His Day, My Day

Today was a day that, I think, we all needed.

My girls, who so crave their daddy always got loads of daddy daughter time.

My boy, who's been cooped up in a lab staring down a microscope even in copious amounts for his liking has been needing a bit of "normal" and surely much fun.

And me?  Well, I've been needing some quiet.  No conflicts to resolve, to tantrums to temper, no difficulties other than my own inadequacies with following simple sewing instructions (some day I'll learn).

So we all had our day.  It was great.

His day.

::Early morning conservatory daddy daughter date::

Playtime at home in the basement with mama.  Quick much needed naps.  Journeys up the block for the annual pig roast and bluegrass band.

::afternoon trip to the arboretum::

Crustless quiche dinner. Doing all the dishes.  Roughhousing and laughing, book reading and snuggling.

Not too shabby.

My day.

::early morning cinnamon roll making with two hungry girly helpers::

::all  morning, and some of the afternoon, spent making two new "little bo peep" skirts for my girls::

I so wanted to get photos of them IN the skirts, because wear them they did...but the photos turned out like this...

and this...

do these will have to do.

If this pattern wouldn't add tremendous girth to my already hippy frame, you know I'd be sporting it myself.  In. Love.

Afternoon bath, bookreading, and nap. WHAT?!?!? I know.  I'm still astounded too.  Making crustless quishe.  NOT doing dishes.  Bathing my sweet dirty girls.  Folding tons of laundry.  Bookreading, singing, ahhh.

Amazing day.

But really, any day that ends with these sweet things?...

Is already doing pretty good.

Happy Week

Ah.  The end (almost) of another week for us.  A week much better than the last but with it's own unique challenges and triumphs.

It's been a week of ups and downs with my Ainsley girl.  After a tiring but resoundenling successful first full week of preschool this week has been off.  The early part of our mornings have been spent in frustration, anger even as she determinedly, loudly states that she will not be going to school, that  she's sick, she's tired, she won't do it, she can't do it,  CANCEL IT PLEASE!  I see so much of myself in her in these moments.  Panicked almost about the idea of leaving home, her family, her safe haven.  I try to tap into what has worked for me.  Acknowledge that it's ok to feel sad, and worried, but remind her how much fun she's always had, will conitnue to have, and that she's not missing a thing by being gone for 2.5 hours from ole mom, unless of course she'd like to help me scrub the floors?  And ultimately what worked?  Letting her physically push me out the door once I drop her off and give her hugs.  Thanks for the suggestion Ruth.  We're two days with no tears.

And my big Louise, no nay-nay at school, no tears either.  When I tell her it's her turn to go to school after dropping Ainsley off she beams "mama!  you come back!"  Of course my sweet thing. Of course.

My boy finished cell counting and is most likely, at this precise moment, breathing through the last minutes of intense anxiety before a huge presentation this afternoon.  I've felt very maternal towards him lately.  Just wanting to rub his back and lay his head on my chest, take some, any, of his worry away.  My boy's not really a worrier, so when it's bad, it's really bad.

But this stretching so thin of us both has been a good thing really, a very good thing.  We're finally so close to the end of this whole process, so close to the next step, and it's exciting.  Finally being able to talk about what the next months and years hold for our family has been invigorating, and really? no matter what it holds I am just so glad to be here, sharing it with him.

So here I find myself very thankful once again for our open and free Friday.  Very much looking forward to its possibility and freedom.

And in other less dramatic news...

Louise has been sporting her first real "do's"

reading Mr Rogers' Potty book with daddy

It recently occurred to me that just because she still has deliciously delicate baby soft hair, the length isn't there to play around with.  We'r been having fun with the ponys.  My big girl.

The craft bug has officially returned!

Thanks to Ainsley deciding she only needs to nap once or twice a week we now have oodles of time for big girl crafting.  I rarely have a plan.  For instance, this particular craft went something like this.  "Ok, so I have a few celery bottoms leftover from that stock I made.  Hmm, and here's some glue and paint, and glitter?  ok why not!"

Did you know that stamped celery bottoms look mysteriously like roses?  It's one of our favorites for fabric and wrapping paper stamping.

Then of course Louise had to crash the glitter party.  They were both so proud of their creations. And I must admit.  Even this mama had some fun with that glitter.

The resurrection of the night time walk.

In all honesty we've been pooped over here.  By the time Ian gets home it's all I can do to get dinner on the table and leave our home in some semblance of order before we all hit the hay by 8pm.  But this delicious sweater weather we've been having is calling out loud and clear and I've found the return of our aimless post dinner strolls to be just what we all need.

Ah, so good week.  A bit more eventful than I would've liked but I'll take it.  I'm crossing my fingers and toes that dance class goes well this afternoon for Miss Ainsley.  After a rough start last week she's been reticent to give it another go.  We've laid out her leotard and tutu choices and she miraculously napped so I'm hopeful.  And in any event?  Tomorrow's Friday and I just know delightful adventures await us.

Happy week to you all!

Fabulous Monday (so far) and Meal Plan

My oh my, how we needed this morning to go well.  There's something unique about Mondays, how the set the tone and pace for the week.  Truthfully I've always loved Mondays.  I have the most energy on this day, the most determination and intention.  Last week Monday left me exhausted for the rest of the week, I think today Monday has shown us we can do this!

Ainsley's drop off went well despite her reluctance to get out of the car and walk with me.  But we got there and she rallied.  Then I had the whole morning with my sweet louise ad boy, is life different when it's just us two.  We did our weekly grocery shopping, went home to put the cold stuff away, went to musikgarten where Louise stole the show (oh man, that girl LOVES musikgarten), then we made a quick trip to pick up some library books before heading to get Ainsley.  We even made one more stop to get some beef bologna and wisconsin american cheese for a little lunch treat.  It was a great morning.

Ahh, so now I find myself with 12 minutes of alone time before Ainsley comes tromping down the stairs at approximately 2:00.  Why I taught that child to read my analog watch is beyond me.

I think I'll spend that 12, wait, 11, minutes laying out the meal plan for the week, because really, I'm super cool like that.

Meal Plan::
This is going to be another "light" cooking week.  We still have so much in the pantry and freezer that needs to be used up, plus I've learned that planning 3 cooking intense meals are about all I can handle these days.  Hey, it saves us money too!

Breakfasts::
Nature's Path Granola
Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal
Eggs

Lunches::
beef balogna sandwiches
sun dried tomato hummus and whole grain chips
peanut butter and jelly (on the best bread EVER discovered at our local bakery for $2.10 this past week...I'm hooked)

Dinners::
homemade chicken and orzo soup (I hear a cold/rainy front is moving through this week, I'm ready!)
chicken bruschetta bake
spinach and baby swiss quiche
leftover wild rice casserole (frozen from block party)
stuffed baked potatoes (with bacon and broccoli and cheddar)
chilli and cornbread (leftover from walkin' tacos)

total:: $92, not too shabby!

So here's hoping this momentum keeps up.  It's a big week for us all ahead (Ian should be finished cell counting up TOMORROW!!!! and then mostly working from home...I couldn't be more excited (ok, pretty sure he's more excited)).  Wish us luck!

A Day

Sometimes, most times, it only takes a day.  One wonderful, easy, calm, delicious day to redirect and remind, to renew and rejuvenate.

Today, was precisely that day.

A day that was all us.  Full to the brim, but in that magical way that leaves you energized, excited, in love and wanting more.

A day of long morning walks in sweaters and socks.  A day of donuts and fun erranding for supplies for fun to come.

A day of experimenting and mixing, delighting and giggling.

i

::Gloop, 2 parts glue, 1 part liquid starch, a few squirts of food coloring, endless parts fun::

A day of long naps for my big girl and no naps for my little one.  A day so great that it didn't matter.  A day of spending that precious time with my littlest, doing our favorite exercise tape.  A day where I was reminded yet again of how much cuter toddler thigh dimples are than my own.  A day where I couldn't have cared less about my thigh dimples.

A day of celebrating being together, presently and calmly.  A day of cake baking for no other reason than we love it and it tastes oh so good.  A day of mixing and measuring spoon licking and snack time decadence, because who can wait for dessert when fresh cream cheese pecan frosting is involved?

A day with an impromptu date night, so rare, so welcome, so well timed.  A night alone with my worn out boy, to just be us, as we are, take a moment, or 60, and be.

A day of mixed emotions.  After such a hard week, this day feels like the right day.  Not those other hurried flurried flustered days.  Today was the day.  A day where we've enjoyed so much and been so happy.  An easy us day.

All it took was a day.  A beautiful wonderful awesome amazing day.  And we're back.

A Little After Hump Day, Nuggets.

Wow!  What a week.  I'm almost at a loss for words.  Probably because I am so mentally and physically exhausted.  This preschool thing is no joke!  And I thought having two so close together was relatively easy?  What was I thinking!

Part of why I'm having a hard time writing these past few weeks is that I'm having a hard time processing it all.  On one hand I am so thankful that Ainsley is so in love with her preschool.  She leaves every morning with a jump in her step and greets me after every class with grins and stories.  And Louise?  Well this morning, six classes in, there were no tears from my little one.  Just a big hug "you come back mama!  luv you mama!  bye bye!" and I was out.  My girls are ready and thriving but I'm not so sure I am.

One of the things I've loved the most about these past 3+ years of staying home, raising my girls, is that we, us three, get to make up our days.  I've had the freedom to be creative with them, lazy when we want to be, active when we want that too.  Now?  We're all on school's schedule, and activities, and it's been a tricky transition.

The days are flying by and I feel like we hardly do anything, yet we're all so exhausted.  On Monday I counted how many times I had to get the girls in and out of the car.  12.  TWELVE!!! That's roughly 60 pounds of kid I'm hauling in and out and corralling all morning long.  That alone is driving me a bit crazy.

And at the top of the con list?  The girls haven't been napping well.  Ainsley is SO tired but fights and fights, then crashes around 5pm wherever she happens to be.  She's woken Louise up the past two days by slamming doors and yelling.  I keep telling myself that it's all an adjustment.  They're getting used to this new cadence of our days just like me.  It's my job to show them how smoothly it can all go, how happy and calm we can remain in the midst of so much change and hustle.

So smooth it shall be.  Among all this scheduled departing and arriving I'm learning to carve out time for us.  Take our precious afternoon hours and make them count.  Because truly my sadness is that I miss them.  I miss our mornings filled with crafting and baking and reading and exploring.  I miss long jammie mornings, late decadent midweek breakfasts and rainy day movies.  Right now I'm very thankful that we have Fridays off, that I made SURE to keep that day free and clear for us all.  I was thinking of a venture out to one of our favorites, but I think now we may just hunker down and do what we do best.  I think we could all use that.

Nuggets::

This last Sunday we celebrated Vikings football with fervor.  What started out as a simple walkin' taco menu turned into an all out dip fest complete with jersey clad girls and good friends over to cheer with us.  while i'm not the biggest sports fan I love the excuse for us all to be together, eating a bit too decadently, celebrating the every day.  I'm happy football season is back.   

Nuggets::

Yesterday after a particularly rough no-nap time we decided to take advantage of (possiby?) the last really hot day of the summer.  I filled up the pool and the girls picked out their favorite suits.  It was a great end to a rough afternoon.

::pumpkins!  our garden produced two and one is already turning color.  The girls are beside themselves and I just hope they last until halloween!::

::after 4 straight years of planting unsuccessful sunflowers from seed I finally got ONE!  haha.  At least it's something, even if it is growing sideways :o)::

::one last reminder of the ease of summer::

::so close to finishing Ainsley's "vintage sari" colored sweater, I'm almost going to miss working with this beautiful yarn::

So here's to the end of the week.  After Ainsley's first dance class this afternoon (and don't worry, pink leotard and matching tights and shoes are all set, waiting for her on the floor of her room per her request) we're finally done with activities for the week.  I know so many parents look forward to school starting and the freedom that it brings everyone.  Right now I already find I'm missing summer and those long slow days with my two best gals.  I'll get there, my girls already are.  I just hope it's soon.

Happy (belated) Hump Day!

Meal Plan:: September 10

I'm trying something kinda new this week.  I made almost no meal plan.  Well, that's not entirely true. I sat down and wrote all the meals I could make with things I already have on hand, more to reassure myself that I had options then as a plan per-say.  I'm having one of those OH MY GOODNESS THERE IS SO MUCH FOOD IN OUR HOUSE BUT NOTHING TO EAT  weeks, so rather than buy a bunch more food I'm going to mostly work with what we have and see what I can come up with!  I'll let you know how it goes!

Breakfasts::
Oatmeal
Cereal
Yogurt

Lunch::
mini bagels with cream cheese and smoked salmon
cottage cheese and fruit
roast turkey, cheese and tomato sandwiches

Dinner::
broccoli cheese quiche and
meatloaf and roasted sweet potatoes
Nana's rice casserole
sun dried tomato, zucchini, red pepper and goat cheese orzo pasta
leftover wild rice casserole (from block party)
paninis and creamy tomato soup

I still spent $91 on groceries.  Our basics (organic milk and eggs, cheese, bread, fresh fruit and veggies) plus a few extras for specific meals, and a treat or two (it's been ages since we've had smoked salmon, and the girls and Ian and I LOVE it).  Not too bad!

Big Baby Girl

At the parent night at Ainsley's playschool I sat down with other moms and dads and listened as our big kids' new teacher talked.  She's vivacious and funny, pretty low key and candid the whole time.  After joking about "who wants to be a room parent?  you KNOW you do!" and "oh man, I'm supposed to tell you about fire drills" she stopped, looked us all calmly in the eyes and said "the transition from 3-4 is WAY harder than the terrible twos".

We were all captivated.  She explained how hard this age is.  How our little ones are turning into big people with all of these feelings and thoughts and learning how to deal with that all can be really really difficult.  When they were two if someone took their toy away they maybe cried, but were easily directed somewhere else and quickly forgot about the issue.  Now?  they wonder why their friend took their toy.  Does that mean they don't like me anymore?  WHY DON'T THEY LIKE ME ANYMORE?!?!

Well we're right there.

Our big Ainsley girl has been struggling.  Struggling as all kids do sometimes.  Struggling to listen, to learn compromise and disappointment, struggling to find a place for her own strong voice in the midst of mom and dad's steadfast rules.

We truly honestly have tried just about everything we can think of.  Time outs, consequences, loss of privileges  quite calm down time, long drawn out talks, drawing, singing, pounding play dough, screaming at the top of our lungs into a pillow.  But this time?  None of it seems to be working.

Today was especially hard.

We had our block party which is always a special day of fun.  While I spent the morning flipping donuts in hot oil at the farmer's market Ian corralled the girls outside our house, keeping one eye on Ainsley with all the big kids in the jumpy house and the other on Louise playing with one or more of the 6 other toddlers on our block who are exactly her age.  When I arrived just in time for lunch things were going well.  We all noshed on yummy hot dogs and tiny bags of fritos and came home for well deserved naps.  Only Ainsley didn't nap.  She snuck out of her room (a real feat with our creaky doors and floors) found the ipad and brought it to her room.  Instead of napping she watched a few pbs shows, something she knows she's not allowed to do.  So we started the afternoon exhausted and cranky, but determined to have fun we marched on.

I'll spare you the details, but the afternoon was hard. On many ocassions Ian and I found ourselves "trading off" when the other had had enough and needed a break from the disciplining and the explaining and the whining, screaming even.  Somehow we still managed to have fun.  Eat delicious dinner potluck and play, kids and adults alike.  Then bedtime came and all hell broke loose.  Ian had had enough so I stepped up.  Took three calm breaths and entered her room.  We had a big long talk lying in bed.  My big girl nodded as she heaved and cried, then slowly climbed into my lap so that my arms cradled her like a baby.

"Mama?" She interrupted.   "yes Ainsley girl"  "Mama, it's just that I don't want to be with you all the time anymore.  I just want to be with my friends.  I'm sorry."  I started to say something about how it's ok to want to be with her friends, that she's growing up and that's normal and wonderful, when her little voice piped up again "but mama, I don't want to grow up.  I just want to stay a baby forever."

Tears welled up a bit in my eyes as I heard my girl's contradiction.  As it all dawned on me so clearly for the first time.  Life is SO hard right now with Ainsley, for Ainsley, because she's stuck right in the middle of baby and big kid.  She half still really needs us, needs a good baby arm cradle and snuggle and owie kiss every once in a while, but most of the time?  She wants to be 13, or at least 8.  She wants to ride a big kid bike and play make up with the neighbor girls on their front steps.  She doesn't want to need me but she does, she wants to need me, then she doesn't.

So tonight, I shelved my own frustrations and found a patience and understanding that has been lacking the past few days.  I saw in by big girl's brown eyes, that sweet little baby, who for all her independence and defiance needs and loves her family so dearly.

Instead of talking anymore I cradled her closer and we prayed.  I prayed out loud for help getting through this, for calmness and understanding for us all.  It was one of those good long prayers that you feel with your soul, and I know Ainsley felt it too because she closed her eyes and nuzzled her face closer to me.  When I finished Ainsley said "Mama, I want to pray now too."  She started and stopped, unsure of what to say.  So we sang a prayer together instead because what my Ainsley girl can't find the words for in speech she can always find in song.

In that moment so many things became clear to me.  I was at the end of my parent rope and somehow, with my big baby girl in my lap, we found answers together.

Tonight I am feeling exhausted, but thankful and so incredibly hopeful.  Tonight I'm saying an extra prayer of thanks and one more for all those other parents who need a helping hand tonight.  It's a tough job we have, probably the toughest, but figuring it out together, and helping our wonderful little people grow into the big amazing people we know they can be, makes it all worth it, again an again, over and over.