Upon returning home after a great Christmas and undoing the decorations I had an epiphany. Christmas should be at the END of winter, not the beginning. There's all this build up for a few short weeks and then its over, left in its wake a LONG COLD CABIN FEVER winter. It's really starting to wear on me.
Right now the snow is too deep for Ainsley to have much fun in and the walks are too slippery to go far (and too narrow to fit the Bob for that matter). I'm determined to get out tomorrow for story time (despite the -5 windchill) and Musikgarten on Wednesday.
I just feel like lately, even when I'm at my best, it's not enough for Ainsley. I am more and more thrilled at our decision to have two children so close together when I think of the playmates Ainsley and Louise will become for each other. This morning Ian brought them both down to let me sleep in a bit and relayed how adorable Ainsley was with Louise. She wanted to snuggle with her ("YaWeez sit right HERE!") as they sat and watched Mr Rogers as a family. Ah, my girls.
Ian and I have been talking about preschool for Ainsley lately. We had always planned on sending her to preschool this next fall for 2 days a week (when she's two and a half) but now that it's getting closer, my sentiment is changing.
She is getting SO big so fast. She is now officially 100% potty trained (makes it through naps and nights like a champ!) talks in full sentences (ALL DAY LONG - NONSTOP!) plays pretend, points out colors and shapes (just for fun), sings full songs, makes up her own songs, sits calmly for time outs (when they are needed which is much more rarely) and is such a helper with household chores (she sets the table every night, sings the clean up song when she cleans up her toys, and helps with laundry) and her little sister. Adding preschool to that mix is starting to feel like too much too soon.
These first few years are so precious. We will never have them again. Once Ainsley starts school, that's it. Our routine changes, for Louise and any subsequent children as well. Our lazy snuggly mornings will become a bustle of activity. My priority to shower and put on real clothes will become more of a necessity than a luxury. My baby, my little tootie, will be a big grown up girl, with a backpack and snacks and friends and stories about her day that I have no part of. I don't know that I'm ready for that.
But is she ready? Sure. Despite disliking the nursery at our church VERY much (we've only tried occassionally) I guess I don't have much to compare it to. She's never REALLY been away from me and I'm sure whenever we do decide to go ahead with preschool it will be an adjustment, and maybe a struggle. I'm not so worried about that.
On one hand I don't want to be viewed as a parent that dropped the ball and didn't give my child all that they needed to get a good start in life, on the other I know that maybe the best start is here at home with the simplicity of our lives for as long as I can give that to her.
I just feel like she has the rest of her life to go to school, make all kinds of friends, and start her own "thing" outside of our home. This last year with us is just that, her last year. I kind of want to cherish it while we can.
As Ian points out, neither of us were away from home for the first few years of our lives. We both started preschool at 3, most kids I knew only had one year of preschool before kindergarten. I just feel like the world has changed so much since then. There is so much pressure to get your child active so early. I think there's something to be said for simplifying (there I go again) and cherishing these precious young years without the inevitable hustle and bustle of youth.
I am almost thankful now to be able to be snowed in this winter. To explore our (still relatively new) house and community from the inside out. I know one day all too soon I'll look back at these days and wonder where the time went. I guess I should enjoy it while I have it!
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