Where Were We?

Pardon me, but I've officially entered the vortex of we're having a baby soon! and it's kind of consumed me whole.

I feel like a bad mom about 80% of the time, I lie around at least 50% of the time, and even with a fully stocked fridge we've gotten take out twice this week.  Yeah, that sounds about right.

 but I also got some pretty great new rainboots, so I think things are evening out...

I'd rather mistakenly hoped that getting past 30 weeks would feel so monumental, so reassuring that life would go on as normal   I was wrong.  Turns out, worry of going into labor early aside, I'm still huge and pregnant, and that makes most thing hard.

a typical afternoon around here of late

And speaking of normal, I'm not sure I know what that is.  I've never had a "normal" end to my pregnancies.  For me it's normal to have a billion braxton hicks all day, then take a bath at night go to bed early and whalla! total calm.  It's normal to not be able to move much at all past about 5pm.  It's normal to be in so much pain when getting up from a lying down position that I groan and grimace and whine like a tiny baby.  The issue I'm having now is how much to let myself power through.  Weighing what I really need to do, versus what's just extra and unnecessary.  It's tricky.

Take yesterday for instance.  Two doctors appointments and playschool drops offs for Louise, topped off with Ainsley's first drop off playdate...oh man, that was a big morning.  Almost more emotionally than physically (which I think wears me out more).

I was a bit keyed up for my midwife appointment.  My blood pressure was JUST this side of high last time and I was paranoid that it would continue to go up.  It was the same, ONE point higher than they'd like, so the nurse asked me to sink back into the comfy couch, take 5 big breathes, laid my arm up on a pillow, and close my eyes.  10 points lower.  Well within normal.  Oh man, I'm such a nut.

Then Ainsley and I walked over to the bread shop to get a pastry for her and a coffee for me as a reward for my normal blood pressure.  Let me tell you, there's not much that gets that girl more excited than a whole pecan roll all to herself.

Then we picked up Louise from school where Ainsley insisted on being the first in line. She safety (super slowly) walked up to Louise where they beamed and hugged for at least a whole minute.  Then walked around holding hands.  Even the other moms cooed at how cute they were.  It was adorable.

I'm pretty sure they're in love

(above:: sharing in the joy of new Costco jammies, 

below:: watching in awe as the windshield of our car was replaced)

When we headed on over to Ainsley's (very belated) 4 year well visit.  She was a bit nervous, not at all trusting me when I told her that she wasn't getting any shots this time.  But then she rallied and I just got to sit back while my big girl answered all the drs questions.  She told him her favorite food was carrots.  She spelled her name for him.  She told him willingly that she doesn't like milk, but has to drink a glass with lunch and dinner.  She told him all about school and her friends and how she's loving learning to read and write.  My peanut girl weighed in at 32 lbs (15th percentile for her age) and is average height (I can't for the life of me remember the inches off the top of my head).  She sure is built like her dad.  When it was time to leave she beamed.  I love the dr.  He's the nicest man in the world.  Success!

Then it was time to head over to her friend's house for an afternoon playdate.  I was dropping her off and i'll admit I was worried.  Ainsley's had a tough time leaving me, pretty much her whole life, and I REALLY wasn't in the mindspace to deal with a scene.  I need not have worried.  She bounded out of the car and hopped up the stairs to my best friend ever Olivia's house!  I saw her again three hours later when the nanny walked them the half mile back to our house.  Needless to say she slept well last night, and had SUCH a good time.

Louise napped so well in the quiet house and I enjoyed a midday bath and finished devouring the first book in the #1 Ladies Detective Agency.  It's been sitting on my shelf for years.  I don't know why I hadn't read it.  So entertaining.

Then Ainsley came home, Louise woke up, and we commenced our usual lay around afternoon.  The sun was beaming outside and it was one of those days when it was hard for me to listen to my tired body and stay put.  I so want to play with my girls like normal, be the mom they know me to be.  Thankfully they are just as happy to play with each other inside, or watch Kiki's Delivery Service for the zillionth time.

very happy girls

My mantra of late has been 3 More Weeks! 3 More Weeks! Because then at least the worry of going into labor early will be gone, and while I still won't be fully "me", I can at least power through a bit more.

So there you are.  We are here! All safe and snug in our little we're having a baby soon! cocoon.  Truthfully, it's an ok place to be.  Well, at least for the next three weeks. Then, soon! we'll be in the we have a new baby! bermuda triangle.  I'm pretty excited about that one.