37 Weeks Strong

I'm up early, pretty normal as of late.  But 2:45?  I guess that's what I get for going to bed at 9.  I think I may be heading back to bed in a bit.

On mornings like these it's nearly always my mind that keeps me up (ok, my bladder that GETS me up, admitedly).  There is just so much buzzing through my brain.  Some mornings it's quite hard to calm back down and settle.  Where to start?

These past few weeks have been rough.  If I haven't been worried about the health of everyone in my little family, I've been worried about going into labor early, or trying to keep up with all the housework that a sick house produces, or planning for this new little one coming any day now.  It's been absolutely exhausting.

This past week of terrible family stomach flu really did us all in.  We missed out on an entire week of school and activities thank to two very sick little girls, and later in the week, one very sick and pregnant mama.

But then somehow, just yesterday the skies parted a bit and sun shone.  My girls are both eating again, me too.  The laundry is mostly done and the baby things gathered.  It dawned on my suddenly and unexpededly that thanks to being so preoccupied with all that's going on with us, I've somehow made it to full term.  Just like that.

Starting out this pregnancy I was optimistic, but in the back of my head was prepared for, expecting even, a similiar scenario to my last two pregnancies.  Third trimester scares, preparations for a preemie, lots of bedrest, it had all become a bit standard.  But then I just kept plugging along.  Life with two little ones will do that to you I guess.  There wasn't a whole lot of time to sit and think about the ifs, I just had to do it, keep moving forward with life, and somehow my body and this new baby obliged me for once.  And here we are.  37 weeks strong.

While I've been telling everyone for weeks that "come 37 weeks I'll be doing jumping jacks to get this baby out!" now that I'm here I don't feel so desperate.  Sure I'm terribly uncomfortable, large and ready, but on the other, I'm not in a hurry just yet.  I so emotionally and physically drained from the past few weeks that i'm hoping this little one gives me a bit longer to resettle into life, get those few last things done, regain my strength and full health so we can do this right.

Because truly, family health trauma aside, I am in a bit of shock.  I can hardly believe that I am sitting here, full term, with a big healthy baby in me, just hanging out.  It's all I've ever wanted in a pregnancy and now I jsut want to enjoy that a bit.  Go for long(ish) walks without worrying it will put me into pre term labor.  Power through our days just a bit more, watch my girls play at the park a few more times before our little one joins us, strapped to my chest.

I hadn't expected this time to be so bittersweet, but of course it is.  Life is changing, a lot and soon.  I don't know the specifics of when or how, but I know it's coming, so for now?  I am so very thankful.  So many prayers have been answered.  I simply cannot wait to meet our baby, for that moment of triumphant pain and elation when they are born and our family is complete, for my girls to meet their baby brother or sister, for Ian and I to become new parents all over again.  But also?  I can, for just a bit more.  Because life is so sweet right now just as it is, and I want to savor every moment.

The many blessings of this long hard totally normal pregnancy are not lost on me at all.  We'll be seeing you soon baby, whenever you're ready, so are we.