Bad Dreams

I have not been sleeping well lately, and for the first time in over 7 months it's not because of my baby.  Ok, it's a bit the baby, he's still up once a night most nights, and a bit Louise and her persistent cough, but mostly it's stress, yucky adult stress.

I've been having nightmares too.  Hilariously transparent nightmares.  The first night we had to evacuate (too much homeland I think?) and I couldn't find my knitting to pack in my bag.  I was frantically looking for that yarn all night.  Then it was house hunting.  I dreamt we'd found our perfect house and when we went to look at it there were at least 30 other people there all making offers, just writing their bids out on a piece of paper.  Ian and I were so preoccupied in that dream that we left our children behind when we drove away, ensue double panic.

These dreams are obviously a symptom of how I've been feeling lately, totally frazzled and anxious and out of control.  I'm trying so hard to take life day by day, focus on Christmas coming up and Ainsley's 5th birthday.  It's hard though, knowing that the new year is most likely going to find our family dealing with a whole lot of changes, again.  I'm getting pretty tired of change, of the unknown.  While I so want to be a go with the flow person I'm not at all.  I need plans and expectations.  It's so hard for me to live in limbo and not be actively figuring out all that is to come, worse yet? admit that I can't figure it out and I just have to wait and see how it all plays out.  Sigh, it's been tough.

It helps to vent to Ian and my mom, to do what little I can to feel prepared, to immerse myself in my kids and this favorite season of ours.

We're going the stocking advent again this year and the girls love it.  I've already dropped the ball two mornings when I was too tired the night before and they had to wait until after school for their surprises.  The first day the girls got a new book, and their chocolate advent calendars from Trader Joes.  Then they got new paperback books from the dollar section, then new hair bows.  Today I'm thinking of putting in a craft idea, a cute christmas wreath craft I found online, or some fun coloring pages.  I'm trying to keep it fun but simple.  We've been baking so much lately I'm holding off on any cookie baking promises until the weekend.  The girls were so patient while we made the 16 dozen cookies for their school fundraiser.  They can't wait much longer to make their own cookies even if I am all cookied out!

And my Felix boy, ah, he always helps.  He is so snuggly and happy and I just love him to pieces.  He's starting to move around a bit, scooting on his bottom and up on all fours rocking and reaching.  He continues to eat more and more everyday.  I think I've made about 12 batches of baby food for him so far, way more than either of the girls ate.  He's even moved on to finger foods, grabbing puffs pincher style with ease.  Yesterday he ate more pirates booty than the girls at lunch!  I had to get some photos of him eating it.  He was so happy and pleased with himself.  Me too tiny guy, you are getting so big!

I feel the season just soaring by.  I'm hoping we get another snow soon and I REALLY hope it's snowy when we're in Minnesota for Christmas.  These girls are Minnesotans at heart and sure miss the snow in the winters.  Sledding and snow angels and snowmen are where it's at for them.

I hope you all are having a good week!