Hump Day Nuggets: Deja Vu

I'm having major deja vu here, like flashback central to 2 years ago with almost 1 year old Ainsley. The child REFUSED to nap, so I started putting soft toys and books in her crib, shutting the door, setting the timer for a half hour, going to the OTHER side of the apartment and letting her work it out, because I loved her but MAN I needed a break.

With Ainsley toddlerhood was obvious. Those first crazy early walking steps and her outspoken opinionated little personality were obvious prominent markers. It was never a surprise to me when she was sassy or disobedient or NEVER did what I wanted her to. But here I sit a whole two years wiser, in a very similar boat with a very DIFFERENT child. De. Ja. Vu.

My sweet little Louise has slowly but surely turned into a toddler. First it was the laughing eye contact while doing something naughty. The classic "you better watch this mom, you're gonna LOVE this, what you gonna do about it?" toddler face. Now she refuses food she doesn't like, or just out of spite. If I give her something different from us, or heaven forbid, Ainsley, she throws a little fit in her chair. She flat out refuses most fruits and vegetables (although I'm trying my best I promise), squirms and wiggles when you hold her but when you put her down and ask her to walk she looks me right in the face, nods "no", drops, and crawls like lightening to go wreak havoc somewhere else.

It's not all bad mind you. She is still so snuggly and baby needy sometimes. She nestles her chubby little face in the nape of my neck when she's sleepy or needing comfort and still loves to sit quietly and read. But she's a toddler. With loud STRONG opinions and WORDS and MOVEMENT. Ahhh...I already miss those slow baby days of yore.

Today we had musikgarten and it was a bit rough I'm not going to lie. For the first time Louise was fussy, while Ainsley sat calmly and participated. She always wanted the instrument that was just being put away, the toys just out of reach, the mama that WASN'T hers and the baby that didn't want to play. It wasn't horrible, but it was new and odd.

At the end of class another little baby came and crawled over to me. She backed up onto my lap and grabbed my hand. Her babysitter smiled the "is this ok?" parent smile, I nodded and enjoyed the complacent little bug on my lap. Louise didn't mind, she was in the thick of the action with her sister, tapping and singing all on their own. But this little baby, she wanted me, she made moon eyes at me and glommed on.

It reminded me of how I used to be with babies, other peoples babies, and why I wanted children so badly for my own. For some people babies are cute and snuggly, but goodness hand them off to their parents when they cry people. Me? I LOVE them. I love the whole package. There is something magical about a fresh little one, filled with hope and possibility and pure unadulterated love and curiosity. That quick little not-my-baby snuggle brought me back. De. ja. vu.

Being a mom, I've lost a bit of that pre mama baby love. Not for my own of course, but I get how REAL and HARD it all is. It's not just the snuggles and loves but the crying and defying and working it out too. But really? I kind of love that too sometimes. Rather than handing a little one off to their parents when they're needy or tired or icky, I am the one they want, the one they need. I am the mama. So as I sit here listening to my sweet little newly toddling Louise fuss and squirm and NOT nap, I am reminded that as hard as this is, I LOVE this.

For with those squirms and opinions and spite, comes a closeness, independence and intimacy. I love each new day with my growing girls because I get to know them better, get to watch them grow and learn. Ian and I joke about having another one. "But could we skip the first 4 months please?" for while I LOVE the new baby snuggles and needs, I LOVE toddlers.

Older wiser parents keep telling me that it only gets harder...and I hear that, but really? I think it gets a bit easier too. Because now when my girls fuss and fret I KNOW what they need, I'm not just guessing and flying on a whim. I like knowing, and learning, and growing with my girls.

Bring it on Louise. I'm ready for you, and I can't wait!

Nuggets::

We continue to have ridiculously copious amounts of fun in the kitchen. Ainsley's chef skills have so evolved that she is always making her own creating and helping me simultaneously. It is not unusal to find a concotion of hers in the fridge or "baking" in the pantry at any given moment. I have to keep close tabs on that one, oh wait, nothing new :o).

And LOUISE! I am delighted that she too is a little kitchen helper. She stirs so well and is working on her proficiency in dumping. She is so interested and completely unsatisfied to simply sit while Ainsley and I cook. The more the merrier!

::Ainsley and a concotion of her own, Louise playing happily with markers . She loved pulling the caps off, putting them on her little chubby fingers and making silly voices for them like puppets, then putting the caps back on and putting them away, probably the cutest thing ever::

::Louise in command of the stepstool, pushing it all over the kitchen, them climbing up to where the action was, Ainsley dancing and singing while making snickerdoodles with me::

::dough rolling, I mean eating, time!::

Nuggets::

These past two weeks we've found yet another groove. The weather has been a bit chill, cloudly and damp for parks or much time romping outdoors so we've regrouped. We went on long morning outings to visit grandparents whose visits have gone FAR too long in between. What fun we had.

::Ainsley trying on her new FAVORITE dress up dress at GG's::

Nuggets::

Let the parties begin! Ainsley has attended her first friends' birthday parties this past month and LOVED every moment. She loves picking out, or helping make, the presents, making cards, practicing her happy birthday song and of course, dressing up for the occasion. Yay for 3 year olds! I can't wait to see her at her own party next month!

::Getting ready for Aahna's party. for once Louise is the blur::

(and if you think Ainsley's eye looks black, it does. she "decorated her face with you mascara mama, because it's a special occasion, ok?")

::what a wonderful party at a local kids gym, the girls were in heaven...

Louise in the ball pit::

::on the ladder::

::see sawing with a 3 year old!::

::my favorite moment of the night, the grand finale of the party. The kids all got the chance to ride the zip line. The birthday girl was a bit reticent, and the other children stood in awe, but Ainsley RAN to the front of the line nearly jumping out of her pants for a turn. I wish I'd gotten a closer shot of her face. PURE JOY. This girl is afraid of nothing, I am so thankful for that::

::Bubbles!::

Thanks for the great party Aahna! (you too Gigi, I can't believe I didn't get ONE photo from your great party!)

Nuggets::

I continue to struggle to find a balance between productivity and quality time. I find much like working out as long as I do SOMETHING every day, I feel good about that and know it will all get done.

::Cutting out new pants for Ainsley from an old shirt of mine while the girls TRASHED the basement with rice, oh boy that was a doosey to clean::

We're loving on November in this house. Excited for visits and festivities and trips coming up, and oh so thankful for this sturdy warm house and all the love in it. Happy hump day!