Hump Day Nuggets:: Place to Land

Just this past weekend I was flying high.  I was coming off of a tremendous week, lots of easy fun and good life vibes in general. Easter Sunday with it's excitement, fullness, and zeal for churchgoing renewed was an exclamation point to a seriously amazing streak.

Then Monday found me in a deep funk.  Louise spiked a fever mid morning and Ainsley was proclaiming loud and proud throughout the crowded grocery store "I think I'm going to barf mom.  My tummy hurts so bad!".  Thankfully she did not barf, but the mood was set for the next few days. Normal activities became chores, moods were off, especially mine.

I went into my zone, a quiet autopilot zone where my mind is abuzz with thought but without voice.  I struggled to pinpoint what was up, why I was so down.  Then gradually my sweet girls and my amazing boy pulled me out of my mood, as they always do.  Louise needed me so and that felt good, if not exhausting me so I had no time to think much about my own woes.  Ainsley has been so ridiculously witty, cute and helpful lately that I can't help but beam.  Then Ian can home with a broad smile and a welcome squeeze, despite his two very long hard work days and I decided to get over it.

Ian and I talked last night after the girls went down.  One of those great long deep talks.  I'll admit I cried, spewing all my worries about the future, working through befuddlement about where my place is in this world, how being a mom continues to be so much harder than I thought and that once the girls are in school I know I need something else, but what? That really I feel silly writing this blog sometimes.  As if I have anything worthy or new to say.  That I cling to my cooking and homemaking and crafting so desperately because it gives me SOMETHING, ANYTHING, outside of my children who I love so, but take every ounce of me. That I miss my friends.  That when a best old friend called yesterday and I missed the call beacuse I was running around upstairs trying to get Ainsley to brush her teeth I cried when I heard the message.  How I've missed that voice, and all that voice represents, true friendship, kindred spirits, camaraderie and carefree fun.  It's been almost 5 years since any of that.  I needed a good cry about it all and today I feel much better.

Then as if to put a big old page break on this whole down spell a friend linked to a great article this morning.  The article spoke of how detrimental it is to compare ourselves as parents to all those "perfect" ones out there, on other blogs, facebook, twitter.  I've seen a number of these articles floating around and I have to say it eases my mind.  It's so easy to compare ourselves to others, especially online, to see how we measure up and feel lacking.  But we all have our things right?  Our strengths and our weaknesses.  I'm still coming to terms with my own but I know at the end of the day my girls and my boy just want me.  No matter where I am in life or how hard the day is, that's a pretty great place to land.

Nuggets::

Last Friday I took the girls to the zoo.  Despite telling Ainsley about million times before leaving that we weren't going to go on the carousel she kind of lost it when we actually walked by without riding.  Thankfully we recovered and had a great morning.  It was much more crowded than I was expecting (I forgot kids have Good Friday off of school!) so we bee-lined it for the children's zoo building and spent our entire morning there.

Ainsley could have stayed at the veterinary clinic all morning.  She was tending to a stuffed pengiun with a limp in his waddle and took such care of him.  We had to go back numerous times for her to check on her pal.  Louise adored the petting zoo and nearly tackled the sweet rabbit.  Both girls loved playing zookeeper, picking out food for the tiny turtles and cleaning their cages and windows, all in costume mind you.  We rounded out the morning with a story time, a little facepaint and a stop over in the zoo managers office where Ainsley answered phones and typed fake emails with the best of them. I love the zoo more each time we go.  What a great morning.

Nuggets::

Easter was phenomenal.  My parents and grandma dropped by Saturday morning for a quick visit and egg decorating.  Ainlsey and I were egg dying machines.  I tried two new "techniques" this year, mainly because last year Ainsley had very little patience for dipping the eggs and quickly wound up dumping all the colors together.  This year I tried an egg volcano trick, which was so simple and fun with awesome results.

Materials::
baking soda
food coloring
paint brushes
water
hard boiled eggs
vinegar

Directions:: Make a paste with the baking soda and food coloring.  Add water until you get a tempera paint like consistancy that is thick enough to stick to the eggs.  Paint the eggs, making sure to cover entirely.  Place on wire cooling rack over rimmed baking sheet.  Pour vinegar over the egg(s) and watch the magic!

I also tried tissue paper dying which didn't turn out quite as well.  I think you need to mkae sure to get uncoated tissue paper.

Back to Easter...

On Easter Eve we read The Easter Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes.  Ainsley snuggled right up to me and drank it all in.  When we put her to bed she asked desperately if we could please cut a hole in her wall so she could see the Easter bunny hiding eggs in the backyard.  She was SO excited!!!  She woke up at 6am sharp and climbed into bed with us while we tried to convince her that we couldn't get up before the sun because the Easter bunny was still working.  As soon as she saw the sun peaking through the window she bolted downstairs.  As soon as Louise woke up the girls searched for and found their baskets.  The Easter bunny went a bit overboard on the sweets this year which the girls of course loved.  Louise in particular was smitten with her first full sized chocolate bunny.  Since church wasn't until 11 we dragged out the morning a bit.  I made eggs benedict for the first time and while the hollondaise was a bit lemony it was quite good.  We then got all gussied up and let the girls loose in the backyard for the egg hunt.  The pictures say enough...

Then off to church, which I'm embarrassed to admit we have not been to in AGES.  Ainsley was literally traumatized by the nursery and when Louise started to lose it too we decided to take a hiatus until the girls were older.  They both did amazingly at the hour long service.  Ainsley is excited to attend church school and we've made the decision to buckle down with Louise even if she's not a fan at first because Ian and I need this in our lives again.

After naps we ate an early supper with Auntie Sonya.  I bought a 1/4 ham from Trader Joe's which was delcious! and made Pioneer Woman's Scalloped Potatoes.  I made a banana cream pie the day before and whipped up some cornmeal biscuits at the last minute because really what's a feast without biscuits?  It was a good meal.  It was a great day.

Nuggets::

I am nearing the end of my "planned" knitting and sewing projects for the spring.  Louise's sweater has turned out to be a huge pain and I've had to rework the sleeves 3 times now. There's nothing like paying $9 for a pattern and having the sleeves wrong! (but also a secret thrill in correcting a "pros" pattern).  I think I've finally figured it out and hope to have it done soon!

Also on the forefront now are a few gifts in the works and a few springy things for myself.  Sonya gave me a gift card to my favorite knitting store and I've been agonizing over what to use it for.  I'm thinking luscious yarn for a modern shawl for myself.  I'm pretty excited!

Nuggets::

We've started doing lots of crafts and activities inspiried by books we're reading which I am LOVING. Ainsley asks so many questions when we read and while it takes FOREVER to get through books I am so thankful for her genuine curiosity and excitement.  This last week we read Miss Rumphius for the unpteenth time, but this time Ainsley suggested that we too could make the world prettier if we planted flowers in our own garden.  So on an errand to Target I found some lupine seeds, just like Miss Rumphius plants and we sprinkled them out of our pockets into our garden just like her.  I know they most likely won't bloom until next spring as they are perennial seeds, but Ainsley was delighted to bring a bit of that book to life.  Me too, it's one of my favorites.

On the docket next is baking Russian pashka and kulich inspired by Babushka in Rechenka's Eggs and Cinnamon Crinkle Cookies from In Aunt Lucy's Kitchen (the first in a series of adorable first chapter books).

Nuggets::

Walks.  They're my favorites.  We do them every day.  We do them long, we do them short.  I've learned to come prepared, ALWAYS with the Ergo to carry the tired ones home and an open mind to where we go and how long it takes.  Definitely my new favorite groove.

 ::the latest alley find, a push car!!!  Best toddler transportation ever::

::trainspotting::

 ::walks usually end this way, hence the need for the Ergo::

So the good streak really is still going strong.  Sometimes a good cry is just as important as all those awesome days of fun and productivity.  More important I think.  For here I sit on the other side totally refreshed and free, closer to my boy, my girls and my self.  It's a really good place to land.

Happy Hump Day!