I've written a lot in the past about my body, pregnant body, pre baby body, post baby body, wanting BACK my body. I kind of hate that I've obsessed so much about it, but tonight I had a good epiphany and thought I should share to even the score, as it were.
Right now I am pretty happy with my body for the first time since about last February. I feel strong (thanks Jillian Michaels and Louise, that 15 pound weight I have with me ALL DAY LONG) and relatively back to normal. I have never been one to be overly narcissistic (maybe to a fault?).
There are days when I don't even glance in a mirror. My eyebrows are horrifically unkempt, my hair is ALWAYS a hot mess and I'm lucky if I have two matching socks on when I leave the house.
Truthfully, I could care less. It's been weeks since I've touched a mascara wand to my lashes and I'm totally ok with that. (thankfully Ian is too). I grew up with a very "au naturale" mom and am so thankful for that in retrospect. (I mean this in the best way possible mom :o) Appearance was never really very important to me, or my sisters (I think) growing up. We'd spend a few extra minutes getting ready for important events like high school dances or a nice dinner out but for the most part we were (and are) all way more comfortable in favorite jeans and a comfy sweatshirt. I guess this mentality has especially served me well as a mother of two.
I don't understand those new moms out grocery shopping with freshly laundered hair, a perfectly appointed outfit and flawless makeup. HOW? But more importantly...WHY?!?! When I see a mom like that I think two things 1. I'm a little jealous/thanks for making me look bad and 2. What are you giving up to find the time to look like that? Seriously. I could get dressed in the morning before Ian goes to work and have more than the 10 seconds Ainsley allows me to put together an acceptable ensemble, but then I would miss out on those precious morning minutes with a steaming cup of coffee in my hands and my family surrounding me. I'll take the mismatched outfit thank you very much (plus the longer I get to lounge in pjs the better!) And as for makeup...forget about it! I did stumble across some gloss in my bag the other day while out with Ainsley and she grabbed it and tried to eat it. Enough said.
The real point of this post is not to justify my relative slovenliness but to emphasize my acceptance of the reality of my situation. I am a mother of two. While I commend those women who make time to workout religiously, bathe daily and look presentable in public, I'm just not one of them. I'd rather spend naptimes knitting and relaxing after my breif, but very effective 20 minute workout tape courtesy of the 30 day shred. I'd rather spend those extra morning minutes with my family and bathe at night when the girls are asleep, sacrificing any hope of a "good hair day" all day, every day. I'd rather let that expensive makeup that Mac rep talked me into a year ago expire in my makeup case than risk Ainsley ingesting an unhealthy dose (because we all know how "make up time with mommy" would end with that wild card).
For now I find comfort in the simplicity of my wardrobe. Old pants fitting comfortably again and good riddance to the muffin top. I accept the parts of my body that are changed for good and even find myself smiling when I notice the thin dark line that remains vertically from my navel on my stomach, marking my body as one that has created, sustained and birthed two beautiful healthy girls. I'm ok with my slightly wider hips and extra "padding" on my stomach. As long as I'm healthy and happy and have every spare minute with the ones that have made me this way, I feel as pretty as I'll ever need to.
That's not to say I'm not DYING for a good haircut :o) Hey, we all have our vices.
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