Humble Pie

i'm sitting here staring off into space, HGTV on in the background, the girls downstairs with auntie sonya watching the little princess, and I'm pulling the front section of my hair through my fingers over and over.  I've done this since I was little.  It's my stress reliever, my calm down mechanism.  I may be bald soon from all this finger combing, but it's working, so I go with it.

Things are very heavy right now over here.  Part of me is hesitant to use this space right now for this purpose but writing is another stress reliever for me and knowing that all of you are reading this helps a bit.  Right now any little bit helps.

Ian is sick.  He was sent to the ER from urgent care on Saturday for suspected appendicitis.  It's not that, but it's bad.  Some viral infection in his stomach gone bad, resulting in lots and lots of pain.  My boy can't eat, he can hardly sit up.  The meds aren't working.  It's not getting better.  Tonight he's back at the ER with his dad who drove into town last night on a moments notice to help us.  I don't know how we'd have gotten through the past 24 hours without him.  He's fired up and ready to get some answers.  I am so thankful for him right now.

On top of it all, I thought I was going into labor on Sunday.  Surely induced from the stress and worry contractions were coming every 4-6 minutes all morning long.  They hurt, I was terrified.  Having Ian so sick is bad enough, having Ian so sick that he wouldn't have been able to be with me on an emergency trip to the maternity ward while I gave birth to a premature baby was terrifying.

So I guess I'm writing to ask for prayers for my boy, for him to get relief soon.  Prayers for the doctors so that they can help him and fix him and figure it out.  Prayers for my father in law who has taken on a whole lot coming here.  Prayers for this 35 week baby in my belly, that they stay in there at least 11 more days.

I'm also writing with a big side of humility tonight.  It took a lot for me to ask for help, admit that we were in over our heads, that our little family couldn't do it on our own.  And you know what?  We got help.  In the form of an enthusiastic rearing to go father in law, an amazingly supportive sister in law and every distant family member  friend, and close neighbor.  I know that no matter what these next days bring we're covered.  My girls will be taken care of, my boy will be advocated for, this baby will be healthy and strong.

Life sometimes has a very clear and abrupt way of reminding us that we aren't in control, that we are just tiny pieces in a much larger puzzle.  Tonight I reach out to those who are lifting us up and keeping us strong.  Tonight I am humbled, and thankful, and still a bit scared.

Thank you for listening.  Sometimes that's as good as anything.

P.S. How I wish I were a kid again right now.  All my girls know is excitement that their beloved Grandpa Dan is in town, that they get to play so much with Auntie Sonya, and joy that daddy is around all day, on a Monday!  My girls are my rocks right now, pulling me forward, reminding me of what matters and that in the end it's all going to be ok.