Party Time

I  so distincly remember the panic I felt when I realized I was really in labor on Christmas Eve, five years ago.  My first thought was "are you kidding me?!".  After three weeks of bed rest, then 12 days of waiting every moment to have my baby, she decided to come on the eve of my favorite holiday ever.

I was so protective of her that first year.  So annoyed when strangers would console me for having my baby born on a holiday.  Inside I was so bummed.  I didn't want her to ever feel like her birthday was just another part of a bigger celebration for everyone else.  I wanted her to feel celebrated and special.  I don't know why I ever thought this would be an issue.

My girl is so loved.  She gets to spend her birthday every year with all the family that she loves so much.  She gets a little birthday tree with girly sparkly ornaments and a birthday brunch with all of her favorite foods.  I mean, who wouldn't want their party decorations to include a 6 foot tall decked out tree?!?

She is such a good kid, so well deserving of this fuss made over her.  Just today when I asked if she wanted to open the rest of our family presents this evening she replied "but mom, I already got my present from you!" caressing the $16.99 Costco party dress we gave her this morning.  I love that girl.

I also love that this year she wanted to have a party with her friends.  Last year we were dealing with some funky social anxiety, this year she's flying high.  She was nothing but excited to share a homemade party with her best friends, from all walks of her little full life.  Friends from her class last year and friends from her class this year, neighborhood friends and music class friends.

I love 5.  These kids were so great today. I'll admit I was a bit nervous when all but 2 people RSVPd yes to our little home party.  13 kids in our tiny house with a christmas tree and party decorations? GO!  But it was fantastic.  A bit chaotic and loud and very happy and fun.  Just as a party should be.

I'm learning as I get older to go with the flow a bit more, focus on what really matters, in this case?  fun fun fun.  We played lots of games, unwrapped lots of things, ate yummy food and just enjoyed being tucked into this little house on a very snowy day.  I'm almost teary eyed about it all.  It was so great.  I'm so thankful for my Ainsley girl and all that she's brought to our lives.  All of these sweet little friends and their awesome parents, they were here because of her.  It's really amazing, all of it.

And as for this five year old girl of mine?  She's astounding.  She's grown up so much over this past year that both Ian and I are apt to forget some of our more trying moments with here mere months ago.  She's articulate and thoughtful, an amazing problem solver and inventor.  She's so ambitious and quick and clever.  She is right on the verge of reading and can sound out most small words we give her, can sound out nearly any word to spell, even quite long ones.  She's taken to having me dictate whole letters to people on a white board, then grabbing her clip board and descending to her room to copy it all neatly down.  She is so excited for  a desk of her own someday soon. I'll be so happy to oblige her, she's quite the working girl.  She's a great eater and will try most anything with an open mind (though cream cheese and jam is still her favorite, and fruit and cucumbers, and most things sweet).  She loves her dolls and toys quite fiercely and takes such good care of them (until she forgets where she laid them down last ;o).  Her room is always a jungle of perfectly choreographed playing.  She always has a plan and her plan is THE PLAN.  I could watch her play all day.

This fifth birthday is so bitter sweet for me, as they all are I guess.  I feel like five is the entry year into being a big kid.  She'll be in kindergarten next year, in full day school.  That' simply crazy to me. I can't even fathom it.  So for now I'm not, focusing on her amazing preschool and our simple at home days that I love so much and know I will always hold so dear to my heart.

Ok, there I go.  I'm really sad about that all ending.  For five years it's been her and me, most every moment of every day, and while I know we'll get into the swing and groove of her being a big kid right now I so love her littleness.

At her conference this fall I talked with Ainsley's teachers about her reluctance to join activities and have playdates on her own away from home.  Her kind wise teachers nodded and smiled calmly.  You're doing the right thing.  No need to push it.  She's just where she needs to be.  Since that moment I've let it go.  Ainsley will let us know when she's ready to join actives and be away from us more.  Soon enough that's all she'll want.  It is so precious to me that right now she mostly wants us and for all their bickering Louise is her best friend.  I hear from their teachers that those two find each other numerous times throughout the school day and hug.  I never want this phase to end.

But I'm learning this is the way with children.  You are simultaneously completely in love with them just how they are this moment, mourning their growing and changing a bit, and so excited for who they are becoming and all that lies ahead.  Right now my girl is perfect, and she was perfect three months ago and I know that this next year will be perfect and wonderful in it's own new way.

I love you so much Ainsley girl.  You make every day so blessed and magnificent.  Happy Fifth Birthday!