Sometimes, Today.

Sometimes I want to check out before the day has hardly started.  Sometimes it's 8:30am and my patience has already been completely tapped.  Sometimes I lose my cool and I join in the morning yelling and fighting.  Sometimes after I drop the kids off at school I am too tired to do any of the errands that need doing and I go home, put Felix up for a nap and stare off into space for a while, completely wasting my time.

Sometimes I call my mom and I cry.  I just let it all out.  That I feel like a complete failure, am terrified of kindergarten next year, so worried about so many things, so in love with Felix, so worried that a third baby was too much, that I am in fact spread too thin and screwing it all up.  Sometimes that cry feels so good and five minutes after I hang up I'm miles away from where I was.

Sometimes I can reboot, embrace what I'm working with right now, move on.  Sometimes deep breaths really work.

Somedays turn out perfect despite their rocky start.  Sometimes chicken fingers and cheese curds for lunch are just what we need to set the tone.  Sometimes I don't feel guilty for take out.

Somedays I don't make the girls nap.  I let them play in their room together.  Sometimes I take a bath while they play.  I should be doing lots of other things, like cleaning up from lunch or sweeping the floor, scrubbing the tub that I'm bathing in.  No. Sometimes I do none of that and I take a bath.

Sometimes the afternoon starts too soon, but I love it.  Sometimes the sun is shining and the mood is right and we fill it to the brim.

Sometimes I don't give them a choice, have my own unyielding agenda.  Sometimes we scoot and walk to the library and spend lots of time there exploring.  Going hoarse from reading, tired for squatting and bending for new books.  Sometimes the bag I have is overflowing with new finds.  Sometimes Bill Nye and Madeline find their way in with the princesses and Dora in the DVDs.  I love that.

Sometimes we take a while to cross the street on the way back.  Sometimes a driver is antsy.  This time I flew my hands up charging after the antsy driver, Felix in the stroller, Louise in my arms, swooped out of harms way.  This time I got a Good job mama bear! from a bystander.  Sometimes I feel fearce and unafraid.

Sometimes we go to the park on our way home.  Sometimes we take off shoes and play in the volleyball court, the sand being so much softer and bigger than the pit.  Sometimes I get a moment or 5 while Felix sleeps and the girls play with twigs and leaves.  It's always great.

Sometimes we head home and I'm amazed at how fast the time has gone.  Sometimes I put on a new library DVD, thankful for the calm after a long napless day.

Sometimes I don't think about dinner.  Sometimes I know we'll survive without a 4 star meal.

Sometimes it's about surviving and getting by.  Sometimes that's ok.  But sometimes it's about rising above it, proving myself wrong.  Sometimes it's about watching Felix eat his feet and listening to Ainsley's newest made up fairy song and snuggling with Louise tiny baby style.  Sometimes it's just about that.

Today it was about all these things.  Today I'm thankful for it all.