Turning Point

Coming back from a fun vacation always has it's struggles for me.  Usually I'm thrilled to be back in our own space, melt back into our routine.  This time I was dreading re entry, knowing how fast August was going to fly, how quickly the end of summer and the start of school would come.

I cried about it the other night, rather unexpectedly.  It was late and a wave of panic swept through me about it all.  I don't feel ready to let Ainsley go for 7 hours a day.  As hard and long as days can be with her I love it so much.

After my cry I googled kindergarten homeschooling for the perhaps 27th time since last spring.  I've been seriously considering it off and on.  I know it'd be great for us.  I know we could do it well.  I already know the materials I'd use, the way I'd change the structure of our days a bit.  The way I'd revel in the freedom and flexibility and togetherness that I find so important in our family.

I also know that making that decision right now would be a bit selfish.  While I don't agree whole heartedly with some of the philosophies in our public schools I know that for Ainsley the benefits outweigh the negatives right now. Especially considering the main negative for me is that I'm going to miss my girl so much and be forced to relinquish control of her upbringing to a teacher I don't even know yet for 7 hours a week day.
Getting out of this cocoon of new parenting and sweet baby and preschool years is no joke.

So I closed the homeschool tabs and and went to her school's homepage.  I looked up supply lists and re read every ounce of information I could find for new families and sweet tiny kindergartners.

I woke up Sunday resolved to leave my uncertainty behind me and to jump into this kindergarten thing with both feet. It's the best thing for us both.

I took Ainsley to Target  to do a little back to school shopping.  My girl has grown out of all of her pants (again) so we had fun trying on some new things.  She surprised me by latching right onto a pair of jean overalls.  She's only taken them off to sleep in the last two days.  It then dawned on me that the one pair of good shoes she has for school have laces so we sat down to practice tying again.  As typical with this spirited girl of mine, she'd figured it out all on her own just by watching me tie endless shoes over the year.  She got it on the first try and is now trying to perfect the "double double" loop for her long laces.  We picked out one more pair of shoes this morning so she has some slip ons too.  After a visit to our local office supply store sometime this week or next we'll be all set for school.  (Thankfully she already has an awesome backpack (Jansport super break) and lunch bag all ready to go).

I will say that the little things keep catching me off guard.  Like imagining her eating lunch at a big table filled with kids she doesn't yet know, or being able to follow directions for that long long day (a struggle I have with her at home).  For the most part though, I'm feeling better about the whole thing. I still hope August 25th doesn't come too fast, but I feel much more ready if it does.

I'm always surprised with life.  I can go from feeling so down and out to excited and ready in a matter of moments.  Right now I am excited for these last three weeks of summer, for a rainy morning today, an early nap for Felix, dinner made this morning and waiting in the fridge, a fun project in the works for Louise's 4th birthday, and endless snuggle and smiles from three little people.

And a few other thankfuls from the weekend.

new violets in the window hanger

a beautiful solo walk up to the annual book fair and weekly farmers market
a whole pint of delicious plump michigan blueberries

serendipitously bumping into one of my best read friends at the book fair who found me 3 of the 6 new books I purchased (I'm LOVING people of the book Catherine!)

continuing to awe over the lush summer garden, it may not be much, but it's ours

these three (just because they aren't starting kindergarten doesn't mean they don't get a place here too)

Now it's afternoon and all three of my little people are asleep.  It's one of those glorious parenting days when I'm so happy I'm here with them and so excited for them to wake up so we can be together more.