Pink and Plump and Perfect

Yesterday I turned 29.  I guess if I stop to think about it, that does make me feel a bit old.  Last night before bed Ian asked me if there's anything I want to accomplish before the big 3-0 next year.  Well, I'll have had 3 kids, so I think I can cross that one off the list.

It's true really.  The 20s have been so change filled and bursting with newness.  I must say, as much as I'm looking forward to this next year, welcoming our new baby soon, a summer filled with cabins and lakes and pools, a fall with two big girls in preschool and a tiny little one all to myself most mornings, I am also really looking forward to my 30s.  Because those years?  Well, I see them as years of relative stability and family rituals, years where we're finally put down permanent roots somewhere, KNOW what those next years bring, not just guess and ponder.  Ah 29, I'm happy to see you, but I don't know that I'll be sad to see you go.

My actual birth day was great.  The one real irony being that I had JUST commited to a few new coffee accessories with leftover Christmas money and the precise day they arrived was the day I had to give up coffee thanks to late pregnancy intolerance.  At least Ian's enjoying and extra good cup of Joe in the morning.  Ainsley tries a sip nearly every time, desperate to like it, HATING it underneath. It's great.

We had a relatively normal morning.  Ian had been sent hoe from work the day before because his cold was so bad and was instructed to come in later the next morning to rest a bit a sleep in.  Well, he woke up feeling much better so we capitalized on a bit of extra family time.  He dropped Ainsely off at school which THRILLED her and then met Louise and I at my favorite breakfast cafe for a mug of tea and delicious breakfast.  I wasn't hungry until I woke up from our glorious birthday nap at 3pm.  Yum!

In between delicious breakfast and glorious birthday nap was a bit of grocery shopping and puzzle doing with Louise.  I took the below photos of my big girl putting together Ainsley's body puzzle all by herself.  They aren't so stellar of me, but I just had to post what with Louise's sweet cheeks and raw runny nose.  Yuk mama!  I do it ALL by myself.  And see?  Here's all the naked pieces, and the boney pieces and the organ pieces. My girls sure do love their anatomy.

After nap came the real fun.  Earlier in the week Ian had hinted that there was a surpirse for my birthday night.  That I need only have the girls ready with a bit of food and he'd take care of the rest.  I pressed a bit further and discovered he'd wanted to leave the girls with Sonya and take me downtown for an extravagant meal.  Ah, I love my boy, but midweek, 7 months pregnant, after we've all had terrible colds, I wasn't feeling the downtown adventure.  So he of course obliged my request for a quiet night at home and he and Ainsley got set to scheming.

LONG story short, their plan was a cake.  Not any cake but Mrs. Peter's Birthday Cake from our all time favorite book The Seven Silly Eaters.  It had been Ainsley's idea.  She'd wanted that pink and plump and perfect cake for her mama for her birthday.  Ian found the recipe (made up by the poet laureate herself!) and starting asking questions.  So, how would one warm milk to precisely 70 degrees?  What's a tube pan?  What does cream, the verb, mean? I smiled at my boy's good intentions, asked him if it'd be easier if I made the cake with the girls.  Of course it would be.  That cake wouldn't have been ready until 10 pm if he'd had to make it after work.  So we spent the afternoon measuring and sifting, mixing and dumping.  Ainsley knows that book so well that she was a bit distressed that the "pink lemonade" in the book was diminished to lemon juice in milk (buttermilk) in the real recipe, and that instead of baking it in a large dutch oven we poured ours in a bundt pan.  But pink and plump and perfect it was, with a dollop of fresh whipped cream.  This cake is surely a new favorite.  And it meant so much that my big girl thought of it all by herself.  She was so proud carrying that cake out with Ian.

Ah, sweet birthday memories.

And other precious moments?  Well, the one where the girls EXPLODED with joy when they woke up wanting me to open every single present immediately.  Louise chiming in Mama! You get so many toys!  Don't you want your toys?!?!?!?  And once the present opening wrapped up Ainsley was so desperate for more that she kept wrapping things from around the house to give me.

So as much fun as a night on the town would be, for now a not so quiet night at home with our family is my perfect gift.  I think I heard Happy Birthday Mama!  at least 100 times yesterday, was sung to over and over and given extra special kisses hugs and love snuggles from the ones I cherish most.

Ah so the big 2-9, it was a good one.  Now?  I can't wait for that next birth day coming.  We sure like birthdays around here.

30 weeks

First off, I feel I need to start with a bit of a caveat in regards to my last post.  It's rare that I act on an impulse to write something that I know may come off a bit wrong and on this particular occasion I just felt the need to write it out.  I hope I didn't offend anyone and if I did, well, can I just play the crazy pregnancy card?  Thanks.

Ok, moving on...this is the big one guys.  The big 30 week milestone.

and when I say big, I mean it...

Looking ahead I knew that these next few weeks were going to be a mix, a wealth, a downpour of emotions for me.  Now I'm in the thick of it and  am glad I at least gave myself a tiny heads up.

Because despite getting the green light this go around this is time that things have fallen apart in both of my previous pregnancies.  With Ainsley my 30 week ultrasound found my dang short funnelled cervix and with Louise an off the cuff fetal fibronectin test at 30 weeks found me to be at high risk for a preterm delivery.  So of course this 30 week mark is a bit scary for me.  I pay attention to every normal twinge and pain more than a "normal" pregnant woman would.  I panic every other day and guzzle water and lay down for a half an hour when I'm sure that cleaning frenzy earlier was too much, or carrying Louise up the stairs will of course send my body into labor.  I expected all of this.  This is the normal part for me.  What I didn't expect is how optimistic, calm and hopeful I still remain.

see? this is me, post 30 week checkup, all cool and collected, and very very rotund

I know I know, panic and calm don't really seem to go hand in hand.  But rewind 2.5 years to the 30 week mark and THAT My friends is panic. Not this.

This?  This is knowing my body.  This is trusting my body.  This is feeling so blessed and calm that right now this baby is about 3 pounds, big and strong enough to face together whatever these next few weeks brings.  This is knowing with full certainty that I, as a mother, can handle whatever these next weeks bring.  This is feeling stronger than I ever have, despite having trouble swinging my legs out of bed.  This is the peace of knowing that in about two months, one way or another, our family will be complete.

And along with those brief moments of panic and woe, come just as many bursts of exploding excitement.  How I still have not had one moments' dread about the birth.  I remain so incredibly excited to experience bringing this baby into the world, in our home, with my family by my side.  How I simply cannot wait for that moment when I pull that baby up to my chest, gaze into those tiny smushed up eyes, and meet my new son or daughter for the first time.

My mind has been spinning lately.  So anxious to get to this point, and beyond.  So desperate for "normal" yet thankful for the extraordinary that I believe has allowed me to enjoy this pregnancy all the more.

Of course I won't truly rest easy until 37 weeks, if I'm resting really at all by then, but making it here, in one solid piece, is such an incredible blessing.

What I Do

I'm up way to early.  Again.  I'd kind of forgotten about this late last stage of pregnancy.  The one where I'm tired and sore nearly all the time but just can't sleep.  Sigh.

But this isn't about that.  No.  This is about me, and what I do.

Back at Christmastime Ian went to a gathering of college friends while I stayed back with the girls.  Later when I asked him how it was, how everyone was, he updated me on friends' jobs and relationship statuses, how fun it was to catch up.  Then?  He told me people asked after me.  How nice.  I thought.  Yeah, they asked about what your plan is.  What you want to do.  Hmmm.

For some reason these innocent inquiries have sent me stewing a bit (yes, I know, since December).  There is of course the obvious.  What do I do?  Really?. Does this imply that I am not DOing enough?  That somehow even in the 21st century staying home to raise your children is not deemed a legitimate career choice?  I'm flabbergasted if that's the case.

This is not to say that I'm mad about these questions.  I get it.  I truly do.  If you are without children, or very career driven, or of a different mindset than me (which is entirely possible, in fact very likely) I understand how odd it may seem that THIS is exactly what I want to be doing.  That it fulfills me more than any other job that I can imagine.  That to me?  Being with my children every waking moment is the most precious gift I can give them right now.  For me?  This is a no brainer.

Because what I do?  Why, I do everything.  Any single thing that you can think of that goes in to the making of a home and a family, I do that.  I do that with two little children (and one swollen belly) in tow.  And when I'm not doing that?  I'm planning for my days.  I spend these early morning hours planning activities, requesting new books to read together, picking up from yesterdays' fun, ALWAYS picking up from yesterday's fun.

Right now, what I do is absolutely all consuming.  It leaves me no time or energy to even consider anything else.  What I do know is that what I am going do do?  Is be a wife and mom for the rest of my life.  That loving and caring for them is my most important job (and let me tell you, that' not as easy as it sounds sometimes).

And as my children grow and don't need me as much every waking moment of every day?  Well, when that day comes, many MANY years from now, I'll crack open a big bottle of red wine, plunk myself down on our big comfy chair, grab my latest knitting, not to work no, just to feel the wool in my hands, and smile.  Then, and only then, will I consider, what now?  Because right NOW I have simply everything.  And that, is precisely what I'm doing.

THIS Moment (loving edition)

This moment I'm loving on lots in life.

This moment I'm loving...

 ...that my big girl's fever is gone after a mere 12 hours.  So thankful for this mild bug, her strong little body, lots of snuggles and those bright happy brown eyes.

...all the amazing finds from my thrifting this week.  Amazing art supplies, a fully restocked fabric closet, kitchen utensils I've been too cheap to buy at full price.  Magic every time.

See those yellow sunburst vintage sheets?  I bought a full set.  You'll be seeing a whole lot of that this summer on all three (maybe 4?) of us girls.  Enough for all and then some.

The crowning glory surely are these 2 dollar saddle shoes.  

Original vintage stride rites with bottoms so sturdy my girls have mistaken them for tap shoes.  

I'm of course thrilled with this.

 ...Louise's new sense of style.  Wild hair, backwards underpants, two boots, any kind will do.  Then of course we must sweep.  Sweep sweep sweep.  This has happened far more than once.  I think it's her "thing" now, and a hilarious delightful memorable thing it is.

I figure this is my space so a little right cheek sneak is totally allowed.  Really, it's a must to get the full effect.

And speaking of that lovely littlest (for now) lady of mine?  Why I'm loving the amazing conference I had with her teachers on Friday.  I'll admit I was a bit annoyed to have to spend precious nap time out discussing "progress" with two teachers who see my girl 3 hours a week, but after a glowing review and stand out comments like "so bright and able" "confident and self assured  "friendly, sensitive, so very social"  and "what?! she's the youngest in the class?  No WAY!" I was glad I went.  What a gift to see my girl through others eyes.  To hear how well she's doing, how ready she is already for big girl preschool.  What a gal Louise, what a gal you are.

...waking up to this after a delightful nap with Ainsley girl.  I only wish I could have shared afternoon coffee with my boy.  Hopefully running into work on Saturday afternoons won't become his "thing"!

And yes, that's my second attempt at homemade yogurt in the background.  

In typical Becky fashion I read about 10 recipes and how tos, then threw them all out the window and am trying my own combo.  We'll see!

...cooking! This red lentil sweet potato stew (with coconut rice) is definitely a new favorite.  I can't wait for what's up my sleeve for Valentine's day.  Simple, yummy food.  Mmmmm.

...this view while cooking.  Hello feet!

Ok, really this view just about all the time.

...this new book and all the goodies that have come (and will come) from it.  We made some lip balm from it for Christmas gifts and it's my new favorite.  This belly butter (made only with olive and coconut oils, beeswax and lavender oil) is simply amazing.  I'm addicted to homemade bath and body goodies.  Good thing I discovered a local herbal shop with all the accouterments.  I'm hooked.

...tiny newborn sweaters. (This is my first Elizabeth Zimmerman Baby Surprise Jacket, I truly don't know how I've made it this far without making one...simply miraculous and so so easy).

...tiny newborn sewing.  So nice to fill the gaps between larger projects.  So instant and adorable.  Ah, in love.

...holiday merrymaking.

...this photo.

Ah, my cup of love is spilling simply everywhere. Hope you're all having a great weekend out there.  We sure are!

Our Days

The gentle snow coming down outside is slowly turning into rain.  This morning I beat even the earlier sunrise up, as usual.  My one precious cup of coffee is still piping hot, spiked with a good dollop of cream.  My whole family is quiet, asleep.  I love this time of day.  I love our mornings

Each one in the week is so incredibly full.  Yesterday Louise and I were able to squeeze in four errands while Ainsley played at school.  Today?   I get to spend my glorious hour and a half alone perusing my favorite thrift store for large buttons to finish off the girls Valentine's jumpers and vintage sheets and pillow cases to add to my stash for summer.

But these full mornings are surely starting to take their toll.  Newly pregnant this fall I began to worry about our new hustling routine.  Even without a large belly and aching groin is was difficult to get the girls to and fro all morning long.  Those little legs still need help up into the seats.  Those baby hands still need help buckling, of course on the OTHER side of the car, where mama's large belly has to stretch and pull to reach.  And just walked from the car into the building, a mere block or so?  Oh goodness does that dawdling and meandering try my patience.

Every morning I take a deep breath when Ian leaves at 7:50, knowing that the next half hour is going to be tough.  Getting dressed, brushing teeth, eating breakfast, packing backpacks, up and down up and down the stairs.  By the time we make it to the car I've nearly always had enough, already.  Deep breath.

But then when all is said and done and we're tightly packed back into our car by 11:30 I get to hear about their days.  Louise usually more chatty than Ainsley who is nearly always so plum tuckered out.  Somehow we make it out of the car and up into the house.  The girls play while I scrape lunch together.  Most days Ainsley's request of grilled cheese and tomato soup just sounds far too labor intensive.  But we eat.  We read.  We sleep.  Oh how I'm thankful for two girls who still nap for their exhausted mama.

And then?  the afternoon.  Every stay at home parent knows that can be the best, usually hardest time of the day.  But lately?  for us?  Oh goodness, still so tired, always so pregnant, our usually creative productive active post nap hours have calmed quite considerably.

At first it really bothered me.  That I couldn't make it back outside with the girls, that we weren't getting done as much as I'd hoped and planned.  Then I let it go.  Realized that this is the perfect time for just us, to play and enjoy each other and our home.

We pull out puzzles, felt boards, simple fun crafts.  I turn on the space heater in the basement where Ainsley pumps away on the swing while Louise counts her jumps on the trampoline (that girl is up to 34, she's quite the counter that one).  I sit on my jumbo exercise ball, the only seated position that's comfortable these days.  We turn on some Elizabeth Mitchel Pandora, or pop in our favorite Tumble Bee album.  I sew a bit.  We sing.

Around 5 we head upstairs and all make dinner together most nights.  Last night?  It was a red lentil and sweet potato stew with coconut rice.  Before that we'd prepped a double recipe of our favorite wild rice casserole to take to a friend with a new baby.  The girls scrubbed and chopped the mushrooms, dumped and stirred all of the ingredients.  Then two loaves of zucchini bread went into the oven.  The girls did a walnut versus pecan taste test.  They like both equally, even if the pecan was deemed a bit more nuttier.

I will probably continue to struggle with the fact that I'm not an on the go mom.  I can plan about one thing a day without getting totally flustered and feeling spread too thin.  But for right now growing this baby and being a mom to my two girls is all I have in me.  And for right now I am definitely totally ok with that.

So on to our day!  A good morning to you all.

28 Weeks

This baby and I are officially in the third trimester.  Oh goodness does that feel good.

Just the other day Ian was remarking on how I've acted a bit differently this pregnancy, been much more even keeled, more like myself.  Then BLAMMO!  The past few days I've been totally cranky and off.  I've been short with the girls, Ian too.  I've gone to bed so early most nights that I feel like I've hardly seen him.  Poor guy.

Then today I woke up and somehow the mood had passed.  I found myself excited to go to my midwife appointment, more patient and calm then I've been in quite a while.  It feels good to be back.

Because I think Ian' right.  Save for a few exceptional days I've maintained my cool so far.  A lot of it is I think, that I'm older, no longer a "new" mom, more settled in my role as a parent and adult.  I remember being told with my first pregnancy to pretend like there was a little alien in my body who had taken over and to just let it happen.  For me, that was bad advice.  Sure, when my stomach is cramping up after a long morning it's good to sit down and drink some water.  I listen to my body, to this baby, but I'm also still me, it's so nice to have a balance going this time around.

But these past few days? I've finally allowed myself to worry a bit, tumble fully into neurotic pregnant lady mode for a while.  I worried about the normal Um, my stomach is huge and this baby eventually has to come OUT of there! worries as well as the abnormal what if the baby comes early?  How will it all work out?

I think it's been good to wallow for a bit, get it out of my system.  Because today?  I got to hear that sweet mellow heart beat again, get confirmation that everything on the ultrasound looks perfect, learn that the baby is already head down, nice and low, kick kick kicking away even at the midwives as they measured this growing bump.

I'm down to two weeks between appointments now and know that the next one at 30 weeks will feel especially good to have past me.  Then 34, then 36.5 when I officially get to plan on a homebirth.  Just for fun, and peace of mind I looked up when full term is for this little one and I and we have until April 8.  Just over two months!  We can totally do this baby.  You and me.

I'm going to need every moment of those two months to finish all I have planned for this new baby, Ainsley too.  Mama, I want to broider (embroider) something for the baby.  Some kind of art to hang on the wall.  I'm thinking an A for Ainsley and a B for baby, and maybe we could be holding hands.  Do you think the baby will like that?  Louise too of course.  I paint for the baby.  I sing for the baby "yullabye and goonight, wif woses, bedite".  I hold the baby.  I love the baby.  Fank you fank you mama, for my baby.

Oh this little baby. You are so loved already.  Keep growing away!  We can't wait to meet you soon.

P.S. the midwives told me today that the homemade tunic I was wearing looked like it was from anthropologie.  If that doesn't make s bumbling pregnant lady's day, I don't know what does.

Two Weekends

Like most other alive and kicking human beings, we're big fans of the weekends around here.  Every day is started with Ainsley asking if it's Saturday yet, "does daddy have to go to work today?" because that girl knows if daddy's home it's the weekend, and weekends are great.

Last weekend was extra special.  Ian came home an hour early from work and picked up Louise to drive to Minnesota to "surprise" his mom for her birthday.  Ainsley was a bit sad when they left.  She remembers going the previous two years and felt it really wasn't fair that she didn't get to go again no matter how many times I explained that it was perfectly fair for Louise to get her turn.  Plus?  We had lots of fun.

I've made it no secret that Ainsley and I butt heads from time to time.  my girl's a firecracker and oh boy do we have our moments.  I will admit there was a moment of pause when Ian said he wanted to take Louise this year.  Ainsley and I were coming off of a rough week and if I'm honest, I was looking forward to a break.

But then the other half of our family pulled out onto the road and Ainsley and I settled quickly into some serious mama daughter time.

That night we went out to shop for a gift for her friends' birthday party the next day.  We couldn't find just the right thing so abandoned our efforts and went out for pizza.  The look on Ainsley's face and the server brought out our personal deep dish pizza was priceless.  That thing fed us ALL weekend. It was so so good.  Then we walked across the street, hand in hand to Oberweis (our local amazing ice cream shop).  We got our goodies to go, went home, put jammies on and cuddled up in the chair and a half to enjoy our ice cream while watching an Avonlea.  We went to bed together, a bit early for me, a bit late for her.  We snuggled down into my big bed and it was truly delightful to be snoozing next to my big girl.  Such a rare treat.

Saturday was filled with morning preparations and birthday fun.  Still not finding the perfect gift for her friend we opted to make her something.  Ainsley was so smitten with the nightgown that she's declared she needs one of her own.  I told her I'm happy to make her one, when she needs one.  She's got 3 Grammy nightgowns already!

we used the Raglan Sleeve Dress Pattern from Prudent Baby, 

using the directions and cutting our own pattern from a nightgown of Ainsley's

We needed a little pick me up before the napless birthday party afternoon so we ventured to our local coffee shop for a latte for me and an italian soda for Ainsley.  It was her first and she nursed that drink all day long.  She LOVED it.  We meandered up the block to one of our little thrift shops and found the perfect mug for her friend, for us to fill with homemade hot cocoa mix of course.  Ainsley was so excited about her gift.

After some more pizza for lunch we headed across town to the other local ice cream parlor for some birthday fun.  Ainsley wasn't comfortable with me dropping her off so I stayed.  It was fun to catch up with some mom friends I haven't  seen in a while and see all those kids having so much fun.  I will say that I don't think we'll be giving Ainsley cake AND ice cream any time soon.  She was nuts all night!

We relaxed away the afternoon.  Ainsley still naps most days so she was zonked.  Then when dinnertime rolled around we decided we needed one more special outing and drove the 5 blocks to a little local pub/eatery where Ainsley got a delicious grass fed beef slider and I got a cuban sandwich.  We crashed early that night as well.

Fun outings aside, it was such a great weekend with my girl.  Part of the guilt I have about having our kids so close is that it definitely complicates life and takes away from the one on one time that we get with them on a daily basis.  It was so fun to play with just her, read to just her, talk to just her.  While I love the dynamic of both of my girls together, of our whole family together, it was definitely a special treat and a weekend I won't soon forget.

And this weekend? After a very full week of playdates and adult dates and snow we're enjoying being just us 4 again.  Cleaning a bit as always, smelling some delicious slow cooking food awaiting devouring, feeling calm and blessed and happy.

watching the rain turn to snow

s'more making dessert fun with Jenna and Joey after a yummy cheese fondu dinner

Ah I love weekends.  All kinds.  They're always pretty great.