Freak Out Post #3

So Ian leaves in FOUR days.  I can hardly believe it.  These last three weeks have flown by.  I feel like we're in the calm before the storm right now, rather the calm between the storms.  The house is mostly packed and clean, most big things have been taken care of (school for kids, activities, calls to doctors, banks, post office etc.)  I find I have some downtime which feels so odd and I worry that I'm missing something, then I turn on another episode of Scandal and pick up my knitting and just go with it.  I'm good at finding downtime.  It's ok.

I keep finding new things to panic over.  Today it's Ian leaving and the realization that I get to get this house in order and us all packed to go to MN for 3+ weeks without most of our stuff ON MY OWN.  It's like all these years of traveling and packing alone with the kids for long weekends and trips has trained me for this.  Will I forget to empty a garbage can?  Or leave a light on that shouldn't be?  Or forget some long forgotten toy of the kids that suddenly becomes their favorite halfway into Wisconsin and we all suffer for weeks and weeks until it's recovered?  Only time will tell.

Mostly I'm excited.  I keep thinking about life just over a month from now.  Putting our things in our new house, making it our home.  Setting up our Christmas tree and making a roaring fire in the fireplace.  Holiday baking in our new kitchen with that island.  I dream about that island you guys.  I pinch myself all day long.  How is this actually happening?

A bit of normal in between all the madness...
New sweaters for Felix and I!

Always trying on his costume, them promptly disrobing 5 minutes later.

 Felix's last day at Pilgrim! (It was so odd to drive away that last time.  It's been 4 years!)

 Treats with friends, making last memories.

 Last day of ice skating, FINALLY giving into the two years of begging for vending machine snacks.

 Halloween at the girls school.

 Waiting for the parade to start.

 My little bunny.

 And Kiki! (The friendly witch from Kiki's Delivery Service)

 Felix took off his costume them momentarily wore Louise's bunny bonnet.  He got very positive reactions for his cuteness.

Lots of fun of late!

Fast Forward two days...

Today I'm sad.  It's Ian's last day of work.  He walked in from dropping the girls off at school and casually proclaimed "I'm a little sad.  I'm really going to miss walking them to school."  Cue off and on waterworks for me for about two hours.  Life is changing.  Change is hard.

Though I am mostly very excited and positive and sure this is the right thing for us, I am still worried.  It's been us 5 for so long.  We have no help with the kids, we have no date nights for the two of us.  We get through and the bi-product of that is that we're really really close.  Ian's new commute means he'll be leaving right when the kids wake up (it also means he'll be home for dinner though!).  He won't be a phone call away anymore.  But!  My mom will! and my sister who also stays at home will! and I know we'll get used to our new groove.  It's just hard to imagine that life right now.

It DOES help that the girls are starting school right away, and Felix the week after that.  I am so thankful for routines and jumping in and support along the way.  Just please pray I can hold it together for all my people.  My man who's starting a new career journey and my children who are facing so much change.  I know they need me and I want to be exactly what they need right now.  It's overwhelming and incredibly empowering.  I can do this!

So today I'm letting myself be weepy.  I'm thankful for one day without house showings in between lots of showings and an open house on either end.  One night to make food in my kitchen and lounge in my house and feel normal one last time before the madness of Halloween tomorrow and our man leaving on Sunday.  It's stilly because we've been apart much longer than 6 days before, but this feels like more somehow.  I want to be there with him to hear about his first days and give him a big hug and kiss when he gets home and make him lunches to take in the mornings.  Soon enough right?  We're big adults now.  We do what we have to.  I'm thankful the girls get one more week at their school and for wonderful friends and neighbors (and a brother in law!) who are occupying every single one of our evenings with dinners and invitations over and pizza picnics.  We're going out with a bang.