I was great with assignments, LOVED perceptual stuff. Still lives, vanishing point architecture renderings, and monthly drawings of the same space in differnent lights and times I had down and really really enjoyed. Art like that to me was kind of mindless, it just happened. I could go to the studio or curl up in my papason with a sketchbook or board and pencils and the hours and minutes just floated by.
When it came to making up my own stuff, independent paint studies and art shows, it was rough. I so struggled with finding my own voice in art, something to make that felt real and authentic and me. So I followed the critiques of my trusted professors and went with what I knew I could do. It worked out okay, but at the end of the day was it anything to write home about? nah. But it was fun and it was mine and the further I get from that time when I had the space and ability to make my own stuff the more I so desperately seek it in my life.
If I had to choose the hardest thing about being a parent it is that; losing so much of myself in my kids, FOR my kids. It's the hardest balancing act I've done, trying to satisfy all of our needs at once. I'm realizing more and more each day how important compromise is. Teaching compromise? a million times harder.
For instance today, I was desperate to finally get Ainsley to read a book with me that we picked up a while back at the library. Winter Story by Jill Barklem, a delightful addition to her series about a quaint little woodland mouse village named Brambley Hedge. Adorable right? Well Ainsley HATES these books, for what reason I don't know. And I keep pushing them on her, for what reason I also don't know. Or I do. I LOVE these books, and when my brain feels like it's going to explode from reading her 5 favorites over and over I NEED something different, something that I like because I count too right?
Well kind of. When you have kids you don't really count so much any more. Sure it's important to take it easy if you're really sick,stay at least moderately sane by getting out of the house and interact with other adults, and healthy by ingesting something other than your kids scraps from the table, but other than that? I am a mom, I am theirs and pretty much? they dictate my life.
I realize this all sounds very woe is me and sad, but in fact it's been enlightening to realize this all. Especially seeing as now I have inspiration coming out of my ears. Inspiration to teach my girls well and thoughtfully. Inspiration to create for the ones I love, learn to live with less, simplify and prioritize. Inspiration to love fully and honestly, worry less and enjoy more in the present.
So now I have oodles of inspiration, about 6 years too late. I feel like I've sparked new interests, talents and hobbies that I desperately want to cultivate and find time for. So I'm learning how to reconcile those needs of my own with the needs of my growing girls. It's a one step forward, twelve steps back kind of program, but we're getting there, a little more each day.
Today I am thankful for new inspirations. For willing eager girls and a happy home.
When it came to making up my own stuff, independent paint studies and art shows, it was rough. I so struggled with finding my own voice in art, something to make that felt real and authentic and me. So I followed the critiques of my trusted professors and went with what I knew I could do. It worked out okay, but at the end of the day was it anything to write home about? nah. But it was fun and it was mine and the further I get from that time when I had the space and ability to make my own stuff the more I so desperately seek it in my life.
If I had to choose the hardest thing about being a parent it is that; losing so much of myself in my kids, FOR my kids. It's the hardest balancing act I've done, trying to satisfy all of our needs at once. I'm realizing more and more each day how important compromise is. Teaching compromise? a million times harder.
For instance today, I was desperate to finally get Ainsley to read a book with me that we picked up a while back at the library. Winter Story by Jill Barklem, a delightful addition to her series about a quaint little woodland mouse village named Brambley Hedge. Adorable right? Well Ainsley HATES these books, for what reason I don't know. And I keep pushing them on her, for what reason I also don't know. Or I do. I LOVE these books, and when my brain feels like it's going to explode from reading her 5 favorites over and over I NEED something different, something that I like because I count too right?
Well kind of. When you have kids you don't really count so much any more. Sure it's important to take it easy if you're really sick,stay at least moderately sane by getting out of the house and interact with other adults, and healthy by ingesting something other than your kids scraps from the table, but other than that? I am a mom, I am theirs and pretty much? they dictate my life.
I realize this all sounds very woe is me and sad, but in fact it's been enlightening to realize this all. Especially seeing as now I have inspiration coming out of my ears. Inspiration to teach my girls well and thoughtfully. Inspiration to create for the ones I love, learn to live with less, simplify and prioritize. Inspiration to love fully and honestly, worry less and enjoy more in the present.
So now I have oodles of inspiration, about 6 years too late. I feel like I've sparked new interests, talents and hobbies that I desperately want to cultivate and find time for. So I'm learning how to reconcile those needs of my own with the needs of my growing girls. It's a one step forward, twelve steps back kind of program, but we're getting there, a little more each day.
Today I am thankful for new inspirations. For willing eager girls and a happy home.
::flower arranging, apparently something that inspires us all::
No comments:
Post a Comment
i LOOOOOVE comments. Seriously. They make my lonely stay at home mama day.