Perhaps it's not such a bad thing to look forward. In situations like I am now it helps to fast forward 3 months in my head and envision me holding our healthy baby girl (no matter how she ends up entering the world). When the present is not ideal it is calming to look forward and know that everything will turn out right in the end.
However for my day to day sanity and survival I NEED to focus on today. Today is just one more day to lay on this couch and be as calm and productive as I can in that respect. I can't look forward one week (next Drs appt) or two (34 weeks!) or 5 (full term!) because most of the time that seems SO far away. It's depressing. But today I can do.
Today I am going to sew the pieces of the baby's matinee jacket together. I am going to keep plugging away at the baby blanket. I am going to finally commit to some yarn for new Christmas stockings for the girls (I found a much more size/time appropriate pattern...Ainsley's will have to become a wall hanging or something) and a fall sweater for Ainsley. I am going to snuggle with my little girl, if she'll let me, watch some Friday Night Lights with my mom (oh so good even the second time around) and perhaps even get a start on filling out the baby book that arrived in the mail a few days ago. I am going to watch Ainsley's face light up when Ian suggests going to the pool this afternoon. I am going to beam watching what a good dad he is and what an amazing woman my mom is as they take care of everything around this house.
Even though I'm not where I thought I would be had you asked me a few months ago, I am so blessed to have today, just as it is.
Unrelated but fun nonetheless.
32 weeks
Hey Sweet Becky! What an early bird you are today! I am so glad you are hanging in there - I say my prayers for you and "little bean" every day. It's so happy that Ainsley and your mom are getting such good time together and speaking as your aunt - your mom wouldn't be anywhere else. I know from the other posts that this has been a bit of a worry, but I know you also know that this is true. This is what a mom does. This is what you would do in a heartbeat. You are a wonderful mom and you prove it every day by taking care of yourself, and letting your family have the joy of trying to make this as easy as it can possibly be for you, given the circumstances. I love you! Aunt Gail
ReplyDelete