Hump Day Nuggets:: Clarity

Some things become so much clearer with age and time.

As a kid I got sick a lot.  Ok, not REALLY sick and not REALLY a lot.  But I'd have these days that just felt off.  From the moment I woke up I knew I just couldn't handle the day.  Putting on clothes and getting out the door was impossible.  Let alone interacting with friends, doing schoolwork, extracurriculars, making it through.  No way.

But I had a mom that needed a fever or vomit to legitimize a sick day.  I rarely had that.  I remember frantically trying to find a way to convince her that while I wasn't on my death bed, I also wasn't playing her, I truly needed a sick day.

I thought I was somehow clever, faking it well, because when those days came my mom nearly always obliged, as stern as she was in her rules.  Looking back now I know she saw something in me.  That while I was chatty and social and active I also had this crazy introverted side, a sensitivity that really needed quelling every once in a while.

Funnier still?  I don't think I got that about myself until yesterday.

I've always so fought that part of myself.  But now I've started seeing that part of me in Ainsley.  Her struggle to get out the door to activities, her clinginess to my thigh when dropping her off at playschool and preference for home over just about every other place in the world.  When I first saw it in her I was frightened.  I don't want her to have those same struggles that I've had.

Then Ian and I went downtown for my birthday.  As we speed walked through freezing downtown to our delicious steak dinner we talked.  We talked about how great it is that the girls have us both.  Ian to take them downtown, on adventures and outings that would simply never cross my mind, challenge their minds with new ideas and music.  Me to teach them how to create and cook, be active and lour and still and simple all at once.  When they say opposites attract they really must have had us in mind.  We're perfect counterparts of each other and totally in sync with the stuff that really matters.  Us three girls in this family have it pretty good.

So yesterday I had a day off.  I spent the first half feeling awful and guilty about it.  Then with naptime and a bit of quiet to reflect I changed course.  If this is who I am, and a bit who Ainsley is (and sweet Louise is still happy to do just about whatever we choose) we're going to do it.  We spread a big blanket on the floor and romped around in our jammies.  Singing songs and reading books and not caring that there's a whole bustling world right out our front door.  The world can wait until we're ready.  We have all we need in these four walls for today.

I can't hide this part of myself from myself, from my girls, certainly not from Ian.  They see all of me.  That can be really hard sometimes, especially when all I want is to be strong and perfect for them, for me too.  But I'm only human like us all.  And all I can really hope is to teach my girls to be true to themselves, to not be ashamed of their weaknesses but to ride with them and turn them into something unique and wonderful.  To try their best when they can and when they can't?  Throw a big blanket on the floor, keep your jammies on til dinner and relish in the warmth and love that's surrounding them, always.

Nuggets::
This week I indulged Ainsley's desire to mix REAL food.  This child is FOREVER pouring her milk or water into her meal and mixing mixing.  It drives me INSANE.  She has a whole kitchen full of play food which she is completely uninterested in.    So I took out a 1/4 bag of old flour, a measuring cup, some water, a spoon, celery talks and her waffle knife and green food coloring and let her at it.  Oh boy.  It was like Christmas and her birthday had come all at once.

 ::Louise had a pretty good time too::

 Nuggets::
We're still enjoying this snowless winter.  Although the freezing temps of late have caught us off guard, we're still bundling and enjoying our outdoor time.  Recently I dusted off the push trike for Louise and she is quite the fan, even if her little toes can't quite reach the pedals.  We biked for a full hour the other day.  What fun we're going to have this spring!

 ::and yes, we DO have helmets for them both and after this inaugural ride they were dusted off and resized and the helmets always on bikes rule has been re-established::

 Nuggets::
The conservatory continues to be our haven on those "oh what to do" mornings.  When I'm having a "man I hate living here!" day I always think of the conservatory and how much I'd miss it if we weren't a mere 3 blocks away.

::the scavenger hunt is Ainsley's favorite::

 ::the plastic partitions between rooms is Louise's::

 ::and my favorite?  watching my sweet girls learning and exploring together, without much direction or intervention at all from mama, they're growing so those two::

 Nuggets::
With our big southwest Florida trip mere weeks away we're gearing up!  I've had to pull out clothes numerous times to check their fit on my growing girls.  Ainsley has grown out of just about everything and don't even get me started on the sandals!  I'll have to test my sewing skills come spring to keep those two bodies cute and covered!

::good thing sunglasses ALWAYS fit::

 ::Louise put on Ian's hat and those glasses all by herself, she was pretty proud and definitely stylin'::

 Nuggets::
I had a whole post written about my birthday that I may still post with some photos from Ian's phone, but here's the short version.  It was great.

::my little licker helper::

 The girls helped me make a delicious chocolate cake.  I found the recipe in Under the Chinaberry Tree.  It's entitled Possibly the World's Best Chocolate Cake and we've concurred that it is indeed the BEST.

2 c. flour
1.5 c. sugar
1 c. water
3/4 c. sour cream
4 oz. melted unsweetened chocolate
1/4 c. melted butter
1 t salt
1.25 t. baking soda
1 t vanilla
2 eggs

Mix.  Pour in greased and floured 9x13 glass pan.  Bake at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes.  Top with the best chocolate frosting recipe EVER.

1/4 c soft butter
2 c powdered sugar
2 oz melted unsweetened chocolate cooled
1/2 c sour cream
1 t vanilla

cream butter and sugar.  Add other ingredients and mix.  This is a soft DELICIOUS frosting.

Seriously.  Both Ian and I think it's the best chocolate cake we've tasted.  Not too sweet, incredibly moist and SO easy, for a homemade cake that is.

::the girls of course helped me blow out the candles that Ainsley so painstakingly arranged::

 ::post cake drawing, Ainsley's been working SO hard on her pencil grip, I'm pretty proud::

Nuggets::

We've been thoroughly enjoying the package of montessori goodies we got at the end of last week.  Ainsley's perfectly sized pitcher and tiny glasses are the big hit.  She can pour her own drinks easily and LOVES the independence it gives her.  Mommy and daddy like it too!

 The cleaning supplies have been wonderful.  The little hand held carpet sweeper is my favorite.  A GREAT substitute for a dust buster for little quick clean ups and the dusters and microfiber mits are great for tables, window ledges and baseboards.  Mainly I love that my little ones are so eager and able to help.

Nuggets::
As my littlest one is so content to just color color color and my oldest is VERY into her new whiteboard and writing real big girls letters our crafting has gone a bit by the wayside.  However today I was inspired to try a little wax paper crayon craft.  Oh boy, SO easy and super cute.  Simply shave some of those extra crayons you have lying around with a box grater, let your little ones sprinkle the shards all over a piece of wax paper, place another sheet of wax paper on top and iron away.  Let them cool, cut into cute shapes, tape to a window and WHALLA!

Ainsley loved the cutting and they both loved taping them up.  We saved one sheet to use as the backdrop to a shoebox theater we're going to try out.

Nuggets::
Remember how I said earlier that there are three lucky girls in this house?  Well, here are two of them.  The other one was tearing up on the other side of the camera.

 Is there anything better than ending your day to a happy dancing daddy?  Nope.

So nearly 48 hours after the funk entered our lives it has swiftly left.  Perspective and time, a little age and wisdom.  Turns out these are all good things.

::On those hard days when I feel at a loss I find it helps to fast forward and think of what memories the girls will have of me, their childhood, and these early years at home.  I hope they remember the fun.  The laughter and the play, the rough housing and the good smells from the kitchen and the messes, OH the messes.  I hope they remember how hard I tried, even when I failed, and I know for certain that they will remember love.  Because goodness, I love those girls, I love my boy, and that's one thing I know I've done oh so right.::

Happy Hump Day out there!  And sorry for such a long post.  Goodness I had lots to say today.