Good Problems

There's a man who I see walking nearly every day.  He's elderly and I'm fairly certain that he resides at the local assisted living facility just up oak park avenue.  He waves at every single person that passes, chats to himself with a big happy smile on his face.  Once I saw him walking speedily with a large wet spot on the front of his pants, and still that big ole smile.  Even loss of bladder control can't get this guy down.

Every time I see him I smile, "good for him" I can't help but think.  To be that happy and energetic at that stage of life, what a goal, what an accomplishment.

I saw this man this morning, driving back from preschool drop off and errands with Felix.  It was a well timed siting.  A reminder of simple and happy.  I was feeling a bit iffy.  These last two days have not gone as I'd planned.

The end of last week and this past weekend was amazing.  I got so much done, was in such a good mood.  This weekend was nearly perfect.  Apple picking and outdoors all day on Saturday, a full on rainy cooking baking cleaning movie watching day on Sunday.  It was so good.

This week so far I've felt a bit stressed.  For as smooth as the start to school has gone (knock on wood!) there's always something big and looming on the back burner.  Right now it's where we will be next year.

Ian and I decided not to talk about it much until March, until he has a full year of his post doc well under his belt and is better apt to make a decision, but we just can't help it.  It's such a big thing, it's hard to ignore.

The hardest thing for me right now is I truly don't know where we belong.  Somehow we fit in this funny place that I never thought I could love.  Some days it seems easier to stay than to go.  Then I get on my computer in the morning and find the remnants of Ian's job searches on tabs.  Germany, Italy, Minneapolis, California.  Right now he's taking online certification courses to add to his resume in case he decides that data analysis is more his thing.  I'm so proud and happy to have such a motivated man, but it's a lot.  A whole lot.

I'm finding it hard to focus on the everyday, hard not to bypass all the stuff that will have to get done before a move from here.  So many house things, so many getting rid of stuff things.  It swamps me all the time.

Right now I'm trying to take a step back, remind myself gently over and over that we don't know yet, and goll darnit calm down until we do.

It helps that right now is so good.

Felix is right in the thick of magical baby stage.  He coos at me and squawks and rolls and bats his long dark lashes and I simply know that he has all the answers, am so acutely aware that he is perfect in every way, the best baby in the world ever.  I just drink him in every second.

Louise is three, and acts like it.  I'm finally understanding why every parent ever has told me that three is worse than 2.  With Ainsley 3 was SO much better than two so I was hopeful that Louise would just stay magnificently delightful and agreeable all the way through teenagerdom.  Nope!  That girl, for all her opinions and sass and defiance of late, that girl, she has some character.  Every single day I hear some great story from her teachers.  Once day she was making her friends laugh raucously at the snack table, the other she was posing top model style with a fish in her net over the water table, another she covered 3 2'x3' pieces of paper from edge to edge with beautiful marks of every color imaginable of tempera paint.  That girl.  I adore her.  Sass and all.

Ainsley has blown me away this school year so far.  The transition has been as seamless as I can imagine.  She loves her teachers and the new friends she's made.  She bounces right in the door every day and is full of stories of her mornings when we get in the car.  Outisde of school she continues to be the most imaginative child I can imagine.  Every moment of every day is filled with creative pretend and elaborate story telling.  It's remarkable to watch.  I accepted long ago that she will always be a challenging kid, so much vigor and personality is hard to corral most days, but man, I love her, life is never ever dull with  Ainsley May around.

 just a normal every day play set up for this girl...most likely a home for a fairy or a bug friend, one can never really keep it all straight

 singing singing always singing (only original made up rhyming to her own tune songs mind you)

Ah, so this morning I take a deep breath.  Try to sink down a bit further into fall, my absolute favorite of all time season.  So thankful for this home, for right now with my perfect little people and this man I found who takes away most of my angst.  All our problems are good, and that is the luckiest of all.

pumpkin spice donut from OPB, I never EVER should have tried it, INSTANTLY addicted

Happy Thursday friends!