Felix, one month old.

Ah, my boy is one month old, and what a great month it's been.  Two weeks with Grammy, easing into new parenthood again.  Two weeks of "normal", busy preschool mornings and long tired afternoons.  The time has simply flown.  How I hope summer lingers just a bit more than spring has.

I feel like I have so much say about my sweet little baby and at the same time am at quite a loss for words.  Perhaps because life just keeps plugging along.  Our days have remained relatively the same, it's just, errands take a bit longer, life moves a bit slower, things feel a bit more snug and precious, and of course the love-o-meter is full to the brim.

Oh Felix, I've learned from your sisters not to peg a personality too early, but if I were to guess, I'd say you're going to be a pretty easy going guy.  

You have slept so well since your first day here.  It's rare for you to be up more than twice a night, you always go back down without any fuss after a quick change and feeding, and most nights you give me a good 4+ hour stretch of sleep at some point.  Thank you for that!  

You eat SO well.  For the first time nursing has been a bit of a challenge for me.  Only because I feel so drained and famished most of the time.  You only eat every 3 hours or so during the day but when you do you eat lots.  I feel like my second job right now, aside from parent to three, is milk maid. I've looked up good nursing diets for the first time and am doing my best to get in all the good nutrition I need to keep up with you!  I am so thankful for such a good eater boy.

You still sleep a fair amount during the day but are up for about an hour or so in the morning and then again for a big chunk after your noon time nap.  You are starting to respond to all the toys and noises your sisters love to entertain you with.  you are tracking movement and zone in on faces.  I get one good smile from you a day and can't wait for more.  Your smiles are the best.

Perhaps my favorite trait of yours so far is that, well, you seem to love me.  When you fuss and it takes me a minute or so to get to you you calm the moment I pick you up or start talking to you.  When I'm holding you you often put your little arm up around my neck or grab my shirt and nuzzle your head into my nape.  You of course love your sisters and daddy too, but I can already tell you and I have a special bond.  I could hold you all day.

While I'm almost sad that one whole month has already passed I am excited too, to learn more about you each day and watch you grow.  I can't wait for the coming weeks.   your first big road trip up to Minnesota to meet family and friends, your first breaths of northwoods air, the hours and hours spent in our backyard in the summer heat and shady breeze.  It's going to be good my boy.

yes, that is spit up ALL down his front, ah but those eyes, pretty sure they make up for it, and then some

Happy One Month my little bub.  You are the sweetest.  I think we'll keep you ;o)

See You Next Year Preschool!

All three of my children are napping.  I waited a whole hour to declare that outloud.  This is not the first time this has happened, but it is the first time that I'm not napping with them and able to use this quiet time well.  Ahhh.  Good children.

They must have known I needed that after this morning, yesterday too.  I was told by 4 separate people that I looked tired this morning.  Why yes I am, exhausted actually.  Thanks for noticing!

As sad as I am about my girls being done with another fabulous school year I am not shedding one tear over the end of drops offs and pick ups.  My goodness I am excited to laze about a bit in the mornings for a few months.

Really, now that it's all over it couldn't have gone more smoothly.  Ainsley wasn't nearly as sad about the end of school as I thought she would be.  Sure she's talked about already missing her friends and beloved Miss Debbie (although we just saw them 3 hours ago), but is mostly focused on all the fun we get to have this summer...the POOL! CABIN! BIKING AND TANK TOPS AND FLIP FLOPS!!! Ah to be 4 again.

yesterday, heading out in the rain to Ainsley's last day

one last sit in the ole cubby

this morning at the park gathering for her school..

Miss Nicole

(p.s. Ainsley's wearing her "crazy flower outfit that drives you nuts mom!" thanks sweetie, yes it does)

and Debbie!

Louise on the other hand was unexpectedly and uncharacteristically sad this morning.  She was crying at drop off and grumpy throughout most of their "graduation" ceremony.  My sweet little girl has been handling all of the change of late so well, I guess it made sense that something finally snapped a bit.  She rallied once things got going and was happy a a clam the rest of the morning.

Louise's Graduation

oh man, that grump face, it's almost too much!

(and it really reminds me of that video of you at your holiday sing in preschool Auntie Jooj!)

she got into it eventually, that child simply cannot resist an opportunity to sing Twinkle Twinkle

Ainsley was a very diligent observer

diplomas in hand

So in the end it was a success.  We ate snacks and left to head to Ainsley's gathering at a local park in the freezing blusteriness of the day.

Louise is SO excited to be at the same school as Ainsley next year.  She and Ainsley already talk about walking in together holding hands and how Ainsley's going to show her around.  I'm excited for my girls, and for those 2.5 hours 4 days a week alone with my baby boy :o)

So that's that! We're off any sort of schedule and for the first time in 9 months it's all up to us.  I've been a bit weary of how to fill the mornings well for us all again (especially after getting a glimpse this morning at the way crowded park of how hard it's going to be to corral everyone...ahhh!).  But as usual I'm trying to cut myself some slack.  Remind myself that my sanity at least one good nap for Felix matter just as much as the girls getting a big outing each day.  Right now I am SO thankful for all of those e-books I bundled this spring on fun activities to try, our pool and sprinkler, our garden, bikes and a cool basement with a swing and loads of fabric waiting to be sewn into beautiful things.  Oh, and the cabin too.  I'm even thinking of taking a deep breath and diving into our first cabin road trip solo.  Am I crazy?

Naw.  I just love my kids and know that we're going to make it and do our best to have tons of fun.  Here we come summer!  We're very excited you're here!

Groovin'

I'm struggling a bit with finding a new groove for writing.  Perhaps because I'm struggling a bit with finding a new groove in general.  So here I am, just going for it.  It seems to be working for all those other grooves I'm trying to figure out, so why not?

My little baby boy is nearing one month old.  As with all of my babies, the time has just flown, but at the same time it feels like he's always been here.  It's so wonderfully bizarre how that all works out.

He is still such a little sweetheart.  He wakes up twice a night for a quick change and feed and goes right back down with no fuss to speak of.  He tolerates our hustle so well, sleeping easily and happily in his carseat, in the sling against my chest, outside while we play.  This bodes well baby boy.  Let's keep it up!

Having said all that, he is definitely waking up to world.  Awake for big long chunks of time all throughout the day, starting to focus on close range objects and faces, even sneaking in a few genuine wide eyed smiles here and there.  He lets us know when he needs something but usually calms quickly.  Perhaps it's that he's my third (and final) little baby, but I even love his tiny cries.

Ainsley and Louise are still doing so well as big sisters.  I was worried about the transition once my mom left.  Things were so smooth when she was here, and she was able to give them so much extra attention and get them out and playing all the time.  I knew it'd be different on my own, but thankfully my first week back at full time parenting went really well.

I was cautious the first few days not to overdo it for all of our sakes, but by the end of the week we were getting out even after naptime, something I haven't done with the girls in months.  It felt so good to know we could do it. Even if I did get about 17 "wow, you're brave!" comments from people while at the nursery with all three buying flowers. (Side note?  you're brave! is not exactly a helpful comment when you see a mom trying her best to keep her cool on a stressful outing).  But the stress of corralling my brood was surely worth it for all the fun we're having FINALLY getting our spring garden planted.  We're just focusing on a few veggies this year and lots of bright shade flowers for the yard.  My girls sure love to garden, and i'm so happy to have a thriving colorful yard to play in.

I really am so impressed with my girls.  I am so acutely aware that my attention is spread thin and they are (for the most part) incredibly patient and accommodating.  I've surely had my moments particularly when they try to be TOO helpful with Felix (they both have a hard time understanding that they don't need to push him on the baby swing), but I try so hard to keep perspective.  This is a big change for us all! and they are still so little.

So now that I know we can do the basics I'm working on weaving in all the fun extras.  Yesterday and today have been a bit rough for me.  For the first time I'm openly admitting that I'm pretty overwhelmed.  Mainly because I want to be able to do it all.  I hate that I feel like I can't give everyone everything that they need.  Last night I was so dramatically tired that after I fed Felix I just laid down with Louise (at 8pm!) and called it a night.

Then this morning I come down, all swollen eyed (I'm on week three of these ridiculous allergies :oP) and still sleepy to my bright eyed family, Ian so complimentary even with me in such a sorry state.  I snapped a little, which helped in the end.  I'm only three weeks into this, I'm allowed to be tired and cranky now and again.  But a day is never a wash.  There are always so many moments of joy and goodness.

Like....

the first watermelon of summer

lemonade making

15 minutes peace to do my first postpartum "exercise"

(my FAVORITE postnatal workout tape)

making Ainsley's new big girl blanket

(in typical Becky fashion I ditched my original plan for something a bit fancier, a bit more like my girl I think, we went on a little date to choose the yarn this weekend and I'm so enjoying this challenging knit for my well deserving girl)

So today even though I'm still tired and a bit weary of this last week of preschool and all the MORE change to come in our schedules and lives, I'm just taking it moment by moment by moment, hoping and knowing that in the end all those little bits will add up to a great day.

Almost

I had almost forgotten...

how quickly and furiously I could fall in love

how fun need not be planned or prepared for, simple little joys will do

what enthusiastic big girl helpers I have

how many diapers a tiny bum needs in one day

what little time it takes to find a new, hasn't it always been this way?, normal

that I can nurse while doing just about anything, and most anything can be done one handed

that when there is a need there is most surely a way to meet it

new baby bandannas for my spitty boy

that love does indeed multiply by an exponent that not even Ian can explain to me

how wonderful my girls are

how a little extra attention and love goes a long way

how good it feels to hold all of my big people close, my little people too

that as tiring and long and full to the brim each day is, we have been blessed beyond imagination

and that, I have not forgotten one bit.