It's after 10 and Ainsley went to sleep at 6:30 so writing a blog post is definitely NOT what I should be doing right now. But my heart is racing and I don't think I can fall asleep just yet.
Life has just been one thing after the other lately. Marriage, moving to a new city, new job, new apartment, baby, new house. I wonder if this cycle of "newness" ever ends? I suppose new is good, but I have never been one to deal with change well. When I was feeling overly anxious after Ian and I first got married people chuckled when I gave my response to "has anything changed in your life?"
While it's normal to feel anxious and on edge at times of change, it doesn't make me feel any less so. I feel like I've just started to get used to how life is and then BOOM. Ainsley starts walking, we find the perfect house minus a dishwasher so what would be a simple kitchen upgrade turns into a complete re haul. I feel like life has just gotten more and more complicated, which is the exact opposite of how I want to live. I am mostly stressing out right now about not having a kitchen for a good month when we first move in, right before the holidays no less. We hardly eat out once a month let alone every meal. I seriously may lose sleep over this tonight.
And the physical moving aspect could just put me right over the edge. Last week I went in search of free boxes and while somehow managing to collect 10 while simultaneously pushing Ainsley in the stroller it hit me...this is going to suck. Big time. I can't pack even one box without Ainsley trying to crawl into it, or stand up on it, or my personal favorite, pull everything that I just packed out of it. Now yes this is a bit cute and funny, ONCE. But over and over? I may go insane. And now that our precious 10 month old baby girl has decided that she not only needs a mere one nap a day, but that nap will be NO longer than 45 minutes I officially have time to perhaps eat a sandwich and change the laundry around before she decides it's play time again.
On top of all of this I am just anxious for the change. I know that I love the house and that we will be so happy there. I just can't imagine getting through the next month and actually being there. I know that it will happen. I just don't know how sometimes.
Off to bed or I'm really going to regret staying up this late (yes 10:16 is late, I've been up since 5).
Oh Becky! You just wrote my life story on your blog! How did you know? Well- aside from the kitchen redo- and the baby unpacking everything I have packed. But I do have a husband who suddenly needs the stuff he hasn't touched in months- after I just packed it all up. does that count?
ReplyDeletePlus we have a house guest staying with us all week in our one bedroom apartment. yes- the week before we close. I am so stressed- and anxious.
I worry that this isn't a good choice- that something will happen to Chris and then we won't be able to pay the mortgage. Or that something will happen and we will need to move home- but we will be stuck here with a house! It is so stupid- I know. I can't worry about every possible bad scenario that could happen- but during times of big change I do.
Good luck to you- I wish I could be there to help.
(p.S. My sister is in Chicago now- her husband is going to law school at the university of Chicago. Are you near there?)