Groovin'

I'm struggling a bit with finding a new groove for writing.  Perhaps because I'm struggling a bit with finding a new groove in general.  So here I am, just going for it.  It seems to be working for all those other grooves I'm trying to figure out, so why not?

My little baby boy is nearing one month old.  As with all of my babies, the time has just flown, but at the same time it feels like he's always been here.  It's so wonderfully bizarre how that all works out.

He is still such a little sweetheart.  He wakes up twice a night for a quick change and feed and goes right back down with no fuss to speak of.  He tolerates our hustle so well, sleeping easily and happily in his carseat, in the sling against my chest, outside while we play.  This bodes well baby boy.  Let's keep it up!

Having said all that, he is definitely waking up to world.  Awake for big long chunks of time all throughout the day, starting to focus on close range objects and faces, even sneaking in a few genuine wide eyed smiles here and there.  He lets us know when he needs something but usually calms quickly.  Perhaps it's that he's my third (and final) little baby, but I even love his tiny cries.

Ainsley and Louise are still doing so well as big sisters.  I was worried about the transition once my mom left.  Things were so smooth when she was here, and she was able to give them so much extra attention and get them out and playing all the time.  I knew it'd be different on my own, but thankfully my first week back at full time parenting went really well.

I was cautious the first few days not to overdo it for all of our sakes, but by the end of the week we were getting out even after naptime, something I haven't done with the girls in months.  It felt so good to know we could do it. Even if I did get about 17 "wow, you're brave!" comments from people while at the nursery with all three buying flowers. (Side note?  you're brave! is not exactly a helpful comment when you see a mom trying her best to keep her cool on a stressful outing).  But the stress of corralling my brood was surely worth it for all the fun we're having FINALLY getting our spring garden planted.  We're just focusing on a few veggies this year and lots of bright shade flowers for the yard.  My girls sure love to garden, and i'm so happy to have a thriving colorful yard to play in.

I really am so impressed with my girls.  I am so acutely aware that my attention is spread thin and they are (for the most part) incredibly patient and accommodating.  I've surely had my moments particularly when they try to be TOO helpful with Felix (they both have a hard time understanding that they don't need to push him on the baby swing), but I try so hard to keep perspective.  This is a big change for us all! and they are still so little.

So now that I know we can do the basics I'm working on weaving in all the fun extras.  Yesterday and today have been a bit rough for me.  For the first time I'm openly admitting that I'm pretty overwhelmed.  Mainly because I want to be able to do it all.  I hate that I feel like I can't give everyone everything that they need.  Last night I was so dramatically tired that after I fed Felix I just laid down with Louise (at 8pm!) and called it a night.

Then this morning I come down, all swollen eyed (I'm on week three of these ridiculous allergies :oP) and still sleepy to my bright eyed family, Ian so complimentary even with me in such a sorry state.  I snapped a little, which helped in the end.  I'm only three weeks into this, I'm allowed to be tired and cranky now and again.  But a day is never a wash.  There are always so many moments of joy and goodness.

Like....

the first watermelon of summer

lemonade making

15 minutes peace to do my first postpartum "exercise"

(my FAVORITE postnatal workout tape)

making Ainsley's new big girl blanket

(in typical Becky fashion I ditched my original plan for something a bit fancier, a bit more like my girl I think, we went on a little date to choose the yarn this weekend and I'm so enjoying this challenging knit for my well deserving girl)

So today even though I'm still tired and a bit weary of this last week of preschool and all the MORE change to come in our schedules and lives, I'm just taking it moment by moment by moment, hoping and knowing that in the end all those little bits will add up to a great day.