Hump Day Nuggets:: Settling

For a girl so opposed to change I've grown quite accustomed to it.  

It's the nature of life, certainly THIS time of life with little ones and budding careers and ambitions, to be constantly in flux.  To cope I've had to jump in with both feet, hands and head too.  I abandoned a whole lot when we married and moved, and as our family has grown, quite out of necessity.  If I clung to too much from my childhood, from home and all that meant, it was just too hard.

Perhaps it's a bit too that I never was a rebellious kid.  If anything I was annoyingly compliant. So now in these middle adult years of mine I've been searching voraciously for my own voice.  Turns out?  That voice of mine is very deeply rooted in home and family and all those things that I've tried not to miss so dearly.

After having a half weeks worth of meal planning go down the drain thanks to family wide stomach flu, I had a bit of an "ah ha" moment.  Why do I make cooking so HARD?  I plan these ridiculously elaborate meals on weeknights, spend way too much on groceries and at the end of most days all I really want to do is heat something up for the girls and sip wine with my boy once they're in bed.  So I've revisited my recipe box.  The one my mom filled with hand written family favorites as a wedding-now-your-all-grown-up gift.  I've been so focused on finding my own new favorites in the kitchen that I've forgotten about all of my old favorites.  Plus there's something pretty magical about cooking from a recipe written by a familiar comforting hand.

And it's not just the recipes, this new sewing fettish has brought me back as well.  To my days as an 8 year old making doll dresses with my patient mama.  Really mom, how did you find time to do that with JUST me with three other kids underfoot?  I remember being in awe of her, how she just made stuff and it was beautiful and perfect.  It felt ridiculous that I could ever be like her.  Now I'm proud to say that I feel very much like my mom most days.

Mostly?  I'm finding a way to live here and there.  To allow myself to feel sad about being far away, and thankful for this home we've found, all at once. This week it feels really good to be in two places, finally finding a balance between old and new.  Really settling, in every sense of the word.

Nuggets::

Louise has started showing interest in the big girl pot.  No true successes yet, but seeing as she's been terrified whenever I've tried sitting her on it I'm pretty pleased.  And really?  could those thighs look any cuter on that white porcelain?

Nuggets::

After quarantining ourselves for the three day incubation period our flu had we were DESPERATE to get out.  I tagged along to the big conservatory, a regular daddy daughter date spot, and we had a great time.

 Nuggets::
Life has gotten (dare I say it?) much easier with Ainsley.  I know a lot of people say 3 is worse than 2, but so far I am LOVING 3.  Ainsley is mostly so sweet and helpful and can articulate herself wonderfully.  She's shed so much of her baby-ness and who I see emerging is a sensitive, imaginative, active, sweet child and I'm really really proud to call her mine.

::family kinect night...here they were running to first base, 

and let me tell you, there's nothing much cuter than seeing Louise run in place:

 Nuggets::
Valentine's Day was wonderful.  I don't see it so much as a day of romance, but an excuse, a reminder to do something a little special for those in our lives that we may take for granted.  So I made heart shaped chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, gave the girls matching appliqued shirts and oodles of new books.  We read the morning away and Ainsley delighted in handing out her homemade Valentines at playschool.  We had a friend Valentine's party in the afternoon and came home to a vase full of beautiful red flowers from Ian (10 for me, 1 for Louise and Ainsley each).  I made salmon for dinner and flourless chocolate cake for dessert.  Auntie Sonya joined us.  It was really such an effortless wonderful day.  I'm blessed to have so many Valentine's in my life.

 ::the girls helped me make some treats for their friends::

::the brood!::

 ::sugar coma commencing::

:: family shot with dessert::

 ::my littlest Valentines::

 ::I prompted "cheese!" and they both said cheese and did the Wallace and Grommit hand motion for cheese, can you tell what we watched while down with the flu? :o)::

I feel so blessed to have all this love and joy in my life.  We have such fun us 4 and while moments are hard and lonely I am thankful for this time just us to settle into who we are.  I'm a lucky girl, that's for sure.

This week I'm enjoying the tasks of sorting through summer clothes for our Florida trip next month, making simple favorites in the kitchen and continuing to craft every chance that I get, because goodness how else is it going to all get done!

Happy Hump Day!

Spring Fling

I have a confession to make.  I'm having a little bit of an affair...with my new sewing machine.
It's like I've been blind for 27 (almost 28 - eek!) years and now suddenly have 20/20 vision.  It's amazing.

But before delving into how sewing has changed my life let me digress, as only I know how to do...

I've been hard on myself lately.  Knocking myself for not expanding my horizons and doing more.  Mostly it's been in contrast to my ever learning challenging himself husband.  I've been kind of obsessing over Ian and all of his "self teaching/graph making/needing to learn ALL the time thing.  I mean come on boy, you spend your days as a neuroscientist!  Give yourself a break!  Just the other night I made some other comment about what he was up to "oh goodness, always learning, always teaching yourself something new".  He looked at me calmly, a sly smile curled his lips.  "And what exactly are YOU doing?"

I was sitting at the sewing machine.  Sewing my first patterned dress, for myself.  It was like a bolt of lightning went off in my head.  Hey yeah!  I'm learning too.

It's been happening for a while, this learning of mine, though I'm having a hard time pinpointing when it started.  Perhaps marriage, of course moving, certainly having babies and this new job of raising them.  At first I did things mostly the way my mom did, because my mom is awesome and I so value how I was raised.  Then the freedom of adulthood kind of dawned on me and I started exploring, finding my own niche and what felt right.

It's truly remarkable that in learning how to take care of my little ones, our home and ourselves, I've found myself.  I've not only a made a job out of it but a livelihood, a path and purpose for myself.  And this new sewing I've found?  Amazing.

It's opened such doors for me, and not just that I can MAKE so much more, but that I CAN.  I always shied a bit away from the sewing because patterns and precision and taking my time are NOT my strong suits.  I like to blaze through projects or mindlessly add row after row to a simple knitting project.  I like the freedom and exhilaration of making up my own patterns, going with the flow.  But as I learned early on, that doesn't always fly (baking anyone?)  Sometimes you need to slow down and be precise.  I'm discovering through sewing that I really needed that concentrated meticulosity in my life.

Yesterday I made Louise her summer sundress.  First I traced the pattern on interfacing, then pinned it on the washed ironed and carefully folded fabric.  Then I cut it out and stacked the pieces.  Then I READ, yes READ the instructions and went step by step, in order.  I turned on a little music and worked while the house napped and lost myself in the process.  And you know what?  By dinner time my littlest one had a new little dress.  Not wonky or oddly fitting, but kind of a little bit perfect.

ok ok I know it needs hemming and buttons and that the wrong daughter is wearing it, 

but we take what we can get 

And that precision sewing and conquering of a pattern?  It's led me to some new things.  For one I'm making the girls each a new lightweight summer sweater, in fingering weight yarn, in VERY intricate patterns.  I'm talking I have to look at the notes each and every row and count and pay attention.  It's a very different kind of knitting than I'm used to, a kind I've steered clear of in the past.

 Louise's sweater

Ainsley's Sweater

sweater yarn, lucious fingerweight (meaning super thin!) merino, 

Ainsley's is lemon yellow, Louise's is peony pink

But as inspired as I am I know myself well.  I need to balance out all these new meticulous projects with come quick easy ones.  I got the idea for a knit top, sewn bottomed dress for the girls a while back and was all ready to make up my own pattern for one when I stumbled across exactly what I was thinking of on ravelry.  The cross back design makes it grow with the girls so their dresses should fit for at least two summers.  Using thrifted fabric Ainsley and I found some contrasting yarn for the tops yesterday.  I'm pretty pumped for these.

knit top dress

Ainsley's choices

Louise's notions

So I am learning and growing.  Each time I try something new, venture a new path, I'm getting a bit more confident, crossing things off my list and finding new favorites.  It's really quite amazing this adult learning.

Friday Nuggets: Tag Team

Apologies for the late nuggets, but as facebook has surely informed you (or over-informed? as facebook has a tendency to do) we were struck with family stomach flu this week.  Nothing brings 4 people closer than all that horribleness.  Yuck.

But here we are on the other side, mostly better and getting the rest our sad ravaged bodies need.  This mama in particular is slow to recover.  Perhaps it's because the moment I was able to get a sip of sprite to stay in my stomach and my head would allow me to raise it above bed level my strong helping husband ran up the stairs for the bathroom, emerging moments later "uh, I think I have it too.  Tag team!" We actually high fived, some weak attempt to pump me up for the task at hand.  The task?  caring for my two rambunctious not sick yet girls, unable to really sit up let alone walk.  Goodness that was a long afternoon.

Thankfully they were both so sweet.  Ainsley was mostly concerned with my lethargy and very helpful.  Poor Louise was desperate to get out of the house, pointing at her coat then the door over and over "walk, mama, out mama, WALK, MAMA, OUT MAMA!!!"  Oh Louise, mama can barely sit up let alone get out to walk with you.  

But we made do with books and laying down play on the floor, reminding me of the baby play days before mobility.  It would have been sweet if I wasn't still so wretchedly ill.  Then came dinner, and doing dishes and getting my girls to bed.  Making them those PB&Js took every ounce of mama that I had in me, but I did it and they ate and went to bed early.  

Then poor Ainsley got sick so I slept on her floor, helping her on the hour, changing her sheets and her pj's holding her hair back and rubbing her back as my mama used to for me.  It was a long night for my poor tootie, but thankfully by morning the sun was shining for us all.  It was a day filled with laundry (10 loads!  I counted!), cleaning and disinfecting (my new melaleuca thyme disinfectant is amazing) and trying to get something to stay in our bellies.

Nearly every day I'm reminded at some point that I'm a mama, but for the past 48 hours?  I was all mama.  At a time when pre-baby I would have been laid up luxuriously, I was powering through for my family, getting the house and our bodies in order.  It's a tough job this is, but really quite rewarding.

Nuggets::

Thankfully have been out lots pre-flu.  This crazy mild weather has lended itself to many impromptu jaunts around our neighborhood.  Most post nap and pre-bed hours you can find us outside, no carrying or strollers, just me and my girls strolling along.

 Nuggets::
When we bought our sand table two summers ago my intent was to have it double as a sensory bin in the winter months.  As of January 1st I had yet to thaw it out and bring it inside.  I have been waiting to get some wholesale rice or oatmeal to dump into the large receptacle but as errands with these two have become next to impossible I opted for soapy water play and let me tell you, it was an absolute success.

 ::Ainsley in her new jammie pants::

 :: I still don't know where this face came from, the child LOVES bubbles::

 ::throwing a little dishwashing lesson in there::

The real bonus?  The "mess" this makes is really just an excuse to scrub the floors, a suprisingly fun toddler activity.  Those girls LOVE to scrub!

Nuggets::
The basement playroom continues to be our favorite  place to spend those late afternoon hours.  The girls slide and make food in the kitchen.  It's usually someone's birthday, mine lately as my actual birthday is around the corner.  Ainsley has taken to silliness on the kitchen and otherwise.  When I ask what she's making it goes something like this. "Ok mama, it's something really yummy!  It's a special secret ingredient soup with tomatoes and beans and potatoes and cheese and space heaters and socks! Yumm mommy, eat it up!" .  Space heaters are in just about everything she makes.  Oh preschooler hilarity.

::Louise rockin' her new Auntie Joojie skirt, pretty cute right? Thanks Auntie Joojie!::

::pre-bed daddy snuggles, 

I love that all three of my family members can fit in this child sized poang::

::post bath curls

I wish sleeping didn't flatten them so, we may have a curly cue on our hands afterall!::

 Nuggets::
Rather thane make lists and lists of NEW things to try (activities to do with the girls, food to make, crafts to do) I'm trying to be better about going with old standbys.  This past week my menu plan was VERY simple (good thing as we're not going to end up eating half of it) and now that Ainsley is so much older she has her own favorites and enjoys practicing over and over.  One such favorite is chopping.  The sawing motion that the pumpkin knives required was getting frustrating for her so I pulled out this waffle cutter my mom gave me and it's the new favorite.  Child safe, easy to hold and cuts REALLY well.  I always give her the dregs of whatever I'm chopping in the kitchen, a little water, a bowl and a spoon and she's happy FOREVER.

::look at that concentration::

So there you have it.  Despite two days of our lives wasted to the flu we've managed some fun.  It's suddenly hit me that we have birthdays and trips coming up and things to make and do galore!  I'm taking today to recover fully with my girls (right now they're both still snuggled up on the couch and truth be told that's where I plan to be once I hit publish on here) and then this weekend we'll off!  I'm looking forward to starting the girls' Florida dresses (I made mine last weekend, pictures to come!), getting birthday presents off (oh the homemade goodness!) and settling in for a little Valentine's celebration of our own (I'm thinking fancy dessert and yummy special dinner...but wait, still can't think about food just yet).

Happy belated humpday out there, and have a great weekend!

Late Night Tids and Bits

Oh goodness.  It's nearly midnight and here I site wide awake.  I guess that's what I get for drinking that late cup of coffee and starting my new vitamin regimine right before bed!  I thought I'd take this rare burst of energy to share some findings of late.  I've been having WAY too much fun with our household budget lately.

I've been on the prowl for "dressy" summer sandals for Ainsley that could also serve as everyday run around park shoes and I believe I found them.  Behold the glory of mini-boden.  I'm super excited for these to get here.  Do they come in my size?

 And speaking of Boden, have you checked them out?  I've been getting their catalog for a few years and after stumbling across some of their stuff at garage sales and thrift stores I am officially hooked.  While a bit pricey everything seems to always be on sale and the cuteness and quality is off the charts.  So of course once I found Ainsley's new shoes I had to browse for me right?  I've been searching for the perfect new I-have-two-kids-and-like-modesty-but-don't-want-to-look-frumpy-and-old swimsuit and believe I found it there.  It's a one piece fifties inspired swimsuit with ruching and beautiful pattern choices.  I can't wait to sport it in Florida!

I've made good on my promise to involve the girls in more chores.  Just today Ainsley and I made a goal chart for her, and me.  She picked a goal for herself (listening to mommy better and being a better big sister) and I chose for her too (picking up toys and clothes and not yelling).  Then she got to chose a goal for me (not using my loud voice so much) and I chose staying calm.  We're adding stickers by the hour and it's going well.  I also ordered the girls a few new cleaning supplies from montessori connection.  I am SO excited for their childsized wicker laundry basket filled with cloth doilies for their flower arranging, a crumb sweeper, and microfiber dust mits and a feather duster each.  I also got Ainsley a child sized pouring pitcher with 4 sturdy glass cups because ALL that child wants to do it pour her own drinks and our gallon jugs are a bit hefty.  It's going to be a rich Valentine's Day!

                                                                                   

I was lead to another great book site the other day and had to share.  Barefoot books has so many great finds for slightly older children.  I ordered a bunch of mama approved princess and fantasy books for the girls from the library and can't wait for them to come in!  I have been told that the Vegetarian Dragon book is particularly choice.

And to round out the book discussion I finished my first novel in what feels like forever in record time.  I was done before it was due back at the library and that's saying something!  I found Winter Bloom by Tara Heavey over at chinaberry.com and absolitely LOVED it.  All about people coming together, tending to a garden, their separate but similar stories.  It was an easy enjoyable read with great characters and intriguing stories.  I'd recommend it to anyone.  Now I'm onto Sheepish, a memoir of a Minnesota Sheep Farmer.  I'm pretty pumped for that one.

And then there's a cookbook.  I would recommend this book for anyone, family or not.  I was blessed to grow up in a family where eating dinner together was routine.  It has never been a question for Ian and I that dinner time is sacred family time, but this book takes it to the next level.  Not only does this book have amazing "why didn't I think of that?" simple recipes, but great ideas for how to involve children in the whole dinner process, cooking, setting the table, table talk, after dinner play.  I am excited to use more of her ideas as the girls get older and meal time isn't so much about survival!

I hope you've enjoyed my finds, I know I always love to hear about yours!

Well, tired or not I best be off.  Those girls wake up with the sun whether I'm rested or not!

Serendipity

Like a lot of people out there I stumbled across this post a bit back, and it kind of changed my life.  Aside from the fact that Glennon's writing is amazing, articulate, and frank her idea of kairos moment's really stuck with me.  

Kairos is God’s time. It’s time outside of time. It’s metaphysical time. Kairos is those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day, and I cherish them.

Those moments, those kairos moments are what makes it all worth it.  It was nice to have a written reminder that it's ok to live for those little, amazing, precious moments sometimes. 

Thing is, these moments aren't just with my girls,  they're with life.  Moments of utter clarity and peace, moments where it all makes sense, moments of joy and happiness and purpose.  Lately?  I've had a whole lot of those moments.

Yesterday on a thrift store run with Louise I stumbled across this: a beautiful golden colored wool satin edged blanket, tied lovingly with a ribbon with this note attached.

It may seem silly that a find like this affected me so much, but it did.  This is why I love vintage things, thrifted things, old things.  They have a story behind them, a history.  This blanket was used for years with love and now I'll get to make something amazing out of it and every time I look at it I'll think of that note, and the previous owner, and I'll have a little kairos moment.

Finding that note (and all the other great fabrics, notions and pillowcases-soon-to-be-summer-nightgowns) put a spring in my step.

Rather than rush around at the end of the morning we meandered at the library, snuggling, searching for gems, reading and romping.  I had so many moments there.

One moment I looked at Ainsley from across the room, book in lap, studious wide eyes locked.  I took a moment to watch her, really see her, and I felt so proud.  One moment I looked at Louise, toddling away from me to wave to yet another friend.  Rather than run to catch her I sat and watched her beaming smile and carefree trot and I felt so blessed.

When it was time to depart we walked hand in hand to the car, no carrying, no hurrying.  Now we walk everywhere hand in hand and if I can find the peace to move at their pace it's always a special moment.

That afternoon I made Ainsley a sleeping bag for her new tent, her miraculous sleeping tent.  This is what comes of taking the momentum from a little moment, giving ourselves time to go with the flow, and of course a little thrift store savvy and luck.

Another bit of serendipity?  Unfolding my new fabric finds and discovering 4 perfectly cut flannel pant pieces, EXACLTY Ainsley's size.  After finishing the sleeping bag I had just enough time last night to sew them together, add some elastic and hem the legs.  Ainsley slept in her new sleeping bag with her new pants and I beamed at my big grateful girl and our serendipitous day.

This morning we all awoke rested.  Ainsley bounded into bed with Ian and I for a rare morning family snuggle.  Ian cradled us two girls and I was tempted to wake Louise to join us.  What a beautiful moment.

Then just now, putting the girls down for naps.  We snuggled on our big comfy chair, Ainsley nuzzled her head into my chest, Louise too, and we read.  Rather than focus on the story I gazed at my girls, played with Louise's sweet baby curls and welcomed Ainsley's many curious questions.  I loved that moment too.

Today has been filled with these moments.  The sweet old man in the grocery store line, flirting and playing with my girls, the ridiculously adorable old ladies at the economy shop, entertaining sweet Louise while I scoured for a long zipper, the kindness of strangers, the sounds of children, spring birds chirping early, indoor tulips blooming.

When I take the time to notice the little things, life flows more freely, clings more dearly and feels full and good.  Here's to little moments, serendipitous finds and the time to take it all in.

Hump Day Nuggets: Over Ambition

I have started and abandoned numerous blog posts this week.  One was about all the organizing I got done this weekend, one was about all this running I'm doing (both in the gym and in life in general) another about my zeal for taking the plunge into an all earth friendly home product regimen.  At the time they all felt necessary and a bit cathartic, but as I read them back to myself it was all kind of "eh" /.

I've had so many moments with Ian at night, hearing him talk about the new research he's doing, crazy advanced statistics he's teaching himself and articles he's read, and I am at a total loss.  I'll rebuttal with zeal about the new plans I have for the girls that week, recipes to try and activities to do, but it all feels a little forced at times.  Am I really THAT excited for the new mexican lasagna I'm making tonight?  Is the mess that that moon dough is going to make REALLY the highlight of my day?  No and no.  But a girls' got to have something right?  

I've always taken this mom job quite seriously, and there truly is nothing else that I'd rather be doing. But I realize now that perhaps I've taken it a little TOO seriously.  Most days I have SO planned with ridiculous over-ambition that we all end up flustered and defeated.  I'm disappointed in myself for letting this happen.

It all came to a head yesterday when we were trying to get out the door to playschool.  The weather was SO gorgeous that I decided to walk the mile to school with the girls which of course meant that we had to leave 15 minutes earlier than normal.  Despite giving ourselves a half hour to merely get out the door we were still rushed in the end.  My stress and flustered mood rubbed off on the girls.  Ainsley was clingy and sad at drop off and Louise squirmed and writhed in the stroller the whole way home.  After running back to get to musikgarten on time, then rushing to pick up Ainsley I was physcially and mentally spent.

And what a bummer really because it's such a fun morning.  Ainsley gets to play with her friends and wonderful teachers while I enjoy 45 minutes alone with Louise at our favorite activity.  Then I go and ruin it by being all type A crazy crazed.

What's funnier/sadder still is I've never thought of myself as that type of person.  Sure I'm kind of an "on the ball" gal, but I also live for those moments, periods even, of calm and laze.  I think I'm so defensive of this job of mine that I feel like I have something to prove.  But I've learned that the best days, the ones that we all learn and grow and love the most, are the ones that just happen.

So I vow to let our days happen, give us extra extra time to get out that door, and do my best to exude the calm that I so desperately want my children to feel. 

So today I did just that and you know what?  It's the best morning we've had in a long time.

Nuggets::

Ainsley is still raving about her trip to Nana andGrandpa Dan's this past weekend.  She loved every bit of it.  Making Nana's present's with me, riding in the car with Auntie Sonya and Daddy, bumping bellies with silly Grandpa Dan, sledding with Nana.  I love that she can tell me about their trip all on her own, and is at an age where these memories will stick forever.  My big girls is just that, oh so big.

::shying away from the camera while carefully drawing a portrait of nana on her fabric bookmark::

::calm craft time with crayons, watercolors and candles, ooh and Vivaldi, 

our new favorite pandora station::

::tending to those tulips::

Nuggets::

It's been amazing to watch Louise these past few months, she has grown so exponentially.  She talks talks talks and wants to try everything on her own.  She's learned so much from watching her big sister (and us too a little I hope!) and now it's all coming to fruition.  Every moment is something new.  It's times like these I feel so blessed to be at home with them, and know for certain that this job I have is important and worthy.

::family embroidery::

Nuggets::

My weekend with Louise ended as well as it started.  While I'm waiting on our new cleaning products to do the real dirty work we got SO much organizing and de-cluttering done.  It's amazing what can be done with just ONE dumpling underfoot.  And boy we had some fun too.

::photo album perusing, Louise's new favorite::

::uber buttery popcorn snack, can you see the shine on her face? :o)::

Nuggets::

I'm in a good knitting streak and trying to keep the momentum up.  After completing two more of those cute and quick sweaters for girl cousins I made this cotton tank for Louise for the summer.  It's a bit more mustardy than I'd like, but the yarn was from a store closing that I bought ages ago and this one skein project was the perfect way to use it up!  I'm thinking of a felt flower embellishment somewhere, and just this morning we bought Ainsley a purple skein so she can have a matching top! Really, I can't gush enough about baby knitting.  It's the best.

::poor dumpling was ready for bed...is it wrong that I love her sad face so much?  we so rarely see it::

::cast of characters for homemade cliff bars, so easy to make and delicious!

plus Ainsley helped me make them so she calls them "her" bars and eats lots as a result::

::I've found letting the girls eat at the coffee table for lunch helps them eat much more calmly, they love the little chairs that fit just right, and I love them and their yogurt faces :o)::

::my sweet pie::

Nuggets::
Our basement has gone from a veritable storage room last year to a full out playground this year.  Thanks to Nana's great cube and Grammy and Pop's slide gift for Christmas the girls are in jungle gym heaven down there.  I love that we have a place to escape on those dark cold afternoons and how well they're playing together.  It's a good thing all around.

So while the week thus far has been trying this morning has proved that I have it in me to be the parent I want to be.  After a calm music class we drove to my favorite part of town for a quick errand at Penzey's to get spices for dinner.  The girls were so happy that we extended our errands to bagel buying for lunch, yarn buying for Ainsley's new top and even a sweet treat at the patisserie for post nap spoiling.

It was a morning that reminded me of how much I love being a mom, how right and fulfilling this feels to me.  I have no plans for this afternoon, but the sun is shining and my girls are sleeping and I just know it's going to be great.

Happy Hump Day!