Cry Baby

I have been crying a lot lately (and no I'm not pregnant!)

This is nothing all too new. The women (and some men) on my mom's side of the family have what we like to call "the crying gene". We tear up when saying goodbye to loved ones, at a sappy movie, for SURE during that new pampers commercial, when we spill something...really all the time.

But it's been more than usual lately and I still can't quite put my finger on it, or couldn't I should say.

It really started right before I left for my sister's destination bachelorette party. I had been SO excited and then about three days before leaving, near panic set in. It wasn't that I didn't trust Ian to handle the girls alone for three full days (and nights). It certainly wasn't that I wasn't looking forward to the weekend of raucous fun. I was just going to miss them so terribly. I have never been away from them for that long EVER. I was worried.

So I got preemptively sentimental. I hugged them longer and held them closer. Then I woke up bright and early on Friday morning and without another thought boarded the plane to Boston.

::the one photo I got of the "landscape" in Provincetown,

my one major regret, this town was BEAUTIFUL, I wish I'd taken more photos::

It was an uneventful flight thank goodness. I met up with my sister Jenny at the airport and we were picked up by two of Julie's grad school friends. They were all decked out in their cute beach clothes, rocking out to the Ke$ha Pandora station the whole way to the Cape. What a delightful departure from my everyday. It became a joke of the trip that I knew so few of the songs playing while we were out and about. I'd shout "I know this one!" if I knew the song and everyone would applaud. Oh the hilarity and seclusion that is my life.

Once in Provincetown we settled into the adorable house Julie's party planner and maid of honor extraordinarre had booked for us. Cars full of Julie's high school, college, and grad school friends slowly rolled in, and then the guest of honor. I was so happy to be a part of it all.

The games and adult beverages rolled freely. While I'd never met most of her college and grad school freinds they quickly felt like my own. Julie has some amazing friends.

The weekend was full of good food and fun, rompers and cute sundresses despite the rain and cool temps, and lots and lots of fun memories.

::the blushing bride to be::

The actually party itself was great. If you want a good time, Provincetown, MA is definitely a safe bet.

::at the Tea Party at 5pm, definitely the highlight of the party night::

::back to the house for BBQ and games::

::at the A House to round out the night::

::festive beer coozies::

All alcohol consumption aside, it was nice to just get out by myself and be free for a weekend. I slept in until 9, went to bed super late, sat in once place for much longer than 3 minutes, talked to other adults without interruption. I'm so glad I got to be a part of this amazing weekend.

Thanks Julie and Sim for getting married so that I could go to your bachelorette party!

Now back to this crying thing...

So I got home from the great weekend, a few hours later than intended thanks to some weather delays, and was truly refreshed. I woke up later that night to a feverish Louise and house that needed a little TLC and was ready to go.

The next few days I was in survival mode. Tapping into the extra sleep I'd gotten over the weekend to care for my sick baby and attention seeking toddler. It was rough but I was glad to be home.

But the tears returned. When rocking Louise to sleep, when stroking Ainsley's hair in the morning, when reading a sweet book out loud to them. I feel like I'm welling up every 5 minutes.

::Ainsley's new favorite snack, "popsicles!"

please don't tell her they're actually frozen homemade smoothies::

What I've discovered is that these are not sad tears but those tears of release that we all have. Tears that speak for us when words can't.

I am so overcome by these two little dumplings in my life. I was emotional to leave them and am emotional to have them.

I cry because they're growing up. Louise is full blown crawling and will never be a little baby anymore. It's been years since Ainsley's been a baby and that sometimes when she looks at me I swear I see a little lady staring back.

I cry because I can't have it all. Because I miss my friends and late nights and how things used to be. Because my job is hard and most days when I want a break it's not there for me and I need to power ahead. Because at the end of the day I'm always glad that I'm where I am with these people I love so dearly. But dang, I wish I could have it all.

I cry because I can't stop time when I want it to stop. Because I missed Louise's first crawling steps while in P-town. Because when I talked to Ian and he told me she missed me I couldn't just crawl through the phone and give her the love she needed. Because my girls are perfect where they are right now and I'm simultaneously terrified and elated to see who they will become.

So I guess I just needed a little release. It's been a whirlwind lately and my body just knows Ineed it.

Today I am thankful for my amazing sister and her great friends and the time of my life that I had at her party, for my ever changing ever amazing girls, and for my husband who told me tonight that I have nice shoulders. I've never heard that one before Ian, thanks, I might just go cry about it, because apparently that's what I do now.

Happy Monday!