a lot.<br />
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Thing is, my life continues to change at such rapid speeds that by the time I go back to re-read something it all feels irrelevant or too much sharing about my now not baby at all children. Now my days aren't just in these 4 walls, with the bakery lady and the Trader Joes guy as my main two confidants. This space doesn't have the same need for me as it used to. Still I can't fully let go. It was such a big part of the biggest part of me that I'm struggling to move forward with.<br />
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Life just keeps moving forward doesn't it? They always told me it would, God willing, but here I am with a permanent deep wrinkle crease down the middle of my forehead and my first unmistakable grey hairs popping unyieldingly out of my hair part, and I hardly recognize myself.<br />
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I have often felt like I've done life a bit backwards. While I hear from most that their 20s were wild and crazy and confusing my 20s were the epitome of what I always wanted my adult life to be. I wanted to be a wife and a mom and homemaker extraordinaire. I struggled so much with Ainsley going off to kindergarten because I knew it was the beginning of the end of my favorite era in my life. And I was right.<br />
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To be honest I've felt a bit lost since our move back home. For 8 years I held moving back as the catch all solution to everything that had been ailing me. Then we moved and it wasn't miraculous, of course it wasn't. Everything shifted and I'm still trying to find my new normal. Every time I call up a sister to hang out with on a free weekend night I am SO grateful to have that, and at the same time sad that I don't have my friends in Oak Park. Every time I go to work I am so thankful I have that and sad that I'm not needed at home with my own tiny toddler anymore. Every time I have hours to myself to do housework or fun projects I am thankful and at the same time so nostalgic for the days so full to the brim of need from my kiddos. Life has changed so fast.<br />
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I find myself asking "what's next" often. I find myself being pulled in so many directions, scared to truly jump into any one thing for fear of choosing wrong, or taking away from the little time I have with my toes in the other ponds. It could be as simple as what makes the most money or as complex as 'what is my purpose?'.<br />
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But these are the questions of life aren't they? Now that my head is fully above water I'm able to see that. This is what I'll spend my days and my years mulling over and deciding. What to do with my one wild and crazy life. In the meantime I'm trying my best to keep my eyes and arms open. It's the best I can do.<br />
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<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-38703689984050984012018-12-24T21:43:00.000-08:002018-12-25T01:33:25.538-08:00Christmas EveIt's 11:03 on Christmas Eve and I just wrapped my last presents. I was honestly surprised to see the few unwrapped gifts in the back of my closet tonight because as usual I started looking for and wrapping gifts right about after the 4th of July.<br />
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But it's always a race to the finish isn't it? No matter how much I've planned or how much I feel I've done, I'm always up late Christmas Eve. Last year Ainsley's Santa gift didn't arrive in time. This year I was awaiting ONE skein of yarn to finish a Christmas sweater for Louise. It came today so I guess it will have to be a New Year's sweater.<br />
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This morning I stirred around 4am. I had to pee as I often still have to do in the middle of the night (thanks 3 children for the crap bladder!) I snuggled back into bed under the soft brand new flannel sheets I bought for 20% off at Target with a black Friday coupon (go me!) and I couldn't for the life of me calm down to get back to sleep. I was too excited about today and my Ainsley girl's 10th birthday.<br />
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10 years ago Ian and I were flat on the queen bed in the alternative birthing room at the local hospital ogling our new baby girl. She was born around 9:30 pm, after probably 10 ish hours of labor and 45 minutes at the hospital.<br />
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My most vivid memories of that night were Ian driving on the shoulder of the IKE through downtown Chicago to bypass Christmas Eve city traffic and get us the F$*! home because it was our first baby and who knew how long we had?! Then I got home and things slowed down so I took and bath. Then my water broke. Then we high tailed it to the ER. Then I was throwing up and out of my mind in pain and ran down the hallway from triage to delivery between a transition contraction when the nurse told me I was 9.5. I had to start pushing on the bed which was not my plan because the midwife hadn't arrived yet. Then she came with a santa hat on and I leapt into the tub and Ainsley was born POOF like that. I got a candy cane afterwards.<br />
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I remember thinking Ainsley might have down syndrome when I first saw her. She looked so funny to me. In retrospect I'm pretty sure I was in shock from the super fast birth and that she was my first and the first of anyone I knew so I hadn't seen a fresh newborn pretty much ever.<br />
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Ian and I were so young. 24 each. It all felt so surreal.<br />
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The next morning my family came and brought us traditional Christmas morning egg bake and caramel rolls and it was the best food I'd ever tasted.<br />
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We opted to go home before 24 hours because I didn't want to sleep in the hospital another night. I wanted to be home with my girl.<br />
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I remember driving home on Christmas Day and looking for a place to stop and grab some food for dinner but nothing was open, not even McDonalds. I still don't remember what we ate that night.<br />
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Up until that exact moment Christmas day was the most sacred "don't mess with it" holiday for me. I grew up with picture perfect uniform Christmases. Wake up, run down stairs with sisters to see Santa gifts and undo stockings, crackling fire, orange juice and egg nog, presents galore under the tree. Spend all morning unwrapping and trying on and playing. Eat brunch of sausage egg bake and caramel rolls, play and lounge the afternoon away. Prime rib or beef tenderloin for dinner, fancy dress attire, sleep sleep sleep.<br />
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That year everything changed. My baby was born on my favorite holiday and I can't remember one moment of remorse. She made me grow up so fast.<br />
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Tonight I'm looking back 10 years and seeing so vividly how far I've come. I can breathe through complete chaos (sometimes) yak yak yak about all the work to be done (really quadruple yak) and simultaneously truly really love putting the effort in for the people I love.<br />
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I probably won't sleep tonight. I am too excited to give the gifts I've put so much thought and time into.<br />
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I am too excited for the hope of tomorrow and the chance to finally get it right, to finally extricate all the bad stuff inside of me that's holding me back form who I could be, who I want to be.<br />
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Christmas then New Years, then NEW. I'm so ready this year.<br />
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<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-29736818856703290512018-12-05T20:56:00.002-08:002018-12-05T21:03:55.076-08:00My Chains In case you want to listen to some great music once you've read the first bit...<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkTsbbrFQEg&index=2&list=PL9cpYnkl2A41SiIh6gCqhIYfauMerXlP7">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkTsbbrFQEg&index=2&list=PL9cpYnkl2A41SiIh6gCqhIYfauMerXlP7 </a><br />
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When I was a girl my mom used to take me and my three sisters to the Lorie Line Christmas concert every year. We'd dress up and go to dinner on the way to downtown, usually Olive Garden; microwaved Italian never tasted so good. We'd park and feel so cultured walking in our Sunday best to the Orpheum theater.<br />
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I loved those concerts so much. We'd jingle our limited edition, just made for that years' concerts, holiday bells. Us 5 ladies singing away and enjoying the anticipation of the Christmas season to the fullest. What wonderful memories you made for us mom.<br />
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Now I still listen to Lorie's Christmas albums. I play her music on the piano. Each time remembering the magic of those concerts and how much my mom LOVED her music.<br />
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I married a man who is the most objective person in the world when it comes to music. I? just love when it gets me in the gut; when it's connected to something or some time that mattered to me.<br />
Fun bonus fact? Lorie and her family went to our church growing up and once in a Blue Moon she'd play for the congregation. Talk about celebrity sightings! Wayzata is practically LA! ;o)<br />
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So here I sit anticipating another Christmas. My children all in the perfect stages of big enough to love and get it, still young enough to believe it all.<br />
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Christmas has morphed for me so much in the past few years. The child like giddiness is all but gone but in it's place is a calm and steady desire to simply enjoy this season and share in the joy and share THE joy as much as I can.<br />
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Our remarkable interim pastor started out advent season preaching about reflection and regret. We were handed tiny chain links upon our entry to the sanctuary and the service started with a jarring and amazing soliloquy by a gifted parishioner of the Jacob Marley speech from "A Christmas Carol". The sermon later stated that while our economy would love you to see the time before Christmas as solely a time to purchase and plan and buy some more, our hearts and our God want us to look back and think hard about the parts about us that we don't like; the things we've done and said that we wished we hadn't; <b>the chains we've forged in life.</b><br />
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After the service I joked with Ian "well that wasn't relevant to me at all."<br />
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Of course it's relevant, to us all. We live in a time where everyone is trying so desperately to put their best food forward. I mean I have a preschool mom taking her daughter out of school for a month so she can get a boob job for goodness sakes! (seriously trying not to judge you guys, but a boob job?!)<br />
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I personally can think of a multitude of regrets. Times I haven't handled things well, yelled when I shouldn't have, really damaged relationships and not done the right thing at all. Worse yet are the bad patterns and habits that make these regrets regular occurrences. Depressing right? <br />
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Truthfully I am so thankful for the frankness of our new pastor. He talks about the hard things which is teaching me that by talking about, and dealing with, the hard things, we grow and we get better.<br />
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It feels good to be allowed to be contemplative and a bit sad this time of year. As adults we know the long winter is coming, we know that at any turn life can change and life in the best and most beautiful of circumstances, is still hard. We look at the children around us, seeing the magic and pure joy, and feel simultaneous glee and despair. We know we can never feel that pure magic again. <br />
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Yet the circle of life lets the magic live on in our children.<br />
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Louise had a poetry assignment earlier this year that started and ended with her first and last names, in between she filled in lines about her personality. Her first line stated that she was spiritual. I've never heard her use that word before. I was so filled with joy that she feels and acknowledges that about herself.<br />
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I can newly acknowledge my spirituality as well. I can also recognize my faults and downfalls and at the same time my strengths. How can I break the chains I have forged?<br />
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I know I can start with this Christmas season. We can have our joy, but first we must have our contemplation.<br />
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Define our regrets, change our ways, live in the most good and full ways that we can. THIS is the Christmas I strive for this year.<br />
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AMEN! <br />
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<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-65582192581441790332018-12-01T02:44:00.002-08:002018-12-01T02:44:37.778-08:00This MomentAinsley May 9 (almost 10!)<br />
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My Ainsley girl, we're almost 10 years into this together and you've been you from the very start. You are still my imaginative creative vibrant girl. If you had your way you'd spend your school hours writing long stories with elaborate illustrations, making inventions, sewing and crafting, singing and dancing and acting. <br />
You really dislike the structure of school and homework and math but you still hold your love of chemistry fiercely so you're mustering through. <br />
You've taught yourself most of the periodic table and keep a book about it in your backpack at all times. You love any chance to share your knowledge of chemistry with others.<br />
You love your quiet time watching "big kid" shows but are still so sensitive to most movies with anything sad in them. <br />
You love to cook and bake and concoct mixtures with soap and glue and anything you can get your hands on. I still find hidden bowls of unrecognizable crud in your room or under the bathroom sink almost weekly.<br />
You LOVE church and your friends there. You beg to come with me any chance that you can.<br />
You are so excited for basketball starting up and being in your first musical at school this winter. I am excited for you too. I've had a hunch that theater might just be your "thing" for quite some time now.<br />
You begged us to play the viola for almost 2 years and now that you finally are you are finding the practicing and slow pace tedious. As usual you want to be an expert right away and are frustrated that it takes so much work. We're making you power through until the new year (that's how long we rented the instrument for). I have my fingers crossed that you keep going. I think you could be great at it.<br />
You struggle more than most kids I know with friends and school stuff but are so strong and somehow have maintained your spark through many situations of hardship. <br />
You are growing up to be such a beautiful charismatic young lady with such a kind heart (when you want to show it to us ;o). <br />
I love you this moment, sassy and big eyed, too cool for school and daily humbled, snuggly and sweet.<br />
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Louise Adele (8)<br />
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Oh Louise, you are, for lack of a better term, our little complex unendingly sweet and empathetic tomboy. Your style has erupted this last year and your shy smile when you tried on your first matching sports warm up suit was almost too much cuteness. <br />
You very kindly and carefully told me a few months back that you really aren't comfortable in dresses so we've been finding alternative dress up clothes for you for church. Right now nice pants and a blouse or sweater do the trick but I think if I let you you'd just wear your sports clothes all the time. <br />
You LOVED playing soccer this fall and was sad when it was over. You are excited to play again in the spring. <br />
You're doing dance again and your dad and I have loved that one on one time with you on Mondays driving you to and from your two classes, sitting with you for the half hour in between doing your homework and chatting. What a special time with our growing girl.<br />
You continue to be incredibly self sufficient You know what your homework is and what you need to do each day. <br />
You are such a good sister and friend and it warms my heart to see you look out for others and play so nicely.<br />
You love art and reading the most but also tackle your math and other work with determination. <br />
You are so good at so many things. <br />
We can't wait to see who you grow up to be.<br />
I love you this moment, sporty and sweet, wise and kind, silly and scrumptious.<br />
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Felix Daniel (5)<br />
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Felix I cannot get over how much you have grown since we moved three years ago. You went from a tiny toddler who needed his blankie to get through the door of preschool to a 5 year old who's taken the bus to and from school all year without one peep of nerves or sadness. <br />
You LOVE school. You are my little sponge right now learning so much and taking it all in. <br />
You started reading last year when you and I worked on a book together and have been reading Dick and Jane every night for many weeks now. Each night you learn a new word or two and once you've learned it it sticks in your brain and you rarely have to sound it out again.<br />
You are very into non fiction and love learning about anything you can about the world around you and history: dinosaurs, planets, insects, geology. You beeline for the nonfiction section at the library and are so proud to check out your books on your own card (though you make me carry them to the car :oP). <br />
You played soccer for the first time too this fall and loved it just as much as Louise. You love your sports clothes just like your big sister and would wear athletic shorts and T shirts every day if you could. I finally broke down and bought you a pair of compression tights to wear under your shorts so you can wear them all winter long. <br />
You are a happy boy. You are so silly and laugh all the time. You are definitely the most social of all of us and want to be playing with friends every day after school. Lucky for you one of your best buds lives just up the street and another across the street so you're rarely at a loss for playmates. <br />
Right now you are our little Jack of all Trades. You've recently gotten into art, you've always loved music and dancing, you're sporty and smart and friendly. <br />
You can do anything you want in life buddy.<br />
I love you right now, precious and little, big and growing, quick and smart.<br />
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<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-66140598713130313882018-11-06T03:32:00.000-08:002018-11-06T03:32:14.467-08:00Fall Update 2018I feel like I'm finally settling into fall. Just last week was my first week with no extra work and no kids home sick. I had two whole days to get things done and it felt so good.<br />
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I am loving my new job so much. I love having a reason to shower and get dressed in the morning. It's the first time in many years that I've had to make myself a priority in the mornings right along with the kids. I eat breakfast, even swipe on mascara most mornings, it feels great.<br />
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It also, unashamedly, feels so good to get some external validation for a job well done. To remember myself that I love teaching so much and my passion for early childhood education wasn't sucked out of me after raising my three through that stage ;o).<br />
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Working has helped tremendously with my productivity as well. I, mostly, stay on top of laundry and other chores much better than when I was home all day with the kids. I feel less burned out even though my schedule is so much busier between my work and church and kid commitments. <br />
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I am as excited for the fall holidays as ever. Halloween went by without much ado this year. For the first time I took advantage of the one day Target costume sale and bought them all off the rack across the board. Louise was Hermione (what perfect hair she has for that), Felix was a blue Ninja (the blue was a specific need) and Ainsley was a monarch/Halloween butterfly. I love to see the themes developing with my kids. Louise is almost always a favorite character from a books she's read, Felix is some sort of super hero/bad guy and Ainsley is something friendly and classic. She wanted to be a friendly spider but I was confident I could not bring her vision to life in the way she wanted and was relieved when she was satisfied with the butterfly.<br />
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Now that Halloween candy has been hidden and decorations have been taken down I am so looking forward to this season of Thanksgiving. This year we're having Thanksgiving at Ian's Uncle's with his extended family. I'm excited for a big family meal, slightly stressed that I'm responsible for the turkeys to feed 20+ people, and a tidge bummed that we're not hosting so I can't cook the day away in our happy home which is my favorite way to spend Thanksgiving. It's a good continued lesson for me in letting go and being flexible. I don't want to get too rigid with Holidays. It'll be a great day.<br />
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I am of course already looking forward to Christmas as well. I have more than half of my shopping done, nothing too big, but bits and pieces for almost everyone stashed away in my not so secret hiding spot in the back of my closet. I'll have to find a new hiding spot soon or I fear I may get some pre Christmas peekers. <br />
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For the first year Felix is asking for NO toys. All he wants, and he's been very consistent with this request for months, is a batman CD player and classic rock CDs. I of course can't find a batman CD player so I'm thinking a black one with some stickers will have to do. As for the classic rock? Well he dislikes almost all pop music and the only radio station he likes is the oldies one and even on that he's honed in on his favorite genre. I'm excited for that gift for him.<br />
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Louise as usual is asking for nothing in particular. All that she really wants and needs are clothes as she and Ainsley are essentially in the same size now and long sleeved things are in a shortage around here. Louise has asked for a professional art kit and is very into geology. It's always fun to find a few little things for my sweet girl.<br />
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Ainsley, as usual, is asking for some elaborate fairy concoction from Santa. I have to admire her gumption, but come on girl! I'm knitting her two sweaters (Louise too actually) and getting her a few small things she's asked for over the past few months. We'll see if Santa can get away with a non magical gift AGAIN this year.<br />
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I am going very knitting heavy this year with gifts. I have 7 pretty big projects that I'm hoping to get done. Just yesterday I added one more very ambitious projects to my list. I found the pattern and ordered the yarn in one fell swoop so there's no turning back now!<br />
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I just love this season of anticipation and preparation so much. We've already had multiple nights by the fire playing games or reading books. Our craft wall is being filled with turkey projects as we speak. AND I just bought a new charger for the switch because goodness knows there will be lots of time spent in the basement with Mario Cart and Just Dance this winter.<br />
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We're getting ready. I love it all so much. Happy late fall!<br />
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<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-41059856809470692692018-08-09T07:24:00.001-07:002018-08-09T07:24:11.320-07:00Post TripHey guys. I'm tired.<br />
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I shouldn't be tired. I just got back from a 5 day amazing* trip with my husband.<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">*Just to be clear amazing includes panic attacks attacks and annoyance with him never waiting for me at a crosswalks. But it also includes margaritas and no one yelling at me for whole days at a time.</span><br />
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We got back and it was go time, as I'm realizing it always is with growing kids and a needy dog and a 3000+ sq ft house and a half acre yard (the WEEEEEEEDS!!!!!!) I so struggle to balance the needs of the home and what I feel is "the stuff that really matters". I can let laundry go for a while and close the kids doors when their rooms get atrocious and not vacuum EVERY day until the dog hair gets totally overwhelming, but at some point shit has to get done right? I hate looking back and realizing my day was mostly dumb chores and ignoring the kids.<br />
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It's actually been very freeing to accept this as my job though. There are lots of day I know PAID working people don't like their jobs. They have a dumb deadline or a pointless meeting or training or a stupid coworker they have to listen to daily. My job is of course very different but I definitely have days I just need to suffer through. Life.<br />
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The harder realization for me is that I'm at my best when we're not so busy. We had a few days this past week that weren't full at all. We were just able to sink into the rhythm of an unstructured day together and I loved that so much. I took the kids swimming and we ran a few quick errands. We tidied up the treehouse and I read to them with blankets sprawled on the floor. The girls rekindled their love of playing with their dolls and Felix got really into his sticker books. When we're running around we just can't find those big stretches of time to get all of that done.<br />
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Cue dread about fall. This spring was so sparse activity wise and I kind of loved it. The girls' dance studio had closed so their big activity was out and no one wanted to do a spring sport but Felix (and 5 weeks of 1 hour a week t ball is just the kind of spring sport commitment I love). But now they all want to do everything. Felix and Louise want ju-jitsu and gymnastics and soccer. Louise and Ainsley want 4 dance classes each at a new studio, Ainsley's taking up viola and Felix and Louise are doing piano (taught by me, so super chill but still...). With Wednesday church this is going to leave us almost no free afternoons and that worries me. I love when they get off the bus and we can just be. A leisurely snack, homework out of the way asap. I guess in reality I know they are so tuckered from structure from the day that they're not usually up for mom's projects and ideas anyways. I hope it all goes well.<br />
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The phrase "this isn't in any parenting books" keeps going through my head. We have to make SO many decisions as parents that it feels impossible not to second guess or become paralyzed by the options. There is a peace in realizing that there probably is no perfect way to do anything. I let my kids dictate maybe more than they should, but I figure at least they're learning how to decide things for themselves. So wish me luck this fall!!! Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-23255936610751848382018-08-09T07:18:00.000-07:002018-08-09T07:18:02.010-07:00Summer SolsticeThe hippy in me always wishes I celebrated the solstices more. I mean any excuse for a celebration right? Perhaps a late night bonfire or a baking of sun bread, SOMETHING. At least I mentioned it to the kids right?<br />
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Despite it only being the first true day of summer we are surely already in the thick of it. This week is the first full summer whammy with no camps or classes and just us 4, 10 hours a day. To make it even more interesting it rained the first three days of the week taking parks and beaches and bike rides out of the mix.<br />
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It's been alright. The kids fill their days on their own mostly. I orchestrate meals and crafts sometimes but other than that they're off. It's weird and sad to be in this stage of life. I'm not good with change. I'm trying and praying I make peace with it soon.<br />
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For now I'm leaning on what I know which is diving into my own making and planning the bits I know the kids will glom onto.<br />
I'm suddenly wanting to change everything about the first floor of our home. After painting nearly every room at the end of the winter I now want new couches, consoles, coffee tables, rugs, art, shelves. Of course to get this all at once is a tad cost prohibitive so I'm having fun searching and planning.<br />
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For now I'm focusing on what I can do relatively cost free. I got this idea to make a ladder bookshelf for our living room and mere minutes later I spotted an old wooden painting ladder in a neighbor's dumpster bag. I knocked and asked for it. He WALKED IT TO OUR HOUSE FOR ME. Today I found scrap wood for shelves and borrowed a sander from my dad and bought stain and screws. I'm so pumped for that shelf.<br />
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Other than that I'm focusing on the art. I have two paintings to finish but am feeling like the house is pretty "Becky's paintings" heavy already so in looking for alternatives I found an idea to use a hula hoop as a giant circular loom and am excited to try out some weaving for the brick wall above the fireplace.<br />
I don't know what's spurred it but my creative side is exploding and there simply aren't enough hours in the day anymore.<br />
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Aside from my personal to do goals I find my children are always so present in my mind. They have all grown up so much and I find myself having to write down their current interests and passions just to keep it all straight.<br />
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Ainsley is as vivacious as ever. Tonight when she was supposed to be getting in the car getting buckled she was instead pogo sticking on the driveway. (keep in mind this was after a LONG day of not listening) Me: "So do you just not know the right thing to do, or do you not care? It has to be one of those two". A: "Oh, I just don't care". AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! This kid drives me WILD just about every 10 minutes. So wild that I can find it hard to remember the good stuff a lot of the time. Tonight I'm thinking about her resilience, how all it takes from me is a sincere I love you and a bear hug and she still melts into my arms. She's SO into chemistry. She's still super into her dolls. They always have injuries and ailments, always. She still mostly doesn't read much (yet tests in the 90th percentile for her age :oP) She prefers non fiction like the Guinness Book of World Records or Chicken Soup for the Preteen Soul. We got in a drag down fight at the library about her wanting a Jodie Picoult novel and sex and love and me saying NO WAY!!!! Also she stole my new razor and hid it in her room because she's desperate to shave her legs. I can't make this stuff up guys. <br />
Ainsley loves to create and make and always has a plan. She loves her friends and wishes she was old enough to stay home alone. She's looking so old to me and gorgeous and it's terrifying and heartbreaking, but I guess it's the way of it. Hoping for a good summer with my girl.<br />
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I can hardly belive that Louise is going to be in upper elementary next year. She's not even 8 yet!!!! But third grade it is and I am so thankful that I have no worries with her and school. She loves to do work. If I motivate to make a list she'll check off each box until they are all done. She's my little reader and I almost regret showing her how to request books at the library. She has her nose in at least 3 or 4 at a time. She's sticking tight to her proclamation that she will never get married or have children and just wants to be an artist living above our garage. I'm secretly putting pennies a jar for that apartment girl, I'd love that too. She could draw and write and play and laugh all day. She is so deliciously innocent and young and I just want to bottle her up.<br />
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Felix is still my sweet little rambunctious guy. He is super easy going yet somehow VERY opinionated all at once. He is so ready for school next year but my heart breaks for him because he loved preschool and his friends so much and all that is changing for him. He's the first of my three to really latch on to friends so young. He's had playdate after playdate this summer. I can drop him off anywhere and he's happy as a clam. He's such a breath of fresh air after all the emotions and worries I deal with with my other two. I catch myself feeling so very sad about him going to school because I loved our time together so much these past few years. We had three whole years where it was just us two after preschool. I didn't have that with either of the girls. Everytime I see a caribou I'm going to miss him begging me for mango smoothie and everytime I go workout I'm going to miss having him to pick up after. It's the end of an era for me as a mom and for Felix and I as a duo. That feels hard right now.<br />
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I hope this midsummer finds you all well. I am so thankful for the weeks ahead before the hustle and bustle of school.Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-27851393060171173382018-08-09T07:05:00.000-07:002018-08-09T07:05:08.623-07:00First Summer DaysThe kids haven't even been out of school a week and already it feels like full blown summer. Our summers look a bit different every year. Each year I try to tweak it to get it just right. Each summer I think maybe THIS is the summer where I strike the perfect balance between weeks of camps and glorious free time.<br />
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This year Louise wanted nothing to do with camps outside of church so she's in drama camp (this week) and VBS (last week of July). Ainsley is doing her first 4 day overnight camp in August and another week of day camp+an overnight in July, in addition to the two church camps. Felix is doing VBS and two weeks of preschool camp. Thrown in there as well are two 10 day trips to the cabin and one 5 day trip for Ian and I to the Cape and Boston, SANS children.<br />
I think this summer I may have hit the jackpot.<br />
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This summer my baby is 5. He can swim and bike and takes really good care of himself. I can sew inside while they play outside and only check on them every 20 minutes or so. Alternatively they are all young enough that they vie for position on my lap on a picnic blanket when we start a new book together. I've been sad lately about leaving the preschool years behind, but maybe this new stage is the best yet in it's own way?<br />
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I was more nervous about this summer than any other summer. I knew I'd be juggling friends over and kids over at friends and squabbles and drama. My three all have BIG personalities and while they can play well together it always ends in loudness and disagreements. BUT! The beauty of seasoned parenthood is having tricks up my sleeves that I don't bat an eye about. Slip n slide, bike rides, nature walks, getting OUT. It always reboots us. I'm thankful to be on turf that I know so well, with standbys from my childhood still there.<br />
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This summer my goal is to settle. Not in the sense of being ok with the mundane, but in looking around us and just leaning in to what we have here. One thing I've noticed since moving here is I've gotten in the habit of shopping during my free time. If I had an extra half our before preschool pickup I'd peruse the thrift shop or Target. I've gone through the Caribou drive through more times than I'd like to admit out of convenience. I often think of how different life was in Oak Park. How I used to make myself walk my errands with a double stroller and tiny biker or baby wearer in tow. I used to go days between going to a store. I got such a thrill out of just thriving on what we already had. Now here I am with a chest freezer, full pantry and exploding garden and I still can't thin k of a thing to make for dinner some nights. The devil of convenience in the suburbs is real.<br />
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I had just gotten used to Oak Park and settled into our way of life and then we had to reboot again. I had a girl who really struggled with our move and truth be told I struggled too. Change is my achilles heel.<br />
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But the whole summer is ahead of us. I hope it's one to remember.<br />
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<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-73813081024875737102018-05-30T07:15:00.000-07:002018-05-30T07:23:35.042-07:00In the InterimInterim in college meant adventure.<br />
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Freshman year it meant an everyday health class to knock a science credit off my list, meaning TONS of time for friends and chill fun.<br />
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Sophomore and Junior years I took classes abroad. Catholic Rome, Lutheran Wittenburg and Irish Literature. Leaving freezing Minnesota in January to explore other countries and study REALLY hard and write long essays by hand with pen and paper, and eat gelato everyday and accidentally drink Irish coffees at noon before class, is highly highly recommended.<br />
Ooh, order the house wine in Italy too, and the house specialties in restaurants where you don't speak the language, and pack as much underwear and fabreeze as your tiny suitcase can hold. #lifelessons.<br />
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Senior year I took interim off and traveled with my family. We went to Big Sky for a week of skiing and snow-catting in Yellowstone, then a week with just my mom and Aunt in Sanibel, taking chilly walks on the beach and furnishing my aunt's new house on the island. My last week that January was at home, anticipating my final semester of college, day dreaming and regular dreaming about when Ian was going to ask me to marry him. (He asked me in March, we got married August 10th. 5 month engagements are totally awesome and do-able.)<br />
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There have continued to be many interims in my life. Those first 9 months waiting for Ainsley to come, waiting to be a mom. The summer in between preschool graduation and Ainsley's first year of kindergarten when I knew life was going to forever change (it did). The month between when Ian accepted his job in Minnesota and we actually moved.<br />
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Even the tiniest of interims can be impactful. Weeks in between activities, every single summer and spring and winter break, long weekends where afterwards you look at you kid and realize they've somehow gone from little girl to young lady in those 3 days. Sometimes I don't realize we were in an interim until we're out of it.<br />
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Right now I'm in an interim that feels big.<br />
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Felix is done with preschool, forever. The girls are out of school next Thursday. I've bridged the gap between the last day of preschool and the last day of elementary by putting Felix in every morning cooking and science lab his school offered. It's nice for him and me, but the cadence is different. These quick mornings are flying by.<br />
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In this interim my boy doesn't need me as much even when he is at home. He's usually tired from a morning of fun at school and is content to watch some Pokemon or swing outside on his own. I don't need to plan out our time together like I used to. I'm sad and relieved for this interim of moderate independence.<br />
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Once the girls get off the bus next Thursday this interim will be over and the summer interim will start. Quick weeks of camps will break up our days and get us out some mornings when we'd rather just laze in jammies all day (there will be lots of those days too I'm sure). Long weekends at the cabin will rejuvenate and refresh us and challenge us too. I always love seeing what new trick the kids learn in the water over the summer.<br />
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For the first time ever Ian and I are taking a trip alone this summer (there was one two night trip to Duluth when I was pregnant with Felix that I'm not fully counting because of the windchill factor and because I couldn't drink beer and was kept up at night by a kicking baby).<br />
Ian has a conference in Cape Cod (I know!!!) and we're piggy backing on those two nights with two nights in Boston. I fear I may just glide through June letting the kids survive on balogna and fruit snacks while my head is in the clouds about 5 days alone with my favorite man.<br />
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I've made no qualms about how hard life has felt, this past year in particular. For reference I've been in a REALLY good mood for about 5 days and Ian has said much more than once "you're just so pleasant to be around!".<br />
It's been bad.<br />
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When we were in Florida I remember one night when we'd had a great full day but some issues at bedtime and with listening in general that were threatening to spiral me. I grabbed a tall glass of wine and plunked down on the couch next to Ian. I let myself just sink into this man next to me and feel the wave of gratitude for his steadiness and love in my life.<br />
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For me it's been important to remind myself of the steady people around me. I really struggled to make good adult friends in Oak Park and by the time I finally had we'd moved and I was so devastated to have to start over.<br />
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I kept reading about how important friend relationships are for adult well being and it honestly crushed me. I can take vitamins and work out and drink water and go to bed at 10 but the thing that I was being told was most important was so hard for me to attain.<br />
I feel so fortunate to have moved back close to family where my sisters and my mom continue to be my best friends. I feel even more fortunate to have found such a wonderful community at church with women I can pray and drink wine with.<br />
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For me it ended up being about getting out of my comfort zone and letting my head do the talking. I started going to moms group every week. I said yes to helping out in ways I knew I could. I called my sister when I just needed a good cry, I took a moment to really look into my husband's eyes.<br />
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We don't all have the same support system but today my prayer is that we all have someone and if you feel like you don't perhaps today is the day to open your eyes and really look at who's already surrounding you.<br />
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I think we're all in an interim most of the time. These times of anticipation and change can be so challenging. But, surrounded by our steady people, may we steady ourselves and just sink into the goodness of our lives.<br />
Ahh. I feel better already.<br />
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<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5233016958053524034.post-13745593815532107502018-05-16T08:07:00.000-07:002018-05-16T08:07:19.410-07:00Next SeasonMay has arrived and with it the snow has finally melted. The 40 degree temperature swing has been delightful and jarring. <br />
I went from painting the whole first floor of the house because we were STILL stuck inside with snow to GET THAT GARDEN PLANTED NOW! I even had a gentleman at the garden center tell me "you should know better, it's too late to plant violas". Thank you kind sir. Isn't one of the only perks of adulthood getting to make your own bad decisions?!<br />
Especially regarding violas I think this should be so.<br />
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We are expecting our first days of true spring rain and I can't wait. <br />
I love rainy days. <br />
There is so much I still need to do inside and those new seeds of mine outside can't wait for their shower.<br />
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I'm finding myself pulled so greatly into my making lately. <br />
At church a group of moms decided to spear head a time each week for people to gather in quiet just to work on their crafts.<br />
Last Friday I painted for TWO HOURS, UNINTERRUPTED. <br />
The week before that another friend asked for a painting date and I got the first layer of a new acrylic painting underway. <br />
It's been years, literally, since I've made/found the time for that kind of making in my life. <br />
Now I crave it daily.<br />
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I've decided that my thirties, for me, are all about accepting myself as I am now. It's been so easy for me to get caught up in who I was years ago, rather than look at who I've become. Especially with the girls in school now I think often of myself as I was as a student. <br />
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It still feels shocking to me when I forget an appointment, remember a pick up time incorrectly, post a bill late. <br />
The Becky I knew for 20 years would never have let that happen. But that Becky was also pretty miserable. <br />
I cared way too much about things that didn't really matter and drove myself crazy with worry over truly insignificant things. <br />
It's maddening now to have a child that could literally give less fucks about her 5/10 on a spelling test, but it's weirdly refreshing too. Third grade spelling doesn't really matter. I know this. I'm bummed she knows this, but it is truth. She already knows things it's taken me decades to figure out. Of course theres a flip side to that, but that's niether here nor there.<br />
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One of hardest things for me about aging is shedding my sensitivity and just letting go. There is so much in my life that is out of my control. <br />
I feel it everyday when I know I am pouring myself into my kid who struggles to behave and make good choices. I can't choose for her. <br />
I see it when I spend a whole preschool morning cleaning and organizing only to have it undone in minutes upon the kids' return from school. <br />
I see it when I wake up with the best of intentions, drink my coffee and then the dog barfs twice in Louise's room and the morning goes to shit. <br />
It's hard not to feel like you're doing something wrong when life isn't perfect.<br />
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But my making can be all mine. I can draw the lines the way I want them and choose the colors as I see fit (unless it's a color by number which I honestly find incredibly satisfying..."look! I'm doing it RIGHT!!!") <br />
It's something I've worked hard at learning to do well, something I'm always learning at. It's probably the one thing in my life that I feel a spark of pride in. Yes I did make that. I NEEDED to make that.<br />
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So here's to this next season. I think I'm finally ready for it.<br />
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<br />Becky Vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05912161885312355702noreply@blogger.com1