Trail Blazing or, 39 Weeks Pregnant

Never ever in my wildest most dramatic pregnancy dreams did I think I'd be sitting here, still pregnant with my third baby, a week away from my due date.  Pretty much since the beginning when people asked when I was due I'd say "the middle of April", because in my mind? even that was pushing it.

These last two weeks have been such an emotional and physical roller coaster for me.  I've had about 7 legitimate false labors. The longest lasting almost 12 hours, the most recent one off and on for nearly 2 straight days, ending with an hour of contractions so intense that they made my face white and even Ian was convinced that "it was time".

But as always, it's not. And I don't understand.  You'd think three times in I'd know, but apparently I don't.  And now my previous worries of an early baby have been replaced by a whole new batch of uncertainties.  What if I wait to long when it's really IT and the midwives can't get here in time?  Is the baby just stuck in there or turned funny?  Will this labor and delivery be so much different because the baby is later? WHY HAVE I NOT HAD THEM YET?!?!?!?!

It is so utterly exhausting to think that you're baby could be coming at any given moment.  In a normal day now I wake up at 4:30 or so to contractions.  I get up to go to the bathroom and then my mind and body are all abuzz.  So I head downstairs, drink some water and putz around until the girls skip downstairs just as soon as that sun peeks over the horizon.  Then I'm mom for the day.  Even if I'm in pain or so so tired or contracting all the live long day I have that job to do.  So I do it, somehow fit in a walk and making some food, then relish in Ian being home and our evening together.  Once the girls are in bed I typically start having pretty intense contractions again.  My mind is too amped up to do much else other than take a bath and read a mindless book.  I go to bed early because I'm exhausted.  I wake up just about every hour to pee and rearrange myself in bed because my hips fall asleep and my pelvis is in incredible pain.

So yes, I'm still pregnant.  Still feel like this baby could be coming at any given moment, have no clue why I have not had them yet.  It's so bizarre to walk past the nursery, and sit down in the chair with them still in my belly and not in my arms.  I feel like i'm in the twilight zone, like I'm just kind of trudging/floating along until they're here.  then for a moment I can calm and cool it a bit, remind myself that they WILL be here soon and that all of this will make perfect well timed sense.  I have just never been so antsy in my entire life.  Soon?  Soon!