On the Sunny Side of the Street

After the last post I vowed to write again when I was feeling more optimistic. Of course I waited too long and the two days of relative calm that I've had are now ending with another night of worry (lots of lower back pain tonight, no contractions though).

STILL, my attempt is to recall that calm and focus on the positive. Clearly worrying constantly doesn't help.

My mom has been amazing (have I mentioned this yet?) She is not only watching Ainsley from 8-5:30 while Ian's at work, but she cooks, cleans, organizes, the woman has even tiled our backsplash in the kitchen for us. (The white penny tile ended up being a good choice. It looks amazing, fits with the age of the house, AND at$4 a square foot, was quite the deal.) She has taken Ainsley out every morning to do errands, whether it be groceries, the fabric store, or Gap and Old Navy (where she's spoiled both Ainsley and I with some new items - thank heavens for comfy pants during bedrest!) Every afternoon they either go out back to play in the giraffe pool, up the street in the wagon to the park, or the 15 minute walk to the park by our old apartment with the splash zone. Ainsley is so in love and I think now will be double traumatized by the addition of a new sister AND her Grammy leaving. I'm glad they've gotten along so swimmingly.

As for Ainsley herself, she is growing up SO fast. Lying on the couch and observing her I've been able to see her from a whole new perspective. She is talking so much. Every condiment is now "salsa" which is hilarious when what she wants is clearly a stick of butter. You need only say "do you want to go outside?" and she dives into all her outside words as if marking off a checklist, "shoes, pool, outside" then she turns to me and promptly says "bye bye!" with a casual wave. In the morning she immediately asks for a "bar" and then wants to see "dada" or "mama" depending on who gets her up. The cutest new development is that she'll run up to you and hug your leg and say "happy!" or at least we think she's saying happy. She also says "abby" ALL the time and none of us have any idea what she means.

She signs very little now and when I sign to her she only answers in words. She is also getting her old Ainsley temperament back. She screams a lot and has started throwing little tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants or is frustrated. Ian and I are still figuring out how to handle this. Luckily for now they are still few and far between. Plus I feel like I need to cut her some slack. She may by 18 months old, but she's no fool. She knows that something is up and while she's dealt really well with everything so far you can tell the change of pace may be wearing on her a bit. She's being such a trooper.

As for me, I'm starting to finally settle down into my new roll as couch potato. Ian downloaded the Sims onto my new computer, including the new expansion pack my sister sent and I spent the afternoon making quite the awesome marsh bungalow. I've already knitted a pair of preemie sized booties and a hat both to get the knitting juices flowing and for piece of mind just in case. I take comfort in the fact that if we have a teeny tiny baby in the near future I can at least put something homemade on her right away. I'm continuing to work on the matinee jacket for the new baby and her baby blanket. I'm going to look online for some yarn to make Ainsley's fall sweater and GINORMOUS Christmas stocking #2 for the new baby (to match the one I made Ainsley).

I finally bit the bullet and packed a hospital bag. While I'm not superstitious I was hesitant/in denial until recently but would rather be prepared in the event that we need to go. I am 32 weeks on Friday and have an appointment with the midwives in the morning. 32 weeks was my next big goal after getting all of the bad news a little over a week ago so I'm feeling more hopeful than ever. If I make it that far I've at least proved the one test wrong which I'm hoping will give me a much needed boost of confidence. I still can't get over how worried I was being put on bedrest with Ainsley at 34 weeks and now it's all I'm praying for.

The baby is anywhere from 3.5-4 pounds and growing every day. My sister told me that 1 day in the womb is equivalent to 3 on the outside so on the really hard days I know that every hour is counting. I don't think I've ever prayed so much in my life or been so thankful for all of the support and for God choosing to answer my prayers, at least for the time being.

One of the hardest parts of all of this, besides the worrying, laying down, and guilt, is switching gears from being SO excited to meet our new little girl to being terrified that she's coming too soon. I am mourning the loss of a normal pregnancy, getting to waddle around town and show off my tweedle dee striped swimsuit at the pool. I know it is of course for the best possible reason, but it's hard nonetheless.

Thank you everyone again for all of the kind thoughts, prayers, and support. We're doing well and I'll keep you posted.