It's Sunday at 4:45 and I just sent all three kids up to their rooms. That's after I dragged Felix across the yard and scolded Louise for unhooking Bluebelle before she got to the house and telling Ainsley that NO! Right now is NOT a good time to make hair bows with hot glue! And it's not even Monday.
I'm grappling a lot lately with why this all still feels so hard so often. It's also super not helpful when parents of older kids tell me that it never gets easier, just harder in different ways. Not what anyone needs to hear even if I know it's true.
It's hitting me like a ton of bricks that a lot of what makes it hard is me. I'm having a hard time letting them go. Whenever they are out biking or at a friends house I'm worried. I'm getting some babysitters for the first time ever this summer and I'm worried about leaving them in someone elses care. I have a hard time relinquishing control but I feel so out of control anyways. It's a hard place to be.
This summer I'm trying hard to just let things be. We got some workbooks that the kids love which helps occupy some of those "what to do now" hours of the afternoon. We're finding new beaches and parks and I'm utilizing audio books for the first time so we can just cruise around town with the puppy and get her used to the car for the trips up north coming soon. I spent about 5 minutes on pinterest today and have some fun ideas for new crafts. I'm desperately trying to figure out how to get the treehouse finished, but I'm able to get about 3 cuts and 4 screws in before I'm needed and that's been a bummer. Plus Ian leaves for a week for a fishing trip soon and then I'm really in survival mode. Thankfully the girls are also in camp all week next week so it's just Felix and I. I know we'll all make it. I just wish it felt like we were thriving more.
Today I'm excited for our first full week of summer without any camps or activities. Tomorrow we have a new babysitter coming over so I'm excited to get groceries ALONE! I'm excited for a beach morning or two, bike rides with the kids and runs with Bluebelle, making salads with all the lettuce that's in the garden, cousins, parks, playdates. It's blissfully easy to fill a day, that doesn't mean they still don't feel long sometimes!
Hope everyone is having a great start to their summer!