Rituals and Rythms

I've never really gotten into parenting books. When I was pregnant with Ainsley I was given the quintessential What to Expect... and bought a few more "natural" approach to pregnancy and birth options. I read here and there but never cover to cover. I have yet to buy a true parenting book.

I have definitely had my moments when I felt I needed advice, many in fact. In the rare moment when a talk with Ian, other moms or my own, didn't calm or confirm my struggles I scoured the internet for good book suggestions, always coming up short.

Part of my hesitation towards the literature out there is that I resist putting children in categories, and I feel like most books do. Labeling a child as spirited or mellow, slow or gifted just sets everyone up for failure, disappointment and frustration all around, in my humble opinion. Each child is unique, of course, with their own challenges and triumphs, as is each family and how they choose to parent.

I have also been resistant to choose a parenting "style". Before becoming a parent I thought I would be much more rigid than I am, at the same time I choose my battles and stick to them and feel that I don't fit into any one category, much like most parents out there I assume.

The one book I have gravitated towards again and again (and I believe I've mentioned a few times on the blog so far) is The Creative Family by Amanda Blake Soule. I bought this book when Ainsley was still a wee thing, hoping to find some inspiration and direction for how to incorporate creativity and making things into life with a baby. This book gave me that direction I so craved and much much more.

Soule focuses on creativity yes, how to make creating things a part of your daily life, how to set up an awesome art center for your children, how to make things with even very little hands. But what has really stuck with me are the parenting tips she sneaks in, ever so gently and cleverly.

Because really, making a choice to create with your children instead of watch TV, teach them to wonder and observe instead of simply exist, foster the natural joy and curiosity that they bring to everything rather than stifle it with rigidity and over-scheduled days, is a big parenting choice in itself.

It's a choice I've made, Ian and I have made together, and let me tell you it's not always easy.

Part of the struggle is when we live and where we live. We live in an age of DVRs, iPads and smartphones, Netflix and online games. It's so easy to entertain our children with electronics, without REAL human interaction. Plus we don't live next to a babbling brook or a quiet wood, mountains or even hills to hike and explore. We live on a semi-busy street corner on a city lot 1 mile away from the border of one of the largest cities in the United States. It's not fair I tell you.

But rather than wallow about where we are and what we have to work with, I've chosen (or try to choose, most days) to thrive. Truth be told I love that we can walk just about anywhere. That after a long rainy day indoors we do have the DVR full of age appropriate shows that captivate Ainsley (and Louise too now) when I'm at a loss. I love having Facetime to keep in close contact with family and friends that most days feel too far away. I feel thankful to live in a place where I feel we can have it all.

One thing I've found particularly helpful and fulfilling is to adopt Soule's notion of making family rituals. I so often find myself engrossed in a new blog, trying desperately to mimic an awesome mama's routine and rhythm for her family. But they live in Montana or Maine or somewhere else NOT here with resources that I don't have. What I do have is my own family, unique and special to ourselves. I'm slowly learning how to adapt rituals and traditions to fit our unique foursome.

For starters we've been having family dance parties since I can remember. Nearly every night between dinner and bedtime we turn up the ipod dock, sometimes mellow swaying tunes, others hopping jumping beats, and dance away. Ian and I so often find ourselves searching to fill those last minutes before bedtime and dancing is the perfect way for us to get those last jitters out and really enjoy each other, rather than just pass the time aimlessly.

Before dinner every night Ainsley sets the table with Ian. We've always used cloth napkins and now we've begun utilizing some beautiful wooden napkin rings that Ian's mom gave us. Ainsley loves to pick out each persons' animal and carefully place them at their spot.

Each morning we sip on coffee while the girls play in jammies. We all mill about, sleepily snuggling and playing, asking Ainsley what she'd like to do that day, asking daddy what's on the docket for work.

Of course there are bedtime rituals unique to both girls. I look forward to them getting just a bit older so that they can go to bed in sync, snuggling down into covers and devouring books with us all together. For now their rituals are separate and unique to them. Ainsley getting 3 books, 2 songs and a whole lot of negotiating, and Louise a few short books, a song and lots and lots of snuggles.

We've begun praying with Ainsley, a ritual I was excited to start. She has been so fascinated with bible stories, the nativity at Christmas and the beautiful angel adorning out mantel. It's fun to have her at an age where she kind of gets things, can ask questions, and start to have a belief all her own. Her prayers are the cutest. We sing a short prayer song, hands folded, and Ainsley interjects her own thanks. Usually it's for pancakes or some other food item, and always for daddy and Louise (I'm sure I'm left out because I'm there with her right?) I so believe in the importance of faith and a higher power, whatever that may be for you. I hope to instill that sense in Ainsley and Louise and love this new ritual.

We're starting to form rituals with holidays and seasons within this rhythm of our own family. While I will always take inspiration from my wonderful childhood, Ian's too, others that I admire and lives I secretly pine after, I am loving learning how to make our own traditions and rituals, and make this life as good as it can be. I'm quite pleased so far, and always excited for each new day.