Two Weeks

I've not been a very good blogger lately.  Ok, so the past two weeks I've been out of town, that's legitimate, but all those weeks and months before?  Psh. No excuse.

It's silly I know.  Maybe 10 people follow me on this space.  Still it's mine, it's a place to record, to look back.  SO much is going on right now, I'm so scared of it flying past without documentation.  Dang you digital world and the pressure you put on us to document and record every bit!  It's too much I tell you!

So while I'd love to go back to those days a year ago when I wrote about every meal, every funny thing the girls' said, every precious endearing moment...for now I'll have to settle for a whizzing blur, because that's exactly what it feels like.

Take these past two weeks for instance.  Four states (due to a bit of a whoops driving moment that took us to Michigan briefly), 26 driving hours, two cabins and lakes, three different beds, perhaps 4 dozen welty bug bites, over 20 friend and family greetings, lots of deep breaths, lots of smiles.

So as you can see, we had a pretty exceptional two weeks.  So much was packed into those fourteen days.  I am still so tired I can't even put it all into words.

I will say, that for the first time, as wonderful as it all was, it was too much.  For the first time I was really truly worried about being able to do it, to make it home in one piece.  I am not wonderwoman, and once Ian left that last week was hard.  The girls missed their dad and their beds, I hated having to chose between pawning my baby off on someone to play with the girls, or snuggling my boy and missing out on fun.  I got very little sleep, my temper was stretched to the max, and that last 8 hour should have been 6 hour car ride?  Oh boy, talk about survival.

Felix has been a gift in so many ways, but right now? the biggest gift he's giving me is the permission to slow down.  I've been so caught up in trying to be the perfect mom, keep my house nice, do exciting projects with the girls, I've hardly noticed how ragged it's running me.

Right now I am so thankful for that time up north which I truly do love, but perhaps even more thankful for my home, certainly for my family.  For now our life is here, with the pool up the street and our scraggly backyard.  Our comfy cozy place all our own.  Right now it's all about my kids, my three precious people.  My boy, our time together is so sparse and special.  And it's a little bit about me too, about finding the time to get me back, ground myself a little.  Ah, it's good to be home.

Overwhelmed

I am overwhelmed.

There.  I said it.  I. Am. Overwhelmed.

My mind is an absolute heap.  A jibble jabble jumble of thoughts, appreciations, to dos, aspirations, adorations, love, flat out failures.

This new pace of life is too quick for my liking.  There are not enough minutes, hours, seconds.  Not enough time for all the stuff.  The cleaning, the tidying, the folding, the planning, the feeding, the errands.  The musts.

Not enough time, even after the stuff, for the fun.  The playing, the laughing, the games and the books, the aimless run amuk giggle chorus romps.

I am pooped.

And I don't even do much.  I've pared back to the most basic of basics.  10 hours a day with my children, wide open and free and clear.  It should be enough.  But it is not.  IT IS NOT!  I am slipping, floundering, falling, sad.

But soon we leave for a trip.  Our annual, my annual, Minnesota cities families northwoods birthdays fourth of july extravaganza.  This year our biggest boy joins us for half.  He will get up to the cabin (finally!) and by goodness we will have fun.

We will ski and swim, toast and play, run and sun, laugh and love.  We will forget for a bit how hard and long our days have become and focus again on our family.  On our three little people who don't care so much about all that stuff.  Oh how I'm looking forward to learning lots from them, always, again.

Because right now they have it right, not me.  They don't get my urgencies, my desperations.  All they get, all they want, is some good summer fun, a few lingering lap snuggles, a silly mama who teases and plays and jokes.

I find that woman a few times a day and boy do I miss her.  But I hold to her tight and even when she slips for a bit I find her again.  I look at the three beautiful people that Ian and I have made and this friendly old crackling house and I am reminded that it's beautiful and blessed but damn, it's a lot.
So I'll take overwhelmed.  The good and the bad of it.

And that nice funny even keeled lady we've all been missing so?  Why, I have a hunch she'll show up again here soon.  And then?  I believe she'll stick around a bit longer.

Father's Day

We all love a reason to celebrate around here and father's day was no exception.

starting the celebrations early on Saturday evening, "cockytails" for all!

I tend to go a bit overboard with plans and gifts for special occasions,  It's in my blood.  This year though, now that the girls are both so big and independent and Ian is THEIR dad after all, I wanted to leave the bulk of the planning up to them.  Oh man, we had fun.

I barely had the words "what do you want to do for daddy for father's day?" out of my mouth before the girls EXPLODED with excitement and ideas.  A goody bag! Cake! Indian food! Downtown!  

I was blown away by how well they know their daddy.  How between the two of them they truly covered most of his favorite things. (Louise even knew she wanted to cook him something with gravy in it!)  Oh man, they love their dad.

So Friday I took Ainsley to Walgreens to fulfill her desire to make Ian a goody bag for Father's Day (can you tell she's been to lots of birthday parties this year?!) I was amazed at how well she did picking out his truly favorite "goodies".  Lindt chocolates, reeses pb cups, gum, chapstick, a light up lazer pointer pen, corn holders, a postcard of wrigley field, and of course a blue blue bag decorated with Toy Story stickers to house all the goodies.  It was so adorable and thoughtful and such a special gift for her daddy.

And Louise?  well she was ALL over that dinner menu.  The previous weekend the girls and I snuggled down to watch the Pioneer Woman while I nursed Felix.  Louise immediately latched on to the peanut butter oreo pie as something daddy would LOVE to eat.  So we went to the store to buy ingredients, where she was also reminded of that yummy meat she made with gravy and daddy LOVES gravy.  So we bought stuff for salisbury steaks and fettucine too.

And my gift?  Well, a little libation for my boy.  I feel any parent of three children needs some good-ish scotch in the cabinet.

Then Sunday?  Ian requested a beach morning.  I had thought he wanted to go to the botanic gardens and  while last minute revamps are not my forte we made it in one piece and it was, admittedly, kind of a perfect morning.

IT was sunny, breezy and not nearly as crowded as I had thought for a gorgeous father's day morning.  

Some highlights?  Louise REFUSING to pee in the lake, then, when she got desperate enough, shouting "I'M PEEING!!!!!" Over and OVER again at the TOP of her lungs.  Ainsley testing how far she could venture out into the deep on her own over and over, and filling the in betweens with sand castle making, rolling in the sand, splashing and running.  Felix snoozing the whole time snuggled up in the shade of the sling, so content in the breeze.  Ian sitting with his toes in the water staring off at the cityscape. Me snuggling my baby, watching my family play and laugh and enjoy a beautiful morning.

I think a summer of lake Michigan beach exploration may be in our future.

And then?  Well Indian buffet for lunch of course, afternoon coffee and a pool visit for Ian and the girls.    Rich, delicious pioneer woman food for dinner and decadent oreo pie for dessert.  It was a great day and such a fun excuse to spoil our biggest boy a bit.  

Happy Father's Day Ian!  We love you so much.