Change of Plans

Vacations are wonderful, but hard.  Any parent will tell you how tricky it can be to get kids to sleep in a bed that's not theirs, calm down to nap when there's so much NEW and FUN going on, keep any semblance of a routine, which we all know is how we stay sane in our everyday.  So as much as I loved our Christmas, our 10 days away, I was ready to get back.

Then there's the inevitable long drive and unpacking.  And this time the house was in need of a good scrub to boot.  I was so looking forward to this past shortened week   Ian at his new job, the girls still out of school and activities.  What a perfect time to revamp, have some fun and get some things done.  I saw fun outings in our mornings, long full afternoons of organizing new toys and cleaning out to make room for new duds.  I was almost giddy.

Then Wednesday morning at approximately 1am our poor Ainsley girl ran into our room and proceeded to get sick every 15-20 minutes for the next 4 hours.  Roughly 36 hours later, my girl was only starting to resemble her normal self.  I have never seen her so sick.  Poor thing.

But that was Thursday, there was still time to reboot right?  Well, at approximately 10pm Thursday night the bug hit me (and as an aside, why does stomach flu always strike at night?  BEFORE any good sleep has been had, on a gross full stomach?  Ugh).  36 Hours later I am just able to scrape myself off of my bed and the only thing to cross my lips other than gatorade and ginger ale have been 4 saltines and a tiny bowl of red jello.  This one was a doozy.

So at least we have the weekend, right?  kind of?  I so dislike starting our winter routine feeling behind.  Playing catch up, pregnant, with little ones, is nearly impossible.  I find I'm so unavailable to them when I'm rushing around trying to do this and that, when all those sweet girls really want to do is play and enjoy.

As I came down this morning I was prepared for the worst, for while Ian is a stellar solo dad, he leaves a bit to be desired in the night time tidying up department.  But! Dishes were put away, I could see the floor, these are all good things.

So perhaps this new year is already telling me to let go a bit.  Reminding me quickly and firmly that I am not in control.  That as anal retentive as I've become about keeping our house nice, planning elaborate projects and crafts, we've made the choice to have this amazing little family, and most days tending to that is just about all we have in us.  And that's just going to have to be ok for a while.

On the way home from Minnesota Ian asked me if I had any new years resolutions.  I jokingly replied "lose about 25 pounds" knowing that come the end of April, that should be no problem.  Then I paused and really thought.  "I guess keep connected with people.  I really miss my friends."  I find I'm so busy with my family and our day to day that writing a quick letter or making a 15 minute phone call just seems unrealistically hard.  It's been ages since I've been out alone with friends, and I really miss that.  Now here we are having another baby and as over the moon as I am about our little one, I can't help but feel a bit further sunk into this parenting thing.

Being home for so long reminded me that I am more than just a parent.  I am still Becky.  I haven't changed so much from that girl in college, or high school even.  All this running around as a parent, as an adult, makes me forget that sometimes.  It's nice to have an excuse to slow down and be grounded a bit again.

So now I look ahead at the first full day we've had at home, mostly healthy and free, and all I can think to put on the agenda?  Have fun with my family, make some good food, get out a bit, enjoy.  Because clean house or not, that's what I really want it to be all about.