New Years Eve

Today has been a much better today.  A better day than yesterday which was pretty much horrendous.

We got home from our 10 day Minnesota Christmas on Sunday evening.  Louise was just getting over   a fever bug, Ainsley was in the thick of it, poor Felix coughing up a storm too.  So Ian went to work yesterday and I had to do everything.  Take care of two terribly needy kids, feel like I was completely ignoring Louise, organize and clean after so long away.  On top of it all I was in major type A clean out mode so in addition to just the normal unpacking and organizing I suddenly decided that I needed to clean out all the kids books on the second floor and the art cabinet.  Huge bad idea.  I don't know what I was thinking.

My one outing was with Louise to Trader Joes right at dinner time.  It was so bad.  She was happy as a clam to push her little cart and meander. I was so annoyed with the crows, having to park about a half mile away and carry three bags while keeping Louise safe in the antsy parking lot.  But now we have food and are ready for a happy new years.

I like new years more as I get older.  It used to be just an excuse to stay up late and have extra fun with friends.  Now we never stay up late.  The girls put on fancy dresses and I shower.  We make something special for dinner and serve a little bubbly for us all.  This year I added a few more traditions.  Painting luminaries to welcome in the new year on this dark night, fun party hats for a bit of festivity and silliness.  This year I also found these printables.  I thought it'd be fun to catch the kids favorites and presences for the year.

Tomorrow is dip day.  A tradition in my family where you make a bunch of delicious appetizers and just eat all day.  On the menu tomorrow is Pioneer Woman's roasted corn dip and 8 layer mexican dip,  queso,  cocktail weinies in sauce (of course!) and bacon wrapped ones for Ian.  A new favorite I found last year are Pioneer woman's party crackers.  They are simply club crackers with a bit of brown sugar and bacon, baked low and slow until crisp.  SO GOOD.

We had to go out again this morning to get the rest of the ingredients.  I was very much dreading this trip with all three kids but it went so well.  Felix was a happy buy, the girls begged minimally and our small little Jewel had every single thing we needed with almost no crowds.

Now we're home and the girls are doing their new yoga DVD.  The lady's voice sounds like Roz from Monsters Inc, but other than that it's great.  Ainsley is really into it and can do it on her own just fine.  Louise is happy to do about half of the moves and just do her own thing the rest of the time.  Right now she's been in down dog for about 5 minutes with her santa undies high up in air.  It's hilarious.

I needed a reboot today.  I still felt a bit wound up and frazzled from all the holiday hubbub.  Today feels calm and good and some kind of balance feels possible.  I'm excited to celebrate with my family tonight and tomorrow.  It's been a wonderful year.

        

Gifts to Make

In approximately 45 minutes I will be heading out early with my sleeping baby boy to celebrate Ainsley's birthday at her school.  I'm bringing some yummy chocolate drizzle star cookies and green smoothie drinks and dried apricots.  All requested by my big girl.  I'm also bringing Bruno the Baker, her favorite birthday book, and Harriet You'll Drive Me Wild, her favorite anytime book.  Birthdays are all about favorites aren't they?

Speaking of this birthday of my girl's, it's lit quite the fire under me.  After her party was over and cleaned up and we'd spent the weekend celebrating to the max I was left wanting.  Something felt unsettled.  Then I saw that beautiful doll that I've been wanting for her for ages, on sale, and somehow all the pieces are falling into place.

What was missing?  Was a bit of handmade.  A bit of homegrown love for her birthday and for this holiday in general.

It all started with that doll.  Then the wheels began to turn.  Why that doll needs her own quilt and a soft bed to lay in and of course a beautiful dress.  Any doll of Ainlsey's  must have a beautiful dress.

Of course the quilt is only half done and all the rest is still just dreams in my mind, but it lit the fire and sent me digging into my thick stash and my gears are simply humming.  I've been pulling some late nights and will keep it up as long as it takes.  I love this kind of making.  Inspired and so satisfying.  It's my art these days.  It is really a gift for me to get to make.  Bonus points that it's a gift to give too.

Triple Bonus?  These three, measuring and mixing and stirring all together.  Mmmmm family zucchini bread (and ginger crinkles and gingerbread and english toffee and peppermint bark...hey, it is Christmas time, right?).  

I swear it tastes better when we all make it together.

And one more moment.  When I posed the question of what to make for a tiny friend for a gift my not quite five year old's response? How about some of those beautiful quick change trousers mama?  You're really good at making those.  You know you're officially a sewer when your kid can name your favorite pattern for you.  I think you're right Ainsley.  Quick Change Trousers all around!!!

I hope you all are enjoying this time as much as I am.  Ah, when life is so full and busy to the brim with all good stuff, it is the BEST stuff.

Amen!

Party Time

I  so distincly remember the panic I felt when I realized I was really in labor on Christmas Eve, five years ago.  My first thought was "are you kidding me?!".  After three weeks of bed rest, then 12 days of waiting every moment to have my baby, she decided to come on the eve of my favorite holiday ever.

I was so protective of her that first year.  So annoyed when strangers would console me for having my baby born on a holiday.  Inside I was so bummed.  I didn't want her to ever feel like her birthday was just another part of a bigger celebration for everyone else.  I wanted her to feel celebrated and special.  I don't know why I ever thought this would be an issue.

My girl is so loved.  She gets to spend her birthday every year with all the family that she loves so much.  She gets a little birthday tree with girly sparkly ornaments and a birthday brunch with all of her favorite foods.  I mean, who wouldn't want their party decorations to include a 6 foot tall decked out tree?!?

She is such a good kid, so well deserving of this fuss made over her.  Just today when I asked if she wanted to open the rest of our family presents this evening she replied "but mom, I already got my present from you!" caressing the $16.99 Costco party dress we gave her this morning.  I love that girl.

I also love that this year she wanted to have a party with her friends.  Last year we were dealing with some funky social anxiety, this year she's flying high.  She was nothing but excited to share a homemade party with her best friends, from all walks of her little full life.  Friends from her class last year and friends from her class this year, neighborhood friends and music class friends.

I love 5.  These kids were so great today. I'll admit I was a bit nervous when all but 2 people RSVPd yes to our little home party.  13 kids in our tiny house with a christmas tree and party decorations? GO!  But it was fantastic.  A bit chaotic and loud and very happy and fun.  Just as a party should be.

I'm learning as I get older to go with the flow a bit more, focus on what really matters, in this case?  fun fun fun.  We played lots of games, unwrapped lots of things, ate yummy food and just enjoyed being tucked into this little house on a very snowy day.  I'm almost teary eyed about it all.  It was so great.  I'm so thankful for my Ainsley girl and all that she's brought to our lives.  All of these sweet little friends and their awesome parents, they were here because of her.  It's really amazing, all of it.

And as for this five year old girl of mine?  She's astounding.  She's grown up so much over this past year that both Ian and I are apt to forget some of our more trying moments with here mere months ago.  She's articulate and thoughtful, an amazing problem solver and inventor.  She's so ambitious and quick and clever.  She is right on the verge of reading and can sound out most small words we give her, can sound out nearly any word to spell, even quite long ones.  She's taken to having me dictate whole letters to people on a white board, then grabbing her clip board and descending to her room to copy it all neatly down.  She is so excited for  a desk of her own someday soon. I'll be so happy to oblige her, she's quite the working girl.  She's a great eater and will try most anything with an open mind (though cream cheese and jam is still her favorite, and fruit and cucumbers, and most things sweet).  She loves her dolls and toys quite fiercely and takes such good care of them (until she forgets where she laid them down last ;o).  Her room is always a jungle of perfectly choreographed playing.  She always has a plan and her plan is THE PLAN.  I could watch her play all day.

This fifth birthday is so bitter sweet for me, as they all are I guess.  I feel like five is the entry year into being a big kid.  She'll be in kindergarten next year, in full day school.  That' simply crazy to me. I can't even fathom it.  So for now I'm not, focusing on her amazing preschool and our simple at home days that I love so much and know I will always hold so dear to my heart.

Ok, there I go.  I'm really sad about that all ending.  For five years it's been her and me, most every moment of every day, and while I know we'll get into the swing and groove of her being a big kid right now I so love her littleness.

At her conference this fall I talked with Ainsley's teachers about her reluctance to join activities and have playdates on her own away from home.  Her kind wise teachers nodded and smiled calmly.  You're doing the right thing.  No need to push it.  She's just where she needs to be.  Since that moment I've let it go.  Ainsley will let us know when she's ready to join actives and be away from us more.  Soon enough that's all she'll want.  It is so precious to me that right now she mostly wants us and for all their bickering Louise is her best friend.  I hear from their teachers that those two find each other numerous times throughout the school day and hug.  I never want this phase to end.

But I'm learning this is the way with children.  You are simultaneously completely in love with them just how they are this moment, mourning their growing and changing a bit, and so excited for who they are becoming and all that lies ahead.  Right now my girl is perfect, and she was perfect three months ago and I know that this next year will be perfect and wonderful in it's own new way.

I love you so much Ainsley girl.  You make every day so blessed and magnificent.  Happy Fifth Birthday!

Crunch Time

With the end of this weekend comes the real crunch.  Days and counting until we depart for Minnesota for Christmas.  Why does this time of year always fly so fast?  This morning I'm taking a moment to drink it all in.

I'm in a good place with to dos.  It helps that I scoured lots before Ainsley's party, the house isn't in dire shape.  Most of the gifts have been wrapped.  The last LAST purchases have been made, a few hours of sewing (and many tiny stitches) to go.

I'm hoping to use time well this week.  To elve with the girls while I can and motivate in the evenings for this final push.  It's always worth it to see the gleam in my girls eyes when they open something truly special.  I just keep their faces in mind when I'm bone tired and reaching.

Though there hasn't been too much of that this year.  I feel so much more mellow and settled into our holiday routine than ever before.  One of the great benefits of aging a bit I guess.  I learned last year that simple is better.  Less decorations, fewer commitments, more time to be spontaneous and free.  Every morning I ask they girls what they want to do with our afternoons and every day that have great ideas and most day we can accommodate it all.  There's been lots of baking, of course, and festive play dough playing (both spiced and chocolate dough have been made).  Lots of sitting next to the lit tree playing games and pulling out glitter and stamps and paint and glue and making.

 I love that we're in that glorious place now where plans are mostly OURS, not mine or theirs.  We're on board with each other and together is where we'd all most like to be (except right now, I'm thoroughly enjoying this quiet house and second cup of coffee.)

Today I'm looking forward to getting a few things done.  Unwinding that spiders web to start and finishing up a few gifts to be sent out this week.  Then a very special afternoon at the ballet with Auntie Sonya and the girls.  I'm excited to see a new production of the nutcracker.  I've heard this local one is good!  Then Wednesday I go to school to celebrate Ainsley's birthday with her class and Friday we'll spend all together packing and readying.  Then bright and early Saturday we'll ship out for our week of holiday fun.  Every year we leave MN vowing we'll just stay home the next year because truthfully it's a lot.  But every year this time comes around again and we just can't help ourselves.  Family is the place to be this time of year. We're so thankful we're close enough to see the ones we loves most.

Happy Weekend to you all!

Favorite Gifts This Year

For some reason the type A side of me likes these gift lists.  So bear with me.

We gave Ainsley most of her birthday presents this evening after her birthday party.  We did this last year and really liked it.  It gives her a chance to spread the love out a bit and a little more time to savor it all.

Her favorites?

Rush Hour
We've played 3 rounds since she opened it at 6:30pm.  The recommended age is 8+ but she's doing great at it, needing very little help and LOVING all the thinking and planning it requires.  It's an amazing game.

Race to the Treasure
Ainsley got this from a friend this morning and we've played it twice so far.  It's a very intuitive cooperative game, fast paced and fun.  I think Louise could even play this with us.  I LOVE cooperative games.  Anything that cuts down on the you win you lose aspect is great by me.

Lands End Shirts and Carters Leggings

I don't have links to these because I bought these clothes a while back but I am so excited about the two new outfits I got for Ainsley.  Lands End makes really nice quality shirts that fit my long and lean girl so well.  ALL of Ainsley's pants are too short (again!) so I bought her a pair of 5/6 corduroys this fall that she wears all the time and her two new size 6 leggings from Carters fit perfectly with some room to grow.  Plus these two stores always have amazing deals (and this coming from a thrift shop addict, so you know it must be good!).

Carters in general

I did a big order from here on black Friday for lots of the kids stocking stuffers.  In my opinion they have the best little kids underpants, socks, and accessories for really good prices.  With two little girls right in a row I like finding things

Rubens Barn Doll
This is Ainsley's big gift for her birthday (she'll be getting it on her actual birthday so she hasn't received it yet) and I anticipate it will be a big hit.  She is so very into that nurturing phase of play right now and her little light dolls just don't seem to be cutting it.  I noticed the size issue when she discarded her beloved Lambie and Jill for her larger stuffed toys.  These dolls are large (18") and soft and weighted to feel like a real baby.  They are pricey, but I found a great coupon and went for it.  I'm hoping this will be her DOLL, you know, the one she keeps forever, that she won't outgrow in a few months.  I'm so very excited to sew clothes and accessories with her this winter.

Make Your Own Board Game
I know I've mentioned bare books.com before, but if this site is new to you PLEASE visit it and ENJOY!  I always have a box of their books in our basement now, whether for last minutes gifts to give or for writing books or sketchbooks for the girls.  They are so inexpensive and amazing.  This last order I decided to try out their blank game boards and I am thrilled with Ainsley's  She's started making up her own games with pieces of other games and paper and thought that this would be such a fun activity for us this winter.  I'm excited to see what she comes up with!

Now Onto the Others....

Felix's Sweater Romper
I am absolutely in love with this cotton one piece.  I got it on a black Friday Sale and I have a feeling he'll be wearing it every other day all winter long.  It's adorable, so soft, and so warm for this cold wirer we're having.  Worth every penny (and Ian wishes it came in his size...me too).

Mr. Wuffles and Journey
These are the two picture books I bought for the girls recommend by NPR.  I got them in the mail last week and am so excited about them.  They are both wordless books which I LOVE for their ages, especially for Louise's age.  She so loves looking at pictures and making up her own stories, and they love when we "read" them, a bit different each time.  These two books are so different by each magnificent.  I'm thrilled!

There's more, but that' all for now I think.  I'll post more as I think of them.  I hope you all are enjoying these last days of preparing and joy.  We're full in Christmas mode here and I love it so much!

A Few Thoughts

I'm having one of those shouldbedoingsomanythingsinsteadImparalyzedwithindecisivness mornings.  So I'll work through it on here a bit and get to it afterwards.

Louise was sad at drop off this morning. I'm pretty sure my fog has rubbed off on her.  I'm so glad for her teachers and friends.  I think they're better for her this morning than I am.

Felix has started babbling.  His first babbles?  MAMAMAMAMAMAMA.  :o)

I exploded last night at 11:30pm after listening to Felix cry for 45 minutes.  Poor sleep deprived Ian was the one holding it together for me.  Any rationality I've had about our sweet baby and his sleeping problems has left me.  I'm needing to find a new zen about the whole thing.  I'm searching hard for it today.

Ainsley's birthday party is two days away.  We are all so excited.  I LOVE having parties at home.  Even if it means way more prep and cleaning, I think it also means so much more fun.  We have crafts and games and fun planned to the T.  I can't wait.

We're getting a real winter here in Chicago and I'm loving it.  A solid 3-4 inches of snow on the ground.  Winter walks all bundled with my girls and hot cocoa or tea most every day.  Now if only there were more sledding hills in Oak Park.  We can't wait for our Minnesota Christmas for some good sledding!!!! And lots of other reasons too.

I'm officially done with Christmas shopping (not making!).  It's feeling so good to wrap it all up and tuck it away.  Somehow it always works out doesn't it?  I am so excited about so many different gifts this year.

I am current devouring The Goldfinch a novel by Dona Tartt.  IT IS SO GOOD!!!!!!

I am afraid I won't finish Ian's sweater vest in time for Christmas.  I'm banking on those driving hours to Minnesota to get lots done.  I was hoping to have time to make Felix a matching one.  Now I'm doubtful.

Ah, lots to do today.  I best get going.  I think what I REALLY need is a good run.  Perhaps some yoga with my girls later or crazy dancing for 20 minutes will do the trick?  I sure hope so.  Happy Thursday to you all!

Wishful Thinking

Oh boy.  If I've ever needed a day off from being a mom, today would be the day.

There's nothing spectacular about today.  The girls have school, I had to take Felix in for a vaccine, we needed bread so we went to the bakery and got that, a number 5 candle too for Ainsley's birthday coming up so soon.

I'm just spent.  Felix is not sleeping AGAIN.  I feel like a broken record, but it's hard when you don't get sleep.  It's like when you don't get enough food.  It's all I can think about.  I dream of sleep when everyone else is napping, but I can't sleep then because there's always too much to do.  I dream of sleep the minute I wake up and the minute I lay my head down.  But I never get it in increments of more than 3 hours these days.  I don't know what's going on.  It's eating away at my soul, and REALLY affecting my mood.

This morning I had absolutely nothing in my reserves.  At one point while trying to get all the kids seated for breakfast I SHOUTED at the TOP of my lungs (while both Louise and Felix were screaming at the tops of theirs) I DON'T WANT TO TO MY JOB TODAY!!!!! (over and over and over).

And I don't.  Today I want to be completely by myself.  I want to take a long hot shower and towel dry my hair, and slip on some clean clothes and crawl into my warm bed and sleep.  I want to sleep until I've had enough sleep and then I want to wake up on my own. Not because my baby needs me or because Louise is kicking the wall next to my face or because Ainsley is hissing at her sister.  Then I want to come downstairs to a quiet clean house.  Clean because I cleaned it up yesterday and no one dismantled it for once.  Then I want to turn on an old favorite movie.  Perhaps something seasonal like White Christmas or It's a Wonderful life. I want to knit something, just for fun, not for a gift or a timeline.  Perhaps keep working on that cap sleeved sweater for me that's been waiting since this time last year.  Then I want to cook something, because I do like cooking.  Something simple and delicious like risotto with a glass of wine on the side.  When the sun starts to dip I want to curl up by a fire (because in this fantasy we have a fireplace that works) and delve further into my current obsession The Goldfinch and just get lost in this wonderful story.  Then when my eyes feel heavy I'll head up to bed, again, for more uninterrupted glorious sleep.  Then I'll wake up, and THEN maybe I can be a good mom again.

Ah.  Perhaps just typing that out will be enough huh?  Or perhaps this five minutes of sitting, sipping on coffee, in a quiet warm house while my boy sleeps and my girls play at school, perhaps this will be enough, it has to be enough.  Because after this five minutes it's back to reality.  To a very messy house despite my best efforts, to a tribe that so needs me, to a very tired boy tonight who deserves my pep and optimism and smiles.
Families are such a tremendous blessing, but DANG, they are a whole lot of work.  Today I wish i had a break from it all, but I don't, so I'll take my five minutes and I'll breathe, and I'll remember how blessed I am, and I'll pray like mad that Felix sleeps tonight and life will go right along.