Ainsley May 9 (almost 10!)
My Ainsley girl, we're almost 10 years into this together and you've been you from the very start. You are still my imaginative creative vibrant girl. If you had your way you'd spend your school hours writing long stories with elaborate illustrations, making inventions, sewing and crafting, singing and dancing and acting.
You really dislike the structure of school and homework and math but you still hold your love of chemistry fiercely so you're mustering through.
You've taught yourself most of the periodic table and keep a book about it in your backpack at all times. You love any chance to share your knowledge of chemistry with others.
You love your quiet time watching "big kid" shows but are still so sensitive to most movies with anything sad in them.
You love to cook and bake and concoct mixtures with soap and glue and anything you can get your hands on. I still find hidden bowls of unrecognizable crud in your room or under the bathroom sink almost weekly.
You LOVE church and your friends there. You beg to come with me any chance that you can.
You are so excited for basketball starting up and being in your first musical at school this winter. I am excited for you too. I've had a hunch that theater might just be your "thing" for quite some time now.
You begged us to play the viola for almost 2 years and now that you finally are you are finding the practicing and slow pace tedious. As usual you want to be an expert right away and are frustrated that it takes so much work. We're making you power through until the new year (that's how long we rented the instrument for). I have my fingers crossed that you keep going. I think you could be great at it.
You struggle more than most kids I know with friends and school stuff but are so strong and somehow have maintained your spark through many situations of hardship.
You are growing up to be such a beautiful charismatic young lady with such a kind heart (when you want to show it to us ;o).
I love you this moment, sassy and big eyed, too cool for school and daily humbled, snuggly and sweet.
Louise Adele (8)
Oh Louise, you are, for lack of a better term, our little complex unendingly sweet and empathetic tomboy. Your style has erupted this last year and your shy smile when you tried on your first matching sports warm up suit was almost too much cuteness.
You very kindly and carefully told me a few months back that you really aren't comfortable in dresses so we've been finding alternative dress up clothes for you for church. Right now nice pants and a blouse or sweater do the trick but I think if I let you you'd just wear your sports clothes all the time.
You LOVED playing soccer this fall and was sad when it was over. You are excited to play again in the spring.
You're doing dance again and your dad and I have loved that one on one time with you on Mondays driving you to and from your two classes, sitting with you for the half hour in between doing your homework and chatting. What a special time with our growing girl.
You continue to be incredibly self sufficient You know what your homework is and what you need to do each day.
You are such a good sister and friend and it warms my heart to see you look out for others and play so nicely.
You love art and reading the most but also tackle your math and other work with determination.
You are so good at so many things.
We can't wait to see who you grow up to be.
I love you this moment, sporty and sweet, wise and kind, silly and scrumptious.
Felix Daniel (5)
Felix I cannot get over how much you have grown since we moved three years ago. You went from a tiny toddler who needed his blankie to get through the door of preschool to a 5 year old who's taken the bus to and from school all year without one peep of nerves or sadness.
You LOVE school. You are my little sponge right now learning so much and taking it all in.
You started reading last year when you and I worked on a book together and have been reading Dick and Jane every night for many weeks now. Each night you learn a new word or two and once you've learned it it sticks in your brain and you rarely have to sound it out again.
You are very into non fiction and love learning about anything you can about the world around you and history: dinosaurs, planets, insects, geology. You beeline for the nonfiction section at the library and are so proud to check out your books on your own card (though you make me carry them to the car :oP).
You played soccer for the first time too this fall and loved it just as much as Louise. You love your sports clothes just like your big sister and would wear athletic shorts and T shirts every day if you could. I finally broke down and bought you a pair of compression tights to wear under your shorts so you can wear them all winter long.
You are a happy boy. You are so silly and laugh all the time. You are definitely the most social of all of us and want to be playing with friends every day after school. Lucky for you one of your best buds lives just up the street and another across the street so you're rarely at a loss for playmates.
Right now you are our little Jack of all Trades. You've recently gotten into art, you've always loved music and dancing, you're sporty and smart and friendly.
You can do anything you want in life buddy.
I love you right now, precious and little, big and growing, quick and smart.
Saturday, December 1, 2018
Tuesday, November 6, 2018
Fall Update 2018
I feel like I'm finally settling into fall. Just last week was my first week with no extra work and no kids home sick. I had two whole days to get things done and it felt so good.
I am loving my new job so much. I love having a reason to shower and get dressed in the morning. It's the first time in many years that I've had to make myself a priority in the mornings right along with the kids. I eat breakfast, even swipe on mascara most mornings, it feels great.
It also, unashamedly, feels so good to get some external validation for a job well done. To remember myself that I love teaching so much and my passion for early childhood education wasn't sucked out of me after raising my three through that stage ;o).
Working has helped tremendously with my productivity as well. I, mostly, stay on top of laundry and other chores much better than when I was home all day with the kids. I feel less burned out even though my schedule is so much busier between my work and church and kid commitments.
I am as excited for the fall holidays as ever. Halloween went by without much ado this year. For the first time I took advantage of the one day Target costume sale and bought them all off the rack across the board. Louise was Hermione (what perfect hair she has for that), Felix was a blue Ninja (the blue was a specific need) and Ainsley was a monarch/Halloween butterfly. I love to see the themes developing with my kids. Louise is almost always a favorite character from a books she's read, Felix is some sort of super hero/bad guy and Ainsley is something friendly and classic. She wanted to be a friendly spider but I was confident I could not bring her vision to life in the way she wanted and was relieved when she was satisfied with the butterfly.
Now that Halloween candy has been hidden and decorations have been taken down I am so looking forward to this season of Thanksgiving. This year we're having Thanksgiving at Ian's Uncle's with his extended family. I'm excited for a big family meal, slightly stressed that I'm responsible for the turkeys to feed 20+ people, and a tidge bummed that we're not hosting so I can't cook the day away in our happy home which is my favorite way to spend Thanksgiving. It's a good continued lesson for me in letting go and being flexible. I don't want to get too rigid with Holidays. It'll be a great day.
I am of course already looking forward to Christmas as well. I have more than half of my shopping done, nothing too big, but bits and pieces for almost everyone stashed away in my not so secret hiding spot in the back of my closet. I'll have to find a new hiding spot soon or I fear I may get some pre Christmas peekers.
For the first year Felix is asking for NO toys. All he wants, and he's been very consistent with this request for months, is a batman CD player and classic rock CDs. I of course can't find a batman CD player so I'm thinking a black one with some stickers will have to do. As for the classic rock? Well he dislikes almost all pop music and the only radio station he likes is the oldies one and even on that he's honed in on his favorite genre. I'm excited for that gift for him.
Louise as usual is asking for nothing in particular. All that she really wants and needs are clothes as she and Ainsley are essentially in the same size now and long sleeved things are in a shortage around here. Louise has asked for a professional art kit and is very into geology. It's always fun to find a few little things for my sweet girl.
Ainsley, as usual, is asking for some elaborate fairy concoction from Santa. I have to admire her gumption, but come on girl! I'm knitting her two sweaters (Louise too actually) and getting her a few small things she's asked for over the past few months. We'll see if Santa can get away with a non magical gift AGAIN this year.
I am going very knitting heavy this year with gifts. I have 7 pretty big projects that I'm hoping to get done. Just yesterday I added one more very ambitious projects to my list. I found the pattern and ordered the yarn in one fell swoop so there's no turning back now!
I just love this season of anticipation and preparation so much. We've already had multiple nights by the fire playing games or reading books. Our craft wall is being filled with turkey projects as we speak. AND I just bought a new charger for the switch because goodness knows there will be lots of time spent in the basement with Mario Cart and Just Dance this winter.
We're getting ready. I love it all so much. Happy late fall!
I am loving my new job so much. I love having a reason to shower and get dressed in the morning. It's the first time in many years that I've had to make myself a priority in the mornings right along with the kids. I eat breakfast, even swipe on mascara most mornings, it feels great.
It also, unashamedly, feels so good to get some external validation for a job well done. To remember myself that I love teaching so much and my passion for early childhood education wasn't sucked out of me after raising my three through that stage ;o).
Working has helped tremendously with my productivity as well. I, mostly, stay on top of laundry and other chores much better than when I was home all day with the kids. I feel less burned out even though my schedule is so much busier between my work and church and kid commitments.
I am as excited for the fall holidays as ever. Halloween went by without much ado this year. For the first time I took advantage of the one day Target costume sale and bought them all off the rack across the board. Louise was Hermione (what perfect hair she has for that), Felix was a blue Ninja (the blue was a specific need) and Ainsley was a monarch/Halloween butterfly. I love to see the themes developing with my kids. Louise is almost always a favorite character from a books she's read, Felix is some sort of super hero/bad guy and Ainsley is something friendly and classic. She wanted to be a friendly spider but I was confident I could not bring her vision to life in the way she wanted and was relieved when she was satisfied with the butterfly.
Now that Halloween candy has been hidden and decorations have been taken down I am so looking forward to this season of Thanksgiving. This year we're having Thanksgiving at Ian's Uncle's with his extended family. I'm excited for a big family meal, slightly stressed that I'm responsible for the turkeys to feed 20+ people, and a tidge bummed that we're not hosting so I can't cook the day away in our happy home which is my favorite way to spend Thanksgiving. It's a good continued lesson for me in letting go and being flexible. I don't want to get too rigid with Holidays. It'll be a great day.
I am of course already looking forward to Christmas as well. I have more than half of my shopping done, nothing too big, but bits and pieces for almost everyone stashed away in my not so secret hiding spot in the back of my closet. I'll have to find a new hiding spot soon or I fear I may get some pre Christmas peekers.
For the first year Felix is asking for NO toys. All he wants, and he's been very consistent with this request for months, is a batman CD player and classic rock CDs. I of course can't find a batman CD player so I'm thinking a black one with some stickers will have to do. As for the classic rock? Well he dislikes almost all pop music and the only radio station he likes is the oldies one and even on that he's honed in on his favorite genre. I'm excited for that gift for him.
Louise as usual is asking for nothing in particular. All that she really wants and needs are clothes as she and Ainsley are essentially in the same size now and long sleeved things are in a shortage around here. Louise has asked for a professional art kit and is very into geology. It's always fun to find a few little things for my sweet girl.
Ainsley, as usual, is asking for some elaborate fairy concoction from Santa. I have to admire her gumption, but come on girl! I'm knitting her two sweaters (Louise too actually) and getting her a few small things she's asked for over the past few months. We'll see if Santa can get away with a non magical gift AGAIN this year.
I am going very knitting heavy this year with gifts. I have 7 pretty big projects that I'm hoping to get done. Just yesterday I added one more very ambitious projects to my list. I found the pattern and ordered the yarn in one fell swoop so there's no turning back now!
I just love this season of anticipation and preparation so much. We've already had multiple nights by the fire playing games or reading books. Our craft wall is being filled with turkey projects as we speak. AND I just bought a new charger for the switch because goodness knows there will be lots of time spent in the basement with Mario Cart and Just Dance this winter.
We're getting ready. I love it all so much. Happy late fall!
Thursday, August 9, 2018
Post Trip
Hey guys. I'm tired.
I shouldn't be tired. I just got back from a 5 day amazing* trip with my husband.
*Just to be clear amazing includes panic attacks attacks and annoyance with him never waiting for me at a crosswalks. But it also includes margaritas and no one yelling at me for whole days at a time.
We got back and it was go time, as I'm realizing it always is with growing kids and a needy dog and a 3000+ sq ft house and a half acre yard (the WEEEEEEEDS!!!!!!) I so struggle to balance the needs of the home and what I feel is "the stuff that really matters". I can let laundry go for a while and close the kids doors when their rooms get atrocious and not vacuum EVERY day until the dog hair gets totally overwhelming, but at some point shit has to get done right? I hate looking back and realizing my day was mostly dumb chores and ignoring the kids.
It's actually been very freeing to accept this as my job though. There are lots of day I know PAID working people don't like their jobs. They have a dumb deadline or a pointless meeting or training or a stupid coworker they have to listen to daily. My job is of course very different but I definitely have days I just need to suffer through. Life.
The harder realization for me is that I'm at my best when we're not so busy. We had a few days this past week that weren't full at all. We were just able to sink into the rhythm of an unstructured day together and I loved that so much. I took the kids swimming and we ran a few quick errands. We tidied up the treehouse and I read to them with blankets sprawled on the floor. The girls rekindled their love of playing with their dolls and Felix got really into his sticker books. When we're running around we just can't find those big stretches of time to get all of that done.
Cue dread about fall. This spring was so sparse activity wise and I kind of loved it. The girls' dance studio had closed so their big activity was out and no one wanted to do a spring sport but Felix (and 5 weeks of 1 hour a week t ball is just the kind of spring sport commitment I love). But now they all want to do everything. Felix and Louise want ju-jitsu and gymnastics and soccer. Louise and Ainsley want 4 dance classes each at a new studio, Ainsley's taking up viola and Felix and Louise are doing piano (taught by me, so super chill but still...). With Wednesday church this is going to leave us almost no free afternoons and that worries me. I love when they get off the bus and we can just be. A leisurely snack, homework out of the way asap. I guess in reality I know they are so tuckered from structure from the day that they're not usually up for mom's projects and ideas anyways. I hope it all goes well.
The phrase "this isn't in any parenting books" keeps going through my head. We have to make SO many decisions as parents that it feels impossible not to second guess or become paralyzed by the options. There is a peace in realizing that there probably is no perfect way to do anything. I let my kids dictate maybe more than they should, but I figure at least they're learning how to decide things for themselves. So wish me luck this fall!!!
I shouldn't be tired. I just got back from a 5 day amazing* trip with my husband.
*Just to be clear amazing includes panic attacks attacks and annoyance with him never waiting for me at a crosswalks. But it also includes margaritas and no one yelling at me for whole days at a time.
We got back and it was go time, as I'm realizing it always is with growing kids and a needy dog and a 3000+ sq ft house and a half acre yard (the WEEEEEEEDS!!!!!!) I so struggle to balance the needs of the home and what I feel is "the stuff that really matters". I can let laundry go for a while and close the kids doors when their rooms get atrocious and not vacuum EVERY day until the dog hair gets totally overwhelming, but at some point shit has to get done right? I hate looking back and realizing my day was mostly dumb chores and ignoring the kids.
It's actually been very freeing to accept this as my job though. There are lots of day I know PAID working people don't like their jobs. They have a dumb deadline or a pointless meeting or training or a stupid coworker they have to listen to daily. My job is of course very different but I definitely have days I just need to suffer through. Life.
The harder realization for me is that I'm at my best when we're not so busy. We had a few days this past week that weren't full at all. We were just able to sink into the rhythm of an unstructured day together and I loved that so much. I took the kids swimming and we ran a few quick errands. We tidied up the treehouse and I read to them with blankets sprawled on the floor. The girls rekindled their love of playing with their dolls and Felix got really into his sticker books. When we're running around we just can't find those big stretches of time to get all of that done.
Cue dread about fall. This spring was so sparse activity wise and I kind of loved it. The girls' dance studio had closed so their big activity was out and no one wanted to do a spring sport but Felix (and 5 weeks of 1 hour a week t ball is just the kind of spring sport commitment I love). But now they all want to do everything. Felix and Louise want ju-jitsu and gymnastics and soccer. Louise and Ainsley want 4 dance classes each at a new studio, Ainsley's taking up viola and Felix and Louise are doing piano (taught by me, so super chill but still...). With Wednesday church this is going to leave us almost no free afternoons and that worries me. I love when they get off the bus and we can just be. A leisurely snack, homework out of the way asap. I guess in reality I know they are so tuckered from structure from the day that they're not usually up for mom's projects and ideas anyways. I hope it all goes well.
The phrase "this isn't in any parenting books" keeps going through my head. We have to make SO many decisions as parents that it feels impossible not to second guess or become paralyzed by the options. There is a peace in realizing that there probably is no perfect way to do anything. I let my kids dictate maybe more than they should, but I figure at least they're learning how to decide things for themselves. So wish me luck this fall!!!
Summer Solstice
The hippy in me always wishes I celebrated the solstices more. I mean any excuse for a celebration right? Perhaps a late night bonfire or a baking of sun bread, SOMETHING. At least I mentioned it to the kids right?
Despite it only being the first true day of summer we are surely already in the thick of it. This week is the first full summer whammy with no camps or classes and just us 4, 10 hours a day. To make it even more interesting it rained the first three days of the week taking parks and beaches and bike rides out of the mix.
It's been alright. The kids fill their days on their own mostly. I orchestrate meals and crafts sometimes but other than that they're off. It's weird and sad to be in this stage of life. I'm not good with change. I'm trying and praying I make peace with it soon.
For now I'm leaning on what I know which is diving into my own making and planning the bits I know the kids will glom onto.
I'm suddenly wanting to change everything about the first floor of our home. After painting nearly every room at the end of the winter I now want new couches, consoles, coffee tables, rugs, art, shelves. Of course to get this all at once is a tad cost prohibitive so I'm having fun searching and planning.
For now I'm focusing on what I can do relatively cost free. I got this idea to make a ladder bookshelf for our living room and mere minutes later I spotted an old wooden painting ladder in a neighbor's dumpster bag. I knocked and asked for it. He WALKED IT TO OUR HOUSE FOR ME. Today I found scrap wood for shelves and borrowed a sander from my dad and bought stain and screws. I'm so pumped for that shelf.
Other than that I'm focusing on the art. I have two paintings to finish but am feeling like the house is pretty "Becky's paintings" heavy already so in looking for alternatives I found an idea to use a hula hoop as a giant circular loom and am excited to try out some weaving for the brick wall above the fireplace.
I don't know what's spurred it but my creative side is exploding and there simply aren't enough hours in the day anymore.
Aside from my personal to do goals I find my children are always so present in my mind. They have all grown up so much and I find myself having to write down their current interests and passions just to keep it all straight.
Ainsley is as vivacious as ever. Tonight when she was supposed to be getting in the car getting buckled she was instead pogo sticking on the driveway. (keep in mind this was after a LONG day of not listening) Me: "So do you just not know the right thing to do, or do you not care? It has to be one of those two". A: "Oh, I just don't care". AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! This kid drives me WILD just about every 10 minutes. So wild that I can find it hard to remember the good stuff a lot of the time. Tonight I'm thinking about her resilience, how all it takes from me is a sincere I love you and a bear hug and she still melts into my arms. She's SO into chemistry. She's still super into her dolls. They always have injuries and ailments, always. She still mostly doesn't read much (yet tests in the 90th percentile for her age :oP) She prefers non fiction like the Guinness Book of World Records or Chicken Soup for the Preteen Soul. We got in a drag down fight at the library about her wanting a Jodie Picoult novel and sex and love and me saying NO WAY!!!! Also she stole my new razor and hid it in her room because she's desperate to shave her legs. I can't make this stuff up guys.
Ainsley loves to create and make and always has a plan. She loves her friends and wishes she was old enough to stay home alone. She's looking so old to me and gorgeous and it's terrifying and heartbreaking, but I guess it's the way of it. Hoping for a good summer with my girl.
I can hardly belive that Louise is going to be in upper elementary next year. She's not even 8 yet!!!! But third grade it is and I am so thankful that I have no worries with her and school. She loves to do work. If I motivate to make a list she'll check off each box until they are all done. She's my little reader and I almost regret showing her how to request books at the library. She has her nose in at least 3 or 4 at a time. She's sticking tight to her proclamation that she will never get married or have children and just wants to be an artist living above our garage. I'm secretly putting pennies a jar for that apartment girl, I'd love that too. She could draw and write and play and laugh all day. She is so deliciously innocent and young and I just want to bottle her up.
Felix is still my sweet little rambunctious guy. He is super easy going yet somehow VERY opinionated all at once. He is so ready for school next year but my heart breaks for him because he loved preschool and his friends so much and all that is changing for him. He's the first of my three to really latch on to friends so young. He's had playdate after playdate this summer. I can drop him off anywhere and he's happy as a clam. He's such a breath of fresh air after all the emotions and worries I deal with with my other two. I catch myself feeling so very sad about him going to school because I loved our time together so much these past few years. We had three whole years where it was just us two after preschool. I didn't have that with either of the girls. Everytime I see a caribou I'm going to miss him begging me for mango smoothie and everytime I go workout I'm going to miss having him to pick up after. It's the end of an era for me as a mom and for Felix and I as a duo. That feels hard right now.
I hope this midsummer finds you all well. I am so thankful for the weeks ahead before the hustle and bustle of school.
Despite it only being the first true day of summer we are surely already in the thick of it. This week is the first full summer whammy with no camps or classes and just us 4, 10 hours a day. To make it even more interesting it rained the first three days of the week taking parks and beaches and bike rides out of the mix.
It's been alright. The kids fill their days on their own mostly. I orchestrate meals and crafts sometimes but other than that they're off. It's weird and sad to be in this stage of life. I'm not good with change. I'm trying and praying I make peace with it soon.
For now I'm leaning on what I know which is diving into my own making and planning the bits I know the kids will glom onto.
I'm suddenly wanting to change everything about the first floor of our home. After painting nearly every room at the end of the winter I now want new couches, consoles, coffee tables, rugs, art, shelves. Of course to get this all at once is a tad cost prohibitive so I'm having fun searching and planning.
For now I'm focusing on what I can do relatively cost free. I got this idea to make a ladder bookshelf for our living room and mere minutes later I spotted an old wooden painting ladder in a neighbor's dumpster bag. I knocked and asked for it. He WALKED IT TO OUR HOUSE FOR ME. Today I found scrap wood for shelves and borrowed a sander from my dad and bought stain and screws. I'm so pumped for that shelf.
Other than that I'm focusing on the art. I have two paintings to finish but am feeling like the house is pretty "Becky's paintings" heavy already so in looking for alternatives I found an idea to use a hula hoop as a giant circular loom and am excited to try out some weaving for the brick wall above the fireplace.
I don't know what's spurred it but my creative side is exploding and there simply aren't enough hours in the day anymore.
Aside from my personal to do goals I find my children are always so present in my mind. They have all grown up so much and I find myself having to write down their current interests and passions just to keep it all straight.
Ainsley is as vivacious as ever. Tonight when she was supposed to be getting in the car getting buckled she was instead pogo sticking on the driveway. (keep in mind this was after a LONG day of not listening) Me: "So do you just not know the right thing to do, or do you not care? It has to be one of those two". A: "Oh, I just don't care". AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! This kid drives me WILD just about every 10 minutes. So wild that I can find it hard to remember the good stuff a lot of the time. Tonight I'm thinking about her resilience, how all it takes from me is a sincere I love you and a bear hug and she still melts into my arms. She's SO into chemistry. She's still super into her dolls. They always have injuries and ailments, always. She still mostly doesn't read much (yet tests in the 90th percentile for her age :oP) She prefers non fiction like the Guinness Book of World Records or Chicken Soup for the Preteen Soul. We got in a drag down fight at the library about her wanting a Jodie Picoult novel and sex and love and me saying NO WAY!!!! Also she stole my new razor and hid it in her room because she's desperate to shave her legs. I can't make this stuff up guys.
Ainsley loves to create and make and always has a plan. She loves her friends and wishes she was old enough to stay home alone. She's looking so old to me and gorgeous and it's terrifying and heartbreaking, but I guess it's the way of it. Hoping for a good summer with my girl.
I can hardly belive that Louise is going to be in upper elementary next year. She's not even 8 yet!!!! But third grade it is and I am so thankful that I have no worries with her and school. She loves to do work. If I motivate to make a list she'll check off each box until they are all done. She's my little reader and I almost regret showing her how to request books at the library. She has her nose in at least 3 or 4 at a time. She's sticking tight to her proclamation that she will never get married or have children and just wants to be an artist living above our garage. I'm secretly putting pennies a jar for that apartment girl, I'd love that too. She could draw and write and play and laugh all day. She is so deliciously innocent and young and I just want to bottle her up.
Felix is still my sweet little rambunctious guy. He is super easy going yet somehow VERY opinionated all at once. He is so ready for school next year but my heart breaks for him because he loved preschool and his friends so much and all that is changing for him. He's the first of my three to really latch on to friends so young. He's had playdate after playdate this summer. I can drop him off anywhere and he's happy as a clam. He's such a breath of fresh air after all the emotions and worries I deal with with my other two. I catch myself feeling so very sad about him going to school because I loved our time together so much these past few years. We had three whole years where it was just us two after preschool. I didn't have that with either of the girls. Everytime I see a caribou I'm going to miss him begging me for mango smoothie and everytime I go workout I'm going to miss having him to pick up after. It's the end of an era for me as a mom and for Felix and I as a duo. That feels hard right now.
I hope this midsummer finds you all well. I am so thankful for the weeks ahead before the hustle and bustle of school.
First Summer Days
The kids haven't even been out of school a week and already it feels like full blown summer. Our summers look a bit different every year. Each year I try to tweak it to get it just right. Each summer I think maybe THIS is the summer where I strike the perfect balance between weeks of camps and glorious free time.
This year Louise wanted nothing to do with camps outside of church so she's in drama camp (this week) and VBS (last week of July). Ainsley is doing her first 4 day overnight camp in August and another week of day camp+an overnight in July, in addition to the two church camps. Felix is doing VBS and two weeks of preschool camp. Thrown in there as well are two 10 day trips to the cabin and one 5 day trip for Ian and I to the Cape and Boston, SANS children.
I think this summer I may have hit the jackpot.
This summer my baby is 5. He can swim and bike and takes really good care of himself. I can sew inside while they play outside and only check on them every 20 minutes or so. Alternatively they are all young enough that they vie for position on my lap on a picnic blanket when we start a new book together. I've been sad lately about leaving the preschool years behind, but maybe this new stage is the best yet in it's own way?
I was more nervous about this summer than any other summer. I knew I'd be juggling friends over and kids over at friends and squabbles and drama. My three all have BIG personalities and while they can play well together it always ends in loudness and disagreements. BUT! The beauty of seasoned parenthood is having tricks up my sleeves that I don't bat an eye about. Slip n slide, bike rides, nature walks, getting OUT. It always reboots us. I'm thankful to be on turf that I know so well, with standbys from my childhood still there.
This summer my goal is to settle. Not in the sense of being ok with the mundane, but in looking around us and just leaning in to what we have here. One thing I've noticed since moving here is I've gotten in the habit of shopping during my free time. If I had an extra half our before preschool pickup I'd peruse the thrift shop or Target. I've gone through the Caribou drive through more times than I'd like to admit out of convenience. I often think of how different life was in Oak Park. How I used to make myself walk my errands with a double stroller and tiny biker or baby wearer in tow. I used to go days between going to a store. I got such a thrill out of just thriving on what we already had. Now here I am with a chest freezer, full pantry and exploding garden and I still can't thin k of a thing to make for dinner some nights. The devil of convenience in the suburbs is real.
I had just gotten used to Oak Park and settled into our way of life and then we had to reboot again. I had a girl who really struggled with our move and truth be told I struggled too. Change is my achilles heel.
But the whole summer is ahead of us. I hope it's one to remember.
This year Louise wanted nothing to do with camps outside of church so she's in drama camp (this week) and VBS (last week of July). Ainsley is doing her first 4 day overnight camp in August and another week of day camp+an overnight in July, in addition to the two church camps. Felix is doing VBS and two weeks of preschool camp. Thrown in there as well are two 10 day trips to the cabin and one 5 day trip for Ian and I to the Cape and Boston, SANS children.
I think this summer I may have hit the jackpot.
This summer my baby is 5. He can swim and bike and takes really good care of himself. I can sew inside while they play outside and only check on them every 20 minutes or so. Alternatively they are all young enough that they vie for position on my lap on a picnic blanket when we start a new book together. I've been sad lately about leaving the preschool years behind, but maybe this new stage is the best yet in it's own way?
I was more nervous about this summer than any other summer. I knew I'd be juggling friends over and kids over at friends and squabbles and drama. My three all have BIG personalities and while they can play well together it always ends in loudness and disagreements. BUT! The beauty of seasoned parenthood is having tricks up my sleeves that I don't bat an eye about. Slip n slide, bike rides, nature walks, getting OUT. It always reboots us. I'm thankful to be on turf that I know so well, with standbys from my childhood still there.
This summer my goal is to settle. Not in the sense of being ok with the mundane, but in looking around us and just leaning in to what we have here. One thing I've noticed since moving here is I've gotten in the habit of shopping during my free time. If I had an extra half our before preschool pickup I'd peruse the thrift shop or Target. I've gone through the Caribou drive through more times than I'd like to admit out of convenience. I often think of how different life was in Oak Park. How I used to make myself walk my errands with a double stroller and tiny biker or baby wearer in tow. I used to go days between going to a store. I got such a thrill out of just thriving on what we already had. Now here I am with a chest freezer, full pantry and exploding garden and I still can't thin k of a thing to make for dinner some nights. The devil of convenience in the suburbs is real.
I had just gotten used to Oak Park and settled into our way of life and then we had to reboot again. I had a girl who really struggled with our move and truth be told I struggled too. Change is my achilles heel.
But the whole summer is ahead of us. I hope it's one to remember.
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
In the Interim
Interim in college meant adventure.
Freshman year it meant an everyday health class to knock a science credit off my list, meaning TONS of time for friends and chill fun.
Sophomore and Junior years I took classes abroad. Catholic Rome, Lutheran Wittenburg and Irish Literature. Leaving freezing Minnesota in January to explore other countries and study REALLY hard and write long essays by hand with pen and paper, and eat gelato everyday and accidentally drink Irish coffees at noon before class, is highly highly recommended.
Ooh, order the house wine in Italy too, and the house specialties in restaurants where you don't speak the language, and pack as much underwear and fabreeze as your tiny suitcase can hold. #lifelessons.
Senior year I took interim off and traveled with my family. We went to Big Sky for a week of skiing and snow-catting in Yellowstone, then a week with just my mom and Aunt in Sanibel, taking chilly walks on the beach and furnishing my aunt's new house on the island. My last week that January was at home, anticipating my final semester of college, day dreaming and regular dreaming about when Ian was going to ask me to marry him. (He asked me in March, we got married August 10th. 5 month engagements are totally awesome and do-able.)
There have continued to be many interims in my life. Those first 9 months waiting for Ainsley to come, waiting to be a mom. The summer in between preschool graduation and Ainsley's first year of kindergarten when I knew life was going to forever change (it did). The month between when Ian accepted his job in Minnesota and we actually moved.
Even the tiniest of interims can be impactful. Weeks in between activities, every single summer and spring and winter break, long weekends where afterwards you look at you kid and realize they've somehow gone from little girl to young lady in those 3 days. Sometimes I don't realize we were in an interim until we're out of it.
Right now I'm in an interim that feels big.
Felix is done with preschool, forever. The girls are out of school next Thursday. I've bridged the gap between the last day of preschool and the last day of elementary by putting Felix in every morning cooking and science lab his school offered. It's nice for him and me, but the cadence is different. These quick mornings are flying by.
In this interim my boy doesn't need me as much even when he is at home. He's usually tired from a morning of fun at school and is content to watch some Pokemon or swing outside on his own. I don't need to plan out our time together like I used to. I'm sad and relieved for this interim of moderate independence.
Once the girls get off the bus next Thursday this interim will be over and the summer interim will start. Quick weeks of camps will break up our days and get us out some mornings when we'd rather just laze in jammies all day (there will be lots of those days too I'm sure). Long weekends at the cabin will rejuvenate and refresh us and challenge us too. I always love seeing what new trick the kids learn in the water over the summer.
For the first time ever Ian and I are taking a trip alone this summer (there was one two night trip to Duluth when I was pregnant with Felix that I'm not fully counting because of the windchill factor and because I couldn't drink beer and was kept up at night by a kicking baby).
Ian has a conference in Cape Cod (I know!!!) and we're piggy backing on those two nights with two nights in Boston. I fear I may just glide through June letting the kids survive on balogna and fruit snacks while my head is in the clouds about 5 days alone with my favorite man.
I've made no qualms about how hard life has felt, this past year in particular. For reference I've been in a REALLY good mood for about 5 days and Ian has said much more than once "you're just so pleasant to be around!".
It's been bad.
When we were in Florida I remember one night when we'd had a great full day but some issues at bedtime and with listening in general that were threatening to spiral me. I grabbed a tall glass of wine and plunked down on the couch next to Ian. I let myself just sink into this man next to me and feel the wave of gratitude for his steadiness and love in my life.
For me it's been important to remind myself of the steady people around me. I really struggled to make good adult friends in Oak Park and by the time I finally had we'd moved and I was so devastated to have to start over.
I kept reading about how important friend relationships are for adult well being and it honestly crushed me. I can take vitamins and work out and drink water and go to bed at 10 but the thing that I was being told was most important was so hard for me to attain.
I feel so fortunate to have moved back close to family where my sisters and my mom continue to be my best friends. I feel even more fortunate to have found such a wonderful community at church with women I can pray and drink wine with.
For me it ended up being about getting out of my comfort zone and letting my head do the talking. I started going to moms group every week. I said yes to helping out in ways I knew I could. I called my sister when I just needed a good cry, I took a moment to really look into my husband's eyes.
We don't all have the same support system but today my prayer is that we all have someone and if you feel like you don't perhaps today is the day to open your eyes and really look at who's already surrounding you.
I think we're all in an interim most of the time. These times of anticipation and change can be so challenging. But, surrounded by our steady people, may we steady ourselves and just sink into the goodness of our lives.
Ahh. I feel better already.
Freshman year it meant an everyday health class to knock a science credit off my list, meaning TONS of time for friends and chill fun.
Sophomore and Junior years I took classes abroad. Catholic Rome, Lutheran Wittenburg and Irish Literature. Leaving freezing Minnesota in January to explore other countries and study REALLY hard and write long essays by hand with pen and paper, and eat gelato everyday and accidentally drink Irish coffees at noon before class, is highly highly recommended.
Ooh, order the house wine in Italy too, and the house specialties in restaurants where you don't speak the language, and pack as much underwear and fabreeze as your tiny suitcase can hold. #lifelessons.
Senior year I took interim off and traveled with my family. We went to Big Sky for a week of skiing and snow-catting in Yellowstone, then a week with just my mom and Aunt in Sanibel, taking chilly walks on the beach and furnishing my aunt's new house on the island. My last week that January was at home, anticipating my final semester of college, day dreaming and regular dreaming about when Ian was going to ask me to marry him. (He asked me in March, we got married August 10th. 5 month engagements are totally awesome and do-able.)
There have continued to be many interims in my life. Those first 9 months waiting for Ainsley to come, waiting to be a mom. The summer in between preschool graduation and Ainsley's first year of kindergarten when I knew life was going to forever change (it did). The month between when Ian accepted his job in Minnesota and we actually moved.
Even the tiniest of interims can be impactful. Weeks in between activities, every single summer and spring and winter break, long weekends where afterwards you look at you kid and realize they've somehow gone from little girl to young lady in those 3 days. Sometimes I don't realize we were in an interim until we're out of it.
Right now I'm in an interim that feels big.
Felix is done with preschool, forever. The girls are out of school next Thursday. I've bridged the gap between the last day of preschool and the last day of elementary by putting Felix in every morning cooking and science lab his school offered. It's nice for him and me, but the cadence is different. These quick mornings are flying by.
In this interim my boy doesn't need me as much even when he is at home. He's usually tired from a morning of fun at school and is content to watch some Pokemon or swing outside on his own. I don't need to plan out our time together like I used to. I'm sad and relieved for this interim of moderate independence.
Once the girls get off the bus next Thursday this interim will be over and the summer interim will start. Quick weeks of camps will break up our days and get us out some mornings when we'd rather just laze in jammies all day (there will be lots of those days too I'm sure). Long weekends at the cabin will rejuvenate and refresh us and challenge us too. I always love seeing what new trick the kids learn in the water over the summer.
For the first time ever Ian and I are taking a trip alone this summer (there was one two night trip to Duluth when I was pregnant with Felix that I'm not fully counting because of the windchill factor and because I couldn't drink beer and was kept up at night by a kicking baby).
Ian has a conference in Cape Cod (I know!!!) and we're piggy backing on those two nights with two nights in Boston. I fear I may just glide through June letting the kids survive on balogna and fruit snacks while my head is in the clouds about 5 days alone with my favorite man.
I've made no qualms about how hard life has felt, this past year in particular. For reference I've been in a REALLY good mood for about 5 days and Ian has said much more than once "you're just so pleasant to be around!".
It's been bad.
When we were in Florida I remember one night when we'd had a great full day but some issues at bedtime and with listening in general that were threatening to spiral me. I grabbed a tall glass of wine and plunked down on the couch next to Ian. I let myself just sink into this man next to me and feel the wave of gratitude for his steadiness and love in my life.
For me it's been important to remind myself of the steady people around me. I really struggled to make good adult friends in Oak Park and by the time I finally had we'd moved and I was so devastated to have to start over.
I kept reading about how important friend relationships are for adult well being and it honestly crushed me. I can take vitamins and work out and drink water and go to bed at 10 but the thing that I was being told was most important was so hard for me to attain.
I feel so fortunate to have moved back close to family where my sisters and my mom continue to be my best friends. I feel even more fortunate to have found such a wonderful community at church with women I can pray and drink wine with.
For me it ended up being about getting out of my comfort zone and letting my head do the talking. I started going to moms group every week. I said yes to helping out in ways I knew I could. I called my sister when I just needed a good cry, I took a moment to really look into my husband's eyes.
We don't all have the same support system but today my prayer is that we all have someone and if you feel like you don't perhaps today is the day to open your eyes and really look at who's already surrounding you.
I think we're all in an interim most of the time. These times of anticipation and change can be so challenging. But, surrounded by our steady people, may we steady ourselves and just sink into the goodness of our lives.
Ahh. I feel better already.
Wednesday, May 16, 2018
Next Season
May has arrived and with it the snow has finally melted. The 40 degree temperature swing has been delightful and jarring.
I went from painting the whole first floor of the house because we were STILL stuck inside with snow to GET THAT GARDEN PLANTED NOW! I even had a gentleman at the garden center tell me "you should know better, it's too late to plant violas". Thank you kind sir. Isn't one of the only perks of adulthood getting to make your own bad decisions?!
Especially regarding violas I think this should be so.
We are expecting our first days of true spring rain and I can't wait.
I love rainy days.
There is so much I still need to do inside and those new seeds of mine outside can't wait for their shower.
I'm finding myself pulled so greatly into my making lately.
At church a group of moms decided to spear head a time each week for people to gather in quiet just to work on their crafts.
Last Friday I painted for TWO HOURS, UNINTERRUPTED.
The week before that another friend asked for a painting date and I got the first layer of a new acrylic painting underway.
It's been years, literally, since I've made/found the time for that kind of making in my life.
Now I crave it daily.
I've decided that my thirties, for me, are all about accepting myself as I am now. It's been so easy for me to get caught up in who I was years ago, rather than look at who I've become. Especially with the girls in school now I think often of myself as I was as a student.
It still feels shocking to me when I forget an appointment, remember a pick up time incorrectly, post a bill late.
The Becky I knew for 20 years would never have let that happen. But that Becky was also pretty miserable.
I cared way too much about things that didn't really matter and drove myself crazy with worry over truly insignificant things.
It's maddening now to have a child that could literally give less fucks about her 5/10 on a spelling test, but it's weirdly refreshing too. Third grade spelling doesn't really matter. I know this. I'm bummed she knows this, but it is truth. She already knows things it's taken me decades to figure out. Of course theres a flip side to that, but that's niether here nor there.
One of hardest things for me about aging is shedding my sensitivity and just letting go. There is so much in my life that is out of my control.
I feel it everyday when I know I am pouring myself into my kid who struggles to behave and make good choices. I can't choose for her.
I see it when I spend a whole preschool morning cleaning and organizing only to have it undone in minutes upon the kids' return from school.
I see it when I wake up with the best of intentions, drink my coffee and then the dog barfs twice in Louise's room and the morning goes to shit.
It's hard not to feel like you're doing something wrong when life isn't perfect.
But my making can be all mine. I can draw the lines the way I want them and choose the colors as I see fit (unless it's a color by number which I honestly find incredibly satisfying..."look! I'm doing it RIGHT!!!")
It's something I've worked hard at learning to do well, something I'm always learning at. It's probably the one thing in my life that I feel a spark of pride in. Yes I did make that. I NEEDED to make that.
So here's to this next season. I think I'm finally ready for it.
I went from painting the whole first floor of the house because we were STILL stuck inside with snow to GET THAT GARDEN PLANTED NOW! I even had a gentleman at the garden center tell me "you should know better, it's too late to plant violas". Thank you kind sir. Isn't one of the only perks of adulthood getting to make your own bad decisions?!
Especially regarding violas I think this should be so.
We are expecting our first days of true spring rain and I can't wait.
I love rainy days.
There is so much I still need to do inside and those new seeds of mine outside can't wait for their shower.
I'm finding myself pulled so greatly into my making lately.
At church a group of moms decided to spear head a time each week for people to gather in quiet just to work on their crafts.
Last Friday I painted for TWO HOURS, UNINTERRUPTED.
The week before that another friend asked for a painting date and I got the first layer of a new acrylic painting underway.
It's been years, literally, since I've made/found the time for that kind of making in my life.
Now I crave it daily.
I've decided that my thirties, for me, are all about accepting myself as I am now. It's been so easy for me to get caught up in who I was years ago, rather than look at who I've become. Especially with the girls in school now I think often of myself as I was as a student.
It still feels shocking to me when I forget an appointment, remember a pick up time incorrectly, post a bill late.
The Becky I knew for 20 years would never have let that happen. But that Becky was also pretty miserable.
I cared way too much about things that didn't really matter and drove myself crazy with worry over truly insignificant things.
It's maddening now to have a child that could literally give less fucks about her 5/10 on a spelling test, but it's weirdly refreshing too. Third grade spelling doesn't really matter. I know this. I'm bummed she knows this, but it is truth. She already knows things it's taken me decades to figure out. Of course theres a flip side to that, but that's niether here nor there.
One of hardest things for me about aging is shedding my sensitivity and just letting go. There is so much in my life that is out of my control.
I feel it everyday when I know I am pouring myself into my kid who struggles to behave and make good choices. I can't choose for her.
I see it when I spend a whole preschool morning cleaning and organizing only to have it undone in minutes upon the kids' return from school.
I see it when I wake up with the best of intentions, drink my coffee and then the dog barfs twice in Louise's room and the morning goes to shit.
It's hard not to feel like you're doing something wrong when life isn't perfect.
But my making can be all mine. I can draw the lines the way I want them and choose the colors as I see fit (unless it's a color by number which I honestly find incredibly satisfying..."look! I'm doing it RIGHT!!!")
It's something I've worked hard at learning to do well, something I'm always learning at. It's probably the one thing in my life that I feel a spark of pride in. Yes I did make that. I NEEDED to make that.
So here's to this next season. I think I'm finally ready for it.
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