Mother's Day

I've wanted to be a mom since forever.

When I was a little girl I'd spend hours in my room with my sisters playing with dolls. Seven dolls to be exact, each with a different name and personality. I'd dress them, feed them, put them to bed, pack their lunches for school, protect them from the bad guys, the whole deal.

I never doubted for a second that this was what I was meant to do. Even in pretend, it fulfilled and delighted me.

Then it happened for real. I met a boy a million times different than the one I had in my head, but perfect for me in every way. Then we married, moved, and started our family.

I will never forget finding out that I was pregnant with Ainsley. Complete and utter joy doesn't even begin to describe it. I spent nine months imaging who she was, who she would turn out to be. What would she look like? How would our lives shape and mold and change for her?

And then she came. Forceful, opinionated, and joyful from the start, my little Ainsley May.

Everything that I thought I knew, that I practiced for, was challenged. I struggled, learned and loved more than I ever thought possible.

Then came Louise. Entering our lives at just the right moment, and after weeks of worry and days of strife she came home. Smiling and easy and sweet.

Louise has solidified how far I've come from those days of pretend, that I have learned and grown and will continue to every day.

Mother's Day may be hyped up by hallmark, but its meaning and purpose is good. It gives us all an occasion to stop, think about, and appreciate where we've come from and the little people that we're raising and loving.

Mothering is hard work, more than I ever thought. On my hardest days I am comforted knowing that I'm not alone. That millions and millions of women have mothered before me and are mothering with me.

On my best days I think of how lucky I am to be me. With my children and my husband. There's no one in the whole world like us and I am so thankful that they're mine.

I had an amazing mother's day. Lots of sleep and good food, as much freedom and quiet time as could be allowed with two little ones and one of the brightest sun-shiniest days we've had in weeks. I have amazing kids, and a husband that melts my heart. I am one lucky mom.

If I could go back and tell that little 9 year old me that someday she'd have two beautiful girls for real, that love her and need her and test her more than she could ever imagine, she'd probably say "duh, I'm gonna be a great mom." And you know what? I think I am...or at least working on it really really hard.

I hope all the mama's out there had as great a day as I did. Happy Mother's Day!