Hump Day Nuggets:: Country Mouse

The other night I couldn't sleep.  Despite my own mild sniffles and chills and being indoors all day with the girls again, my mind was racing.  I felt off, grouchy and unable to shake it.  So I wrapped myself in a blanket and came downstairs and stared at this blank screen for a bit. My hands moved to type and I found myself searching for real estate in places like Spokane, Chico and Missoula, Duluth and southern MN. I honed the search in on small well built older homes with a view.  Mountains and rivers, hills and valleys, space to roam and garden and be.  I enjoyed myself thoroughly (if you know me I'm always up for a good faux-house hunt), but kind of wondered why this had helped so.

I sat on this, pondered a bit of the whys and whats.  Turns out?  I'm not as at home here as I thought.  I used to think that it was so hard to be here because it was away from home, different from where I grew up and far away from the ones I loved most.  It was a little that, but mostly? I'm not such a city girl.

Our lifestyle gives me so much anxiety.  Large noises from outside, roadwork at all hours and any day, hustle and bustle and "what are your weekend plans? There's a million things going on" and literally, there are, at any given moment a MILLION things going on.

The stress of what to do and how to do it and how much of it to do is getting completely overwhelming.  I'm even struggling with school choices for the girls, not even where to go, but if they should go.  I never in a million zillion years would have considered homeschooling before having kids.  Now?  I'm not so sure.  The idea of cultivating a curriculum to fit them and nurturing them in that special way that I know I could is so appealing, but also daunting and a bit unrealistic.  I so value my own education, the social-ness and independence of it all.  We'll see.  We'll just see.

I know that life isn't perfect and that you rarely get to choose precisely the life that fits you, but isn't that what we dream about as children?  Eating ice cream for breakfast and staying up too late, choosing a career that you love and a home that suits you.  I have so many pieces of that puzzle that I wanted and for that I feel silly mulling over this one point, but I can't help it.  I want to feel at home.  I have made this place as home as it can be, truly love so many things about this house and community that I will sorely miss someday.  But I can't help but feel like I'm fighting a bit with the city, telling it to back off on Saturdays when I just want birds chirping outside, a warm fire crackling and my family close by.  I don't need hustle and bustle and activities and a full social calendar, in fact that really stresses me out.  I want just us 4 and a simple quiet life surrounded by nature and simplicity. For one night it really helped to dream of that reality, and remind myself that someday?  It's all possible.


Nuggets::

:: January sweatshirt and party shoes bike ride, bizarre and wonderful::

 ::breakin in some new kicks, really loving the crosswalk 

(I think we did it twelve times)

PS, can I just say that that's a 12 month sized jacket?  I LOVE Patagonia, their stuff lasts FOREVER::

 Nuggets::
  Now Ian has been bitten by the cold bug that's engulfed our family.  I'm the last one standing and feeling a bit achy today despite taking FOUR emergen-C's yesterday.  I figure if I go down at least we staggered so there should be one parent mobile at any given time!  Thankfully Louise broke her fever this morning and now it's just a matter of getting her appetite and smiles back.  My girl has never been down and out this long, it's been breaking my heart.

::snuggly sad Louise::

 Nuggets::

My mom and sister are in town!  They're here to celebrate my Bop's 85th year of life, introduce Griffin to all the chicago folk and of course have tons of fun with their Oak Park family branch.  They were here yesterday through this morning and we had such fun.  Ainsley was stuck to her Grammy like glue and Louise was just as smitten with Griffin as at Christmas.  Grammy took Ainsley to musikgarten today so I could stay home with a konked out sick Louise and we'll see everyone again on Saturday for the big party (and Grammy tomorrow for when she babysits so Ian and I can go downtown for a beer/bacon tasting compliments of Julie and Sim for Christmas...needless to say we're wetting our pants with excitement).

 ::STOP! Grammy-time! :o)::

 Nuggets::
Louise's sweater is complete and I'm excited to have made good on my promise to make more in the new year.  My mom walked me through my new sewing machine yesterday and Ainsley already has lots of grand plans for it "Um mommy?  I'd really like a beautiful ballet skirt and bow on top for my lamby lamb.  She'd really really look cute in that".  I see lots of post nap sewing in our future.

:: YaWeez on the mend, or perhaps it's just that chocolate she's noshing on?

can you really blame me? the child's eaten NOTHING for 3 days::

 ::or maybe not so mended?  She was very happy to color though!

(and I get that her outfit clashes, but I just HAD to try the new sweater on right away)::

 Nuggets::
So life continues to plug ahead.  I keep waiting for things to get back to normal and perhaps they will with the forcast of SNOW tomorrow (FINALLY!!!!) and the return of my girls' and husband's health (soon please!).  For now I am so thankful for family in town and fun nights planned, lots of new games to play and crafts to do, and making the most of this place that we call home, for now.

Happy hump day!

::come on, did you really think I'd last long without a self portrait from the new camera? 

I mean I had to show off how great my hair looks today ;o)::

new year, new everything

Funny how  idea of "new" has so stuck with me this year (a whole 10 days, wow I know).  I've never been a big new yearser.  I'd go to the parties, kind of, ring the noisemakers and cheek kisses all around, but I always felt a bit like I was faking it.  What's the big deal?

As I grow I realize it isn't so much the day, but the idea.  Starting fresh, a new page, chapter, whole book if need be.  There can be pressure, sure, to change lots and improve and perfect, but it's also just a chance, a excuse to try something new, fix something that wasn't working, brush some things off and renew.

So dispite feeling a bit grouchy about this weirdly spring-like weather and my still sick girls I'm using this time, this excuse, to make some fun plans.

Did I mention I got a sewing machine as an early birthday present?  My mom is brining it when she visits on Tuesday and I'm literally hopping out of my pants with joy.  I've been staying up far too late looking up new patterns and coming up with ideas for things to make.  Did I mention i'm excited?

::Citronille Adele dress::

 ::summer lottie jumper::

 ::60s vintage skirt::

 ::long twirly ainsley skirt::

 ::reversible summer tunic::

::seashore sundress, THE florida/summer dress::

::vintage pillowcase nightgown::

 ::amy butler skirt with apron::

::toddler sun bonnet::

 :: I was thinking of a sundress for myself, then these turned up in my search and I'm not so sure anymore (I actually kind of like the burda pattern, even more reason not to make one!)::

So instead of declaring to get into better shape or make a better social effort or be the best mom that I can be, I'm declaring this:: I want to make stuff this year.  LOTS of stuff.  I'm secretly hoping to make every gift this year.  I'm getting the girls involved and Ainsley is pumped.  My grandpa's birthday is this weekend and lets just say he's in for a real treat :o).

I'll keep you posted of my making adventures.  Hope you'll keep me posted on yours!

Resolutions, revisited

I kind of erroneously titled that last post "resolutions".  I had every intention of delving into my big 2012 to dos and to don'ts and then in typical Becky fashion got totally side tracked and long winded and merely glazed the surface.  So here I am on a quiet Sunday morning, pondering it all again.

It's kind of been a weird start to the year with me.  Instead of being a brand spankin' new parent, newly pregnant, or adjusting to life as a family of 4 (like the last three new years) here I sit, comfy and status quo wondering, what now?

Well really, lots is changing this year.  Ainsley starts preschool this fall.  Four day a week full morning preschool.  We head to open houses starting this next week and while I'm quite excited for this next step for her, and us, I am also really really sad.  

I have gotten used to it being the three of us, filling our mornings with errands and play and activities.  I like being her teacher and her mama all at once, letting us have a down morning when we need one, catering our days to my girls' needs and moods.  It's all about this letting go right?  Letting her get big and grown up and smart and independent.  But really?  I just kind of want to tuck her lanky body on my hip, nuzzle her baby soft cheek and keep her there forever. It's really really hard to even fathom right now.

And then there's YaWeez!  With the realization that she and Ainsley will be back to back in school she'll be starting (or could start) playschool this fall.  Miss Sheila is over the moon excited for her to join the 2 year old brood.  My little social gal will love it and I simply won't know what to do with myself for 1.5 hours twice a week with NO dumplings underfoot.  Craziness.

So I'm kind of in this new mindset of what next?  With Ian starting a new job late this summer and the girls in for their own new stuff, where does that leave me?  I look back at my ambitions in college, and post graduation, trying to re-grasp that motivation and zeal I had.  But i'm coming up short.  

My work now is my home and my family.  When I have a spare moment I'm planning new sewing projects and little DIY home renovations.  Scheming spring vegetable gardens and homemade gift possibilities.  Scouring cookbooks and blogs for new recipes, cleaning and organizing our home (which we all know is a never ending job with growing children).  I truthfully don't know how I could do all that AND work outside of the home.  

Actually I know I couldn't.  Something would have to give.  And I'm just not ready to give any of that up yet.  For while the girls are ever growing and learning and entering new stages of their lives, I am too.  An almost seasoned mama now, in my own groove of making and concocting and thriving.  I'm thankful to have so much on my plate right now.  Life is rich and full and never dull.  And when the time comes that it's not so much?  I have lots to fall back on, and I'll cross that bridge when I see the river.

So resolutions huh?  How about keep on keepin' on?  Do what you love and do it well and as best you can.  For I know I chose this life and I love this life and really?  there's enough change and resolution without me even trying.  Thank you glorious wonderful life.

Hump Day Nuggets:: Resolutions

I totally spaced on nuggets this week.  I of course missed last week while we were in MN for the holidays, and you'd think with two little sickies underfoot and being indoors straight for 4 days I'd find the time.  Guess not!

So here we go, bits and pieces of this week, back home, not at all in the action, and feeling really weird about this spring weather in January (seriously, I can't bring myself to take the girls to the park, it's just TOO weird?!?!)

Nuggets::
The Quiet Book!  I of course had to share the completed project.  I must say I'm pleased.  It's homemade (and looks it!) functional and pretty darn cute if I do say so myself.  I love that Ainsley can grow into it and I constructed it in such a way that I can keep adding pages if I want (although that may be a while, this was time consuming, but SO worth it).

I made the cover out of quilted material, edged and stitched in place with ties to close it and keep all those tiny pieces in their places!

 The counting page!  The first one I made.

 Ainsley eyeing the flower page, I believe it's her favorite (mine too!).  The flowers have slits to go on and off the buttons.  Ainsley LOVES putting all the flowers in the little basket on the adjoining page and works hard and calmly to get them all on those big wooden buttons.  I got the cute fabric from a grab bag I bought for $5 on alewives.com.  Beautiful expensive fabric in cheap scrap form.  I really loved those fabrics for a fun pop of color and design.

Ok, this is getting way too long winded.  I'll just let the photos speak for themselves. Just know I REALLY loved making this and I'm glad Ainsley likes it too.

Ahh, nothing quite like working hard on a gift for someone you love.  It's addicting I tell you, and really really rewarding.

Nuggets::
All this indoor time with sniffles and coughs and snuggles and sleep has been punctuated with whole periods of absolute cuteness and delight.  The girls (and I) are so glad to be home.  In our comfy familiar home with fun new things to do and play and each other to keep company with.  It hasn't been such a bad week.

::YaWeez mid sensory, look at that mischief in her eyes::

 ::cold walk before the heat wave, just to get out and enjoy that sun!::

 ::enjoying new bath toys, apparently as a snack::

 ::really sad that I took her markers away::

 Nuggets::
Yesterday I'd had enough and decided we simply HAD to get out.  So we wagon-ed over to the conservatory and let the hot humid air clear our heads (and noses).  It was Louise's first trip sans back pack.  I took a deep breath, let them loose and laughed as they ran in opposite directions.  At the end I kind of gave up and let them roam, within reason.  That cactus room is scary with two running kiddos!

::carefully circling items on her scavenger hunt while little sis makes a beeline for the next room:

 ::counting all the fishies::

 ::happy Louise, toddling and teetering on the hills, pointing and squawking at the birds "Hi birdie!!"::

 ::Louise intent on more bird action, Ainsley off with glee::

:: a little sidewalk play time in the sun::

 Nuggets::
Ainsley's sweater is done!  After how long it took me to make Ian's he was amazed/jealous that it was a 4 day project (me too actually, I guess that's what I've been up to with all this indoor time!).  Really, I LOVE baby/kid knitting.  So quick and cute and easy. I'm making Louise a matching sweater with a different yarn and may even tweak the pattern to make one for myself.
The pattern is in threes from ravelry.  Love love love it.

 ::Louise was raging with jealousy::

 ::Ainsley is thrilled with the sweater, and popped it on as soon as the buttons were sewn (which I did during breakfast, she was SO excited!  we couldn't wait!) but wouldn't let me take a good photo of her in it, so I did what I could::

 ::you think maybe they're under the weather?::

 ::look at those tired sick eyes::

 Nuggets::
One of my resolutions is to really buckle down with our food budget.  With so many fixed bills it's the one place I can really make a significant cut and I'm doing my best.  It's hard though when I care so much about the type and quality of food that we eat.  I was pleased this week that I was able to keep our spending under $100 (quite the feat for a family of 4) AND buy all the stuff we needed.  I bought two good meats, lots of veggies and good eggs and cheese, baked a LOT of bread and made a big old pot of soup.  We've eaten well and haven't strained the budget.  It definitely takes some work but I'm glad to do it to keep my family healthy!

My favorite this week ended up being a throw together quiche.  We eat eggs for dinner about once a week because they're a cheap healthy protein, but scrambles and omlettes were getting old.  So I tried this and we LOVED it.

Cheese and Chard Quiche

1 baked pie crust (I love Ina Garten's)
1 small chopped onion
2-3 chopped garlic cloves
1 large bunch swiss chard (or spinach or other green) washed and chopped with stems removed
1 cup cheese (I used dubliner, but swiss or any good sharp cheese would be yummy)
6 eggs
1 cup milk

Saute onions and garlic in a little olive oil and butter until soft, add chard in batches and let it wilt.  Take off heat.
In separate bowl mix eggs and milk with some salt and pepper, add cheese and chard mixture.  Pour into baked crust and bake 30-35 minutes at 375.

The leftovers are great for lunch!

Well there are nuggets.  Here's hoping the girls' colds leave them soon and we get some snow!  I never thought I'd be so excited for a good dump of snow but I am BEYOND ready.

Have a great weekend!

Happy New Year

Before delving in this morning I decided to re-read my January 1st post from last year.  I had a hunch that I was feeling similar sentiments and didn't want to completely repeat myself.  So glad I did.

Despite the girls growing like flowering weeds, settling further into this home away from home and ourselves, not so much has changed this year.  I still find myself aching for simplicity, simultaneously overwhelmed and excited by all the promise and possibility this new year brings.

::ringing in the new year with good friends, lots of dips, and of course new toys::

 ::my poor sicky new years girls::

 ::so thankful for a stocked pantry on forced indoors days, 

Who Bread from the machine filled our bellies! 

(and that baking spice from penzeys you see is new new staple...amazing!)::

::our new camera!  more on this to come, but I couldn't resist::

 ::full happy home of new games and activities, 

while Ainsley's new favorite, Admiral, watches over all::

I really toned down on the holiday prep this year, quite on purpose.  I wanted to enjoy the time with my girls, not flustered about getting this and that done.  As a result there is still lots to do, or lots that could be done.  Last year I remembered feeling so dejected after the quick holiday with a long indoors winter ahead of us.  This year I saved some projects and tricks to keep us excited about the cold and snow (which isn't hard since we've had so little of both!)

In addition we're facing the last year of Ian's PhD, lots of changes in our future, and a bit of a crunch in the meantime.  I feel extra thankful this year for a generous Christmas and optimistic that we can make it until d-day on very little.  I received a new sewing machine as an early birthday present, that coupled with a trip to a fabric outlet while in MN and some photocopied patterns from library books should give us all the new duds we need for spring and summer.  I've started in on the girls' new sweaters and am pleased with how swiftly they're moving along.  I have fabric cut for buckets for the girls' new toys to aid in this desperate need of mine to organize and stacks of fabric just waiting to be turned into curtains, dresses, pants and tunics for the coming months.

:: a few standard calico's for skirts and lots of beautiful batiks.  

I'm envisioning sundresses and maybe even a skirt for myself?::

I'm at a place right now where I feel calm and secure, which is weird for me.  I find I don't spend so much time worrying and planning for this and that.  Partly because I'm learning that life is fluid and changing and constantly revamping and rearranging is part of it all.  To fight it is not only futile but exhausting.  And mostly? because I don't want to spend my time worrying and scurrying, but savoring life in this place with my loves.  I'm learning that this hibernation that winter necessitates is perfect for such slowness and purposefully spent time.  I feel almost as excited for the months to come as those that just passed in the holiday spirit.

::nothing like finding some frozen blueberry pancakes 

in the freezer for surprise breakfast to start the day with a smile::

::dried noodle and play dough play to fill a morning well::

::my newest sous chef, always desperate to help, she's quite good at the salt sprinkle 

(notice the new dutch oven...I'm in love::

::runny nosed winter cold walk, in awe of their park under construction 

and the bright blue sky above::

Today I am thankful for the sun and the cold both to remind us of the brightness and lightness and joy of this season right now, for a break in our scheduled activities to just enjoy our home and all our new fun treasures, and even a bit for the sniffles, for they slow us down and let us snuggle and linger.  I'm loving winter.
Happy new year indeed!