Hump Day Nuggets:: Country Mouse

The other night I couldn't sleep.  Despite my own mild sniffles and chills and being indoors all day with the girls again, my mind was racing.  I felt off, grouchy and unable to shake it.  So I wrapped myself in a blanket and came downstairs and stared at this blank screen for a bit. My hands moved to type and I found myself searching for real estate in places like Spokane, Chico and Missoula, Duluth and southern MN. I honed the search in on small well built older homes with a view.  Mountains and rivers, hills and valleys, space to roam and garden and be.  I enjoyed myself thoroughly (if you know me I'm always up for a good faux-house hunt), but kind of wondered why this had helped so.

I sat on this, pondered a bit of the whys and whats.  Turns out?  I'm not as at home here as I thought.  I used to think that it was so hard to be here because it was away from home, different from where I grew up and far away from the ones I loved most.  It was a little that, but mostly? I'm not such a city girl.

Our lifestyle gives me so much anxiety.  Large noises from outside, roadwork at all hours and any day, hustle and bustle and "what are your weekend plans? There's a million things going on" and literally, there are, at any given moment a MILLION things going on.

The stress of what to do and how to do it and how much of it to do is getting completely overwhelming.  I'm even struggling with school choices for the girls, not even where to go, but if they should go.  I never in a million zillion years would have considered homeschooling before having kids.  Now?  I'm not so sure.  The idea of cultivating a curriculum to fit them and nurturing them in that special way that I know I could is so appealing, but also daunting and a bit unrealistic.  I so value my own education, the social-ness and independence of it all.  We'll see.  We'll just see.

I know that life isn't perfect and that you rarely get to choose precisely the life that fits you, but isn't that what we dream about as children?  Eating ice cream for breakfast and staying up too late, choosing a career that you love and a home that suits you.  I have so many pieces of that puzzle that I wanted and for that I feel silly mulling over this one point, but I can't help it.  I want to feel at home.  I have made this place as home as it can be, truly love so many things about this house and community that I will sorely miss someday.  But I can't help but feel like I'm fighting a bit with the city, telling it to back off on Saturdays when I just want birds chirping outside, a warm fire crackling and my family close by.  I don't need hustle and bustle and activities and a full social calendar, in fact that really stresses me out.  I want just us 4 and a simple quiet life surrounded by nature and simplicity. For one night it really helped to dream of that reality, and remind myself that someday?  It's all possible.


Nuggets::

:: January sweatshirt and party shoes bike ride, bizarre and wonderful::

 ::breakin in some new kicks, really loving the crosswalk 

(I think we did it twelve times)

PS, can I just say that that's a 12 month sized jacket?  I LOVE Patagonia, their stuff lasts FOREVER::

 Nuggets::
  Now Ian has been bitten by the cold bug that's engulfed our family.  I'm the last one standing and feeling a bit achy today despite taking FOUR emergen-C's yesterday.  I figure if I go down at least we staggered so there should be one parent mobile at any given time!  Thankfully Louise broke her fever this morning and now it's just a matter of getting her appetite and smiles back.  My girl has never been down and out this long, it's been breaking my heart.

::snuggly sad Louise::

 Nuggets::

My mom and sister are in town!  They're here to celebrate my Bop's 85th year of life, introduce Griffin to all the chicago folk and of course have tons of fun with their Oak Park family branch.  They were here yesterday through this morning and we had such fun.  Ainsley was stuck to her Grammy like glue and Louise was just as smitten with Griffin as at Christmas.  Grammy took Ainsley to musikgarten today so I could stay home with a konked out sick Louise and we'll see everyone again on Saturday for the big party (and Grammy tomorrow for when she babysits so Ian and I can go downtown for a beer/bacon tasting compliments of Julie and Sim for Christmas...needless to say we're wetting our pants with excitement).

 ::STOP! Grammy-time! :o)::

 Nuggets::
Louise's sweater is complete and I'm excited to have made good on my promise to make more in the new year.  My mom walked me through my new sewing machine yesterday and Ainsley already has lots of grand plans for it "Um mommy?  I'd really like a beautiful ballet skirt and bow on top for my lamby lamb.  She'd really really look cute in that".  I see lots of post nap sewing in our future.

:: YaWeez on the mend, or perhaps it's just that chocolate she's noshing on?

can you really blame me? the child's eaten NOTHING for 3 days::

 ::or maybe not so mended?  She was very happy to color though!

(and I get that her outfit clashes, but I just HAD to try the new sweater on right away)::

 Nuggets::
So life continues to plug ahead.  I keep waiting for things to get back to normal and perhaps they will with the forcast of SNOW tomorrow (FINALLY!!!!) and the return of my girls' and husband's health (soon please!).  For now I am so thankful for family in town and fun nights planned, lots of new games to play and crafts to do, and making the most of this place that we call home, for now.

Happy hump day!

::come on, did you really think I'd last long without a self portrait from the new camera? 

I mean I had to show off how great my hair looks today ;o)::