New Food

Every year around this time I get some major ants in my pants.  I'm ready for a thaw, ready to get back to our non snow and cold active lifestyle.  Since it's currently snowing inches and inches outside I'm thinking the only way to spice things up is in the kitchen.

I've been struggling with food (again, as always).  Cooking for a family of 5 is ridiculously hard, especially when one is a ravenous suddenly won't eat baby food can't eat finger food all that well 9 month old, two are growing big girls, one is a 6 foot tall man who can always use some fattening up and one is a petite woman wanting to lose those last 10 pounds of baby weight.  Harumph.

I've tried it all really.  Making what my family needs and eating less for myself (which I hate).  Making what I want and having three family members scoff and ask "where's the meat?".  Giving up entirely and having pizza and hot dogs and potsickers and frozen lasagna and feeling so gross the not caring just keeps on and on.

This weekend while Ian had the girls away for a few days I used my time well.  One goal was to come up with a new plan that worked for us all, starting with me.  Today I gave in, am deciding to cook two sets of food this week.  One for them, turkey meatloaf with sweet potatoes and broccoli, stuffed chicken breasts with carrots and roasted potates, pesto pasta with grilled chicken and green beans, potato leek soup and zucchini bread.  And one for me.

The "plan" I'm using is this.  I say "plan" because I'm not pretending I'm going to follow it strictly.  This plan is pretty extreme (for this meat eating dairy loving girl at least) but I'm using it as a jumping off point for a new food program for me.
I've found some recipes off this website in the past that I've really liked and am excited to try a few new ones.
Breakfasts will be smoothies and/or Ezekial sprouted toast which I LOVE.  The girls will be excited about smoothies.  I made one today with just frozen berries and green juice. It was delicious.  I'm also excited to try a strawberry smoothie with coconut milk, honey, and orange juice, ooh and similar one with mangos instead of strawberries.
Lunch and dinner will be pretty interchangeable.  My options this week are Garlicky White Bean Stew (just made it and it smells AMAZING, I substituted swiss chard for the kale, try as I might I don't like kale much), Red Lentil Sweet Potato Stew (which I've made before and is delicious, especially served over coconut rice, which I'm not allowed to have, but the rest of the family will love it with rice), baked sweet potatoes with greens (mmm, sweet potatoes and baby green salad), or veggie burgers (I like trader joes kinds, either the regular or the masala).  I know it's going to get old after the first few days so I'm trying to think of some other options to fill in any temptations.  I bought a big bag of dry roasted almonds for snacks and am going to make these bars with the girls this afternoon for a "dessert" option. (Since writing this I've had one, they're no brownie, but pretty darn good, plus the portioning is generous).
I'm just one day in and dare I say I already feel better.  I think it's mostly just from making the choice to do it, feeling some relief and excitement.
I'll keep you posted on how it's going, and how all these meals taste.  I'm already on here looking for some more options this morning so I guess that's a good sign.
Have a great start to your week!

Ode to Valentine

Ian took the girls to Minnesota for the long weekend.  I am all at once so so thankful and incredibly anxious.  I always am when I'm away from parts of my family.  Half of my heart is in that big blue van.  It feels funny.

Tonight they pulled out around 5:30.  Felix and I made dinner.  Pasta Carbonara, cheesecake for dessert.  I gave him a bath.  He almost didn't know what to do with all that room in the tub.  I read him his favorite books.  I sang him lullabyes.  I laid him down and covered him with his Auntie Jenny quilt, propped the door and heard him playing with his crib toys for about 10 minutes before settling into sleep.

I tidied the girls room, I did the dishes from the day, I folded three loads of laundry.  Halfway through my folding I decided to record the Olympics I was watching and spring for a movie.  It's so rare I get to do that.  I chose Perks of Being a Wallflower.  A book I'd liked, a movie I'd wanted to see.  Oh man, it sent me reeling.

I don't know how good it was.  But I love Emma Watson, and I always enjoy a cast of mostly unknown actors and actresses.  It just brought me right back to high school.  It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

I turn 30 next Thursday.  It's so weird.  On one hand I feel so thirty.  I have three kids, I have a husband, a house.  My day consists of poopy diapers and toting kids around and tying bows on clothes and in hair, and cooking and cleaning, and sewing and knitting.  It seems appropriate that I am thirty now (soon!).  Still, I am a touch sad.  Sad because I'm leaving another decade behind, a decade that contained so much good and change and amazingness.  I don't even know what to expect from 30.  How can it top my 20s?

Honestly?  I'm hoping it can, just by being steady.  In my 30s I want stability.  I want predictability, but first, I want change.

Today was so so hard.  We were in our house all day.  Ian had to take the van to get it serviced so I was without a car all day.  We could have bundled and ventured out but we didn't because we aren't in that routine.  It's been so dang cold and snowy I don't even attempt anymore.  I'm so down about it all.  We need a new routine.

It was very hard with Ainsley today.  She's been very hard lately.  Some nights I find myself searching online for an  to our struggles with her.  Spirited child advice books always leave me wanting.  She doesn't fit in to any category I've found.  I so so need to find grace with that girl.  I am so so thankful for this break.

But the truth is I already miss her.  I've been holding my breath until Ian told me they're safe at a hotel in Tomah.  I teared up a bit when I heard my girls on bluetooth from the car, telling me they're entertaining daddy with knock knock jokes and that they love me so so much.  I love them too.  It's crazy how much I miss them after only a few hours.  How am I going to survive three days?

Well, I have a plan.  Felix and I area going to live large.  We're going to get out.  We're going to get organized and have some fun.  I'm excited to indulge a bit with my tiny guy.  Paint the town 9 month old and mommy style.  Remember how blissful this baby age is.  I love Felix so much.  He is so dang cute.  He is communicating and playing and chatty and I just can't wait to absorb him fully (and enjoy two nap times a day like the good old days).

10 years ago I was a sophomore in college.  I was hanging out with friends every night,  meeting Ian for caf dates and film noir club movie viewings.  I was taking German, and conceptual drawing, and reading Beowulf and working Saturday morning shifts at Blue Mondays.  I had friends, I was in love, I was independent, I was free.

Now?  I am almost thirty.  I have a 5 year old, a three and a half year old and a 9 month old, sleeping upstairs in his big sister's crib.  I have very few new friends, since those glory college days.  I so desperately miss those relationships and fear every day that some are lost for good.  I have a husband who I love something fierce.  This boy I knew in college somehow became this man who is everything I could ever hope for in this adult life.  I stumble daily, trying to find my way.  I look into the eyes of my children who I made with this man I love and I see hope and beauty and simple pure joy, and I crave it, am reminded that it is within me.

This weekend I'm going to do my damndest to find it, my tiny guy and I.

Happy Valentine's Day to you all.   I hope you hold on to the love in your life.  It is so very incredibly precious, isn't it?

This Moment:: Ainsley May (5!!!)

Oh my big Ainsley girl...

I started writing this a few days ago.  I found all these great photos of you looking so big and pretty and smart.  I started to write.  I wrote about your independence and your stubbornness, your tenacity and your will.

I stopped.  I erased.  It felt negative, like I was focusing on all of the things about you that I'm struggling with right now.  I wanted a redo.

Truth is, we're coming off of a tough streak with you.  After months of  relative ease these last weeks have been tough.  You an I butt heads a lot.  I yell more than I'd like.  We have lots of heart to hearts ad hugs and I'm sorry's and we move along.

Truthfully we're still in the thick of it.  Just yesterday I had to take an IKEA bag full of toys and books and clothes out of your room after yet another picking up power struggle.  But there is of course so much more, so much good and amazing.

Writing and drawing and storytelling are still some of your favorites.  You are currently working on a Rapunzel research book.  We are learning about castles and turrets and how hair grows and how to sew beautiful dresses.  You love your dolls and setting up homes and beds for them.  Most recently you've been constructing your own beds out of wood at school.  On Friday we sewed two mattresses and flannel quilts for them.  You told me you want your room to look like Madeline's with 12 little beds all in a row.  Oh boy!

You have such wonderful energy.  You wake up in the morning and from naps ready to go.  And you nap!  You play so hard that your little body still loves an hour or so rest after lunch.  We're a napping house and it's so very delightful.

You are a full throttle child.  You pour yourself 100% into whatever it is you've set your mind to.  You follow things through and hate to not be able to finish something.  This is going to serve you so well.  I wish I had more of that in me!

You are so many things that I wish I could be my big girl.  You are self assured and smart, stubborn and strong.  I love you to pieces and at the end of the day I don't mind our quarrels.  It's a part of us, and we're great at making up.

I love you my big 5 year old girl!  I'm excited every day to be your mom.

This Moment:: Louise Adele (3.5)

Oh my Louise, where to begin?

You are such an incredible joy.  There are so many things I love about you right now.
You have the best smile and laugh, you always have.  Your laugh is infectious and it spreads fast and fierce.  I can be in grumpiest mood and that laugh of yours, well, I just can't help but feel your joy.

You can be a total and complete goofcball.  You make up your own words ALL the time, especially when you're playing chef.  You have this amazing little kid accent right now and half the time you sound like you're from Brooklyn (or Boston?), especially when you say "baby Bwudda" and "that's my Mudda".  I almost hope this never goes away.  It's amazing.

You love love love to play.  You could paint and color and look at books and dress up your princesses and play pretend with Ainsley and ride your scooter and play at parks ALL DAY LONG.

You do not like work very much.  Sometimes you're very excited to work on writing and letters and numbers, but you cry dramatically whenever I ask you to help clean up.

Honestly I don't mind.  I love that you are such a little kid and that you LOVE being little.  You snuggle in my lap and want to be held still, need to hold my hand while walking in the snow.  We still need each other lots and I love that.

For all your silliness and fun you love your quiet time too.  You still love to just sit quietly and look at books (as you've done sine you were about 15 months old).  You are really good at knowing when you need some alone time and retreating to your room.
You used to be such a good eater and now your appetite is much smaller.  You drink lots of water and LOVE chocolate milk and apple juice.  You love meat and it's the first thing gone on your plate at meal time.  You are good at trying new things, but definitely have your favorites.  You love whole apples, cheese, cereal, and yogurt.
You seem so teeny tiny compared to your friends at school. You still have a sweet little toddler tummy but your legs and arms are thinning out and you still fit into most of your 3T clothes.  You may be petite like your mommy!
You are still my sweetheart girl.  So sensitive to your friends and siblings and very aware when Mommy needs you to be an extra good helper. I  Love you so much this moment my growing girl.  I am so thankful for you!

So Tired

Since I was so February Love last post I felt the need to chime in today to day I AM SO TIRED AND IT IS SO GRAY OUT AND I HAVE NO ENERGY FOR ANYTHING!!!!!!

Oh goodness.  The whole house was up for the day before 6.  I didn't eat enough yesterday so I woke up starving and even a yogurt and a fried egg on toast didn't help (or two cups of coffee).  SO I whittled away my preschool time this morning, perusing homes for sale and blogs and taking a quick bath.

Now we all napped and I'm up with Felix and he's happily crawling around and, oh man, I'm still so tired.  Afternoon coffee anyone?

I AM excited about the 4 lbs of yarn I have coming my way.  New knits for everyone (even Ian!) except me though I guess.  I best get cracking on my sewing projects and load up the netflix queue.  Knitting seems like the perfect way to spend a snowy cold February.

I am also very very excited about our Florida trip.  It's late this year, the last week of March, still we've started the getting ready, of course, it's kind of the best part.

I used Christmas money to get the girls each a new swimsuit, sun hat, and sunglasses.  Louise's hat is absolute perfection on her cheeky face.  Now I'm trying to convince Ainsley to hand down her sandals to Louise so I won't end up having to buy two sets of new ones when hers don't fit in July.  She's standing firm.

Oh man and Felix.  I am SO Excited about his new sun duds.  This swimsuit, this sun shirt, these sun hats, these shorts, and a couple of cute things I nabbed on zulily when I got the girls' swimsuits. (and no we aren't rich, patagonia had an amazing pre sale sale and that mod cap was about a third off before Christmas).  I have to keep that blonde haired blue eyed boy of mine protected!

Now I've made coffee.  Some stovetop espressor with cinnamon milk and a dash of white chocolate syrup.   Felix and I are playing and I'm doing my best to perk up before the girls wake up.  Ainsley's excited to make some bedding for her two doll beds she's made at school (they're in a woodworking unit). Louise is very excited to make Valentine's.  Ian is very excited for me to try this recipe this week.  Felix is really digging this 50s pandora station we're listening to and appears to want to dance.  Perhaps I can oblige them all.

February Love

Ian got up with the girls at 6.  I heard them come in and head downstairs.  Just a few more minutes of shut eye, I thought to myself as I snuggled back under the down comforter and soft bamboo sheets.  I rolled over an hour and a half later and pulled myself out of a deep sleep.  Ah. That felt good.

Ian left for work and I got the girls to school. Despite us being five minutes behind schedule we made it.  It's good to remember that life goes on when you're tardy.  Felix and I went grocery shopping.  I had a succinct list and was excited to spend very little.  $100 and four bags later I got exactly what was on my list.  It's always astonishing to me how much it takes to feed a family.

this will all be gone in a week

I feel like February always gets a bad rap.  For me?  January is much worse.  The holiday let down, getting back into a routine.  But February?  With heart and birthdays and blue winter skies and snow?  I kind of love February.

To start, I've been making an effort to brighten up our home a bit.  Flower in vases help tremendously (and the girls LOVE arranging them).

The girls love our sunny dining room.  I am so thankful for our corner lot house on these bright days. There is almost always a project or two of their laid out and they have even been known to make tiny beds in the sun out of pushed together chairs and every blanket and pillow we own.

I too have been inspired by this flip of the calendar.  I'm excited about Valentine's projects, Easter projects and even projects for Felix's (gulp!) first birthday.  

For Valentine's Day I'm making the girls t-shirt dresses with patchwork skirts and lace waistbands.  Ainsley's is done save for the hem and Louise's is all cut out ready to go.  Felix will be getting at least one new pair of quick change trousers.  His two I rotate regularly are almost too small in the bum and he needed a Florida pair for our trip coming up.

In craft world we've been excited about Valentine's Day.  We made these heart gardens with bleeding tissue paper backgrounds and cut out heart flowers and of course, glitter glue.

And oil pastels on black paper are back.  This is Louise's first recognizable elephant face.  I love it so much.

Oh my goodness and this family portrait Louise drew...

A:: Hey dad!  Did you see this picture Louise drew? It's a bunch of squids that look like us!"

L (very grumpy face)::  Ainsley!  They are not squids they are Daddy and Me and Fewix!"

So I didn't get me workout in yet and the house isn't entirely clean.  But it's the start to a new week with tons of sunshine and lots to do.  I'm excited for February and all it brings.  I hope you are too!

This Moment : Felix!

It has apparently become too daunting to do an update about all three of my kiddos at once, so, baby steps.  First up, Mr. Felix.

Oh Felix boy (boo, buboo, tiny bub boy).  You are 9 months old.  You are so ridiculously cute and I tell you that about one hundred times a day.  You are doing this new thing where you scrunch up your nose and grin at us.  You do it all day long.  We love it.

Your little personality is really starting to emerge.  You are a funny guy.  You like doing tiny naughty things and being caught, like playing with cords that are plugged into the wall and playing in the toilet.  You also love eating things off the floor and making choking sounds.
You can be very sensitive and cry at loud noises or when you can't find me right away.  You most recently really don't like being changed and squirm away with all your might.  You are very snuggly and friendly and your favorite spot is still on my left hip just hanging with me.

You have been crawling in earnest since your 8 month birthday.  Christmas Eve, your big sister's 5th birthday, you got the hang of being up on all fours.  Now you're gaining speed and when you're awake you only want to be exploring (unless you want to be held, you still like that a lot too).

You can climb the stairs now and have been pulling yourself to stand and cruising along furniture for about two months.  You still seem very happy with crawling so I'm holding out hope that you'll wait to walk until your first birthday!

You are not very interested in any books that don't have lift the flaps or tiny puppets or something else to capture your interest so we read your favorites over and over again (this, and this, and this).  You favorite toys are my old cell phone, the remote control, these stacking cups, and these cars.  Mostly you are just happy to crawl around and are most interested in whatever your sisters are doing. You LOVE wrecking any block/magna tile structure and immediately tearing apart the train tracks we make.  Playtime on the floor has gotten very interesting.

You love to eat.  You are my first baby who is REALLY into baby food.  You're in a tricky phase where you want to feed yourself but can't pick up really tiny pieces well yet.  So I scoop food onto your spoon and hand it to you.  You will eat almost anything, but your favorites are yogurt, cottage cheese, bananas, mangoes, blueberries, squash, cauliflower, any soup or stew (split pea, beef, lentil, barley and chicken).  I do lots of blending of leftovers and putting them into ice cube trays to freeze for later meals.  I still have to make big batches of baby food every weekend!   I (mostly) love it!

I am still nursing you which has been a bit of an adventure.  Both of your sisters were done with that by your age.  You love your two big bottles a day, but I'm happy that nursing is still working for us too.

Just this past week you are finally sleeping through the night (7pm-6am!).  You hadn't slept through straight ONCE! until that first time four days ago.  It's been a rough road getting here but I'm glad we road it out.  We get in our extra snuggles and feedings now during the day and I think we're all remembering how good it feels to be rested!

You are such a blessing to us little baby.  We love you every minute and can't imagine our family without you!