What a year it has been.
After the flurry that was moving and settling in and a summer so full with my little people dare I say we are starting to feel truly settled. This wonderful home that we've found is taking shape. I'm starting to get antsy to change the few things I'd wanted to and the first few repairs have been made helping us learn more about this 50+ year old house.
I am more excited than ever for spring. Now I know the beauty that is to come in the yard and am as determined as ever to maintain and improve it. I planted garlic for the first time last fall and am SO excited to see that sprout. I'm thinking of motivating to make some starts inside the house this year. The few things I was able to can were so enjoyed this winter. I'd love lots more of that this next year.
But enough about all that. I'm 33! Closer to 35 now than 30. I still feel 28 inside. How is that? I've had a hard time getting into my groove here. So much of my energy has been spent on the kids, getting them acclimated and trying to keep this much bigger home in order. I find I'm most excited this year just to get back to what worked so well for me in those younger mom years in Oak Park. Planning our days and our meals well, using our time together as best as we can.
I look around me and notice the other women I encounter. Many have jobs and children. It can be hard for me to not feel insufficient sometimes. I am so happy to be able to be home with my kiddos. They need a lot still. Now that Felix is in school three mornings a week for 3.5 hours each I am starting to see a glimpse of what is to come. I find myself noticing opportunities more. Part time florist at the locall shop. Subsitutes needed at preschools. Tutors needed for middle school English. Part time activities director at a local nursing home. I've been a mom for so long part of me has forgotten about the other things that I can do and right now it feels scary to even consider comitting to anything else. I hope that changes. I feel like I'm yearning for more someday soon.
Right now that feeling for more is being chanelled into making. I am so thankful for some wonderful gifts I received for my birthday to help with that. I've been stocking up at the thrift stores to make lots of old favorites, pillowcase nightgowns and lap quilts, potholders too. I've been meaning to try my hand at some sewn art for a while now. There are a few blank wall spaces just crying out and the phrase "why not!" keeps taunting me.
The why not right now is purely tied up in my motivation. I've been struggling all year with those after lunch hours and am determined to figure them out in my 33rd year. Felix is my first preschooler to have completely dropped his nap (excepting on weekends with Ian) and I'm at a complete loss. He is so zonked after preschool but won't sleep and while I hate letting him watch things for rest time I'm not sure what else to do. When he plays he plays rambunctiously and that little body needs a rest, me too! I'm hoping to start using that time to sew. Maybe my little guy will get used to hanging with me and the fabric like his sister's used to.
For my 33rd year I see me focusing more on me, in the hopes of being able to have more energy for others. I've been so wrapped up in the kids and my struggles with the move and anxieties and i'm ready to put that all behind and look forward. I forced myself to start tunning again, on the treadmill which I hate, but I'm doing it 3-4 days a week and that with the yoga has helped my energy so much. I'm drinking more water, not eating after dinner, and in general just trying to be more mindful of wha tI put in my mouth. It's helping and I'm optimistic.
So aging so far isn't so bad. I'm excited for what's to come this year. An almost 2 week trip to Florida soon, a summer up at the cabin (now that I can drive us there on my own!) Lots of time spent in the garden and outside after a long snuggly winter. I'm loving it here.
To 33! and beyond!