Baby Ainsley

After dinner tonight Ian took Ainsley to the park to put those last energy bursts of hers to good use. Upon their return he informed me that she had a new phrase "nigh night baby". This is actually a song that my mom sings to her frequently. When prompted she sang the phrase and my heart melted. She has always been enamored with music and songs, like most babies I assume, but has just recently started singing all on her own. Twinkle twinkle little star and the isty bitsy spider are also in her repertoire.

I have felt so far removed from parenting lately. Being limited to activities that can be done while lying down on the couch has greatly diminished what we can do together. Ainsley has been wonderful though. She has done so well with my mom, and everyone who has stopped by. She is growing so independent and self assured.

One advantage to my couch activity limitation is that Ainsley knows to come to me when she's tired, or wants to snuggle. At least once a day I'll play her favorite computer game with her (the abcs on starfall.com...amazing, if not a bit repetitive after a while, probably why Ainsley loves it). She also toddles over with a book or two to read over and over and if she's really tired she'll snuggle to watch a show. Today she fell asleep in my arms while we watched our umpteenth episode of Blues Blues (thank goodness for instant netflix). I try to cherish these moments as much as I can because I know all too soon it will be harder and harder to get these quiet moments with just Ainsley, or heck, find the time to lay down at all. I'm feeling a bit emotional tonight about Ainsley growing up, and losing my quality time with her.

One thing that all of this bedrest really robs me of (other than muscle mass and sanity) is the adjustment period of pregnancy. I remember with Ainsley the transition from "don't come yet, don't come yet" to "PLEASE COME RIGHT NOW" was overnight and jarring and when she actually was born I was in denial until she was about a week old. With this baby I feel like I've had even less time to actually come to terms with having another baby. I still have to be in the "don't come yet" state of mind, when in a normal pregnancy I would be long into the "can't wait to meet you, so excited you're almost here" phase.

I have been trying to start switching states of mind slowly because I want to be mentally prepared for this baby. Ainsley's birth happened so fast and unexpectedly that I didn't feel like I was really present for her first moments. I have a hard time recalling anything other than the shock of what was happening. I mean for goodness sakes the child's head was bruised from shooting through the birth canal (the midwife likened it to a plinko chip charging down a plinko board on the price is right...great analogy). While I have been told by numerous people how lucky I am to have had such a swift first experience with childbirth I don't think many people consider the flip side. I had no time to adjust. From the moment my water broke (at home) to the time Ainsley was born was 1.5 hours. I had to go through the whole triage monitoring business while in transition, talk about traumatic. In retrospect I am actually glad that I had to go back to the hospital for the steroid shots a few weeks ago so that I could see the hospital again because I don't remembers it at all. I was there for less than 24 hours with Ainsley. This time I am hoping to recognize the signs of early labor and get right to the hospital so that I can check in and have a bit more of a relaxed experience. I want the midwife there the whole time rather than the last 10 minutes only. I want to remember everything vividly and while I know lack of pain medication can make this difficult I am determined. At least it gives me something to focus on right?

Alright little baby, no coming out until your Grammy gets here tomorrow afternoon. After that it's your call. I can tell that you're big and strong because I am so sore I can hardly walk and when you stretch out you are kicking both my left hip bone and my right rib. Let's hold out for the tub though please, if nothing else it will muffle mama's screams :o) Oh childbirth, I can hardly wait.

I'm hoping that post baby all of my posts won't revolve around baby related things. It's my life though, what can I say?