Crunch Time

With the end of this weekend comes the real crunch.  Days and counting until we depart for Minnesota for Christmas.  Why does this time of year always fly so fast?  This morning I'm taking a moment to drink it all in.

I'm in a good place with to dos.  It helps that I scoured lots before Ainsley's party, the house isn't in dire shape.  Most of the gifts have been wrapped.  The last LAST purchases have been made, a few hours of sewing (and many tiny stitches) to go.

I'm hoping to use time well this week.  To elve with the girls while I can and motivate in the evenings for this final push.  It's always worth it to see the gleam in my girls eyes when they open something truly special.  I just keep their faces in mind when I'm bone tired and reaching.

Though there hasn't been too much of that this year.  I feel so much more mellow and settled into our holiday routine than ever before.  One of the great benefits of aging a bit I guess.  I learned last year that simple is better.  Less decorations, fewer commitments, more time to be spontaneous and free.  Every morning I ask they girls what they want to do with our afternoons and every day that have great ideas and most day we can accommodate it all.  There's been lots of baking, of course, and festive play dough playing (both spiced and chocolate dough have been made).  Lots of sitting next to the lit tree playing games and pulling out glitter and stamps and paint and glue and making.

 I love that we're in that glorious place now where plans are mostly OURS, not mine or theirs.  We're on board with each other and together is where we'd all most like to be (except right now, I'm thoroughly enjoying this quiet house and second cup of coffee.)

Today I'm looking forward to getting a few things done.  Unwinding that spiders web to start and finishing up a few gifts to be sent out this week.  Then a very special afternoon at the ballet with Auntie Sonya and the girls.  I'm excited to see a new production of the nutcracker.  I've heard this local one is good!  Then Wednesday I go to school to celebrate Ainsley's birthday with her class and Friday we'll spend all together packing and readying.  Then bright and early Saturday we'll ship out for our week of holiday fun.  Every year we leave MN vowing we'll just stay home the next year because truthfully it's a lot.  But every year this time comes around again and we just can't help ourselves.  Family is the place to be this time of year. We're so thankful we're close enough to see the ones we loves most.

Happy Weekend to you all!

Favorite Gifts This Year

For some reason the type A side of me likes these gift lists.  So bear with me.

We gave Ainsley most of her birthday presents this evening after her birthday party.  We did this last year and really liked it.  It gives her a chance to spread the love out a bit and a little more time to savor it all.

Her favorites?

Rush Hour
We've played 3 rounds since she opened it at 6:30pm.  The recommended age is 8+ but she's doing great at it, needing very little help and LOVING all the thinking and planning it requires.  It's an amazing game.

Race to the Treasure
Ainsley got this from a friend this morning and we've played it twice so far.  It's a very intuitive cooperative game, fast paced and fun.  I think Louise could even play this with us.  I LOVE cooperative games.  Anything that cuts down on the you win you lose aspect is great by me.

Lands End Shirts and Carters Leggings

I don't have links to these because I bought these clothes a while back but I am so excited about the two new outfits I got for Ainsley.  Lands End makes really nice quality shirts that fit my long and lean girl so well.  ALL of Ainsley's pants are too short (again!) so I bought her a pair of 5/6 corduroys this fall that she wears all the time and her two new size 6 leggings from Carters fit perfectly with some room to grow.  Plus these two stores always have amazing deals (and this coming from a thrift shop addict, so you know it must be good!).

Carters in general

I did a big order from here on black Friday for lots of the kids stocking stuffers.  In my opinion they have the best little kids underpants, socks, and accessories for really good prices.  With two little girls right in a row I like finding things

Rubens Barn Doll
This is Ainsley's big gift for her birthday (she'll be getting it on her actual birthday so she hasn't received it yet) and I anticipate it will be a big hit.  She is so very into that nurturing phase of play right now and her little light dolls just don't seem to be cutting it.  I noticed the size issue when she discarded her beloved Lambie and Jill for her larger stuffed toys.  These dolls are large (18") and soft and weighted to feel like a real baby.  They are pricey, but I found a great coupon and went for it.  I'm hoping this will be her DOLL, you know, the one she keeps forever, that she won't outgrow in a few months.  I'm so very excited to sew clothes and accessories with her this winter.

Make Your Own Board Game
I know I've mentioned bare books.com before, but if this site is new to you PLEASE visit it and ENJOY!  I always have a box of their books in our basement now, whether for last minutes gifts to give or for writing books or sketchbooks for the girls.  They are so inexpensive and amazing.  This last order I decided to try out their blank game boards and I am thrilled with Ainsley's  She's started making up her own games with pieces of other games and paper and thought that this would be such a fun activity for us this winter.  I'm excited to see what she comes up with!

Now Onto the Others....

Felix's Sweater Romper
I am absolutely in love with this cotton one piece.  I got it on a black Friday Sale and I have a feeling he'll be wearing it every other day all winter long.  It's adorable, so soft, and so warm for this cold wirer we're having.  Worth every penny (and Ian wishes it came in his size...me too).

Mr. Wuffles and Journey
These are the two picture books I bought for the girls recommend by NPR.  I got them in the mail last week and am so excited about them.  They are both wordless books which I LOVE for their ages, especially for Louise's age.  She so loves looking at pictures and making up her own stories, and they love when we "read" them, a bit different each time.  These two books are so different by each magnificent.  I'm thrilled!

There's more, but that' all for now I think.  I'll post more as I think of them.  I hope you all are enjoying these last days of preparing and joy.  We're full in Christmas mode here and I love it so much!

A Few Thoughts

I'm having one of those shouldbedoingsomanythingsinsteadImparalyzedwithindecisivness mornings.  So I'll work through it on here a bit and get to it afterwards.

Louise was sad at drop off this morning. I'm pretty sure my fog has rubbed off on her.  I'm so glad for her teachers and friends.  I think they're better for her this morning than I am.

Felix has started babbling.  His first babbles?  MAMAMAMAMAMAMA.  :o)

I exploded last night at 11:30pm after listening to Felix cry for 45 minutes.  Poor sleep deprived Ian was the one holding it together for me.  Any rationality I've had about our sweet baby and his sleeping problems has left me.  I'm needing to find a new zen about the whole thing.  I'm searching hard for it today.

Ainsley's birthday party is two days away.  We are all so excited.  I LOVE having parties at home.  Even if it means way more prep and cleaning, I think it also means so much more fun.  We have crafts and games and fun planned to the T.  I can't wait.

We're getting a real winter here in Chicago and I'm loving it.  A solid 3-4 inches of snow on the ground.  Winter walks all bundled with my girls and hot cocoa or tea most every day.  Now if only there were more sledding hills in Oak Park.  We can't wait for our Minnesota Christmas for some good sledding!!!! And lots of other reasons too.

I'm officially done with Christmas shopping (not making!).  It's feeling so good to wrap it all up and tuck it away.  Somehow it always works out doesn't it?  I am so excited about so many different gifts this year.

I am current devouring The Goldfinch a novel by Dona Tartt.  IT IS SO GOOD!!!!!!

I am afraid I won't finish Ian's sweater vest in time for Christmas.  I'm banking on those driving hours to Minnesota to get lots done.  I was hoping to have time to make Felix a matching one.  Now I'm doubtful.

Ah, lots to do today.  I best get going.  I think what I REALLY need is a good run.  Perhaps some yoga with my girls later or crazy dancing for 20 minutes will do the trick?  I sure hope so.  Happy Thursday to you all!

Wishful Thinking

Oh boy.  If I've ever needed a day off from being a mom, today would be the day.

There's nothing spectacular about today.  The girls have school, I had to take Felix in for a vaccine, we needed bread so we went to the bakery and got that, a number 5 candle too for Ainsley's birthday coming up so soon.

I'm just spent.  Felix is not sleeping AGAIN.  I feel like a broken record, but it's hard when you don't get sleep.  It's like when you don't get enough food.  It's all I can think about.  I dream of sleep when everyone else is napping, but I can't sleep then because there's always too much to do.  I dream of sleep the minute I wake up and the minute I lay my head down.  But I never get it in increments of more than 3 hours these days.  I don't know what's going on.  It's eating away at my soul, and REALLY affecting my mood.

This morning I had absolutely nothing in my reserves.  At one point while trying to get all the kids seated for breakfast I SHOUTED at the TOP of my lungs (while both Louise and Felix were screaming at the tops of theirs) I DON'T WANT TO TO MY JOB TODAY!!!!! (over and over and over).

And I don't.  Today I want to be completely by myself.  I want to take a long hot shower and towel dry my hair, and slip on some clean clothes and crawl into my warm bed and sleep.  I want to sleep until I've had enough sleep and then I want to wake up on my own. Not because my baby needs me or because Louise is kicking the wall next to my face or because Ainsley is hissing at her sister.  Then I want to come downstairs to a quiet clean house.  Clean because I cleaned it up yesterday and no one dismantled it for once.  Then I want to turn on an old favorite movie.  Perhaps something seasonal like White Christmas or It's a Wonderful life. I want to knit something, just for fun, not for a gift or a timeline.  Perhaps keep working on that cap sleeved sweater for me that's been waiting since this time last year.  Then I want to cook something, because I do like cooking.  Something simple and delicious like risotto with a glass of wine on the side.  When the sun starts to dip I want to curl up by a fire (because in this fantasy we have a fireplace that works) and delve further into my current obsession The Goldfinch and just get lost in this wonderful story.  Then when my eyes feel heavy I'll head up to bed, again, for more uninterrupted glorious sleep.  Then I'll wake up, and THEN maybe I can be a good mom again.

Ah.  Perhaps just typing that out will be enough huh?  Or perhaps this five minutes of sitting, sipping on coffee, in a quiet warm house while my boy sleeps and my girls play at school, perhaps this will be enough, it has to be enough.  Because after this five minutes it's back to reality.  To a very messy house despite my best efforts, to a tribe that so needs me, to a very tired boy tonight who deserves my pep and optimism and smiles.
Families are such a tremendous blessing, but DANG, they are a whole lot of work.  Today I wish i had a break from it all, but I don't, so I'll take my five minutes and I'll breathe, and I'll remember how blessed I am, and I'll pray like mad that Felix sleeps tonight and life will go right along.

Rolling Along

December just keeps rolling right along.
Each week seems to end with something big that keeps us focused and humming and merry.
This last week it was the girls cookie walk at school.  16 dozen decorated cookies later I thought I may not have one ounce of cheer left for the actual event on Saturday.  Couple that with solo parenting most of the weekend while Ian writes a grant at work and I was sure it was going to be rough.  But it wasn't, not at all.  We had a blast picking out cookies and seeing all the girls' teachers and friends and school.
The merriness just keeps on coming and it's been a great (if not extremely tiring) weekend.

Almost five years later I think I'm finally starting to get the hang of some things.  One being having my bigs girls' birthday the day before Christmas.  Somehow we always seem to find the time to prepare for her special day and Christmas too.  This year we're finding it in pockets of time.  Little bits here and there to discuss and craft and ready.  On Friday we got all the party bags ready.  Ainsley wrote the name of every one of her friends on their bags and then we all decorated with new stamps and markers.  Louise wrote her own name on her bag.  Ainsey carefully chose the gifts for each friend and they're waiting in the basement for her fun morning next weekend.  I may be just as excited as she is (no way I could be MORE excited).

Christmas is yet again catching me a bit off guard.  I felt so prepared about a month ago and now I feel like I'm treading water.  I'm not worried about the things that I still have to make, just the purchases.  It's dreadfully hard to get out with my little people these days that any outing needs a careful orchestration and preparedness that I rarely have the stamina for.  So I'm learning to use my weekends well, as much as I dislike being out with the crowds. It's worth it for quiet afternoons at home.

This weekend those afternoons, and mornings with daddy working have been filled with activity.  I pulled out Felix's newly felted stocking to needle felt and the girls were enthralled with my roving wool.  So I switched gears and went to work with them on projects of their own.  They are loving their new craft.  For those interested I simply use small squares of 100% wool felt, merino roving, a needle felting "sponge" and needles.  The girls choose their felt and roving and place the sponge below their project, then place the felt where they'd like it to go and poke away until the wool agitates enough to hold.  I of course help lots.  It's quite tricky to hold the wool in place and felt at the same time and those needles are sharp! but they get such satisfactions out of it and I am thrilled.

Another fun "project" of late is preparing for the arrival of baby Jesus.  One night I constructed this hilarious manger out of popsicle sticks (it was actually quite fun) and put tiny balls of yarn and scissors in the girls' advent stocking for the morning.  They were puzzled. Then I explained.  Each time they went out of their way to do something kind of helpful they could cut a length of yarn to place in baby Jesus' bed.  Each day the pile will (hopefully!) grow and grow with yarn to make a soft warm place for the baby to lay.  I plan to sew a small swaddled doll to place in the manger on Christmas.  I hope it's a simple reminder of the real reason we celebrate this time of year.

So today I am tired.  I feel bad for Ian having to work so much over the weekend and the next few days.  But I am thankful for the snow we're getting today and for the fun in the week ahead preparing for Ainsey's birthday and then next week readying for Christmas in earnest.  It's coming up so fast and I'm getting rather excited for it all.

I hope you have all had a good weekend!

Bad Dreams

I have not been sleeping well lately, and for the first time in over 7 months it's not because of my baby.  Ok, it's a bit the baby, he's still up once a night most nights, and a bit Louise and her persistent cough, but mostly it's stress, yucky adult stress.

I've been having nightmares too.  Hilariously transparent nightmares.  The first night we had to evacuate (too much homeland I think?) and I couldn't find my knitting to pack in my bag.  I was frantically looking for that yarn all night.  Then it was house hunting.  I dreamt we'd found our perfect house and when we went to look at it there were at least 30 other people there all making offers, just writing their bids out on a piece of paper.  Ian and I were so preoccupied in that dream that we left our children behind when we drove away, ensue double panic.

These dreams are obviously a symptom of how I've been feeling lately, totally frazzled and anxious and out of control.  I'm trying so hard to take life day by day, focus on Christmas coming up and Ainsley's 5th birthday.  It's hard though, knowing that the new year is most likely going to find our family dealing with a whole lot of changes, again.  I'm getting pretty tired of change, of the unknown.  While I so want to be a go with the flow person I'm not at all.  I need plans and expectations.  It's so hard for me to live in limbo and not be actively figuring out all that is to come, worse yet? admit that I can't figure it out and I just have to wait and see how it all plays out.  Sigh, it's been tough.

It helps to vent to Ian and my mom, to do what little I can to feel prepared, to immerse myself in my kids and this favorite season of ours.

We're going the stocking advent again this year and the girls love it.  I've already dropped the ball two mornings when I was too tired the night before and they had to wait until after school for their surprises.  The first day the girls got a new book, and their chocolate advent calendars from Trader Joes.  Then they got new paperback books from the dollar section, then new hair bows.  Today I'm thinking of putting in a craft idea, a cute christmas wreath craft I found online, or some fun coloring pages.  I'm trying to keep it fun but simple.  We've been baking so much lately I'm holding off on any cookie baking promises until the weekend.  The girls were so patient while we made the 16 dozen cookies for their school fundraiser.  They can't wait much longer to make their own cookies even if I am all cookied out!

And my Felix boy, ah, he always helps.  He is so snuggly and happy and I just love him to pieces.  He's starting to move around a bit, scooting on his bottom and up on all fours rocking and reaching.  He continues to eat more and more everyday.  I think I've made about 12 batches of baby food for him so far, way more than either of the girls ate.  He's even moved on to finger foods, grabbing puffs pincher style with ease.  Yesterday he ate more pirates booty than the girls at lunch!  I had to get some photos of him eating it.  He was so happy and pleased with himself.  Me too tiny guy, you are getting so big!

I feel the season just soaring by.  I'm hoping we get another snow soon and I REALLY hope it's snowy when we're in Minnesota for Christmas.  These girls are Minnesotans at heart and sure miss the snow in the winters.  Sledding and snow angels and snowmen are where it's at for them.

I hope you all are having a good week!

Festivities and Advent and All Kinds of Fun

This weekend was exactly what I needed.

I woke up on Saturday feeling totally refreshed, a bit odd after a long holiday week and an extra day of work thanks to Ian's extra day of work.  Still I took it, took full advantage for once.  I told Ian to get out of the house by himself, take advantage of my good mood!  please! So he did.  Us adults all need a little alone down time.  Most always it's him giving it to me.  I was happy to oblige him for once.

The girls and I rolled out cookies and baked while Felix slept.  In no time 8 dozen were cooling, ready to be decorated for their fun raiser at school.  Then Ian came home and Felix was still sleeping so I told him to go ahead and take the girls to get out Christmas tree?  Without you?  Are you serious? I was serious.  I'm just so big and grown up these days.  I can be reasonable and practical when I need to be! (sometimes).

So they went and picked out the most perfectly little dumpling of a tree and we spent the afternoon adorning it.  Ainsley and Louise had every ormanet hung in about 15 minutes.  We admired our work, brought the rest of the decorations up and set those up too.  Then we were ansty, so I took ainsley on a run up to the park.  We did 4 laps, aout a mile.  She started off SO fast and melted to the pavement about 3/4 of the way around the first lap.  I'm trying to teach her about pacing.  It's a very difficult concept for a 4 year old.  She stuck it out though and we jogged it in together.  Then the weather was so mild and nice we decided to hang our outdoor lights.  Louise joined us and we all had a blast checking bulbs and hanging strands on our fence and trees and bushes.

Then we came in and Ian made dinner.  Two boxes of macaroni and spicy sausages.  I love meals I don't have to cook.  Then the girls were tired and I was excited to turn those cuts photos I got from tree decorating into some official Christmas cards.  So I did that and had a glass of wine.  Ian and I watched two episodes of Big Bang.  We went to bed.  I woke up in the middle of the night panicked that I'd ordered the wrong size of card.  I think I did.  I think they're going to be huge.  Oh well.  Small stuff right?

Then Sunday?  Sunday we were all pretty tired.  But church and Indian buffet and Frozen with my cures cured any of that.  We LOVED Frozen.  I teared up twice.  It was the perfect movie to take my two sweet girls to and I'd recommend it to anyone.  It wasn't too sad or scary, just right, with a wonderful message of what true love is (hint/spoiler...it's NOT a prince's kiss!).  I loved it.

And now it's Monday and there's lots to do this week.  More cookies to bake and decorate, the last few gifts to buy, a fairy pirate party to plan, doctors appointments, and always three little people to love and entertain.  I hope this momentum keeps up!