Today feels grey. The sun is actually trying to poke through after two days of solid rain and gloom. Thought my mood is still stuck in gloom.
Today is the day I feel the drudgery of school life with three little people. I am tired of packing lunches and getting up to an alarm in the dark and reminding over and over to pack backpacks and sign assignment notebooks and log reading minutes. The responsibilities feel crippling today.
I have yet to do my fall clean out. I'm only starting to switch out clothes and think about buying new snowboots for my ever growing children. The junk drawers remain cluttered and fall cleaning has not even begun. We've all had our first colds and I've already had to juggle work and sick kid life. Today it feels hard.
My kids are grumpy too, scratch that, the girls are grumpy. Ainsley has always had bigger than average feelings, mix in preteen hormones and it gets rough around here sometimes. Last night it was slamming doors off the bus and not wanting to read books with the family and hiding in dark rooms at church rather than rising above it.
Louise's sensitivity meter is off the charts most days. It's hard to not be able to say much around her for fear of tears. I spewed this morning about spelling homework and I thought she might not recover.
It's hard to start my day that way; being yelled at, problem solving so many things. It'd be like walking into work and having three people run up to you telling you all the things you did wrong yesterday and demanding immediate solutions. Only not like that because before that you'd probably be able to wake up and drink your coffee and get dressed in the peace and quite of your own home.
I wake up to a child angry at me for waking her up, annoyed that I can't find the right uniform, pissed off about breakfast and that she can't find HER hairbrush. It's all my fault, always. It wears on me.
I gave a big speech to Louise this morning about remembering to look for the good even when you feel grumpy and sad. Give yourself 3 minutes to wallow and then walk outside, look up at the sky and thank God for the day you have in front of you; for your health (or at least your breath), and your many blessings.
Today I'm going to try to follow my own advice. I'm going to drive to Ainsley's school to pay for a field trip she never told me she was going on (that's today and I got a phone call about), then perhaps a leisurely errand sipping a seasonal coffee and perusing holiday isles at a store. I'm almost done with my first batch of mittens for the kids so after a quick meeting at church I may hunker down for a fall movie and some knitting time. And hopefully once my kids get off the bus I'll have rebooted and they will have too.
Hoping the sun is peeking through the clouds for you all today. And if your sunshine is in abundance could you send a little my way?
