Project Slump

So now I'm under the weather.  I felt it coming these past two days but stayed hopeful.  Nothing that an extra dose of vitamin C and advil cold and sinus can't temper, but I feel icky all the same.  Mostly because of this slump I've been in.

The hardest part about all these colds and extra naps and fevers and staying indoors is getting out of our great routine.  I so miss DOING things with my girls and am officially sick of every toddler appropriate show out there (because there's about 4 and we've seen them ALL, except Wallace and Gromit, I could never grow sick of that).

So despite feeling chilled and stuffed up and headachy I'm doing my best to motivate.  The snow is just starting to fall and I pulled out the double stroller ready for a snowy walk with the girls to the library after Ainsley's playschool is done.  I've been looking up Valentine's kits and am REALLY tempted by this one and this one.  But in my heart I know that it'd be extravagant and lofty to think that Ainsley would really put it to good use this year.

I've really been struggling with that one lately, butting heads lots and frustrated.  Even with ALL these wonderful new art supplies and projects she isn't too tempted.  It's so hard for me because especially in these long indoor days all I want to do are projects with my girls.  Her new favorites?  All the games we have that are hard to play with Louise underfoot and baths where she can use her fun new shaving kit from Auntie Jenny.  So in between baths and big girl time I've been at a bit of a loss and now my own motivation is waning.

Last night Ian went to her prospective new preschool's open house.  He came back impressed and starry eyed with a bunch of pamphlets about play based learning and progressive ed.  I was reminded of my experience teaching at such a school, so excited about this idea that children lead us to what they need and how they need to learn it.  But with my own child I am struggling.

A favorite blogger of mine wrote a piece yesterday about spending a whole day on "Harper time" (her 3 year old boy).  They lingered outside and fed chickens for HOURS and while inside she was desperate to get so much done around the house and check things off her long list she let it all go and followed his lead.  Apparently they had a great day.

I have those days with Ainsley.  The days when I'm able to let go of my own ambitions and follow hers.  Those days can be great.  I just so wish they happened more often, that there was more of a balance.  I resent that I have to let go of so much that I want to do, so much of me, to make her happy.  Still, I am determined to make that balance happen by following her lead, finding a way to teach her what I deem important in a way that's appealing and exciting to her.  It's all about compromise right?

So right now as the laundry whirls and the dishes dry and my sweet Louise sleeps off the last dregs of her cold and Ainsley plays happily at school with her pals my mind is whirling and at ease all at once.  I am excited for a full morning doing things I KNOW the girls and I will love (they get to romp around the library while I sift through new sewing and parenting books), and an afternoon coercing Ainsley to help me finish thank you cards with a reward in the snow outside.  Then an evening out with my boy will capitalize a  long full day.  So maybe I'm not one that can be on Ainsley  (or Louise for that matter!) time ALL the time, but I'm willing to give them a large bit, if they'll give me mine every once in a while.

Today I am thankful for snow and advil and dark skies for long naps.  For quiet and calm and fun and laughter.  This slump won't last another day!