I'm up way to early. Again. I'd kind of forgotten about this late last stage of pregnancy. The one where I'm tired and sore nearly all the time but just can't sleep. Sigh.
But this isn't about that. No. This is about me, and what I do.
Back at Christmastime Ian went to a gathering of college friends while I stayed back with the girls. Later when I asked him how it was, how everyone was, he updated me on friends' jobs and relationship statuses, how fun it was to catch up. Then? He told me people asked after me. How nice. I thought. Yeah, they asked about what your plan is. What you want to do. Hmmm.
For some reason these innocent inquiries have sent me stewing a bit (yes, I know, since December). There is of course the obvious. What do I do? Really?. Does this imply that I am not DOing enough? That somehow even in the 21st century staying home to raise your children is not deemed a legitimate career choice? I'm flabbergasted if that's the case.
This is not to say that I'm mad about these questions. I get it. I truly do. If you are without children, or very career driven, or of a different mindset than me (which is entirely possible, in fact very likely) I understand how odd it may seem that THIS is exactly what I want to be doing. That it fulfills me more than any other job that I can imagine. That to me? Being with my children every waking moment is the most precious gift I can give them right now. For me? This is a no brainer.
Because what I do? Why, I do everything. Any single thing that you can think of that goes in to the making of a home and a family, I do that. I do that with two little children (and one swollen belly) in tow. And when I'm not doing that? I'm planning for my days. I spend these early morning hours planning activities, requesting new books to read together, picking up from yesterdays' fun, ALWAYS picking up from yesterday's fun.
Right now, what I do is absolutely all consuming. It leaves me no time or energy to even consider anything else. What I do know is that what I am going do do? Is be a wife and mom for the rest of my life. That loving and caring for them is my most important job (and let me tell you, that' not as easy as it sounds sometimes).
And as my children grow and don't need me as much every waking moment of every day? Well, when that day comes, many MANY years from now, I'll crack open a big bottle of red wine, plunk myself down on our big comfy chair, grab my latest knitting, not to work no, just to feel the wool in my hands, and smile. Then, and only then, will I consider, what now? Because right NOW I have simply everything. And that, is precisely what I'm doing.
Beautiful post. I love it. I was suprised I've never got that question but I've heard a lot of "oh it's so nice you can AFFORD to stay at home." That one really irks me because A) we make less than many people who have said that to us and B) it implies that I do it because it's the easy thing, not that it's been sacrifice and deliberate choice that by God's grace we have somehow made it work.
ReplyDeleteWhat a gift it is to be with them every day and watch every moment and mold these little lives while they are young. I love how you articulated how vital a role it is. I've had a similar post brewing in my head all week - I might have to work on that during nap time. You've inspired me! :)
It's funny that you posted this because I read your blog the other day on my bus ride home from work and thought I don't know how she does it. Particularly when your job doesn't start at 8am and end at 5pm. It's an amazing thing you do and some day your kiddos will realize just how lucky they are!
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ReplyDeleteThanks Lauren! Sometimes I do wish I had a 9-5, but then the days I get to stay in jammies until lunch playing make up for them. I think it's all a bit relative I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes Brittney! People tell me all the time how lucky I am to get to stay home with the girls. Luck has NOThinG To do with it. We have made so many sacrifices to be able to afford me to stay home, and really I had no other option. I couldn't make enough money to put two (almost 3) kids in full time care that I approve of. I was a bit worried to get on the soapbox, but sometimes you just have to say something!
Growing up, my mom was one of the few that was a stay at home mom. It was always awkward when people would ask what she did and I said "Well, nothing." Maybe that wasn't the most tactful answer. But, I also remember my mom was the one that my friends would call when they were sick because she was around and could come and get them.
ReplyDeleteBeing a person who isn't career oriented, I understand where you're coming from. A lot of people we grew up with have very successful careers that do make me feel kind of bad about my part-time receptionist gig. But, your kids are going to be so thankful they will have memories with you and not memories of after school programs.
If it makes you feel any better, if I become even a third of the mom you are, I'll be pretty happy.
Amen. When I was working, it was always in a job well beneath my education level and I was always so ashamed to tell people what I did for a living. Now though? If people ask what I do, I tell them that I am a stay at home mommy, and I say it proudly. There's no amount of education that could have prepared me for this job!
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