I've always thought of myself as a relatively positive person. Employers always described me as "upbeat, energetic, and positive" so why when I'm by myself, alone with my thoughts, do I feel so NOT those things?
Perhaps this is normal. Maybe everyone is walking around with negative thoughts in their heads choosing to push them aside for a facade more pleasing.
What's worse, or maybe in the end for the better, is that Ian is the complete opposite of me in this regard. While I notice the sky high humidity and sweat already cascading down my temples he remarks how wonderful the warmth and sun feel on his skin and how good the dose of vitamin D will do us all.
I woke up from a solid nap this afternoon to come downstairs and ream into Ian for not having turned the air conditioning on, for not folding the laundry, rather than realizing that he deserves a little a free time, just like me.
After working out our little snafu he commented that he'd love for me to just wake up happy, come downstairs, sip on a cup of coffee and relax. I would too! I would LOVE to wake up without a list of to do's in my head and a critical eye for what remains undone around the house.
It's exhausting to be a negative person. Truly it is. I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that this may be how I'm wired. I'm determined to change my ways because it's starting to get in the way of my enjoyment of everyday activities. Weekends should at least be somewhat relaxing and rejuvenating right? Let's see how the next one goes!
P.S. I blame this all of the fact that the weekend got off to a bad start when Ainsley woke up at 5am Saturday morning AND I forgot that it was the first day of the Oak Park Farmers Market. I missed out on fresh donuts and early season produce and plants? That would put anyone in a bad mood.
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