24 weeks

Ok, so technically I'm 24 weeks 4 days.  These things matter, trust me.  

They matter to me especially because things are getting real.  For one, I suddenly look pregnant.  After weeks and weeks of worrying that I didn't look big enough, POP! I'm ginormous.  Ok, the BABY is growing.  That's at least what Ian tells me to tell myself.  I can still wear pre pregnancy jeans with my belly band and a few of my normal shirts, so I'll believe him, for now.  But goodness gracious.  Even family and friends commented at Christmas how I was looking larger every day.  Tis that time I guess.  Here we go!

I had an appointment this evening and brought he girls along for the first time.  The girls were so intrigued by it all. I wish I had a video of their faces lighting up when they heard the baby's heartbeat.  Amazing.

And as for that little baby?  Why they're right as rain.  I'm measuring just over 25 weeks, normal for me.  I swear I have a shorter gestational period than normal.  My kids grow fast and furious.  Their heartbeat was a bit higher than last time, still in the normal range.  I chuckled with shame as I admitted that I'd had a 2pm coffee today.  Hey!  A mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.

One blood pressure had been taken (AOK) and weight had been measured (I didn't gain nearly as much as I thought over the holidays...yay!) we sat down for our chat.  Any questions? the midwife asked.

Today was the day to get into the nitty gritty.  Our rescheduled ultrasound is for next week and it was time for the what ifs.  What if they find I have a short cervix again?  What if I'm already dilating?  What if....

We went over my history again and for the first time I felt like my voice was really heard. I explained how I am such a nervous person.  How even getting ready to come in today my uterus was seizing up and my blood pumping.  How extra unnecessary tests and news that does more bad than good is so emotionally and physically dangerous for me.  How of course this baby comes first and I will do whatever I need to ensure their health, but how I trust my instincts and this body that's birthed two healthy girls and until there are physical actual signs that there's something wrong, I simply can't live on assumptions and guesses.

The midwife heard every word and agreed with me wholeheartedly.  I am meeting with their collaborative OBGYN this month and visit the level 3 hospital he works from, so we'll be all set in the event that we need a pre term plan.  But for now?  I get to be a normal pregnant woman, and regardless of the state of my cervix at the ultrasound next week I get to remain one.  I cannot begin to express the relief I feel.  I feel so blessed to have found health professionals who trust a mother's experience and voice.  Finally.

::this is my, oh goodness am I really this large, ALREADY? face::

After the appointment the girls and I went to our local yarn shop.  All this good news needed some celebrating and I decided a purchase for the baby's blanket was in order.  I found the most luscious organic cotton, in an assortment of delicious soft colors.  I see night after night, resting this growing baby and body, knitting away.

All anxiety and unknown aside, this really is my favorite time of pregnancy.  This little one is always with me, reassuring me when nerves hit.  They are alive and well and I love them so much already.