33 Weeks

3 FULL weeks since the news, 3 FULL weeks on bedrest, I'm actually surprised at how fast it's gone by.

The first week was a blur. Doctors visits, an ultrasound downtown, 4 trips to the hospital for steroid shots and countless hours of anxiety and near panic wore me down. I actually lost a few pounds that week.

After the initial shock wore off things calmed down. I started to slowly get into a routine and learned how to keep my mind occupied with thoughts other than "the baby's going to be born premature" and "I'm completely traumatized".

Ainsley has been amazing through this all. She is at that age where she learns something new everyday and even in the 3 weeks since this all went down she has grown so much. She is still very into telling elaborate "stories" complete with hand gestures, usually about the "pool" and "outside". She loves mimicking the sprayers that she runs through and the splashes that she makes. She asks vehemently for her "fff-fire" (pacifier) and "nahnah" (blankie) and has recently become fascinated with the whole going to the bathroom in the toilet thing. Once the baby is here and I can be mobile again we may just have to start potty training. I get lots of kisses and snuggles and it's been so fun to watch her grow from a different vantage point.

Of course everything on bedrest isn't peaches and roses. My body HURTS. It's hard to find a comfortable position to lay in and moving around at all is painful. I can tell that my lower ab muscles are completely shot as when I do get up to walk around I typically have to hold my belly from underneath to avoid feeling like the baby is going to fall out of me. I'm still having a fair amount of rather painless contractions. I actually had a scare Thursday when they started right when I got up at 6am and continued ALL day at anywhere from 4-9 minutes apart. Luckily I was able to relax enough after a bath to take a little nap, which I was told by the midwives is a sure sign that it was false and not real labor. All the same it was scary after almost 2 weeks of feeling great.

Even though I am 33 weeks, I've had the steroid shots, and the baby is around 4.5 lbs I am still terrified of her coming early. Each day I get more and more confident that we will at least make it to a point where she is big enough to be born at the local hospital (not downtown), that I will get to hold her right away and feed her on my own. One more week until that, hopeful, milestone!

I still am in awe that we've made it this long. When everyone's telling you to prepare for a premature birth and baby it's hard to have a lot of hope but we've made it this far, only 4 weeks until full term! Good thing I finally ordered all of that yarn to keep at least my hands busy.