The Slump

I knew it was coming. The past couple of weeks have been too goo to not have a let down.

Don't get me wrong, life it still pretty good. Ainsley and I have been enjoying the snow during Louise's morning naps, alternating between the playroom in the basement and upstairs for some variety in our day and even rearranged her room to finally get rid of the rocking chair and make the space a bit more "playable".

I just feel wiped.

The gloom of the past couple of days paired with my exhaustion from a very productive last week have caught up to me. PLUS Louise is now in that AMAZING baby stage where she takes two good LONG naps a day and I'm really weary to mess with that meaning we're housebound from 8:30-11am and 1-4pm...so pretty much ALL DAY!

I am actually going a bit stir crazy. Our little afternoon walks help a lot but right now the sidewalks are pure ice and the windchill is plumetting the temp to almost zero. Not worth it I guess. And there is only so much to do in the house that's "fun". Of course there is endless cleaning and organizing to be done but that's no fun and I'm realizing I can only handle so much playing with Ainsley ( I know this sounds bad). Yesterday before bed I played pretend with her in her dollhouse and thought I was going to lose it after about 15 minutes. My brain just doesn't work that way any more. Thank goodness for siblings!

I feel like my temper has been shorter as well. This morning after Louise's nap we went out to do a few errands and Ainsley had her first all out tantrum. After letting her hold the basket and walk around like a big girl she was desperate for a snickers bar on our way out. I of course said no and calmly put it back. A well intentioned patron saw that Ainsley needed distracting while I tried to check out and started talking to her and showing her little tricks with her hands. It really just flustered me more because then I had to worry about a stranger occupying my two year old while I tried to balance Louise in the front pack and check out. Ainsley lost it and after desperately swiping my credit card and grabbing my bags I hoisted her up on my side kicking and screaming the whole way to the car. I really have never been so close to losing it in my life. I opted to just not talk to her, get her in her carseat and drive until she calmed herself down. It only took a couple of blocks, thank goodness. When we got home we talked about it, how we don't always get what we want, how candy is only for special occasions, when mommy says no it means no and we stop asking again and again. She had tears in her eyes as she retorted "Ainsley love candy!" It's hard to stay mad at her for long.

I've realized lately how important it is for me to stop and take a moment before reacting to a situation with Ainsley. This morning alone there were at least 5 times that I had to "stop and count to 10". I always smirked at this sentiment before but now it's an essential survival tool of mine. My temper has never truly been tested before having children, probably because you can't reason with a baby or a toddler. They don't understand logic and reason. Their emotions are so raw and at the surface, with no thought behind it. I have nothing but thoughts, excuses and reasons. It's infuriating to say the least to have the same issues, the same conversations OVER AND OVER. But she's my daughter and I love her.

I'm just real thankful for naptime today.