Big Sky

Now that the cat is out of the bag I can spill my own beans.  (So many figures of speech in there, I love it!)

For my dad's 60th birthday my mom flew all us kids and sons in law and grandchildren to Big Sky, Montana for a President's Day weekend bash (all 18 of us! Imagine the 16 children and grandchildren all on the same 10pm flight from MSP.  It was pretty epic).  We'd been anticipating it for many months and I will say it did not disappoint!

Personally, I was on the fence with how I thought the trip might go.  Correction, how the skiing would go.  I used to love skiing but have gotten more reticent as I age and the kids had never skiied before so I wasn't sure how they'd take to it.  I knew we'd have a blast being in the beautiful mountains and enjoy winter and our family time together, but 8 tiny people on a trip is always unpredictable.

It was simply amazing.

The whole time was such a giant celebration.  We had dinner in a private upstairs room at a local brewery that my dad has supported in over the years.  Such great food and house made beer and a big space for the kids to play and dance in.  There was so much dancing!

Valentine's Day found the kids noshing on Valentine's treats my mom brought (wrapped in individual festive bags for all, of course!) and a delicious steak and potato dinner with the most giant delicious four layer costco chocolate cake.

My dad's birthday celebration day found us eating delicious barbeque take out, opening gifts and 50+ envelopes of letters collected from family and friends and students and coaches and colleagues.  What a testament to the amazing man my father is! Here I need to diverge for a minute...

I am the ONLY one who forgot my letter in the flurry of packing madness.  I still wanted something in my envelope and decided to capitalize on an inside joke of my dad's and mine.  Throughout my whole life my dad has taken advantage of my extremely gullible nature by casually walking by and saying "here Becky hold this" and dumping something odd and usually disgusting in my hand.  Often it was toenail clippings or some flake of skin.  The best was when we were at the cabin swimming off the pontoon and I was in the water.  He yelled "Becky!  Catch this!" and threw what appeared to be a splash ball right at me.  Of course I caught it and the mass immediately began to dissolve and I screamed "EWWW!" as I realized it was in fact a wad of chewed up and spit out pretzels. HILARIOUS!

So! of course the appropriate response to forgetting his 60th birthday letter at home was to fill a ziploc with my sister's heel shavings and slap a post it on it "a sentimental placeholder for a fun-loving dad".  I was rather proud of myself.  I hope my letter lives up to the anticipation! Ha!

My dad has been wanting to get us all out to Big Sky for years.  It's where Ian and I had our honeymoon and our last trip was 5 years ago, when Ainsley was a toddler and I was newly pregnant with Louise.  It is such a magnificent place to travel and in the darker days of Ian's job search we thought "we'll just move to Montana house and wash dishes at the resort".  I'd actually be pretty ok with that life plan.

This time I enjoyed the skiing more than I had the last few times I'd gone.  I skiied confidently and joyously for two days while my big girls took lessons.

I'd forgotten how much I love ski culture.  Meeting friendly people on chair lifts, beers in hot tubs after a day on the slopes, outdoor swimming and sledding and fires crackling all the live long day.  Amazing.

And the kids?  They did SO well.  All 5, ages 4 and up took lessons for two full mornings.  It was so fun to pick them up and see their confidence as they showed us their skills on the bunny hill.  Louise seemed reticent off and on but never wanted to leave the hill and by the second day wanted nothing to do with me skiing next to her.  "Let me go first mom!".

I need a separate paragraph for my Ainsley girl.  Excuse me while I tear up before I even start to type.  Ainsley BLEW us away.  The first day she advanced a level halfway through the two hour lesson.  The second day she advanced again, this time away from the bunny hill and onto the beginner lift.  I took her on her first lift ride with my sister (the best skiier in the family!) in tow for support and she skied her first big mountain green run with complete confidence and a bit too much speed for her mom's comfort.

She went twice more up and down with different adults each time to film her and encourage and support her.  It was simply magical.  After dragging her off the mountain at the end of the day we signed up her for a third morning of lessons.  I took her the next morning and spent the time sipping on a bad cafeteria machine cappucino and knitting while my girl spent the entire morning up on the mountain.  By class' end she'd advanced again, now ready for the high speed quad chair that takes you all the way up the main part of the mountain to the more challenging green and blue runs.

I was honestly sad to go.  I wanted another day or two to keep my girl in lessons and watch her soar.  I'm having this parenting moment where I'm seeing my kid thrive and explode and be so damn good at something and it just feels incredible.  My rambunctious energetic conniving girl was a leader and followed directions and reigned it in and learned so much.  She bought a big sky shirt with a map of the mountain runs on the back and a ski keychain as souvenirs and brought them to school today along with her trip journal to share with her class.

In a moment of complete seredipity I went to pack my skit boots to take home and found my old ski bag that I used for ski school.  On the side were 8 hash marks, marking my age and distinguishing my bag from my sister's.  Next year Ainsley will be 8 and she can use that bag if she chooses, perhaps for her own boots as she continues her jounrey in this new sport she's found a tremendous love for.

So yeah, the trip was amazing.  We're already putting pennies in a jar for next year.

Little Big Things

Just the other day I thought out loud in my brain, "Felix has never had the stomach flu! Score!'  Last night at approximately 11:40pm my little dude wandered into our room.  "Mama?!" RAPLH! all over our bed.  Run to the bathroom, barf more and more and more and more.  Sorry if this is graphic.  He's my third little person so I truly didn't even blink an eye.  You just do it.

Then I go to throw our sheets and blanket and giant queen quilt in the wash and oh hello sopping wet non drained washing machine in our beautiful perfect new to us house.  Nice to meet you.  Thanks to youtube and a giant ego after 6 years of 100 year old house ownership I was SO SURE I'd nailed the problem to the wall.  One tiny sad non drained load later I gave up, put that we bought a car on black friday so we got a best buy gift card to good use and come Thursday laundry will be done again.  Until then thanks mom for the pick up laundry service while I try to figure out how much drink Felix can handle without instant barf relapse.

This week was feeling super stressful for some reason.  Honestly I'm just still not HERE.  Does that make sense?  This fall has just been insane and now the winter has been harder too.  I really could pinpoint the moment last week that WHAM! I felt at home.  I am such an incredibly good worrier and there is just so much to worry about when you are moving and buying and selling homes and pretty much changing everything about your lives.  There's this hilarious horrible balance between, let yourself worry! be kind to yourself! and STOP IT! you are so lucky, life is amazing.  It's exhausting.

So I've done A LOT of sitting in between my bouts of madness and worry.  Way too much napping on our new red couch and not enough marked productivity.  Yesterday I told Ian about this crazy 2 hour nap I took "Which I didn't even need!!!" and he laughed through his annoyance and it was such a great moment.  I told the kids AGAIN "find someone in life that you can annoy and accepts your annoyance and that laughs at you and with you.  It's really the stuff of life".  

I do this though.  I am such an up and down person I really should have a whole lot of roller coasters named after me (but I totally hate roller coasters so, no thank you).  Right now I'm really up and that feels good.

Yesterday I went to my new favorite store and bought FOUR new paperbacks to read with the girls.  We read every day but longer chapter books are still tricky to find time for so I recommitted and am so excited.  Three chapters into Half Magic sitting by the fire with my girls is a good place to be.

I'm still totally over food and cooking, mostly spending SO MUCH on food.  I actually went to Aldi for the first time in years and while the generic corn chips were "spot on" according to Ian I was underwhelmed and felt a bit like I was grocery shopping in prison.  I am one of those people who will totally pay for a good food shopping experience.  I LOVE our co-op and still burn a bright fierce candle for Trader Joes and just yesterday stepped foot into a brand new Kowalski's that blew my socks off (and has so many options for locally smoked fish I just, I can't even) so that's where it's at for me.  Make it work Becky.  Make it work.

Last night it was local eggs in tomato sauce, toasted fresh baguette, sauteed baby greens with garlic and smoked salmon.  Other rustic delicious meals on the docket: calico beans made from whole dried beans and good bacon, grits with stoneground cornmeal and whole milk and good cheese, flatbreads from homemade dough with roasted winter veggies and whatever free range meat is on sale at the co-op.  I find I much prefer cooking this way.  Going more often and seeing what sounds good.  It almost always works out that I spend less and enjoy more this way.

I can't believe I'm 32 soon.  I actually really like even numbers so I'm hoping it feels more comfortable than 31.  I sure am sinking into this place more every day and am really really thankful for that new washing machine coming on Thursday.  It's the little big things isn't it?  Always the little big things.

Happy February

girls playing with kitchen ingredients

 Felix's sick day, lots of basement fires and tea and couch snuggles

 Ainsley's sweater, getting closer!

 the new couch, making the living room my new favorite place

 sight words at sunset

 my little licker helper with Nana's birthday cake

 crazy hair day at school + chocolate decorators

 every time my dad goes to get his eyes checked he gets us a giant donut at the local bakery, I like this routine

 pantry dinner, usually better than my planned dinners

 10" of snow!  And of course we haven't bought a snow blower yet and I insisted Ian stay at his parents after work and I happened to have a fever and three tiny "helpers", oh boy! (actually Ainsley was legitimately helpful...a new day is dawning!)

We just got back from my Uncle's funeral, well really, life celebration.  It was of course a very sad occasion but also in a strange appropriate way, really fun.  We all kept commenting that at any moment we felt Big Uncle Steve would walk through the door and give us big hugs and cheek kisses and ask us what buffets we'd been to lately.  It was just the kind of gathering he would have loved.

The kids were at the house with Ian's parents and it sounds like they had a blast.  We realized Felix has never stayed away from us both overnight so we're extra thankful it went so well on this end.

We have a couple fun adventures coming up, skiing in Montana for my dad's 60th birthday and Sanibel in March, over Easter this year to boot.  I found myself getting stressed out about the details of these trips, then stopped myself.  We're so lucky to get to go and it's going to be awesome.

School is really settling well with the kids.  It's become familiar and more comfortable and they are both really starting to thrive.  It's been quite the relief.

I'm still working on finding my new routine.  I'm feeling sad about leaving a lot of the familiarity of my little kid routine in Oak Park.  I'm missing the conservatory and our little library and musikgarten and Pilgrim and the Buzz big time this winter.  Though in place of all that is sledding out our back door and the fitness center and cousins and family every which way to play with and a big comfy house to romp around in, and Felix's great preschool.   I wasn't expecting a culture shock moving back home.  Clearly I'm not an "adjuster".

I find with cooking I'm heading back to simple staples.  It's Wednesday and I still haven't been to the grocery store but I have two good pantry meals left in me so I'm holding out.  I get a real kick out of making do with what we have and nothing helps tighten up the ol' food budget like moving across states and buying a house twice the size of your old one.

I'm realizing I most need to get back into my groove of making.  It's the place where I feel the most comfortable and good.  Ian got me a fat quarter stack of some beautiful Anna Maria Horner fabrics for Christmas and I'm agonizing over what to make.  I've been wanting to try some textile art for a while and with all the wall space we have in this house that may be just the thing.  I still haven't made Ainsley's valances or decided on fabric for the dining room.  These are all things that would feel good to do.

FIRST! Valentine's days at school and my dad's birthday and our Montana trip, then time to continue to ease into this new Minnesota life of ours.

Oh, and happy February!

January's End

I can hardly believe January is nearing it's end.  This fall was such a whirlwind I was hoping winter would slow down a bit.  Though yesterday Louise was pondering the seasons while we romped out back in the snow.  When will it be summer mama? And we went through the months, counting the 2 more left in winter, 3 in spring and then finally those final june days, the first of summer.  So much can happen between then and now, and firstly there's quite a bit of winter left.  I'm comforted in both those facts today.

There's been a tragedy in my family.  My Uncle unexpectedly died.  He was just a year older than my own dad.  He left behind my aunt, one of the most loving caring amazing women I know, and my two grown male cousins, younger than me by just a bit.

It's really rocked my world.  After a life filled mostly with sunshine and rainbows the reality of the fragility of our time here has hit hard in recent years.  It's woken me up to my own life, helped me learn to let the little things go a bit more.  I'm still far from the model of a mother and wife and human I wish to be, but I'm trying.

It's made we wonder why we all let the little things bother us so much?  I was at the grocery store check out last week and forgot AGAIN about my new chip credit card that I had to insert rather than swipe.  It meant having to redo the transaction and perhaps 45 seconds more of my time.  I laughed as I told the cashier I'd goofed, could she please try that again?  She laughed too then thanked me for not losing my cool like so many others about the new chip cards.  It made me so sad.  I surely lose my cool over unnecessary things, I did it just this morning when Louise was talking in her funny lisp voice so I couldn't understand her and coughing directly into my face over and over.  It doesn't matter!  I have my life and my family and this beautiful new home.  It's not worth spending the energy or anger over chip cards and fake lisps.

Moving has been good in so many ways, and hard in ways I hadn't considered.  I am loving having a fitness club to go to.  Just this morning I went on a non school day for Felix and he played happily for 45 minutes in the child care room while I run my just sub 9 minute miles (and I know they are now because of the treadmill!) I took him the indoor playground just in the basement where he played for approximately 5 minutes before coming to find me to tell me he's tired and wants to go home.  It's so amazing to have that in our lives right now.  IT feels like a new amazing chapter in so many ways!

I'm vowing to re-up my game and document life a bit better.  If anything as these years pass time is speeding up too.  I look at my children and can hardly believe how big they are.  One step at a time right now.

Winter is Good.

I am officially feeling desperate for a sense of order around here.  Does anyone recall how long it took them after moving to get a system down for things?  Papers, laundry, cleaning, it all seems so up in the air right now!  It's a little thrilling to think we have the chance for a fresh start here, a bit daunting too.  I'm trying to rekindle the things that worked well for us and revamp the things that need changing.  It feels like a lot right now.

I am eager to get the girls more involved in housework.  I need to let go of my tendancy to do things the way I want them done and let them take part.  I think even a weekly rotation of chores is too much to ask right now, so perhaps just a simple chore or two they are responsible for always.  For me bathroom cleaning and dishes are the hardest to motivate for.  Ian usually sets the table and we all help clear.  I'd also love help with dinner some nights.  I used to be so much better about involving the kids and now in our bigger kitchen I need to make good on my promise to get them cooking more.

I've also been struggling with learning tasks with the kids.  Louise is on the cusp of reading more fluently and Ainsley is at the stage where she'd like to be reading chapter books but it's still a bit of work and she tires after a few pages and gets frustrated.  I'm hoping this winter to get their rooms more in order so that quiet reading time up there is more appealing.  Mostly I'm just letting things go for now and giving in to the urge to explore and nest in our new space.

I all but botched my first pair of pants for Felix on the sewing machine this weekend.  I was so confident in my idea that I just blazed ahead and they are the silliest shape imaginable.  I think for now I'll stick to simpler projects that are needed, gators for Montana and a few more knit hats.  I found a great quick pattern that I made for myself and the girls are envious.  Don't mind if I do!

This week cooking feels a bit unfun again.  I have enough in the fridge that I don't want to overdo it, but nothing sounds terribly exciting.  I'm hoping for inspiration while at dance today with the girls so I can jot down some winners.

I went to Target and ran into my sister which is just stupendous.  Put that in the category of "things that would never happen in Oak Park".  In addition to the needs I bought myself a few new things to wear to church.  I know church doesn't care, but I do that I only have a pair of black pants and two "churchy" sweaters.  These pants I found I may never take off.  I've also found a few very comfy blouses that should dress up those black pants nicely.  Yay Christmas money!

This week I'm excited for venturing into potty training with Felix again (perhaps for real this time?), getting organized, delving into making for this house a bit more.  Winter is good for all of these things.

This Week 1/4

This week has been wonderful so far.
For once I was VERY ready for school to start.  The girls were nervous and I had to lift Louise up onto the bus steps to get her to go but they made it and it's been mostly smooth sailing since.  Felix went back to school Monday as well and I very much enjoyed my solo trip to the co-op and a quiet house to make lots of phone calls.  Mondays the girls have dance.  After getting everything ready and meeting them at the bus stop and ushering them to the car and speeding over I realized they have one more week of break.  Louise cried and the rest of us laughed.  We went to the bakery to get some giant cookies and bread and that pretty much made up for it.

Tuesday night I finally made Giada's Roast Chicken and Ian told me to put it on the list.  "You know, mommy used to make food like this all the time when we were newly married."  I guess my standards have slipped.  I will say anytime I can motivate to make something during nap time I don't regret it.  That chicken was dressed with nicely prepared veggies and all ready in the fridge for Ian to pop in the oven as I took Ainsley, with Louise and Felix, to their new pediatrician.  It was nice to come home to a delicious ready meal!

Yesterday was the best yet.  After taking Felix to school I headed straight to a local fitness center I've been hearing about and signed us all up.  The price is so good, even better with health insurance reimbursement, and there's a splash pad and indoor playground for the kids. I'm kind of over the top excited for having this as an option this winter.

When the girls got home from school Ainsley lingered outside to make fairy homes in the snow while Louise and Felix and I made kale chips for snack.  I'd never made them before as kale is the one leafy green I just really don't like.  I will say I liked it much better all crispy roasted and slightly salty, the kids liked it too.  Then Ainsley came in to join us and we tried a new art project, microwave puffy paint.  They LOVED it and it was pretty easy to set up.  They were able to do it all by themselves (Felix too!), microwave and all.  I love independent projects that hold their attention and challenge their creativity! (It's amazing how just giving them circular plates to paint on rather than rectangular paper changes how they use the white space.)  After that I dumped out a bag of pom poms for a few simple activities. Felix loved dropping them from a paper towel tube into a bowl and then they all loved sweeping them across the floor into a square I'd made with tape.

I've been enjoying some quick knitting projects of late.  Gators for the kids and Ian, finally finishing Felix's sweater, some headbands and a new hat for me.  I'm also trying to get my sewing lined up.  Felix needs a new pair of quick change trousers and I may make some for the girls as well.  It's going to start getting COLD!

We've needed to do nothing moving into this house, which has been lovely, but I find it's leaving me antsy to put our stamp on it.  For now I'm excited to make a few new valances for the dining rooms, and eventually the living room, and some for Ainsley's room as well.  I'd never thought to make valances before but all of our bedrooms have simple pull shades and valances and I love them.  It give the windows a bit of interest without blocking too much light. Oh and the LIGHT in this house!  We are situated on a small hill.  The front of the house gets the morning sun and the back gets the evening sun, with the dining room, powder room and kitchen getting light all day long.  I can't even imagine in summer how bright and wonderful it's going to be.  On the few bluebird days we've had it's been glorious.

I've also been couch shopping.  We're one living space short in seating and once we take the Christmas trees out of the living room it's going to feel so bare!  I'm excited to continue to settle in and add our own touches.

Today I am VERY excited to take Felix to the fitness center for the first time.  He can't wait for the splash pad and playground.  I'm excited to try out the nursery and get a little work out in if possible.  I'm really loving not having too much scheduled with the kids.  I love having time afterschool wtih all three to do fun things and play and my mornings with Felix to do more of the same.

In the New Year

Right this minute I should be filling out health forms to take to our new pediatrician.  I could also be sweeping the kitchen for the 400th time or starting the felt garlands I promised for the kids rooms.  There's always so much to be done, isn't there?

I've waited to be back in Minnesota for so long.  In some darker moments these past two years I felt like being home was the only thing that could help me.  Now I'm here and realizing finally, certainly, that it's always a journey.

Back to school went pretty well for the girls.  They were both reluctant to go, a bit sad when they got home, happy to go again this morning.  It's a process for us all and I'm glad we're in it together.
I miss seeing Ian in the morning.  We've had coffee together every morning since college.  I remember buying that giant chair and a half when we were newly married for the sole purpose of sitting close and drinking coffee.  I'm trying to remind myself that in place of that are many great things, like the possibility of date nights, FINALLY! and more time together as a family in the afternoons.  Still, I'll always remember fondly those weekday coffee sipping mornings.

Today Felix and I ran a few errands.  I needed to get buttons for his sweater that I finished last night.  Poor boy is so confused as to why there are all these strings hanging off of his new sweater.  I just can't finish it fast enough for him!  On a side note, it is so disorienting to be shopping in all new stores, can I just say that.  I don't know where anything is anywhere and it's so flustering to me.  I keep thinking of summer and how by then hopefully I'll have a groove down pat.  It'll happen.

After JoAnn's and TJs I vaguely remembered a Caribou around the corner and took Felix for a hot cocoa date.  We sipped and chatted and I was astounded, again, always, by how big he is.  Just swinging his legs talking to me about school and his little life, slurping on hot cocoa.  Life has felt stressful lately dealing with all this moving and setting up our life here, but moments like that carry me a long long way.

I'm always so sad when Christmas is over, perhaps this year especially.  It felt like such a cushion.  I could just focus on the holiday and Ainsley's 7th birthday and not really deal with all those horrible odds and ends of moving (I have to take the written driving test, AGAIN?!!!)  Oh I just really dislike all of that.  I'm trying to see it as another opportunity to grow and learn and focus on all the good stuff in life.  Making our house a home, being with my family, ALL of my family, reconnecting with old friends, finding a groove to keep in touch with old friends.  This is the stuff of life that matters right?  Not the endless phone calls and checks written and stress induced wake ups.  There's always so much good.

I hope the New Year finds you all well!